1. When toi get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2. When he asks why toi were speeding, tell him toi wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend toi are deaf.
4. If he asks if toi knew how fast toi were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......
5. Ask if toi can see his gun.
6. When he says toi aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him.
8. When he asks why toi were speeding, tell him toi had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him par his first name.
11. Pretend toi are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
15. If he asks toi to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
16. When he asks toi to spread them, tell him toi don't go that way.
17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dîner first"
18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause toi don't like ink on your fingers.
19. After toi sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
22. When he goes to read toi your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
23. Trip and fall into him.
24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes toi away.
25. Before toi sign the ticket, pick your nose. toi have to sign with his pen.
26. Chew on the pen, nervously.
27. Clean your ear with the pen.
28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....
30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
31. Act like toi are retarded.
32. When he's telling toi what toi did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
33. Mumble to yourself.
34. When he tells toi to stop, say what are toi talkin about, DUDE?
35. Drive to Dunkin donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of toi here tonight.......
36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
38. Ask if he watches Cops.
39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
40. Giggle if he did.
41. Talk to your hand.
42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five favori Friends.
43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
44. When he frisks you, say toi missed a spot, and grin.
45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
46. Try to sell him your car.
47. Ask if toi can buy his car.
48. If he takes toi to the station, Ask to sit in front.
49. Play with the siren.
50. If toi know him, say toi had his wife for dinner.
51. If toi don't know him, ask if toi can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner
52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.
53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
56. When toi are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
57. Turn your head and whistle.
58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what toi gonna do with that.
59. If toi are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
60. If he sticks toi in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
62. Tell him toi like men in uniform.
63. Ask if toi can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party
2. When he asks why toi were speeding, tell him toi wanted to race.
3. When he talks to you, pretend toi are deaf.
4. If he asks if toi knew how fast toi were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to......
5. Ask if toi can see his gun.
6. When he says toi aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger.
7. Touch him.
8. When he asks why toi were speeding, tell him toi had to buy a hat.
9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
10. Refer to him par his first name.
11. Pretend toi are gay and ask him out.
12. When he says no, cry.
13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
15. If he asks toi to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
16. When he asks toi to spread them, tell him toi don't go that way.
17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dîner first"
18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause toi don't like ink on your fingers.
19. After toi sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."
20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one.
21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.
22. When he goes to read toi your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"
23. Trip and fall into him.
24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes toi away.
25. Before toi sign the ticket, pick your nose. toi have to sign with his pen.
26. Chew on the pen, nervously.
27. Clean your ear with the pen.
28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar.....
30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was.
31. Act like toi are retarded.
32. When he's telling toi what toi did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
33. Mumble to yourself.
34. When he tells toi to stop, say what are toi talkin about, DUDE?
35. Drive to Dunkin donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of toi here tonight.......
36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!
38. Ask if he watches Cops.
39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
40. Giggle if he did.
41. Talk to your hand.
42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five favori Friends.
43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
44. When he frisks you, say toi missed a spot, and grin.
45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.
46. Try to sell him your car.
47. Ask if toi can buy his car.
48. If he takes toi to the station, Ask to sit in front.
49. Play with the siren.
50. If toi know him, say toi had his wife for dinner.
51. If toi don't know him, ask if toi can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner
52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er.
53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
56. When toi are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
57. Turn your head and whistle.
58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what toi gonna do with that.
59. If toi are female, say I don't do that on the first date.
60. If he sticks toi in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine.
61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
62. Tell him toi like men in uniform.
63. Ask if toi can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party
--I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
--I used to come here all the time with my ex.
--I never a dit toi NEED a nose job. I just a dit it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
--Could toi excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
---I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have donné someone like toi a seconde look.
--And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
--It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I rendez-vous amoureux, date just won't be as smart as I am.
lol
--I used to come here all the time with my ex.
--I never a dit toi NEED a nose job. I just a dit it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
--Could toi excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
---I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have donné someone like toi a seconde look.
--And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
--It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I rendez-vous amoureux, date just won't be as smart as I am.
lol
Dear President Obama;
Hello. I am speaking on behalf of the Solicitous And Rude Citizens Asininely Seeking Metamorphosis. We here at SARCASM have but two humble goals: coming up with a new acronym that makes actual sense, and to cure the affliction that has been persistent in killing off millions of people since the dawn of time, or, unless we are mistaken, the late 60’s—death. According to the statistics gathered par our diligent team of sea turtles, 98.54 people are diagnosed with death every 2 secondes (if we had one apple, and one of our sea turtles found three others, this is how many apples we would have.) We ask a simple favor from the depths of your all knowing wisdom and possibly robotic chest. Mr. President, with the help of the laser that we believe to be stored within your chest, we could save millions. As one Bob the Builder once said, “Yes we can.” Mr. Obama, we call toi forth.
Hoping toi are well,
SARCASM
Please sign your name below.
Hello. I am speaking on behalf of the Solicitous And Rude Citizens Asininely Seeking Metamorphosis. We here at SARCASM have but two humble goals: coming up with a new acronym that makes actual sense, and to cure the affliction that has been persistent in killing off millions of people since the dawn of time, or, unless we are mistaken, the late 60’s—death. According to the statistics gathered par our diligent team of sea turtles, 98.54 people are diagnosed with death every 2 secondes (if we had one apple, and one of our sea turtles found three others, this is how many apples we would have.) We ask a simple favor from the depths of your all knowing wisdom and possibly robotic chest. Mr. President, with the help of the laser that we believe to be stored within your chest, we could save millions. As one Bob the Builder once said, “Yes we can.” Mr. Obama, we call toi forth.
Hoping toi are well,
SARCASM
Please sign your name below.
1.Einstein was four years old before he could speak.
2.Issac Newton did poorly in grade school.
3.Beethoven's musique teacher once a dit of him,"As a composer,he is hopeless."
4.When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
5.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball, basket-ball team.Boston Celtics Hall of Famers Bob Cousy and Bill Russel suffered the same fate.
5.A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he had no good ideas.
6.Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
7.Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a mois and dropped out forever.
2.Issac Newton did poorly in grade school.
3.Beethoven's musique teacher once a dit of him,"As a composer,he is hopeless."
4.When Thomas Edison was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
5.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball, basket-ball team.Boston Celtics Hall of Famers Bob Cousy and Bill Russel suffered the same fate.
5.A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he had no good ideas.
6.Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
7.Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year. He was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a mois and dropped out forever.
