1. When the teacher says to “take a seat”, toi answer “take it where”.
2. When the teacher calls your name at roll call, toi answer “Absent”.
3. When she calls roll, toi answer “yo mama”.
4. When the teacher says something, toi say “is that so?”
5. If toi so happened to not turn in your homework say, your class pet ate it.
6. Tell your teacher you’ll turn in your homework, as soon as your parents finish doing it.
7. Tell your teacher toi did not turn in your homework because toi were watching TV.
8. Fold your homework into a cootie-catcher.
9. Fold your homework into a paper...

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a cercle that had its two sides gently compressed par a Thigh Master.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

7. The ballerina...