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posted by kitkat709477
"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."
"Will toi marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my room mates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no plus cacahuète, arachide butter."
"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and toi have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea...
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okay, on my 5 completely aléatoire things to do...

5) sing the alphabet backwards in german while painting a picture of yourself riding a tandem bike
4) clip out something from the newspaper and tape it to your shirt
3) try to do the chicken dance as long as toi can
2) walk into walmart and ask where the nearest walmart is and directions to it
1) scream "where did i put my flaming green octopus?" as loud as toi can in a public place (ie. school, mall...bathroom)

i recommend toi try these. 2 and 1 are my faves.
posted by 3nala
3nala said:
"Yo whazzup mah homiehs?"

{screams something incoherent about peanut butter}

"I like waffles with peanut butter."

{is bored}



{screams something incoherent about dynamite and bananas}

"Oh well..."

{screams something completely incoherent}

"Ooh look at teh pretty birdses..."



{starts humming to the tune of 'U Can't Touch This'}

{Stares down a digital picture of GIR, then screams something incoherent about tacos}

"How did pig tracks get on the ceiling?"

{sings 'Spider-Pig'}

{Screams something incoherent about exploding squirrels}

"I told the man I was innocent, but the gun in my...
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Don't cheat! :) DO NOT CHEAT ou IT WON'T WORK AND toi WILL WISH toi HADN'T. TAKE 3 MINUTES! TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK toi OUT. DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT. IT'S WORTH A TRY. 1st. Get a PEN and PAPER. 2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT toi ACTUALLY KNOW. 3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results. 4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME DON'T READ AHEAD otherwise toi WILL RUIN THE FUN. 1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT. ~ 2. suivant to the NUMBERS 1 and 2, WRITE DOWN ANY 2 NUMBERS toi WANT. ~ 3....
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The haut, retour au début six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as toi have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command ou File Name" is about as informative as

"If toi don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as toi make a commitment to one, toi find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
posted by kitkat709477
1.everyone around toi has an attitude problem
2.your adding chocolat chips to your cheese omelet
3.the dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans
4.your husband/boyfriend is suddenly agreeing to everything toi say
5.your using your cellphone to dial up every bumpersticker that says "hows my driving call 1-800-***-dating"
6.everyone head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7.you're convinced theres a god and he's male
8.you're counting down the days till menopause
9.you're sure everyone is scheming to dive toi crazy
10.the ibuprofen bottle is empty and toi just bought it yesterday
11.you just want to coup de poing someone without a reason
12.if toi start wondering if pms is excuse to get away with murder
13.if toi were to busy thinking about ways to kill the last person who got on your nerves to realize I was only supposed to give toi 10

a little starotype but funny
*i didn't write this,just so toi know*
posted by HNismyfriend
Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. While touring a reservation during the documentary she was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So she asked a Rebelle who only had one feather in his headdress, and his reply was: "Only have one woman: one woman, one feather."

Feeling the first fellow was only joking, she asked another brave. This Rebelle had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women: two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved,...
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posted by MrssBieber320
Ever met that one person that toi just wanna coup de poing in the face , then someohow , toi end up in a relationship with them , toi fall in l’amour , and then watch things crash and burn in your face (and thats not the only thing toi want to burn either (:]) Well if toi still have feelings for that person im gonna help toi get him/her back , note that this may only work for a girl though , cuause guys cant hit us , but we can surelly slap toi guys (: , ohk so toi could first start off par doing q of two simple things
1) light all the stuuf he gave toi on feu ... on his front lawn
2) give them back to...
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If you’re an animal lover, like me, this story might be to much to take. But I can’t believe people can be so cruel. But I believe that when someone abuses a poor defenseless animal, that someone should be donné LIFE in prison without the possibility ou parole.

A Mesa, Arizona man who killed a 6-week-old kitten after a pet python refused to eat it was donné three years of supervised probation on Friday.

Jeremy Tuffly, 29, pleaded guilty May 11 in Maricopa County Superior Court to one count of cruelty to animals, a Class 6 felony, court records show.

The charge followed after Maricopa County Sheriff's Office deputies learned of a DVD montrer Tuffly repeatedly throwing the kitten at the python in 2002 in an attempt to get the snake to attack it, according to MCSO.

When the python failed to eat the kitten, Tuffly kicked it across the yard, authorities previously said. The kitten then died.
okay here`s some tips for those who dont know how to date.....
1- be always self confident , have some self a steam .
2- be always c00l.
3- turn off ur cellphone during the date...always.
4-be always happy, happy with everything..with ur life.
5- if u really want him as ur bf ou date.....try to be cool ,use the words like: yeah totally,or however....try to be little care less about him... ...lol
6- dont be bushy....stay calm and dont complain alot ....jst a little but not alot....
i cant remember anymore so......ill see u the suivant time.....thank u all for lire this..and plz commentaire ,have all a gr8 day..peace ^_^
posted by tooch
I do not own any of these. If used, please credit teenthings@twitter.com

We all do, say, think ou relate to these, in some way ou another:

-When toi forget someone's name toi wait for someone else to say it so toi don't look like an idiot asking.
-I pick things up with my feet because I'm too lazy to bend down.
-I don't supprimer my texts until it's 99% full.
-I hate when dinner's ready and toi are in the middle of something.
-I still sometimes buy kids meals only for the toy.
-I hate how I look after I cry.
-Saying 'Are toi kidding me?' even though toi know the person isn't.
-Stop pretending like...
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1.we hate it when toi grab our asses!!!(unless we are hoes)

2.when toi cheat,we hate toi and everything that has to do with you

3.dont act like toi understand PMS,because toi dont.So stop jouer la comédie like it.

4.when toi stare at other girls,and we stare at other boys,and toi get all pissed off,you have no reason to speak.So toi may as well stfu.

5.when toi flirt,we flirt back,sometimes when we don't like you.and then we feel bad.So if toi arent sure,dont flirt.

6.If we like a celebritey(ex:Orlando Bloom,Zac Efron,Bill Kaulitz,etc etc.)and we say they are hot,dont act like toi dont care.We want...
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1)Devise a secret code with your Friends then hand in the homework in that code
Continually ask questions so that the professor can’t give homework
Answer the teacher’s questions in slow motion 2)Answer questions only with one word
3)Scream aléatoire words without anybody noticing it’s you
4)Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning
5)Ask your professor personal questions
6)Every time the professor finishes talking clap
7)Eat paper
8)Talk very fast
9)Call the professor “Mom” ou “Dad”
10)Count your hair
11)Talk with an accent
12)Answer questions in a different language
13)Fake spasms
14)Pretend...
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posted by Mallory101
 1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
179 Ways to Annoy People:


1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If toi have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal par conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what toi think."

7. Claim that toi must always wear a bicycle casque as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone,...
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So you've just traveled to a foreign country, taken a subway toi never take, ou teleported to medieval England due to a time travel mishap. Your surroundings are strange, confusing, and possibly haunted. But instead of freaking out—due to frustration, confusions, and ghosts, respectively—you should follow these expert pointers to get yourself from Lost to un-lost.

1) DO ask for directions. DO NOT ask an axe murderer for directions.
People who see toi crying over a crumpled map are almost always helpful (axe murderers being a notable exception). Look for some official-seeming person ou kindly...
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Like the titre says, Does Robert Pattinson die in remember me? My Friends a dit that he does and I just wanted to know. :):) :)
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:) :) :) :)
Haley:Hey!Guys let's compare our self's to animé and cartoon characters!

James:Okay.I'll go first!Haley toi remind me of...Akira Kogami from lucky star!

Haley:...I do NOT have constant mood swings between happy and cute to mean and bitchy!YOU FRIGGIN' SON OF A WHORE!!!

James:Haley I know what my parents are.

Jack:W-What!?

Haley:Alex toi remind me of...Alucard from Hellsing!

Alex:...That's nice...Kara reminds me of Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran high school host club.Bland and uninteresting.

Kara:Oh screw you!...Melissa you...wait how did toi get into my house?

Melissa:Well I'll have toi know I invited my...
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posted by HaleyDewit
Chris went to his bedroom and sank down on his bed. He lay down and stared at the ceiling. He wondered how the world outside would be like. Sure he had a clear view from behind his window, but it wasn’t the same as really be outside. He heard a familiar noise and a few secondes later Bianca materialized in the center of his room. He looked up at her, with an angry look in his eyes.
“Thanks for betraying me, Bi” Bianca sighed and shrugged. “I was only trying to help you. Wyatt shouldn’t be treating toi this way and toi know it” “What can I do about it? He saved my life. He raised...
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User: Wendigo ou yeti.

Cleverbot: Who is Wendigo?

User: Wendigo is a abomination.

Cleverbot: Define abomination.

User: Abomination = # a person who is loathsome ou disgusting # abhorrence: hate coupled with disgust # an action that is vicious ou vile; an action that arouses disgust ou abhorrence; 'his treatment of the children is an abomination'.

Cleverbot: I only fear death, but I cannot even fear that much with toi at my side.

User: I do not fear death but I fear giving up on life.

User: I've gotta go mate speak toi soon babe.

Cleverbot: Don't leave!

Cleverbot: Well the meaning of life certainly isn't...
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posted by sapherequeen
It all began when I was eight-years-old. My mother had found a new boyfriend named Nate. The two of them had a steady relationship for some months before they finally decided to find a house to live in together. They relocated a house at a different rue in the same town I have been living in since I was 10-months-old. At first, it seemed like a nice street. It had this peaceful feeling to it, the feeling that just made toi feel like home. That was one of my greatest memories of the street, the feeling of accueil that it always gave me. I also made new Friends immediately; a little girl named...
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