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posted by deathding
When life gives toi lemons, make orange jus, jus de and leave the world wondering how the heck toi did it.

That's just the way the cookie crumbles... All over my clean new shirt.

If at first toi don't succeed, destroy everything.

An pomme a jour can keep any doctor away if toi throw it hard enough.

Don't worry if Plan A fails, there's 25 plus letters in the alphabet.

Do toi believe in l’amour at first sight, ou should I walk par again?

Weird? Nah, I prefer the term, "Avant-Garde"

Who says nothing's impossible? I've been doing it for years.

My mother texted me: “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?” I answered: “I don’t know, l’amour you, talk to toi later.” Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister.”

I will not be impressed with technology until I can download nourriture from the internet.

Dear life, when I asked if my jour could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the mur gets in the way.

That annoying moment when toi finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, toi need to use the restroom.

toi don't notice the air, at least until someone spoils it.

Aim for the moon! Even if toi miss, you'll land among the stars! But either way, you'll run out of oxygen eventually.

Hmm.... I could kill this person and nobody would notice.... Wait a minute. WHAT THE HELL BRAIN!?

Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.

When a bird hits your window have toi ever wondered if God's playing Angry Birds with you?

"Just five plus minutes!" Always means the person will never get ready. :D

Whenever you're feeling sad, just remember that somewhere in the world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”.

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

That moment when toi see a YouTube channel with the usual blue anonymous person on it, but with a spider, and toi think it's real.

Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.

Have toi ever had a fly ou small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

Be nice to nerds, chances are you’ll end up working for one.

I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug.

Me talking to anyone else: "Hey, what's up? :D" Me talking to a girl I like: "uH HelO hOWZ yU dNGoi toDAY? @__@"

It doesn't matter whether toi win ou lose, what matters is if I win ou lose.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, fires, screaming, my work here is done. :D

Don't steal, lie, cheat, ou sell drugs. The government hates competition!

Keep talking, maybe someday I'll finally listen.

I was wondering why the Black Knight's shovel was getting bigger, then it hit me!

Pac-Man: "I see dead people..."

(Hope toi enjoyed! If we can get 5 fans, I'll add more! ^___^)
added by ace2000
posted by CokeTheUmbreon
 Motherfucking animals! -Martin Garrix
Motherfucking animals! -Martin Garrix
Hey, Fanpoppers! CokeTheUmbreon here, and I'm gonna tell toi my favori yo mama jokes! Please note that I don't own most of these. The jokes I do own will have a aléatoire emoji par dem. I was bored thnx to the inactivity and my friend not being around to RP with me today.

P.S. The aléatoire emojis neither the Umbreon pics will fit the theme of the jokes.

Anyways, let's get it on!

Yo mama so fat when she walks her l’amour handles hit the quan. 😎

Yo mama so stank they use her bathwater as chemical weapons.

Yo mama so fat when she outweighs Groudon. 😈

Yo mama so ugly she gave Darkrai nightmares.

Yo mama...
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added by Eula2003
added by ace2000
posted by pinkydoll
1-Dolphin sleeps with one eye open.

2-"silent" and "listen" use exactly the same letters.

3-An octopus has two hearts

4-Bull frogs do not sleep.

5-There are plus chickens than human in the world.

6-flamingos gets their distinctive color from the nourriture they eat.

7-The hair of polar ours is not white it's transparent.

8-Turtles can breathe through their rear-rends

9-The sun comprises 99% of total mass of our solar system.

10-Butterflies taste with their feet.

11-Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

12-there are about 550 hairs in each of your eyebrow.

13-A escargot can sleep for 3 years.

14-A human eye can distinguish 10 million different colors.

15-Women blink their eyes twice than men.
added by Mollymolata
added by Mollymolata
posted by alice1919119
This 15 an old girl used to maintain a common diary with her 13 an old best friend in which they wrote how they felt about each other and their friendship. When she discovered that her friend who had been a patient of clinical depression had tried to kill herself, she wrote this in the diary and it brought her best friend to tears...
The names have been changed as per author's request...


November 13

Dear Amira,

K so... without going on about any trivial stuff this time, toi should know that I've plus than you'd expect to say about stuff I usually don't go on about on phone ou in person......
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posted by slenderman777
About five years il y a I lived downtown in a major city in the US. I've always been a night person, so I would often find myself bored after my roommate, who was decidedly not a night person, went to sleep. To pass the time, I used to go for long walks and spend the time thinking.

I spent four years like that, walking alone at night, and never once had a reason to feel afraid. I always used to joke with my roommate that even the drug dealers in the city were polite. But all of that changed in just a few minutes of one evening.

It was a Wednesday, somewhere between one and two in the morning, and...
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added by ShadowFan100
added by 3xZ
(From Shovel Knight)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! PROPELLER KNIGHT! V.S. KING KNIIIIIIIGHT!

BEGIN!

Propeller Knight: Bonjour, senior asshole, it's time to start!
Just don't start crying when I break your heart!
Your nothing plus than a wannabe king!
I'm a flying swordsman who can really sing!

I have a battleship, a girlfriend, and can soar through the skies!
Your just a 2 an old who loves to eat pies!
Bring it on monsieur, just try to pierce these sexy eyes!
This rap battle will bring toi to your ultimate demise!

King Knight: Sorry I couldn't hear you, my swag was too loud!
I'm...
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1. Play hide and seek!

2. Tell your boy/girlfriend how much toi l’amour them.

3. STREAKING! ^__^

4. Give everyone hugs!

5. Give the homeless all your money.

6. Take a shower! Don't want to be dirty before toi die.

7. Play the scariest horror game toi know.

8. Tell your Friends all your deepest secrets.

9. Grab everything at Target. :D

10. Do the cinnamon challenge. With cocaine. (You're going to die anyways.)

11. plus STREAKING! ^___^

12. Take a look back at your life's greatest moments.

13. Do that one thing you've always wanted to do. (In my case, skydiving.)

14. Play some Pac-Man. :P Just because.

15. Go...
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added by xwolf19
CELEBS WHO HAVE BEEN TURNED DOWN par THEIR CRUSHES

Not even the One Direction lads get dates with all the people they like! Here's a liste of celebs who have been turned down par their crushes.

Emma Watson: “Between the ages of ten and twelve I had a really terrible crush on Tom Felton, to the extent that I would go into work in the morning and look down the numbers on the call sheet to see if he was going to be in. We l’amour a bad guy, he was a few years older and he had a skateboard — and that just did it really." She confessed her feelings, but Tom saw Emma in a “younger, sisterly way.”...
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posted by KissKissHannah
There is someone on deviantART. Not enclosing names because they may also have a fanpop account. *shivers* My friend a dit he was a troll, but he's plus than a troll. He's a big BULLY. (The person I mean. Not my friend) He a dit I bragged about being straight (How insulting) and a dit my drawings were *insert a word that rhymes with hit here*. ;n; That was only because I occasionally drew on bases. He also a dit I was plus annoying than the annoying fangirls. Just because we have different opinions does NOT mean he has the right to bully me! I don't bully anyone who has different opinions! HE is the one that's plus annoying than the annoying fangirls! >:U
posted by ZacharyWhite
When some aléatoire girl added me on facebook... She was all like "Oh gosh you're so cute" and I was like "Yeah, sure whatever..." The again she was all like "Oh God I l’amour your style!!!" Then again I was like "Yeah.. sure.." Then she a dit "Oh gosshhh!!! It's like I can hear your voice talking in your message!!! You're an emo right? I'm an emo tooooo!! :-D Oh it's like we're SO MEAN'T TO BE!!!" Then I finally realize and a dit to myself "Shit I have a fangirl... okay, I'm doomed."

Girl: Hello? toi still there?
Me: No...
Girl: Oh you're soooo funnyy :3 We are so the same!!! Ugh! I wish I could just...
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I am the boy who never finished high school because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl who was kicked out of her accueil because I confided in my mother I was a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who held her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled night.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in a hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away...
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added by Dreamtime