Please! I need Feedback!!!

salut :)

I got in quite easily and thoroughly enjoyed the bit that I read. Very interesting and different - it would make a great movie!

toi write very descriptively and that's great - one can picture everything in your mind's eye. The story also flows quite nicely apart from perhaps these: Introduction of the new characters is a little vague, and perhaps toi could describe the bunker/dorm in plus detail too just to guide the reader into the new environment. toi could perhaps also do the same with the area that all were in at the beginning of the story?

A bit of proofreading needs to be done for typos and grammar, but nothing serious. Won't need deepline-editing - just some normal proofreading and editing.

I didn't get to see the end as I'd have to sign up for something and I'm not too keen on doing things like that! :) But - it's really great and toi should finish it. Definitely!

toi are a very talented writer. And my opinion is an expert opinion. :) I was a journalist and editor of 3 newspapers in my country, and am also a full time writer, écriture for the global market. I live in South Africa.

Please don't stop writing! The story line is fresh and I'm keen to know what happens suivant and how it ends. :) You're 16? Brilliant work for a 16 an old. Don't stop writing. Ever.
xx