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Things I’ve learned from watching horror movies
 

• I learned that if the house toi are living in tells toi to “GO AWAY,” do it. Now.
• If you’re a virgin, stay that way.
• If a killer with a couteau is chasing toi around the house, do NOT go upstairs. Go out the front door, toi idiot!
• For God’s sake, turn on the lights.
• Never divisé, split up.
• Never stoop over to see if the killer is dead. He’s not.
• Never get naked in front of a window.
• Avoid the following geographical locations: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, many islands, lover’s lanes, most secluded...

1. Stick your palm open under the stall mur and ask your
neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"

6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 secondes and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh
relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large...