This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually a dit in court, word for word, taken down and published par court reporters. Just goes to montrer how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are toi sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were toi in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: toi forget? Can toi give us an example of something toi forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband a dit to toi that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do toi know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: toi do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the suivant morning?
WITNESS: Did toi actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were toi present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are toi shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the rendez-vous amoureux, date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were toi doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are toi for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: par death.
ATTORNEY: And par whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do toi suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can toi describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male ou a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have toi performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would toi like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did toi go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do toi recall the time that toi examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, tableau wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are toi qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are toi qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before toi performed the autopsy, did toi check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did toi check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did toi check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when toi began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can toi be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my bureau in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually a dit in court, word for word, taken down and published par court reporters. Just goes to montrer how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are toi sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were toi in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: toi forget? Can toi give us an example of something toi forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband a dit to toi that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do toi know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: toi do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the suivant morning?
WITNESS: Did toi actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were toi present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are toi shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the rendez-vous amoureux, date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were toi doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are toi for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: par death.
ATTORNEY: And par whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do toi suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can toi describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male ou a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have toi performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would toi like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did toi go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do toi recall the time that toi examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table, tableau wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are toi qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are toi qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before toi performed the autopsy, did toi check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did toi check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did toi check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when toi began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can toi be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my bureau in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
