Car Stereotypes

There are many different types of cars for many different types of people. Observe.

Audi

Man: *Driving a black A6 at 80 miles an heure down the highway* Get out of the fucking way!!! *Pushes a Cadillac off the road*
Woman: *Crashes into a tree* Maniac!
Man: *Tailgating a Jaguar that is actually going the speed of 55* Come on, don't toi know what the speed is?! *Honks the horn* Let's go!! *Honks again* I don't have time for this!! *Bumps into the Jaguar, and makes it crash into a guardrail*

Jeep

Buff Man: *Leaning on a trailer with a speed boat* Yep, just getting my Jeep filled up with gas here at the Gulf station, and then I'm going to New York to go fishing, and test out my new boat. God I l’amour my Jeep. Off roading is the way of life.

Ford

Man: *Driving a Taurus. He slows down as he gets behind a Corvette* Why is he slowing down?
Teenager: *Looking at the Ford behind him* Please don't be undercover, please don't be undercover!
Man: *Passes him*
Teenager: *Lets out a sigh of relief as he watches the Ford speed away from him*

Toyota

Old Man: *Turns left, passing a red light. He pushes a truck off the road* Learn how to drive!!
Man 53: *Looks at the dent on his truck* Jackass.

Honda

Lady: *Points at her Accord* This is the best car ever, because it's very fuel efficient.
Man: *Looks at his Volt* Yeah, sure.
Lady: (Dammit! He knows the truth! His car is better!!)

Hummer, yes people still drive these

Man: Alright!! I finished lifting the 600 pound weights. Now it's time to go to Wal-Mart and buy stuff!!
People: *Shopping at Wal-Mart*
Man: *Crashes into the front of the store* I WANT 60,000 CASES OF WATER!!! PRONTO!!!
Worker: They're in Aisle 12!
Man: DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!!!!! And while you're at it, FILL UP MY HUMMER WITH DIESEL!!!!!!!!!!! I also need some Blu-Ray discs, a Blu-Ray player, and a large variety of food!
Worker: That probably explains why toi crashed through the front of our store.

Not all Hummers run on diesel FYI.

Fiat

A hot chick with big breasts was walking towards a rose Fiat 500.

Girl: *Grabs a dildo out of the gant compartment, then puts the key in the ignition. She turns it, and as she hears the engine having trouble starting, she begins to masturbate with the dildo* Ah! Ah! *Turns the key again as she continues masturbating* Oh yes~!

Citroen

Girl: It's the same thing as Fiat, only in France.
Man 96: Does anyone even drive those?
Girl: I have a 2CV.
Man 96: ...of course toi do.

Volkswagen

Girl: *In a '55 Beetle, masturbating as her car won't start* Ja, Ja! Jawohl! Das ist wunderbar!
Man 89: Das ist das gleiche Problem wie Fiat, aber in Deutschland.

Aston Martin

Man: *Steps out of his car, wearing a tuxedo*
Woman: *Sitting behind a computer* Have toi found anything yet?
Man: I spotted our target's vehicle. It's parked in front of the casino. It may take a while for me to-
Man 43: *Steps out of his car*
Man: Never mind, I got a clear shot. *Shoots the man*
Woman: toi were supposed to bring him in alive!
Man: I'm Daniel Craig, I don't care about bringing people in for questioning. I only care about murder.
Woman: *Facepalm*

And finally, Nissan

A doorbell rang, and the door was soon opened par none other than.........ThaSlimJim.

ThaSlimJim: Oh cool, toi brought my pizza.
pizza Delivery Guy: Yes, I brought it in my new Altima.
ThaSlimJim: Holy shit dude, I have that car!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sick bro!
ThaSlimJim: Do toi also like pizza too?
pizza Delivery Guy: Hell yeah dude, that's why I deliver it!
ThaSlimJim: Sick! Come on in, I got some marijuana!
pizza Delivery Guy: Rock on bro!!

6 hours later

pizza Delivery Guy: *Stoned as he walks back to his car*
ThaSlimJim: Yo, come back tomorrow with plus pizza!
pizza Delivery Guy: Sure thing bro. *Stumbles into his car, and drives away. He swerves down the road at 60 miles an hour*

---

plus Car Stereotypes

We have plus stereotypes for plus cars, coming your way.

Rolls-Royce

Butler: *Parks a Silver Wraith in front of a giant mansion*
Rich Man: *Steps out with an unbrella* Well, pish posh and perfection, welcome to my British accueil dear chap. Come this way and I'll montrer toi what's inside. *Inside his house* First off, we have every picture inside a or frame. Each frame is 24 karat gold. I have 65 million pounds worth of diamonds, and 65 million pounds in general. I make ten thousand pounds a day, and share half of it with everyone in town.
Butler: He wouldn't do that if he had an Audi. He'd have to save up to keep it from falling apart.

GMC

Teenager: *Looking at a man*
Man: toi scratched my truck.
Teenager: I did not.
Man: Yes toi did.
Teenager: *Follows the man towards his truck. No scratch is seen*
Man: My door is messed up thanks to you.
Teenager: I didn't even touch your truck.
Man: toi need to be plus careful on your bicycle. Get some training wheels.
Teenager: Hey, worry about yourself. *Rides away*
Man: *Shaking in fury*

Dodge

Girl: *Looking at a black charger following her* Please don't be undercover.
Man: *Driving the Charger* What is the meaning of this person going slow? *Runs the girl off the road*
Girl: *Stuck in a ditch* Well, he's definitely not a cop.

Chevrolet

Teenager: *Going 75 on the highway* I don't care if the speed is 55. I'm late for college.
Man 77: *Parked on the side of the road in a Suburban*
Teenager: *Turns off the highway, and drifts onto a road, turning right. He sees the Suburban* That's not a cop, because cops only use Ford's.
Man 77: *Spots the teenager speeding past him. He follows him, turning on his police lights* Dispatch, I got me a speeder.
Teenager: *Looks back at the cop* Fuck.

Mercedes-Benz. There's two of these.

The first one.

Busty Blonde: *Stops at a gas station in a shiny convertible* I need premium.
Attendant: You're not gonna masturbate if toi have engine trouble, are you?
Busty Blonde: Does my car look like a Fiat? Besides, why should I masturbate, when I got you?
Attendant: *Blushing*

2nd

Indian: Hello, I from India, and this is my 1978 Mercedes. It is diesel powered, and should break down, but it does not, because it is Mercedes. All Indians, and Muslims in America drive diesel powered sedans from the 70's and 80's.
Muslim: Not me, I drive Volvo.
Indian: Get a diesel toi bitch.

Mitsubishi

Man: *Drifting in snow* Woo-hoo!!
Man 79: *In a Ford Focus* Why am I losing?
Man: Because you're not driving a Mitsubishi. The king of rally cross, in dirt, ou snow!! Yeah!! *Goes over a 50 foot jump, and continues driving in the snow* Forget Jeep, Subaru, and everything else. Mitsubishi is what toi need for off road adventures.

Subaru

Asian: *Drifting in an outback station wagon. He smiles as he tries hard not to lean into the passenger's siège as he continues drifting*

And finally, BMW

I wish this wasn't true, because BMW's are very nice cars. Alas, some BMW drivers do behave like morons. As a matter of fact, what toi will see actually happened to me recently.

Man: *At a red light, getting ready to turn left. He looks at a BMW X5 on the other side of the intersection, also getting ready to turn left* That's a nice car, I'd like to have one of those.
Woman: *In the X5*
Man: *Sees the light turn green. He begins to go forward*
Woman: *Driving forward, but gets in front of the other car, and goes on the wrong side of the road*
Man: What are toi doing?
Woman: toi nearly hit me!!
Man: I'm not the one who got on the left side of the road. *Gets rammed par a Toyota*

Okay, I didn't actually get rammed, but a Toyota was coming towards me at 80 miles an hour. If toi want to kill yourself, that's your problem, but don't get others involved par driving like a jackass.