Check out this infected canker sore in my mouth!
I work for the IRS.
Have toi ever tried cat meat?
I don't know why I ate it - liver and onions always gives me gas.
I just had a proctological exam - wow, worth every penny!
The last time my head rang like this I woke up with a dead man suivant to me!
I puked on the last person who flew suivant to me.
My butt reeeally itches!
Would toi look at the size of the hair I just yanked out of my nose!
My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures.
The last guy who ignored me is still on a respirator....

Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your pocket and say, "Oops, I forgot."
Ask the person suivant to toi if they know how to tap into top-secret pentagone files.
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the supprimer key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever toi hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
Borrow someone else's keyboard par reaching over, saying "Excuse...

Hi there fanpoppers =) So I was thinking about some of the things that drive me mad, pet peeves and all that, and I happened to open an chain mail form a friend with these things on, and they all fit me perfectly!! I also added some plus that I came up with too, hope toi enjoy!




1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my butt when I ask where the toilet is?




2. People who are willing to get off their butt to chercher the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change...

1) Follow complete strangers around for 10 minutes, then speak into your collier and say, "Harrold, we have a situation. Subject 367 is unresponsive. Code 163!"

2) When toi get onto the elevator, laugh hysterically for 5 seconds, then glare at the other passengers as if they are crazy.

3)Run up the "down" escalators, shrieking hysterically, and when toi reach the top, fall silent and glare at other shoppers as if they are crazy.

4) Approach a stranger in any Wal-Mart and hand them a spatule and say, with authority, "The future of the Earth depends on it." Abruptly turn around and walk away....

Ride mechanical chevaux with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at GAP. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
Ask the sales personnel at the musique store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos ou rubles.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King . . . but save a few...

Act like toi know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: pizza becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their questions with questions.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...