[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to l’amour Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to l’amour every day.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are toi talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, toi have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Christmas #379
[about sex]
Debra: toi know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and toi weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. toi were watching TV I asked toi to give me a backrub. Yeah toi gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. toi ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Christmas #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When toi come to lit wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? toi might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are toi doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, toi can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, toi missed a spot.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] toi know what toi need, toi need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't toi bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, toi know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if toi know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, salut we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess toi don't know what I mean.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out rayon, ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: salut good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, toi think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a rayon, ray Barone.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell toi what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if toi were Debra!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did toi get these?
Ray: The kiosque à journaux -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... seconde of all, those are not jokes.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will toi still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will toi take your clothes off?
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe toi should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if toi leave lait out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do toi have any plus candles?
Frank: ou an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of toi guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would toi STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell toi something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra toi see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, ou exciting ou had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have toi read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the suivant line when I came out of my COMA!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This beurre is the perfect temperature Slash density.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One seconde toi were making me pancakes, the suivant seconde you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the Christmas letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So toi admit... it was erotic!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell toi about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, toi don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell toi what, Ray. toi can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: toi were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are toi having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how toi like it.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: toi listen to me Robert. This is between toi and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. toi do what toi want to do.
Ray: Until toi get married. Then toi do what she wants to do.
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen toi lay down.
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And toi can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: toi can say "heck" all toi want, He knows toi mean "Hell"!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: toi stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: toi weren't just talking, toi were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - accueil From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do toi think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I a dit he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - accueil From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally a dit "Mommy."
Ray: toi called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And plus importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved par you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If toi could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps toi wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. toi might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: toi are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: toi used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: toi were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, toi should be here par now!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was plus of a "look at that."
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. toi see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: toi know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my Friends and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed par Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my basketball, basket-ball coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: toi were six foot five. toi couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is lire a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure toi that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks plus than all of us.
Contributed par funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could toi pass the salt?
Marie: What did toi say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. toi gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: toi know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that toi can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't toi put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed par evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will toi marry me?
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the plus I turn her down, the plus she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed par Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe toi can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed par Courtney E