Told toi it was ready. Now I wonder how much you're gonna hate me after this cliffhanger :P Forgive me, just works better this way eheh.
PS It's useless the "previously" this time right? I mean, it was a dream. Ok, desires and memories, and yada yada but I think toi remember it anyway :)
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December/December Chapter 23 - Part 1
26 March 2010
Hugh ducked his head, quickly as the coup de poing spring back at him. He took a deep breath, as blood thud loudly in his ears, his breath shorter and shorter. He could feel aléatoire pangs of shooting pain aching all over his body at times. He didn’t know how long he had been boxing already. He just didn’t seem able to keep sleeping.
He waited for the coup de poing ball to be perfectly still once plus and took position again, guard up, getting his breath. He packed another coup de poing at it, as strong as he could this time, even harder than the other times, hitting it right on its side, so it would balançoire, swing sideways like an empty sack; something lifeless he could humor himself he had some real control over; differently from his own life.
It kept not making him feel any better, though.
He had been boxing for what felt like a lifetime already, waiting for daylight to break in, hoping that throwing a few punches would help him to let off some steam and he wasn’t feeling any better yet. He kept swinging between feeling agog and anxious. He wanted to grab his phone and yet he kept having the feeling his hands were tied sometimes. So his greatest wish right now would have been having the chance to lash out at someone, rather than at this…
“Fucking…lifeless….thing” he muttered, hurling himself against it. Only problem was that he couldn’t think of anyone he would have liked to break the nose of but his own.
He packed another controlled hook to the punching ball, working on exercising some self-control. The worst of it was that he kept on keeping it all bottled up. He had to. Whatever he felt, however he felt about all of it – this whole nutso, impossible situation he had put himself into - he just couldn’t help but keeping on driving it out and back where it had come whatever he felt. It was the only way he could keep functioning, avoiding a likely breakdown.
It was just not the right moment to get carried away.
Not yet.
Instead, if there was a moment to start calling the shots in his life, so to speak, this was definitely it. How he had been capable of ending up framing himself at such a dea-end he had no idea. ou better he had, hadn’t he?
He went vers l'avant, vers l’avant at the punching ball once more, keeping on muttering to himself.
“Easy enough...” he panted under his breath “…just go spending months of your life….YEARS possibly, letting yourself….” he breathed in “….get swallowed par the bustle of things…and toi fucking have the fucking…..” he hooked a coup de poing “…winning…” another one “….formula!!”
He staggered backwards, breathless, wheezing. It felt like he had used up all his energies par now. He got some breath, wiping his forehead on his glove. This was just not the point right now. Crying over the spoiled lait wouldn’t have changed a thing.
He took a few restless steps away from the punching ball, moving in cercle as he waited for his breath to go back to normal. It was just not the right moment to lose his wits.
Not yet.
Not now.
He could solve it.
He must.
He scratched his jaw on his forearm and went back placing himself in front of the coup de poing ball, keeping his guard up and went back boxing. He didn’t know whether Stephen was right about his old self-deprecating self being gone – it surely didn’t feel always that way to him – but one thing for sure he was done feeling sorry for himself. Two things at any rate need to be sort out, unquestionably. First, he had to find a way to keep his family out of it. His kids especially; he wouldn’t allow himself to drag them down with him into this. And secondly: Lisa. He can find a way, can’t him? Screw that chienne he had the pleasure to talk to yesterday. They can find one, together, right?
He didn’t know whether he could assume there was a them already, though. Could he? Well, hadn’t Lisa herself acted like that yesterday morning, he wouldn’t be even considering…
But he wasn’t even sure it was fair either. Sometimes, he actually had the feeling he was basically taking back everything he had promised he wouldn’t have done to her. All those wonderful empty words about not wanting her to be scared with him…where had it all gone? He was just jouer la comédie plainly selfishly, that was the truth. He dealt another burst of blows at the punching ball; frustrated, angry, confused…
Was it the fear she would turn him down all over again talking right now - this sense of potential failure he always carried along within him - ou his real concern for her? Was he trying to protect her ou just procrastinating once more? And why couldn’t he just stick to one fucking thought at the time when it came to her….
Hadn’t he promised?
And why…
“….can’t toi just behave so selfless to just stick to one fucking promise either!!” he yelled, throwing himself forward.
He found himself clenching his teeth, this time, stifling the cry of pain out of his collarbone as it crackled alarmingly and shifted back to its place. He raised one boxing gant to fend off the coup de poing ball, massaging over his shoulder; he had almost caused it to dislocate this time.
He caught his breath, staring blankly into l’espace with his tongue beneath his teeth, sweat running down his temples.
Problem was he knew why he couldn’t. Robert had been damn right too, ‘cause he himself wasn’t sure the time had come either: the time it was too late to have back what he really needed and wanted. And that thought just kept drilling in his head, like a niggle in the back of his mind digging his way through his reason par now.
He just had to muster the courage to keep going for it. Pushing it a little further, as Stephen had suggested. Just a little more. He couldn’t have misunderstood her actions so much yesterday, could him? There was just something in her eyes and in that kiss…
If there was a time to start calling the shots, this was it…right?
He peeled off his gloves, and sized the towel, throwing it round his neck and turned to the window. It was full day-time now. He walked up to the form and picked up his phone, staring blankly at the white numbers on the screen.
He pursed his lips into a tense line.
“May I know at least why I have been dragged out of my lovely bed, so cruelly, on Friday morning, just to get here and see toi packing?”
Michael was lying on one side onto the bed-chair suivant to the window. He yawned widely, with a sly smile on his lips and stretched out, letting himself drop backwards.
Lisa gave a little dismissive shrug, as she folded a sweater. Her eyes were lifeless “Told you” she said, “I was just finding a little bit boring doing all this packing all par myself…and I could use some good company, that’s all…”
As she put some clothes down into her bags, she found herself glancing at her bed-table, for the umpteenth time already feeling increasingly restless. Patchy memories of last night dream kept bouncing about in front of her eyes and it was a galling sensation; she just couldn’t get some pictures out of her head. The feeling of them. But what she loathed the most was this sense of helplessness she had been feeling on her all jour along since she had woken up; as if despite of everything she knew she kept hanging on. She didn’t know why ou waiting for whom, really. Was she hoping for her phone ring up ou she just wished it didn’t anymore? It wasn’t clear to her. What was she waiting for? A one way official pass to start hating him? The ultimate test proving her she was a complete idiot? As if a confrontation might really give her some sort of closure that might make her feel any better? Deep down inside her, she knew it wouldn’t…so what for? How was that even a normal? Waiting for something that ultimately will prove itself a true masochism? And when had she started to become so twisted anyway?
Michael sprang up on his feet “You know, there’s no such thing like the one toi just said” he mocked, getting closer.
Lisa lifted her eyes up, watching him blankly. It was like he wasn’t even there sometimes. It was like feeling alone the whole time. Even if she wasn’t…
“Which one?” she asked, sighing silently.
Michael eyed her up “Travelling and whatever kind of preparations before it are renown to be the quintessence of what’s supposed to feel like NOT boring, honey” he told her with feeling “especially when you’re about to leave for Europe, ESPECIALLY when you’re about see your boyfriend AND specially when your plan is giving one exclusive tour of England, Spain and France” he counted on his fingers.
Lisa tensed a little frowning mildly “So?” she asked, escaping his stare.
“…SO…one wonders what’s the matter with toi today, my little flower...” he concluded.
Lisa didn’t answer, keeping on folding clothes. She didn't even smile at him. What was the matter with her? She didn’t know herself at the moment.
Michael lifted up a dress from her lit “God, this is gorgeous…” he a dit as he held it up in front of him, checking it out “mind if I borrow it one of these times?” he a dit emphatically, with a teasing smirk stamped on his face “I’m sure I would look great on this!I always wanted to be the Queen of the Ball!”
He managed to draw a smile out of her this time, but it didn’t strike her chords. She felt it. “I’ll see if I can find one of your size during my exclusive little trip…” she joked, snatching it out of his hands. She looked down at it, the little hint of a smile still on her lips fading away instantly: she remembered the last time she had worn: it it was summer, last year, june…
She threw it away, furrowing “Would toi pass me those please, instead?”
“Here” he said.
Michael let himself drop onto the bed, resting on his elbows. He a dit nothing for a while this time. He had been trying to figure out what felt so wrong about her all along. And he kept groping in darkness at the moment.
“You’re awfully quiet….” Lisa pointed out at some point, while she kept rummaging through her wardrobe. There was not a single thing she felt like taking along with her right now. Not a single dress ou shirt, ou chemisier ou whatever.
“I was just thinking…” he said, keeping his eyes intently focused on her.
“To what?” she asked, absentmindedly. Maybe she’d better buy a whole new set of clothes in London, and gave them all to charity once she would leave. This would spare her the trouble to single out garments she didn’t feel the slightest excited she would be wearing.
Michael gave a little shrug, “I was just wondering how come toi don’t look the slightest excited about it all….”
Lisa rubbed her lips, keeping her eyes down on her clothes. She wondered when she had Lost her ability to blank herself out. Actually, she was starting to question she had ever been.
“Been plenty…” she cut short.
Michael nibbled his lips for a moment “Yes, but that doesn’t explain why toi just left off the liste of the unfailing one of the best vêtement of your wardrobe….” he said, matter-of-factly.
Lisa took a silent deep breath. “I just don’t fancy it so much anymore, that’s all…”
She didn’t even know why she had called Michael if she had no wish to talk about it; she wanted company, yeah, but she was starting to suspect that, partly, she was just looking for someone to lash out with, and Michael had come to her mind as the most predictable choice - donné she couldn’t think of facing Karen over this. She was sure she would have had very wise conseil to give her. She just wasn’t ready to listen to them. She still needed some time to process this thing in her own way.
And she was sure Karen would have found some wrongness in it.
She shook her head, unnoticeably nipping at her lips as still arranging clothes inside the bag at her feet: lashing out….about what, anyway? It was over. Just over. How could it not be?
She snapped her head up, startling as she found Michael magically leaning at her side, looking intently down at her. She brought one hand to her chest, closing her eyes for a moment “You scared the hell out of me….”
Michael prompted her “So?”
They traded a long look.
“So, what?” Lisa said, as going back piling up things she wouldn’t be wearing but she didn’t feel like going through. Whatever. Her mind was totally elsewhere and she was having enough of a hard time already convincing herself it wasn’t.
“You two have a fight? Is that what this is all about?”
The clothes fell off her hands “We…we two who?”
“You and John, of course”
She bent down to pick the clothes up.
“Is it?” he asked her again.
Lisa stopped. This was ridiculous. She couldn’t keep avoiding the issue, could she? But she could avoid dealing with it....
She just had to come up with something, otherwise he would have been nagging her all morning.
She couldn’t tell him.
She was just better off bottling it up, driving it out and back to where it had come; for now at least.
She didn’t feel like sharing….not yet.
She nodded, thinking quickly “As a matter of fact, we….”
The phone rang, starting her.
She sprang up stunned, staring at it.
Two rings…
Suddenly, she was feeling nervous; restless as if there had been something coiling on itself at the pit of her stomach which had just woken up.
Three rings…
What if it was him? What time was it?
Four rings…
“You….planning on answering one of these days?” Michael taunted, tentatively.
She took a deep painful breath and steadied herself, heading to the bedside-table, always wondering why despite of all she already knew, she really still wanted to pick up that phone. It was insane.
Twisted and insane.
She yanked it to her ear, her cœur, coeur leaping into her throat.
“Yes?” she answered, flatly.
“Lisa? Oh thank God! I was going insane! Where have toi been?!”
She let herself drop down on the bed, sitting on the edge “John…” she sighed out “Hi… wh…what’s up?” she mumbled still quite not sure she had gotten over the rush that had flushed over her body.
She looked down at her hand. It was trembling.
She rubbed it quickly over her thigh, hiding it from Michael.
“What’s…up?!” John yelled bewildered “I’ve been calling toi for hours!”
She crossed her legs and bit her lips. Her eyes flickered up to Michael who was moving round the bed. He stopped par her dressing table, tableau and started to fiddle with some of her stuff.
“I’m sorry…” she said.
“…and it kept sending me to that damn voice-mail for heaven’s sake”
She leaned forward, passing one hand over her face: she was messing around.
“Lisa?”
She pushed her hair backwards “I know, you’re right…I went to lit early last night…I was tired” she said, trying to make it sound believable. Michael took something out of her jewelry box “…I turned down the ” she added “…I was just exhausted….I…”
“I’ve nothing against toi being exhausted, but Jesus, couldn’t toi just send me a message when toi plan on disappearing for 12 hours in a row?!”
Michael leaned against the window. He began passing something through his fingers, occasionally casting quick, stealthy glances in her direction.
“I know, I know…” she a dit “I’m sorry….I…” but she didn’t know “I” what either. She was just jouer la comédie bitchy on him, plain and simple. And it was wrong. She knew it was.
“I’m sorry…” she repeated at last “But, on my defense, I was packing …” she said, softening her tone “Michael was helping me out, indeed”
“Hi John” Michael said, pinching his voice slightly higher. Lisa lifted up her eyes, smiling at him. They slipped to the collier he was holding in his hands, though and her smile died out once more.
“Hi Mike!” John shouted back.
Michael fingered to the necklace. She shook her head, firmly.
“So toi packing, huh?” John asked casually after a moment, his tone a little bit plus cheerful already “You really flying over in the end….” he a dit as if he still had doubts.
“I am” she said, forcing a cheerful smile to her lips.
“And so, I’ll have the pleasure to squeeze toi in my arms, in just a few days? For real?”
Michael lifted up the corners of his lips gesturing for her to cheer up.
She hinted at a weak smile “You’ll have this pleasure, yes…”
“Good, cause I really….” he stopped.
Michael went back observing the collier and her eyes slipped on it once again “You what?” she asked him, motioning for him to put it away.
“Hold on, sweetheart…someone on the other line, be right back”
The phone beeped at her the on hold signal.
Michael casted a questioning look in her direction.
“Put me on hold” she explained.
“I see…. “
He gave her a wry look “…doesn’t look like he was the problem, after all anyway….”
Lisa sighed, staring up at him. She had run out of breath. Used up all her strength. She couldn’t come up with anything legitimate this time. She shook her head: she was putting herself into such an unhealthy mess she wondered how she was supposed to dig herself out of it.
Michael lifted his eyebrow at her “You know, if I didn’t know toi as I in fact I do, I would say…”
“I’m here…”
Lisa shushed him with a finger “Me too” she answered quickly, as Michael still made eloquent faces at her.
“…but I have to leave you…” he added.
She gestured for him to cut it off.
“Liz, toi hearing me?”
Michael choked a laugh.
“Yeah, sorry…you leaving…”
“Yes, my director is going nuts with our first dancer…again”
She frowned “You have a ballet premiering?”
“Yeah, tomorrow night. She’s quite a thorn in our flash really.….”
Lisa’s face fell “I didn’t know anything about it….”
How come she didn’t? What kind of a person was she?
“I might have a surprise for toi par the way…”
“A surprise?”
“Yep” he told her happily.
“Which kind?”
“You’ll wait and see…I did it for you, as much as for me, actually. But mostly for you. You’re gonna l’amour it…but let’s not jinx it. It’s not sure yet. I’ll knew it a few minutes. I’ll keep toi posted” he trailed of sounding quite excited about it.
Lisa kept quiet for a moment then.
Everything made her think a little thing of someone else and he kept cooking up surprises for her.
This was wrong.
Too much.
“John” she a dit serious “we should probabl…”
“Ehm Liz…whatever we should do will have to wait. I have to go. My phone is buzzing again” he a dit hurriedly “I’ll get back to toi as soon as I can, I promise. Sorry. l’amour you”
Lisa didn’t move, but remained with the phone to her ear for a moment, staring into space.
“…probably talk” she finished talking into the phone even if it had already gone quiet.
She couldn’t believe she was about to do it. Why?
What for?
“Liz?” Michael called.
She breathed in, deeply and put the receiver back on the cradle. She looked up at him, her stare looking waner than ever “Job call. He’ll get back to me….”
Michael coughed “Something toi want to share at this point?”
There was a long pause.
Lisa shook her head at last. She couldn’t believe herself, really “I’m horrible, Mike…” she sentenced, covering her mouth with one hand. “I really am a horrible person….”
Michael a dit nothing, but limited himself to rest his chin on his hand for a few moments, one arm folded against his chest in a lazy pose, just watching her.
She sighed “Oh please, don’t look at me like that….you make me feel even worse for it”
He shook his head “I’m not looking at toi in any way Liz” he started, unfolding his arms to go sitting on the lit suivant to her “I don’t know what toi think you’ve done ou haven’t, really….” he moved some hair away from her collarbone, caringly “but, since I think we have just ruled out John as main source to that mysterious, dark nuage floating right above your pretty, lovely head…” he said, lowering his gaze ever so slightly to meet her eyes “I just wonder wheth…”
He stopped, as the phone ring crept in once again giving him no time to finish this time.
“That was quick….” he noticed.
Lisa sighed and went to lift up the cordless.
On the other side, Hugh slid the chemise over his head, quickly.
If she didn’t answer this time, he didn’t know what was left…making an ambush at her house?
Michael leaned backwards on his elbows “You know, toi might as well just tell him that it’s over and toi don’t feel like going anymore….plain and simple” he a dit casually.
Lisa whirled round, holding the phone a little away from her face as she covered the speaker with one hand. She looked at him wide-eyed.
Hugh stopped rubbing his hair, abruptly as he heard something on the other side “Lisa?”
Lisa motioned Michael to shut up.
He zipped his lips.
“Yes, I’m here...” she said, putting the phone back to her ear once again.
Hugh threw the towel away, instantly “Hi, I…I…I wasn’t expecting toi to pick up…”
She froze, turning pale. She wasn’t either.
PS It's useless the "previously" this time right? I mean, it was a dream. Ok, desires and memories, and yada yada but I think toi remember it anyway :)
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December/December Chapter 23 - Part 1
26 March 2010
Hugh ducked his head, quickly as the coup de poing spring back at him. He took a deep breath, as blood thud loudly in his ears, his breath shorter and shorter. He could feel aléatoire pangs of shooting pain aching all over his body at times. He didn’t know how long he had been boxing already. He just didn’t seem able to keep sleeping.
He waited for the coup de poing ball to be perfectly still once plus and took position again, guard up, getting his breath. He packed another coup de poing at it, as strong as he could this time, even harder than the other times, hitting it right on its side, so it would balançoire, swing sideways like an empty sack; something lifeless he could humor himself he had some real control over; differently from his own life.
It kept not making him feel any better, though.
He had been boxing for what felt like a lifetime already, waiting for daylight to break in, hoping that throwing a few punches would help him to let off some steam and he wasn’t feeling any better yet. He kept swinging between feeling agog and anxious. He wanted to grab his phone and yet he kept having the feeling his hands were tied sometimes. So his greatest wish right now would have been having the chance to lash out at someone, rather than at this…
“Fucking…lifeless….thing” he muttered, hurling himself against it. Only problem was that he couldn’t think of anyone he would have liked to break the nose of but his own.
He packed another controlled hook to the punching ball, working on exercising some self-control. The worst of it was that he kept on keeping it all bottled up. He had to. Whatever he felt, however he felt about all of it – this whole nutso, impossible situation he had put himself into - he just couldn’t help but keeping on driving it out and back where it had come whatever he felt. It was the only way he could keep functioning, avoiding a likely breakdown.
It was just not the right moment to get carried away.
Not yet.
Instead, if there was a moment to start calling the shots in his life, so to speak, this was definitely it. How he had been capable of ending up framing himself at such a dea-end he had no idea. ou better he had, hadn’t he?
He went vers l'avant, vers l’avant at the punching ball once more, keeping on muttering to himself.
“Easy enough...” he panted under his breath “…just go spending months of your life….YEARS possibly, letting yourself….” he breathed in “….get swallowed par the bustle of things…and toi fucking have the fucking…..” he hooked a coup de poing “…winning…” another one “….formula!!”
He staggered backwards, breathless, wheezing. It felt like he had used up all his energies par now. He got some breath, wiping his forehead on his glove. This was just not the point right now. Crying over the spoiled lait wouldn’t have changed a thing.
He took a few restless steps away from the punching ball, moving in cercle as he waited for his breath to go back to normal. It was just not the right moment to lose his wits.
Not yet.
Not now.
He could solve it.
He must.
He scratched his jaw on his forearm and went back placing himself in front of the coup de poing ball, keeping his guard up and went back boxing. He didn’t know whether Stephen was right about his old self-deprecating self being gone – it surely didn’t feel always that way to him – but one thing for sure he was done feeling sorry for himself. Two things at any rate need to be sort out, unquestionably. First, he had to find a way to keep his family out of it. His kids especially; he wouldn’t allow himself to drag them down with him into this. And secondly: Lisa. He can find a way, can’t him? Screw that chienne he had the pleasure to talk to yesterday. They can find one, together, right?
He didn’t know whether he could assume there was a them already, though. Could he? Well, hadn’t Lisa herself acted like that yesterday morning, he wouldn’t be even considering…
But he wasn’t even sure it was fair either. Sometimes, he actually had the feeling he was basically taking back everything he had promised he wouldn’t have done to her. All those wonderful empty words about not wanting her to be scared with him…where had it all gone? He was just jouer la comédie plainly selfishly, that was the truth. He dealt another burst of blows at the punching ball; frustrated, angry, confused…
Was it the fear she would turn him down all over again talking right now - this sense of potential failure he always carried along within him - ou his real concern for her? Was he trying to protect her ou just procrastinating once more? And why couldn’t he just stick to one fucking thought at the time when it came to her….
Hadn’t he promised?
And why…
“….can’t toi just behave so selfless to just stick to one fucking promise either!!” he yelled, throwing himself forward.
He found himself clenching his teeth, this time, stifling the cry of pain out of his collarbone as it crackled alarmingly and shifted back to its place. He raised one boxing gant to fend off the coup de poing ball, massaging over his shoulder; he had almost caused it to dislocate this time.
He caught his breath, staring blankly into l’espace with his tongue beneath his teeth, sweat running down his temples.
Problem was he knew why he couldn’t. Robert had been damn right too, ‘cause he himself wasn’t sure the time had come either: the time it was too late to have back what he really needed and wanted. And that thought just kept drilling in his head, like a niggle in the back of his mind digging his way through his reason par now.
He just had to muster the courage to keep going for it. Pushing it a little further, as Stephen had suggested. Just a little more. He couldn’t have misunderstood her actions so much yesterday, could him? There was just something in her eyes and in that kiss…
If there was a time to start calling the shots, this was it…right?
He peeled off his gloves, and sized the towel, throwing it round his neck and turned to the window. It was full day-time now. He walked up to the form and picked up his phone, staring blankly at the white numbers on the screen.
He pursed his lips into a tense line.
“May I know at least why I have been dragged out of my lovely bed, so cruelly, on Friday morning, just to get here and see toi packing?”
Michael was lying on one side onto the bed-chair suivant to the window. He yawned widely, with a sly smile on his lips and stretched out, letting himself drop backwards.
Lisa gave a little dismissive shrug, as she folded a sweater. Her eyes were lifeless “Told you” she said, “I was just finding a little bit boring doing all this packing all par myself…and I could use some good company, that’s all…”
As she put some clothes down into her bags, she found herself glancing at her bed-table, for the umpteenth time already feeling increasingly restless. Patchy memories of last night dream kept bouncing about in front of her eyes and it was a galling sensation; she just couldn’t get some pictures out of her head. The feeling of them. But what she loathed the most was this sense of helplessness she had been feeling on her all jour along since she had woken up; as if despite of everything she knew she kept hanging on. She didn’t know why ou waiting for whom, really. Was she hoping for her phone ring up ou she just wished it didn’t anymore? It wasn’t clear to her. What was she waiting for? A one way official pass to start hating him? The ultimate test proving her she was a complete idiot? As if a confrontation might really give her some sort of closure that might make her feel any better? Deep down inside her, she knew it wouldn’t…so what for? How was that even a normal? Waiting for something that ultimately will prove itself a true masochism? And when had she started to become so twisted anyway?
Michael sprang up on his feet “You know, there’s no such thing like the one toi just said” he mocked, getting closer.
Lisa lifted her eyes up, watching him blankly. It was like he wasn’t even there sometimes. It was like feeling alone the whole time. Even if she wasn’t…
“Which one?” she asked, sighing silently.
Michael eyed her up “Travelling and whatever kind of preparations before it are renown to be the quintessence of what’s supposed to feel like NOT boring, honey” he told her with feeling “especially when you’re about to leave for Europe, ESPECIALLY when you’re about see your boyfriend AND specially when your plan is giving one exclusive tour of England, Spain and France” he counted on his fingers.
Lisa tensed a little frowning mildly “So?” she asked, escaping his stare.
“…SO…one wonders what’s the matter with toi today, my little flower...” he concluded.
Lisa didn’t answer, keeping on folding clothes. She didn't even smile at him. What was the matter with her? She didn’t know herself at the moment.
Michael lifted up a dress from her lit “God, this is gorgeous…” he a dit as he held it up in front of him, checking it out “mind if I borrow it one of these times?” he a dit emphatically, with a teasing smirk stamped on his face “I’m sure I would look great on this!I always wanted to be the Queen of the Ball!”
He managed to draw a smile out of her this time, but it didn’t strike her chords. She felt it. “I’ll see if I can find one of your size during my exclusive little trip…” she joked, snatching it out of his hands. She looked down at it, the little hint of a smile still on her lips fading away instantly: she remembered the last time she had worn: it it was summer, last year, june…
She threw it away, furrowing “Would toi pass me those please, instead?”
“Here” he said.
Michael let himself drop onto the bed, resting on his elbows. He a dit nothing for a while this time. He had been trying to figure out what felt so wrong about her all along. And he kept groping in darkness at the moment.
“You’re awfully quiet….” Lisa pointed out at some point, while she kept rummaging through her wardrobe. There was not a single thing she felt like taking along with her right now. Not a single dress ou shirt, ou chemisier ou whatever.
“I was just thinking…” he said, keeping his eyes intently focused on her.
“To what?” she asked, absentmindedly. Maybe she’d better buy a whole new set of clothes in London, and gave them all to charity once she would leave. This would spare her the trouble to single out garments she didn’t feel the slightest excited she would be wearing.
Michael gave a little shrug, “I was just wondering how come toi don’t look the slightest excited about it all….”
Lisa rubbed her lips, keeping her eyes down on her clothes. She wondered when she had Lost her ability to blank herself out. Actually, she was starting to question she had ever been.
“Been plenty…” she cut short.
Michael nibbled his lips for a moment “Yes, but that doesn’t explain why toi just left off the liste of the unfailing one of the best vêtement of your wardrobe….” he said, matter-of-factly.
Lisa took a silent deep breath. “I just don’t fancy it so much anymore, that’s all…”
She didn’t even know why she had called Michael if she had no wish to talk about it; she wanted company, yeah, but she was starting to suspect that, partly, she was just looking for someone to lash out with, and Michael had come to her mind as the most predictable choice - donné she couldn’t think of facing Karen over this. She was sure she would have had very wise conseil to give her. She just wasn’t ready to listen to them. She still needed some time to process this thing in her own way.
And she was sure Karen would have found some wrongness in it.
She shook her head, unnoticeably nipping at her lips as still arranging clothes inside the bag at her feet: lashing out….about what, anyway? It was over. Just over. How could it not be?
She snapped her head up, startling as she found Michael magically leaning at her side, looking intently down at her. She brought one hand to her chest, closing her eyes for a moment “You scared the hell out of me….”
Michael prompted her “So?”
They traded a long look.
“So, what?” Lisa said, as going back piling up things she wouldn’t be wearing but she didn’t feel like going through. Whatever. Her mind was totally elsewhere and she was having enough of a hard time already convincing herself it wasn’t.
“You two have a fight? Is that what this is all about?”
The clothes fell off her hands “We…we two who?”
“You and John, of course”
She bent down to pick the clothes up.
“Is it?” he asked her again.
Lisa stopped. This was ridiculous. She couldn’t keep avoiding the issue, could she? But she could avoid dealing with it....
She just had to come up with something, otherwise he would have been nagging her all morning.
She couldn’t tell him.
She was just better off bottling it up, driving it out and back to where it had come; for now at least.
She didn’t feel like sharing….not yet.
She nodded, thinking quickly “As a matter of fact, we….”
The phone rang, starting her.
She sprang up stunned, staring at it.
Two rings…
Suddenly, she was feeling nervous; restless as if there had been something coiling on itself at the pit of her stomach which had just woken up.
Three rings…
What if it was him? What time was it?
Four rings…
“You….planning on answering one of these days?” Michael taunted, tentatively.
She took a deep painful breath and steadied herself, heading to the bedside-table, always wondering why despite of all she already knew, she really still wanted to pick up that phone. It was insane.
Twisted and insane.
She yanked it to her ear, her cœur, coeur leaping into her throat.
“Yes?” she answered, flatly.
“Lisa? Oh thank God! I was going insane! Where have toi been?!”
She let herself drop down on the bed, sitting on the edge “John…” she sighed out “Hi… wh…what’s up?” she mumbled still quite not sure she had gotten over the rush that had flushed over her body.
She looked down at her hand. It was trembling.
She rubbed it quickly over her thigh, hiding it from Michael.
“What’s…up?!” John yelled bewildered “I’ve been calling toi for hours!”
She crossed her legs and bit her lips. Her eyes flickered up to Michael who was moving round the bed. He stopped par her dressing table, tableau and started to fiddle with some of her stuff.
“I’m sorry…” she said.
“…and it kept sending me to that damn voice-mail for heaven’s sake”
She leaned forward, passing one hand over her face: she was messing around.
“Lisa?”
She pushed her hair backwards “I know, you’re right…I went to lit early last night…I was tired” she said, trying to make it sound believable. Michael took something out of her jewelry box “…I turned down the ” she added “…I was just exhausted….I…”
“I’ve nothing against toi being exhausted, but Jesus, couldn’t toi just send me a message when toi plan on disappearing for 12 hours in a row?!”
Michael leaned against the window. He began passing something through his fingers, occasionally casting quick, stealthy glances in her direction.
“I know, I know…” she a dit “I’m sorry….I…” but she didn’t know “I” what either. She was just jouer la comédie bitchy on him, plain and simple. And it was wrong. She knew it was.
“I’m sorry…” she repeated at last “But, on my defense, I was packing …” she said, softening her tone “Michael was helping me out, indeed”
“Hi John” Michael said, pinching his voice slightly higher. Lisa lifted up her eyes, smiling at him. They slipped to the collier he was holding in his hands, though and her smile died out once more.
“Hi Mike!” John shouted back.
Michael fingered to the necklace. She shook her head, firmly.
“So toi packing, huh?” John asked casually after a moment, his tone a little bit plus cheerful already “You really flying over in the end….” he a dit as if he still had doubts.
“I am” she said, forcing a cheerful smile to her lips.
“And so, I’ll have the pleasure to squeeze toi in my arms, in just a few days? For real?”
Michael lifted up the corners of his lips gesturing for her to cheer up.
She hinted at a weak smile “You’ll have this pleasure, yes…”
“Good, cause I really….” he stopped.
Michael went back observing the collier and her eyes slipped on it once again “You what?” she asked him, motioning for him to put it away.
“Hold on, sweetheart…someone on the other line, be right back”
The phone beeped at her the on hold signal.
Michael casted a questioning look in her direction.
“Put me on hold” she explained.
“I see…. “
He gave her a wry look “…doesn’t look like he was the problem, after all anyway….”
Lisa sighed, staring up at him. She had run out of breath. Used up all her strength. She couldn’t come up with anything legitimate this time. She shook her head: she was putting herself into such an unhealthy mess she wondered how she was supposed to dig herself out of it.
Michael lifted his eyebrow at her “You know, if I didn’t know toi as I in fact I do, I would say…”
“I’m here…”
Lisa shushed him with a finger “Me too” she answered quickly, as Michael still made eloquent faces at her.
“…but I have to leave you…” he added.
She gestured for him to cut it off.
“Liz, toi hearing me?”
Michael choked a laugh.
“Yeah, sorry…you leaving…”
“Yes, my director is going nuts with our first dancer…again”
She frowned “You have a ballet premiering?”
“Yeah, tomorrow night. She’s quite a thorn in our flash really.….”
Lisa’s face fell “I didn’t know anything about it….”
How come she didn’t? What kind of a person was she?
“I might have a surprise for toi par the way…”
“A surprise?”
“Yep” he told her happily.
“Which kind?”
“You’ll wait and see…I did it for you, as much as for me, actually. But mostly for you. You’re gonna l’amour it…but let’s not jinx it. It’s not sure yet. I’ll knew it a few minutes. I’ll keep toi posted” he trailed of sounding quite excited about it.
Lisa kept quiet for a moment then.
Everything made her think a little thing of someone else and he kept cooking up surprises for her.
This was wrong.
Too much.
“John” she a dit serious “we should probabl…”
“Ehm Liz…whatever we should do will have to wait. I have to go. My phone is buzzing again” he a dit hurriedly “I’ll get back to toi as soon as I can, I promise. Sorry. l’amour you”
Lisa didn’t move, but remained with the phone to her ear for a moment, staring into space.
“…probably talk” she finished talking into the phone even if it had already gone quiet.
She couldn’t believe she was about to do it. Why?
What for?
“Liz?” Michael called.
She breathed in, deeply and put the receiver back on the cradle. She looked up at him, her stare looking waner than ever “Job call. He’ll get back to me….”
Michael coughed “Something toi want to share at this point?”
There was a long pause.
Lisa shook her head at last. She couldn’t believe herself, really “I’m horrible, Mike…” she sentenced, covering her mouth with one hand. “I really am a horrible person….”
Michael a dit nothing, but limited himself to rest his chin on his hand for a few moments, one arm folded against his chest in a lazy pose, just watching her.
She sighed “Oh please, don’t look at me like that….you make me feel even worse for it”
He shook his head “I’m not looking at toi in any way Liz” he started, unfolding his arms to go sitting on the lit suivant to her “I don’t know what toi think you’ve done ou haven’t, really….” he moved some hair away from her collarbone, caringly “but, since I think we have just ruled out John as main source to that mysterious, dark nuage floating right above your pretty, lovely head…” he said, lowering his gaze ever so slightly to meet her eyes “I just wonder wheth…”
He stopped, as the phone ring crept in once again giving him no time to finish this time.
“That was quick….” he noticed.
Lisa sighed and went to lift up the cordless.
On the other side, Hugh slid the chemise over his head, quickly.
If she didn’t answer this time, he didn’t know what was left…making an ambush at her house?
Michael leaned backwards on his elbows “You know, toi might as well just tell him that it’s over and toi don’t feel like going anymore….plain and simple” he a dit casually.
Lisa whirled round, holding the phone a little away from her face as she covered the speaker with one hand. She looked at him wide-eyed.
Hugh stopped rubbing his hair, abruptly as he heard something on the other side “Lisa?”
Lisa motioned Michael to shut up.
He zipped his lips.
“Yes, I’m here...” she said, putting the phone back to her ear once again.
Hugh threw the towel away, instantly “Hi, I…I…I wasn’t expecting toi to pick up…”
She froze, turning pale. She wasn’t either.
