salut everyone I had started this fiction House Episode one jour when I was bored and thought that toi might enjoy it. I tried to make it sound as House-like as possible but am not the best at it. Please be honest with your feedback and I want it. Please tell me parts toi liked, disliked, what was confusing and if it sounds like a real episode of House. I tried to keep the medicine true but probably messed up the whole thing. Also its short so if it was to be a real episode plus would need to be added. Hope toi enjoy.
Start of Episode
Open with a group of mid-forty adults (two married couples) chatting in the outside seating area of a very nice restaurant. The server comes par with the group’s drinks.
Server: I brought another round just a last drink before toi hit the road.
Joe: Thanks, (to wife and other couple) we need to leave her a bigger tip than normal.
Nora: toi just want to because she had a low cut haut, retour au début and a perfect tight ass. Let’s face it toi thought about her naked right when toi saw her.
Joe: No, she just has been really good with service.
Eric: Yeah, her best quality is leaning over to clean up the spill on the table, tableau giving toi the chance to look down her shirt.
Joe: I didn’t!
(The whole group starts laughing at him)
(Dramatic musique starts)
(Joe grabs his chest and starts heaving)
(Nora rushes over to him)
Nora: Joe?! Joe?! Joe!!!
Eric (on cell phone): Hello, 911 we need an ambulance over at 975 S. Broadway, we’re at the restaurant Edel’s, my friend can’t breathe and he’s not choking.
(Cut to Credits)
(Outside Shots of the Hospital)
(Inside the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital Emergency Room)
(In Joe’s Perspective- It is all blurry toi see people hustle everywhere, multiple doctors treating multiple patients suffering from different kinds of injuries, finally focus in on Dr. Cameron treating a little boy who has no injuries that can be seen and is also talking to House)
House: (Out of Joe’s Perspective) See that man over there? (points to Joe)
Cameron: Yeah, what about him? (Joe starts heaving)
House: Does he always do that?
Cameron: That’s why he came in. (Starts to rush over to help but Joe stops)
House: Does he always do that?
Cameron: Yeah.
House: I want him.
Cameron: Why, it is medically boring to you?
House: A man who is having trouble breathing and then all of a sudden stops struggling with no help is totally interesting. Have toi checked him out?
Cameron: Not yet, but he has me.
House: (Sarcastically) Even plus interesting, someone checking toi out.
Cameron: toi have stacks upon stacks of cases that could just as well give toi a case.
House: But this guy is actually interesting, half of the ones in my office could be solved par a monkey, the other half could be solved par anyone with a medical degree, none of them sound interesting to me. Heck they’re so boring toi wouldn’t even want them if toi were head of diagnostics.
Cameron: Well, this guy is just as boring.
House: toi call hard of breathing boring, 1. because toi see it everyday ou 2. toi find it interesting and it reminds toi of your old job so toi want to solve it for the sake of yourself. I think it’s the second. Give me the word and I’ll drop 13 for toi in a heartbeat. (Takes out his phone and starts to dial)
Cameron: I don’t miss toi and I won’t come back. (House puts the phone away) This case is easy even for a monkey.
House: toi say easy, I say interesting.
Cameron: Not giving it to you. Bye House. (Starts to walk over to Joe to treat him)
(House walks out of the ER and over into the Clinic, bursting into Cuddy’s Office)
House: (in a whinnying voice) Mommy… Cameron’s not sharing.
Cuddy: (annoyed) What’s wrong now?
House: I want magical breathing guy.
Cuddy: Is he in the stack of case choices sitting on your desk?
House: (Yelling) Why would he be, he’s the only interesting case here!
Cuddy: Well then where is he?
House: In the ER, where Cameron is killing him.
Cuddy: toi hired Cameron at one point, I think she will be able to handle him.
House: Except for the fact that she isn’t on my team anymore and she is an ER doctor who doesn’t have the time.
Cuddy: Don’t go all humane on me, he’s hers. par the way speaking of cases do toi have any.
House: (Pauses to think) No.
Cuddy: Well then, go out in the Clinic and give me four hours.
House: toi were going to give me the Clinic hours anyway, were you?
Cuddy: Yeah, because you’re in here fighting for a case which means toi don’t have one at the moment and if toi lied and a dit yes I knew something was up. (House turns to leave) Before toi leave, get a case for your team to work on too, toi haven’t had a case in two weeks.
House: I just got a case.
Cuddy: toi can’t touch magical breathing guy either.
House: Fine. (leaves the office)
(Skip to House and his team in the office)
House: 44 year-old male, suffering from (Taub cuts him off)
Taub: Where’s the chart?
House: We don’t have access to it.
Kutner: And that is because?
House: Another doctor does idiot.
Kutner: Then why don’t we have a copy?
House: The doctor is selfish. The man is suffering from trouble breathing but on his own, his breathing goes normal in about 2-3 minutes.
Foreman: Does Cuddy know you’re doing this?
House: What Cuddy doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Thirteen, go down to the Clinic and do four hours of Clinic duty. (Thirteen gives a curious look, gets up and goes down to the Clinic) So lets get an MRI of the guy’s chest see what’s up in there.
Kutner: We can’t give him an MRI, Cuddy will find out.
House: Use a technique I call use a false name in the middle of the night. Go get Thirteen and toi do the clinic hours instead. (Kutner sighs in disappointment and gets up and leaves) toi (Indicating Taub) go retrieve the file.
Taub: But toi a dit we don’t have access to it.
House: Go play 007 on Dr. Cameron. It won’t be hard to gain access from the big mean doctor. (Thirteen enters the office) toi (Indicating Thirteen) watch our patient for the opportunity he can get his MRI. Foreman help Taub par keeping Cameron busy.
(The team gets up and walks out but Foreman stops right in front of House)
Foreman: Why are toi doing this?
House: The guy is interesting.
Foreman: But toi wouldn’t go to the trouble to steal the guy’s file.
House: That’s why I’m having my team do it.
Foreman: I’m not helping toi steal the file, page me once toi have it and we don’t have to sneak around.
(Foreman walks out of the office)
(Back in the ER where both Taub and Thirteen are watching Cameron from a distance)
Thirteen: This is pointless. The only time we’ll have a chance to do a MRI is when she goes accueil for the day. I’m going to help Kutner with the Clinic hours.
Taub: Suit yourself.
(Thirteen leaves)(Cameron comes up behind Taub)
Cameron: You’re going to have to do a better job of hiding in secret to steal his file.
Taub: What file? House has been over in the Clinic all jour and I thought toi could use another hand in here.
Cameron: What about House?
Taub: Kutner and Thirteen are in the Clinic as well, House will page me.
Cameron: What about Foreman?
Taub: Don’t know where he is.
(Foreman walks in, Cameron spots him)
Cameron: Go get a file from the bureau and get to work.
(Cameron heads over to Foreman)
Foreman: salut that patient House wants, just give it to him.
Cameron: No, I’ve taken care of him and discharged him.
(Foreman receives a page from House)
Foreman: Gotta go
(Foreman turns and starts to walk away)
Cameron: What is Satin calling?
(Cut to Clinic where we see House in an exam room with the rest of his team except for Taub, Thirteen is treating someone)
House: I told toi to get a MRI.
Thirteen: I won’t get it till she leaves for the day.
House: Well then help Taub. I heard Cameron is okay with trying things both ways.
(Thirteen goes to get up but then Taub walks in)
Foreman: Cameron a dit she already discharged him.
Taub: Apparently not, I found his file he is in Room 611.
(House motions for the file)
House: Everybody lies. (Starts to look at file) Like I a dit before, give the man a MRI and hold it… no MRI.
Foreman: Why?
(Tosses the file to Foreman)
House: He has metal in his chest. On seconde thought do an EKG. I’m thinking that blood isn’t getting to the lungs it might be the heart. (Yawns) Well, it’s getting late, see toi tomorrow morning.
(House picks up his veste and walks out of the hospital)
(The suivant morning in the office)
Thirteen: EKG was normal, his cœur, coeur is healthy and he started coughing nonstop.
House: How about a fever?
Thirteen: Not yet.
House: Run the cultures anyway, the fever could come today and we wouldn’t know it and stat because Cameron will be in soon.
(Now in Cuddy’s Office where House is sitting)
Cuddy: Funny thing, Cameron ran an EKG on the magical breathing man.
House: What’s so funny about that?
Cuddy: Oh I don’t know. Maybe the fact is that see started treating him before the EKG.
House: Yeah, that’s funny. And where did your sense of humor go?
Cuddy: Here’s the kicker, it was ran at midnight last night.
House: (Sarcastically) Definitely funny, Cameron staying late to help a human being.
Cuddy: No, it gets better, she left the hospital five hours earlier and didn’t order any tests.
House: (Still Sarcastic) Wow, and she knows how to use a phone to send and receive messages. I didn’t know how technologically advanced she was.
Cuddy: (Yelling) It was par your team, not Cameron!!! (Calms down) I better not see anymore of these kinds of tests House. NO MORE!
House: But that’s all the fun of it. Of course if toi just give me the case I wouldn’t be doing it this.
Cuddy: This isn’t fun House, me having to yell at toi like a mom to an eight year-old, not fun.
(Cuddy gives House a death stare)
House: Oh mommy, I know you’ll always l’amour me unconditionally.
(Cuddy continues stare)
House: Better wipe that stare off you’re face before your ace doctor turns to stone.
(Cuddy continues stare)
(House gets up to leave)
House: I’m going, I’m going.
(House leaves)
(Cut to the room where Thirteen is drawing some blood)
Nora: You’re not Joe’s doctor.
Thirteen: Dr. Cameron had asked me to draw some blood for her, no worries.
Joe: Dr. Cameron also a dit that I was fine and be better in the suivant two days and could go home.
Thirteen: This is just a safety precaution.
(Joe takes a bite of applesauce and starts to choke)
Nora: He can’t breathe.
Thirteen: No, he can still breathe, he can’t sallow it the rest of the way down. (Goes to help him) (Face starts to turn blue) He can’t breathe ou sallow.
(Cuts to House and Thirteen walking down a hallway)
Thirteen: The man was choking and couldn’t breathe.
House: It’s normal not to breathe when a big piece of nourriture is blocking air from getting into your lungs.
Thirteen: He choked on applesauce and it was already past the epiglottis.
House: So both tubes got blocked but not from nourriture cool.
(See Cameron at the other end of the hallway)
Cameron: House!
House: What now? toi rub my face in it cause toi solved my interesting case?
Cameron: No just the opposite. My patient was choking and miraculously one of your team members just happen to be there to help him. (Sarcastically) Wow and it just happen to be Thirteen, who was talking to toi about a patient before I came.
House:(Sarcastically) Wow what a coincidence.
Cameron: I saw toi also ran blood cultures and an EKG.
House: No
Cameron: If toi want him so bad here. (Gives Thirteen the file and Thirteen leaves into House’s office)
House: There’s plenty of reasons toi would give me the case and none of them is because toi think I’m pathetic and feel sorry for me.
Cameron: Just be happy toi got the case.
House: (Sarcastically) I thank toi that toi gave me the case o great one. Please take my sacred gift of gratefulness and hold it in your cœur, coeur to do it again. (Serious again) I knew that it would come to this.
Cameron: (Has a annoyed look on her face) You’re welcome.
House: (Starts to walk in his office) I never a dit Thank You. (Disappears into his office)
(Follow House into his office)
House: No plus secret tests, the case is ours. What causes (Writes symptoms on whiteboard titled “Magical Breathing Man” while talking) hard of breathing, coughing, and blockage of the esophagus and trachea? (Pops a Vicodin)
Foreman: Could be environmental.
Kutner: ou trauma.
Thirteen: Maybe genetic.
House: Sounds good. What else? (Spots Wilson, Silence) Come on. (More Silence) Nothing? Fine. Foreman, revel our magician’s secrets, get his DNA. Kutner and Thirteen chercher the home. Taub get a history. I have a rendez-vous amoureux, date with a reuben with my name on it. (Walks out)
(Cut to the accueil where Kutner and Thirteen are searching in the kitchen)
Kutner: Haven’t found anything, you?
Thirteen: Not yet, I’ll take the bedroom and bathroom, toi take the living room and garage.
Kutner: Alright.
(Follow Kutner into Garage)
Kutner: (Opens cabinet to find spray paint) Hey, I found something.
Thirteen: I did too. (Standing in door way with a dead rat in a trap in one hand and a bathroom cleaner spray in the other.)
(Cut to House at lunch with Wilson, man comes up with a small gift)
Messenger: Is there a Dr. House anywhere?
House: Sorry he’s not in this room toi might want to try Drug Rehab.
Wilson: Right here.
(The man puts the package down and leaves)
House: In this box is either something I’ve been trying to get for ages ou something that I’ll have regretted opening.
Wilson: There’s a card.
(Wilson takes the card off the box)
House: Give me that. (Struggles to take the card away from Wilson)
Wilson: (Reading the card) House, have a great birthday, even if toi don’t want one. (Stops reading) It’s your birthday?
House: I don’t want to open it now.
Wilson: Oh stop being a baby. (Opens it for House, Pulls out a deep red thong) Is this a preview? Who sent toi this?
(House pulls out a small card out of the box that says “Just Imagine, l’amour PartyPants”)
House: Have no clue. (Has a happy smirk on his face)
(Both get up and walk to the elevator)
Wilson: toi know, I can tell.
House: No… I don’t.
Wilson: Yes, toi do.
House: If I knew I’d tell you.
Wilson: No toi wouldn’t. par the way why didn’t toi tell me it’s your birthday.
House: I don’t care about it, it just reminds toi you’re one plus an closer to dying.
Wilson: It is the one jour that toi could be a complete cul, ass to everyone toi know and get away with it.
(Cuddy joins them in the elevator when they are getting in)
Cuddy: He’s already an cul, ass to everyone he knows and gets away with it.
House: I’m already an cul, ass to everyone, what’s my special privilege on my birthday.
Cuddy: Nothing but cœur, coeur warming gifts.
House: I want to be left alone.
Cuddy: Really?
Wilson: Seriously?
House: (Sarcastically) No I want a puppy.
Cuddy: par the way, nice thong.
(Leaves the elevator)
Wilson: Why would Cuddy commentaire on th thong? (Both leave the elevator and walk towards House’s Office. Pauses to think. Grows excited) She sent the thong.
House: I wish.
Wilson: She didn’t? Then who’s PartyPants?
House: The woman I adore right now.
(Walks into House’s Office)
Wilson: toi got to be kidding me there is no one else who would have sent those, heck Cuddy wouldn’t have sent it.
House: Well then, Happy Birthday to me. Gotta go, my team’s here. (Walks into other room of his office, Wilson walks out to his) What have we got here.
Foreman: The DNA test was negative.
Thirteen: But, we found a dead rat, spray paint, and poisonous bathroom spray.
House: Start him on broad spectrum antibiotics, the dead rat is probably filled with infections. Poison doesn’t work due to the fact that there is no organ failure at least it is only temporary.
(The team gets up and leaves House goes to the other part of his office. Sitting on his bureau is another small box nicely wrapped.)
House: What now.
(He opens the box to pull out a black thong. Smiles happily. Then toi see a small note in the bottom lire “Your choice, Just Imagine Tonight”. Goes to his balcony and over the mur into Wilson’s Office shaking on his finger the thong.)
Wilson: Someone else gave toi another.
House: No… I got another from the same person and it’s my choice.
Wilson: Seriously?
House: (Plops onto the couch) Yep… Happy Birthday to me.
Wilson: Look its your birthday, at least let me treat toi to dinner.
House: Fine, but we drive separately.
Wilson: Lets just meet at the restaurant.
House: Sounds good, where to?
Wilson: Mercheto’s Steakhouse?
House: You’re going all out?
Wilson: Why not?
House: No reason. Lets say around 7:00, gives me enough time after.
(Taub rushes in)
Taub: We’ve been looking for you.
House: (Puts hands over eyes and opens hands saying) Peek-a-boo. Here I am.
Taub: Our patient isn’t responding to antibiotics.
(Cut to everyone in the office)
House: What else is there?
Foreman: I could be neurological, the nerves and the brain might not be communicating.
House: That works what else?
Taub: There is nothing else House! There are no diseases that act like something is tied around your esophagus and windpipe!
House: (Looks down in defeat and whispers) Do a nerve biopsy. Then call me with the results.
(Skips to dîner with Wilson and House looks impatient)
Wilson: Why are toi so anxious?
House: I have someone who is giving me sex for my birthday and you’re asking me why I’m anxious?
(The nourriture comes)
Wilson: So do toi know the hot nurse in radiology?
House: Yeah.
Wilson: She dating Mike in Accounting.
House: Seriously? 30 year-old still living with his mother Mike?
Wilson: Yeah, and get this they do in his mom’s house.
House: Just stop.
Wilson: No and then toi know those 4 nurses in the clinic.
House: Now they are the ones to do.
Wilson: toi need to be good, I heard some of the oncology nurses saying that the 4 of them sleep with the exact same kind of guys and then rates them on global, ensemble experience, which usually tells all the nurses whether to rendez-vous amoureux, date ou dump.
House: Really?
Wilson: Yes our hospital is that messed up.
House: Cuddy should really here this.
(Gets a phone call)
House: House.
(Cut to Foreman)
Foreman: The nerve biopsy was negative for everything I could think of. Taub and I think that the man has a weird case of emphysema. The guy was treated 5 years il y a for it I think he got a weirder case of it. The wife refuses treatment.
House: Why?
Foreman: She says because her husband doesn’t smoke anymore.
House: I’ll kill her. Schedule the surgery, I’m coming.
Foreman: Chase is ready when toi are.
House: Good.
(Hangs up and calls someone else)
House: salut I have a problem with the patient, I’ll be over as soon as I can.
(House is speeding in his motorcycle)
(Cut to PPTH)
(House storms into the patients room)
House: (angry) Look your husband must smoke somewhere you’re not because he has emphysema and we can’t help that. But toi refusing treatment is KILLING HIM!
Joe: (Can hardly talk) Nora, their right. Start the treatment.
House: OH NURSE.
(Nurse walks in)
House: Prep him for surgery.
(Cut to House standing above the surgery watching them take out the metal in his rib cage is about to start treatment on lungs)
Chase: House, these lungs are fine.
House: (Over Intercom) Don’t close him up yet.
Chase: I have to, he’s perfectly healthy.
House: (Bursts into the surgery) Give me that clamp.
(Tugs on something that is red and white)
House: Get me a tray, this is going to be heavy.
(Starts to pull and out pops a big rectangle soaked in blood)
House: That’s doesn’t belong.
Chase: What is it?
House: This is a large hand towel that this man has had inside him for 5 years. The last doctor was careless and didn’t take it out after he treated the man’s emphysema. It wrapped around the man’s lungs and esophagus taking him choke, cough, and suffocate him from the inside.
(Goes to a musique montauge)
(Shows Wilson going accueil from dinner, then House buying condoms and chocolat covered strawberries, the Old Ducklings getting dîner after the surgery, then House riding with his goodies on his motorcycle, then the New Ducklings taking care of Joe, then Joe looking lovingly into Nora’s eyes, finally House pulling up to his apartment where the lights are on)
House: I brought the strawberries just like last time.
End of Episode
Again thanks for sitting and lire the whole thing because it is quite long. I enjoy hearing your feedback.
Start of Episode
Open with a group of mid-forty adults (two married couples) chatting in the outside seating area of a very nice restaurant. The server comes par with the group’s drinks.
Server: I brought another round just a last drink before toi hit the road.
Joe: Thanks, (to wife and other couple) we need to leave her a bigger tip than normal.
Nora: toi just want to because she had a low cut haut, retour au début and a perfect tight ass. Let’s face it toi thought about her naked right when toi saw her.
Joe: No, she just has been really good with service.
Eric: Yeah, her best quality is leaning over to clean up the spill on the table, tableau giving toi the chance to look down her shirt.
Joe: I didn’t!
(The whole group starts laughing at him)
(Dramatic musique starts)
(Joe grabs his chest and starts heaving)
(Nora rushes over to him)
Nora: Joe?! Joe?! Joe!!!
Eric (on cell phone): Hello, 911 we need an ambulance over at 975 S. Broadway, we’re at the restaurant Edel’s, my friend can’t breathe and he’s not choking.
(Cut to Credits)
(Outside Shots of the Hospital)
(Inside the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital Emergency Room)
(In Joe’s Perspective- It is all blurry toi see people hustle everywhere, multiple doctors treating multiple patients suffering from different kinds of injuries, finally focus in on Dr. Cameron treating a little boy who has no injuries that can be seen and is also talking to House)
House: (Out of Joe’s Perspective) See that man over there? (points to Joe)
Cameron: Yeah, what about him? (Joe starts heaving)
House: Does he always do that?
Cameron: That’s why he came in. (Starts to rush over to help but Joe stops)
House: Does he always do that?
Cameron: Yeah.
House: I want him.
Cameron: Why, it is medically boring to you?
House: A man who is having trouble breathing and then all of a sudden stops struggling with no help is totally interesting. Have toi checked him out?
Cameron: Not yet, but he has me.
House: (Sarcastically) Even plus interesting, someone checking toi out.
Cameron: toi have stacks upon stacks of cases that could just as well give toi a case.
House: But this guy is actually interesting, half of the ones in my office could be solved par a monkey, the other half could be solved par anyone with a medical degree, none of them sound interesting to me. Heck they’re so boring toi wouldn’t even want them if toi were head of diagnostics.
Cameron: Well, this guy is just as boring.
House: toi call hard of breathing boring, 1. because toi see it everyday ou 2. toi find it interesting and it reminds toi of your old job so toi want to solve it for the sake of yourself. I think it’s the second. Give me the word and I’ll drop 13 for toi in a heartbeat. (Takes out his phone and starts to dial)
Cameron: I don’t miss toi and I won’t come back. (House puts the phone away) This case is easy even for a monkey.
House: toi say easy, I say interesting.
Cameron: Not giving it to you. Bye House. (Starts to walk over to Joe to treat him)
(House walks out of the ER and over into the Clinic, bursting into Cuddy’s Office)
House: (in a whinnying voice) Mommy… Cameron’s not sharing.
Cuddy: (annoyed) What’s wrong now?
House: I want magical breathing guy.
Cuddy: Is he in the stack of case choices sitting on your desk?
House: (Yelling) Why would he be, he’s the only interesting case here!
Cuddy: Well then where is he?
House: In the ER, where Cameron is killing him.
Cuddy: toi hired Cameron at one point, I think she will be able to handle him.
House: Except for the fact that she isn’t on my team anymore and she is an ER doctor who doesn’t have the time.
Cuddy: Don’t go all humane on me, he’s hers. par the way speaking of cases do toi have any.
House: (Pauses to think) No.
Cuddy: Well then, go out in the Clinic and give me four hours.
House: toi were going to give me the Clinic hours anyway, were you?
Cuddy: Yeah, because you’re in here fighting for a case which means toi don’t have one at the moment and if toi lied and a dit yes I knew something was up. (House turns to leave) Before toi leave, get a case for your team to work on too, toi haven’t had a case in two weeks.
House: I just got a case.
Cuddy: toi can’t touch magical breathing guy either.
House: Fine. (leaves the office)
(Skip to House and his team in the office)
House: 44 year-old male, suffering from (Taub cuts him off)
Taub: Where’s the chart?
House: We don’t have access to it.
Kutner: And that is because?
House: Another doctor does idiot.
Kutner: Then why don’t we have a copy?
House: The doctor is selfish. The man is suffering from trouble breathing but on his own, his breathing goes normal in about 2-3 minutes.
Foreman: Does Cuddy know you’re doing this?
House: What Cuddy doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Thirteen, go down to the Clinic and do four hours of Clinic duty. (Thirteen gives a curious look, gets up and goes down to the Clinic) So lets get an MRI of the guy’s chest see what’s up in there.
Kutner: We can’t give him an MRI, Cuddy will find out.
House: Use a technique I call use a false name in the middle of the night. Go get Thirteen and toi do the clinic hours instead. (Kutner sighs in disappointment and gets up and leaves) toi (Indicating Taub) go retrieve the file.
Taub: But toi a dit we don’t have access to it.
House: Go play 007 on Dr. Cameron. It won’t be hard to gain access from the big mean doctor. (Thirteen enters the office) toi (Indicating Thirteen) watch our patient for the opportunity he can get his MRI. Foreman help Taub par keeping Cameron busy.
(The team gets up and walks out but Foreman stops right in front of House)
Foreman: Why are toi doing this?
House: The guy is interesting.
Foreman: But toi wouldn’t go to the trouble to steal the guy’s file.
House: That’s why I’m having my team do it.
Foreman: I’m not helping toi steal the file, page me once toi have it and we don’t have to sneak around.
(Foreman walks out of the office)
(Back in the ER where both Taub and Thirteen are watching Cameron from a distance)
Thirteen: This is pointless. The only time we’ll have a chance to do a MRI is when she goes accueil for the day. I’m going to help Kutner with the Clinic hours.
Taub: Suit yourself.
(Thirteen leaves)(Cameron comes up behind Taub)
Cameron: You’re going to have to do a better job of hiding in secret to steal his file.
Taub: What file? House has been over in the Clinic all jour and I thought toi could use another hand in here.
Cameron: What about House?
Taub: Kutner and Thirteen are in the Clinic as well, House will page me.
Cameron: What about Foreman?
Taub: Don’t know where he is.
(Foreman walks in, Cameron spots him)
Cameron: Go get a file from the bureau and get to work.
(Cameron heads over to Foreman)
Foreman: salut that patient House wants, just give it to him.
Cameron: No, I’ve taken care of him and discharged him.
(Foreman receives a page from House)
Foreman: Gotta go
(Foreman turns and starts to walk away)
Cameron: What is Satin calling?
(Cut to Clinic where we see House in an exam room with the rest of his team except for Taub, Thirteen is treating someone)
House: I told toi to get a MRI.
Thirteen: I won’t get it till she leaves for the day.
House: Well then help Taub. I heard Cameron is okay with trying things both ways.
(Thirteen goes to get up but then Taub walks in)
Foreman: Cameron a dit she already discharged him.
Taub: Apparently not, I found his file he is in Room 611.
(House motions for the file)
House: Everybody lies. (Starts to look at file) Like I a dit before, give the man a MRI and hold it… no MRI.
Foreman: Why?
(Tosses the file to Foreman)
House: He has metal in his chest. On seconde thought do an EKG. I’m thinking that blood isn’t getting to the lungs it might be the heart. (Yawns) Well, it’s getting late, see toi tomorrow morning.
(House picks up his veste and walks out of the hospital)
(The suivant morning in the office)
Thirteen: EKG was normal, his cœur, coeur is healthy and he started coughing nonstop.
House: How about a fever?
Thirteen: Not yet.
House: Run the cultures anyway, the fever could come today and we wouldn’t know it and stat because Cameron will be in soon.
(Now in Cuddy’s Office where House is sitting)
Cuddy: Funny thing, Cameron ran an EKG on the magical breathing man.
House: What’s so funny about that?
Cuddy: Oh I don’t know. Maybe the fact is that see started treating him before the EKG.
House: Yeah, that’s funny. And where did your sense of humor go?
Cuddy: Here’s the kicker, it was ran at midnight last night.
House: (Sarcastically) Definitely funny, Cameron staying late to help a human being.
Cuddy: No, it gets better, she left the hospital five hours earlier and didn’t order any tests.
House: (Still Sarcastic) Wow, and she knows how to use a phone to send and receive messages. I didn’t know how technologically advanced she was.
Cuddy: (Yelling) It was par your team, not Cameron!!! (Calms down) I better not see anymore of these kinds of tests House. NO MORE!
House: But that’s all the fun of it. Of course if toi just give me the case I wouldn’t be doing it this.
Cuddy: This isn’t fun House, me having to yell at toi like a mom to an eight year-old, not fun.
(Cuddy gives House a death stare)
House: Oh mommy, I know you’ll always l’amour me unconditionally.
(Cuddy continues stare)
House: Better wipe that stare off you’re face before your ace doctor turns to stone.
(Cuddy continues stare)
(House gets up to leave)
House: I’m going, I’m going.
(House leaves)
(Cut to the room where Thirteen is drawing some blood)
Nora: You’re not Joe’s doctor.
Thirteen: Dr. Cameron had asked me to draw some blood for her, no worries.
Joe: Dr. Cameron also a dit that I was fine and be better in the suivant two days and could go home.
Thirteen: This is just a safety precaution.
(Joe takes a bite of applesauce and starts to choke)
Nora: He can’t breathe.
Thirteen: No, he can still breathe, he can’t sallow it the rest of the way down. (Goes to help him) (Face starts to turn blue) He can’t breathe ou sallow.
(Cuts to House and Thirteen walking down a hallway)
Thirteen: The man was choking and couldn’t breathe.
House: It’s normal not to breathe when a big piece of nourriture is blocking air from getting into your lungs.
Thirteen: He choked on applesauce and it was already past the epiglottis.
House: So both tubes got blocked but not from nourriture cool.
(See Cameron at the other end of the hallway)
Cameron: House!
House: What now? toi rub my face in it cause toi solved my interesting case?
Cameron: No just the opposite. My patient was choking and miraculously one of your team members just happen to be there to help him. (Sarcastically) Wow and it just happen to be Thirteen, who was talking to toi about a patient before I came.
House:(Sarcastically) Wow what a coincidence.
Cameron: I saw toi also ran blood cultures and an EKG.
House: No
Cameron: If toi want him so bad here. (Gives Thirteen the file and Thirteen leaves into House’s office)
House: There’s plenty of reasons toi would give me the case and none of them is because toi think I’m pathetic and feel sorry for me.
Cameron: Just be happy toi got the case.
House: (Sarcastically) I thank toi that toi gave me the case o great one. Please take my sacred gift of gratefulness and hold it in your cœur, coeur to do it again. (Serious again) I knew that it would come to this.
Cameron: (Has a annoyed look on her face) You’re welcome.
House: (Starts to walk in his office) I never a dit Thank You. (Disappears into his office)
(Follow House into his office)
House: No plus secret tests, the case is ours. What causes (Writes symptoms on whiteboard titled “Magical Breathing Man” while talking) hard of breathing, coughing, and blockage of the esophagus and trachea? (Pops a Vicodin)
Foreman: Could be environmental.
Kutner: ou trauma.
Thirteen: Maybe genetic.
House: Sounds good. What else? (Spots Wilson, Silence) Come on. (More Silence) Nothing? Fine. Foreman, revel our magician’s secrets, get his DNA. Kutner and Thirteen chercher the home. Taub get a history. I have a rendez-vous amoureux, date with a reuben with my name on it. (Walks out)
(Cut to the accueil where Kutner and Thirteen are searching in the kitchen)
Kutner: Haven’t found anything, you?
Thirteen: Not yet, I’ll take the bedroom and bathroom, toi take the living room and garage.
Kutner: Alright.
(Follow Kutner into Garage)
Kutner: (Opens cabinet to find spray paint) Hey, I found something.
Thirteen: I did too. (Standing in door way with a dead rat in a trap in one hand and a bathroom cleaner spray in the other.)
(Cut to House at lunch with Wilson, man comes up with a small gift)
Messenger: Is there a Dr. House anywhere?
House: Sorry he’s not in this room toi might want to try Drug Rehab.
Wilson: Right here.
(The man puts the package down and leaves)
House: In this box is either something I’ve been trying to get for ages ou something that I’ll have regretted opening.
Wilson: There’s a card.
(Wilson takes the card off the box)
House: Give me that. (Struggles to take the card away from Wilson)
Wilson: (Reading the card) House, have a great birthday, even if toi don’t want one. (Stops reading) It’s your birthday?
House: I don’t want to open it now.
Wilson: Oh stop being a baby. (Opens it for House, Pulls out a deep red thong) Is this a preview? Who sent toi this?
(House pulls out a small card out of the box that says “Just Imagine, l’amour PartyPants”)
House: Have no clue. (Has a happy smirk on his face)
(Both get up and walk to the elevator)
Wilson: toi know, I can tell.
House: No… I don’t.
Wilson: Yes, toi do.
House: If I knew I’d tell you.
Wilson: No toi wouldn’t. par the way why didn’t toi tell me it’s your birthday.
House: I don’t care about it, it just reminds toi you’re one plus an closer to dying.
Wilson: It is the one jour that toi could be a complete cul, ass to everyone toi know and get away with it.
(Cuddy joins them in the elevator when they are getting in)
Cuddy: He’s already an cul, ass to everyone he knows and gets away with it.
House: I’m already an cul, ass to everyone, what’s my special privilege on my birthday.
Cuddy: Nothing but cœur, coeur warming gifts.
House: I want to be left alone.
Cuddy: Really?
Wilson: Seriously?
House: (Sarcastically) No I want a puppy.
Cuddy: par the way, nice thong.
(Leaves the elevator)
Wilson: Why would Cuddy commentaire on th thong? (Both leave the elevator and walk towards House’s Office. Pauses to think. Grows excited) She sent the thong.
House: I wish.
Wilson: She didn’t? Then who’s PartyPants?
House: The woman I adore right now.
(Walks into House’s Office)
Wilson: toi got to be kidding me there is no one else who would have sent those, heck Cuddy wouldn’t have sent it.
House: Well then, Happy Birthday to me. Gotta go, my team’s here. (Walks into other room of his office, Wilson walks out to his) What have we got here.
Foreman: The DNA test was negative.
Thirteen: But, we found a dead rat, spray paint, and poisonous bathroom spray.
House: Start him on broad spectrum antibiotics, the dead rat is probably filled with infections. Poison doesn’t work due to the fact that there is no organ failure at least it is only temporary.
(The team gets up and leaves House goes to the other part of his office. Sitting on his bureau is another small box nicely wrapped.)
House: What now.
(He opens the box to pull out a black thong. Smiles happily. Then toi see a small note in the bottom lire “Your choice, Just Imagine Tonight”. Goes to his balcony and over the mur into Wilson’s Office shaking on his finger the thong.)
Wilson: Someone else gave toi another.
House: No… I got another from the same person and it’s my choice.
Wilson: Seriously?
House: (Plops onto the couch) Yep… Happy Birthday to me.
Wilson: Look its your birthday, at least let me treat toi to dinner.
House: Fine, but we drive separately.
Wilson: Lets just meet at the restaurant.
House: Sounds good, where to?
Wilson: Mercheto’s Steakhouse?
House: You’re going all out?
Wilson: Why not?
House: No reason. Lets say around 7:00, gives me enough time after.
(Taub rushes in)
Taub: We’ve been looking for you.
House: (Puts hands over eyes and opens hands saying) Peek-a-boo. Here I am.
Taub: Our patient isn’t responding to antibiotics.
(Cut to everyone in the office)
House: What else is there?
Foreman: I could be neurological, the nerves and the brain might not be communicating.
House: That works what else?
Taub: There is nothing else House! There are no diseases that act like something is tied around your esophagus and windpipe!
House: (Looks down in defeat and whispers) Do a nerve biopsy. Then call me with the results.
(Skips to dîner with Wilson and House looks impatient)
Wilson: Why are toi so anxious?
House: I have someone who is giving me sex for my birthday and you’re asking me why I’m anxious?
(The nourriture comes)
Wilson: So do toi know the hot nurse in radiology?
House: Yeah.
Wilson: She dating Mike in Accounting.
House: Seriously? 30 year-old still living with his mother Mike?
Wilson: Yeah, and get this they do in his mom’s house.
House: Just stop.
Wilson: No and then toi know those 4 nurses in the clinic.
House: Now they are the ones to do.
Wilson: toi need to be good, I heard some of the oncology nurses saying that the 4 of them sleep with the exact same kind of guys and then rates them on global, ensemble experience, which usually tells all the nurses whether to rendez-vous amoureux, date ou dump.
House: Really?
Wilson: Yes our hospital is that messed up.
House: Cuddy should really here this.
(Gets a phone call)
House: House.
(Cut to Foreman)
Foreman: The nerve biopsy was negative for everything I could think of. Taub and I think that the man has a weird case of emphysema. The guy was treated 5 years il y a for it I think he got a weirder case of it. The wife refuses treatment.
House: Why?
Foreman: She says because her husband doesn’t smoke anymore.
House: I’ll kill her. Schedule the surgery, I’m coming.
Foreman: Chase is ready when toi are.
House: Good.
(Hangs up and calls someone else)
House: salut I have a problem with the patient, I’ll be over as soon as I can.
(House is speeding in his motorcycle)
(Cut to PPTH)
(House storms into the patients room)
House: (angry) Look your husband must smoke somewhere you’re not because he has emphysema and we can’t help that. But toi refusing treatment is KILLING HIM!
Joe: (Can hardly talk) Nora, their right. Start the treatment.
House: OH NURSE.
(Nurse walks in)
House: Prep him for surgery.
(Cut to House standing above the surgery watching them take out the metal in his rib cage is about to start treatment on lungs)
Chase: House, these lungs are fine.
House: (Over Intercom) Don’t close him up yet.
Chase: I have to, he’s perfectly healthy.
House: (Bursts into the surgery) Give me that clamp.
(Tugs on something that is red and white)
House: Get me a tray, this is going to be heavy.
(Starts to pull and out pops a big rectangle soaked in blood)
House: That’s doesn’t belong.
Chase: What is it?
House: This is a large hand towel that this man has had inside him for 5 years. The last doctor was careless and didn’t take it out after he treated the man’s emphysema. It wrapped around the man’s lungs and esophagus taking him choke, cough, and suffocate him from the inside.
(Goes to a musique montauge)
(Shows Wilson going accueil from dinner, then House buying condoms and chocolat covered strawberries, the Old Ducklings getting dîner after the surgery, then House riding with his goodies on his motorcycle, then the New Ducklings taking care of Joe, then Joe looking lovingly into Nora’s eyes, finally House pulling up to his apartment where the lights are on)
House: I brought the strawberries just like last time.
End of Episode
Again thanks for sitting and lire the whole thing because it is quite long. I enjoy hearing your feedback.
