House and Cuddy are sitting in a room with a person interviewing them about their lives in the hospital.


Interviewer: What is your job here?

Cuddy: I'm the dean of medicine.

House: I'm the head of the diagnostic department.

Interviewer: And what do toi do in that position?

Cuddy: I run the hospital and keep House from getting into trouble.

House: I save lives.

Interviewer: How hard is your job on a scale from 1-10?

Cuddy: A 10.

House: With ou without Vicodin?

Interviewer: Dr. House, please answer the question.

House: Answer mine first.

Interviewer: Do toi usually take Vicodin?

House: Yes.

Interviewer: Then with Vicodin.

House: Well, everyday is different. It varies.

Cuddy: Just answer the damn question so we can get this over with!

House: Fine, uhhh, roughly 7.8.

Interviewer: OK. Dr. House, it says here that toi have been to rehab. May I ask for what?

House: Yes toi may.

Interviewer: So?

House: Heroin relapse. Tragic really.

Cuddy: House, stop playing and just tell him!

Interviewer: Tell me what?

House: It was the Vicodin. I was hallucinating.

Interviewer: But you're still taking Vicodin?

House: Yeah, hallucinations help me think.

Interviewer: Is he serious?

Cuddy: He's never serious. He fine now, no plus hallucinations.

Interviewer: Then why do toi still take it?

House: To help my pain! Why else would I take it!

Interviewer: What pain?

House: My leg! Are toi blind ou retarded! I walk with a cane!

Interviewer: Dr. Cuddy, it says here toi have a three-year-old daughter. How do toi manage to take care of her and a hospital at the same time?

House: She can do anything with an cul, ass like that.

Interviewer: I didn't ask toi the question Dr. House.

House: And I didn't ask to answer these damn questions!

Interviewer: toi two have had a relationship. How was it?

Cuddy: It was a big mistake but I enjoyed every minute of it.

House: What kind of questions are these?

Interviewer: Please answer the question.

House: It was great...until she ripped my cœur, coeur out and stomped it to hell.

Cuddy: I did not!

House: Oh please, I was trying to cope with toi dying and toi dumped me! That's a huge chienne move!

Cuddy: I'm done here. (Attempts to walk away.)

House: See, toi have to leave because toi can't face the facts!

Interviewer: What facts?

House: That she captured my cœur, coeur and threw it away like a retarded Pokemon.

Cuddy: (In tears.) I'm so sorry. I didn't try. I regret it so much.

House: Then why don't toi get back together with me.

Cuddy: I don't know. I'm scared.

House: Scared of what?! Love?! Cuddy, I l’amour you.

Cuddy: I l’amour toi too.

Interviewer: So toi two are back together?

(They look at each other for a moment then say in unison) Yeah.

Interviewer: Good, my work here is done.

House: What?

Interviewer: Dr. Wilson hired me to pose as an interviewer. I'm actually a therapist.

House: Thank toi Wilson.

(House and Cuddy kiss)


OH THAT WILSON!

The End.