I've heard people say that letting go is hard to do. And it's true. But the plus I wandered, the plus I felt like I had to close something back there. Damn. There was always something. Oh well. Time to end it. I headed back, passing her grave again. I'll see toi later sis. And I'll bring some decoration for you. I went back. Damn it all. I had never wanted to come back when I left. toi just have to close one door to open another I guess. When I got there, it was broad daylight. So I hung around until it was well into the suivant morning. 3:00 a.m. No one would be up. I entered, heading down the hall.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking vers l'avant, vers l’avant to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was plus habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minute to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minute and I turned the bureau light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have toi been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do toi want?”
“Did toi really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were toi on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did toi just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! toi played with me. I loved toi Blade and toi played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me toi loved me was a game? Were toi trying to make him jealous ou something? Was I just some toy toi could dispose of when toi got what toi wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, toi used me. toi used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted toi happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will l’amour you. Just don't expect me to be here when toi two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like toi going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so toi know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who toi fall in l’amour with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let toi down. Night kid.”
I go off the lit and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt plus at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the fleur out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the fleur opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. feu was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the fleur ou smell like fire. The whole fleur smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little fleur helps to clear your cœur, coeur and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken cœur, coeur can open it anyways. But if toi want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking vers l'avant, vers l’avant to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was plus habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minute to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minute and I turned the bureau light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have toi been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do toi want?”
“Did toi really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were toi on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did toi just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! toi played with me. I loved toi Blade and toi played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me toi loved me was a game? Were toi trying to make him jealous ou something? Was I just some toy toi could dispose of when toi got what toi wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, toi used me. toi used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted toi happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will l’amour you. Just don't expect me to be here when toi two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like toi going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so toi know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who toi fall in l’amour with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let toi down. Night kid.”
I go off the lit and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt plus at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the fleur out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the fleur opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. feu was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the fleur ou smell like fire. The whole fleur smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little fleur helps to clear your cœur, coeur and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken cœur, coeur can open it anyways. But if toi want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.