Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. toi can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.
Pros
The Volturi
Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, toi know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and toi hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what vampires do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole claque, smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all toi Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless vampires on Buffy.
The loup Clan
Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the loups (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the loup clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.
Jacob
Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So toi can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. toi Team Jacob fans, I now consider toi semi-sane because toi recognized a HEALTHY relationship. hommages to toi guys.
Cons
Bella...you there?
I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely par her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her Friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even plus with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole an older than your 107 an old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to l’amour toi anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.
How is she special too btw?
If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected par any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!
Edward...dude wtf?!
Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in l’amour with toi throws toi into a glass table, tableau for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons toi in the forest. A car ride accueil would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass table, tableau for her protection? That was totally safe. toi know, because she was bleeding even plus profusely after the table, tableau than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started montrer up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to toi like that toi can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I l’amour you". Nice.
OMG a Plot Point!!!
Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, ou whenever anyone a dit Bella was jouer la comédie crazy. If anyone spoke reason ou a plot point appeared, it did not montrer again.
Lupin's loup Looked Better...
The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those loups were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even plus laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.
That's What She Said!
There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want toi to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If toi don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.
Blocked
Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face coup de poing high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.
Overall
Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. toi Team Jacobers, toi got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless toi want a really good laugh then par all means do. Oh and one plus thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
Pros
The Volturi
Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, toi know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and toi hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what vampires do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole claque, smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all toi Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless vampires on Buffy.
The loup Clan
Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the loups (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the loup clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.
Jacob
Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So toi can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. toi Team Jacob fans, I now consider toi semi-sane because toi recognized a HEALTHY relationship. hommages to toi guys.
Cons
Bella...you there?
I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely par her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her Friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even plus with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole an older than your 107 an old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to l’amour toi anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.
How is she special too btw?
If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected par any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!
Edward...dude wtf?!
Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in l’amour with toi throws toi into a glass table, tableau for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons toi in the forest. A car ride accueil would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass table, tableau for her protection? That was totally safe. toi know, because she was bleeding even plus profusely after the table, tableau than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started montrer up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to toi like that toi can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I l’amour you". Nice.
OMG a Plot Point!!!
Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, ou whenever anyone a dit Bella was jouer la comédie crazy. If anyone spoke reason ou a plot point appeared, it did not montrer again.
Lupin's loup Looked Better...
The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those loups were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even plus laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.
That's What She Said!
There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want toi to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If toi don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.
Blocked
Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face coup de poing high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.
Overall
Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. toi Team Jacobers, toi got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless toi want a really good laugh then par all means do. Oh and one plus thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
1) Edward
2)Bella
3)Alice
4)Seth
5)Emmett
6)Esme
7)Renesmee
8)Carlisle
9)Jasper
10)Rosalie
11)Jacob
12)Carmen
13)Kate
14)Benjamin
15)Renee
16)Angela
17)Eleazar
Thank toi Stephenie for creating these amazing characters and sharing them with all of us.These characters will stay with me in my cœur, coeur forever,long after Twilight comes to an end.
Dreamed last night about a time and place
Where from our troubles we had escaped
I held your hand and I felt complete
As toi turned and a dit to me
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
toi and me, we will be
Years went par and nothing changed
The l’amour we shared just stayed the same
As hair grew grey on haut, retour au début of our heads
Every night I quietly said
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
toi and me, we will be
Only a dream
Only a dream
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
toi and me, we will be
Where from our troubles we had escaped
I held your hand and I felt complete
As toi turned and a dit to me
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
toi and me, we will be
Years went par and nothing changed
The l’amour we shared just stayed the same
As hair grew grey on haut, retour au début of our heads
Every night I quietly said
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
We will be
From now on
From now on we'll be
toi and me
toi and me, we will be
Only a dream
Only a dream
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
Only a dream
From now on
toi and me, we will be
I done me wrong
I done all wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite long
I done all wrong
I done me wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite, quite long
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
If you’re doing wrong
If toi done all wrong
toi can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite long
If toi done all wrong
You’re doing wrong
toi can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite, quite long
All the wrong toi done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong toi done
Will be undone in song
We’re doing wrong
We all done wrong
If we did no wrong
I’m sure we would be gone
I done all wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite long
I done all wrong
I done me wrong
All the wrong I done
I’m sure to live quite, quite long
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong I done
Will be undone in song
If you’re doing wrong
If toi done all wrong
toi can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite long
If toi done all wrong
You’re doing wrong
toi can rest assure
You’re gonna live quite, quite long
All the wrong toi done
Will be undone in song
All the wrong toi done
Will be undone in song
We’re doing wrong
We all done wrong
If we did no wrong
I’m sure we would be gone
A tear in my brain
Allows the voices in
They wanna push toi off the path
With their frequency wires
And toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But toi don’t feel any better
(In my eyes
In my eyes)
Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
toi wish toi felt better
toi wish toi felt better
(In my eyes
A better place)
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
Allows the voices in
They wanna push toi off the path
With their frequency wires
And toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
A drunken salesman
Your hearing damage
Your mind is restless
They say you’re getting better
But toi don’t feel any better
(In my eyes
In my eyes)
Your speakers are blowing
Your ears are wrecking
Your hearing damage
toi wish toi felt better
toi wish toi felt better
(In my eyes
A better place)
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
toi can do no wrong
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
In my eyes
Ah, ah, ah ,ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I seek toi out
Flay toi alive
One plus word and toi won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through toi any hour
I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for toi to gain
I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for toi to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
I seek toi out
Flay toi alive
One plus word and toi won’t survive
And I’m not scared of your stolen power
See right through toi any hour
I won’t soothe your pain
I won’t ease your strain
You’ll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for toi to gain
I’m taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
I won’t soothe your pain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I won’t ease your strain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
You’ll be waiting in vain
(Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
I got nothing for toi to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
Aaaaahhhhh
Felling any foe with my gaze
Aaaaahhhhh
Steadily emerging with grace
The heure has begun
Your eyes have now opened
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for toi l’amour always
Your eyes have now opened
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
Your window’s opened wide
Your innocence takes flight
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Oh I tremble for my l’amour always
It’s a world where madness craves
It’s a world where hope’s enslaved
Yeah I tremble for toi l’amour always
When the thorn buisson, bush turns white that’s when I’ll come home
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back accueil with me
Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As toi watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long
Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there
In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear toi calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come accueil how will I ever leave
I am going out to see what I can sow
And I don’t know where I’ll go
And I don’t know what I’ll see
But I’ll try not to bring it back accueil with me
Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me
As toi watch me wander, curse the powers that be
‘Cause all I want is here and now
But it’s already been and gone
Our intentions always last that bit too long
Far, far away, no voices sounding
No one around me and you’re still there
Far, far away, no choices passing
No time confounds me and you’re still there
In the full moon’s light I listen to the stream
And in between the silence hear toi calling me
But I don’t know where I am
And I don’t trust who I’ve been
But if I come accueil how will I ever leave
They've nominated the flick for 8 of their Razzie awards, which are like the Oscars but for the "worsts" of the year, so they're a little plus fun.
Breaking Dawn was nominated for:
•Worst Picture
•Worst Screenplay
•Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, ou Sequel
•Worst Director
•Worst Screen Ensemble
•Worst Actor: Taylor Lautner
•Worst Actress: Kristen Stewart
•Worst Screen Couple
Do toi think Breaking Dawn deserves the nominations?