Okay so my brother and I were swimming in our pool and suddenly we start talking Twilight.Well, if toi know us then toi know that we stared role playing.Mason REALLY wanted to be Edward so I let him.And I was Emmett. And so I started thinking of a joke paragraph.I REALLY hope toi guys like it.

Emmett's pov.

"Where is Edward?!?", I thought to myself. I had been searching our property for well around 5 minutes and I knew he could hear my thoughts.
" Up here Em.", he a dit chuckling from his room all the way upstairs. He knew I would hear.I was still in the forest.I was up and in his room in a record 4 seconds. ou at least record for a human. "jeese Edward!Couldn't have let that go on longer?",I a dit a bit sharply.

"No.I was getting bored.", he said.

"Okay well, let's get down to bussiness shall we? I thought up another way to annoy Alice.", I said.
" I'm all ears."
" Well, I figured out a way to fart!!!How totally awesome is THAT?", I a dit in a rush.
"Very awesome."
Man. Why was he keeping his anserws so short? " So you'll hurry up and tell me how to fart.", he a dit a little impatient. " Jeese.", I a dit again. He sighed. "Alright. So if toi can gulp down enough air and concentrate really hard toi can fart.", I a dit triumphently. "And how did toi come across this?", he a dit chuckling, for he already knew the anserw. "Never mind that", I snapped. Was he doiing his best to irritate me in my moment of glory? " Yes.", he a dit fighting a smile. " Stop that!", I a dit sharply. "See watch.I'll demonstrate.", I said. I took a deep breath that no human could take and took two plus just to be on the sûr, sans danger side. Now for the embarrassung part. The concentrating. I balled my hands in fists nd benter. I must have looked like a conctapated kid, because he was on the ground holding his sides and booming with laughter in half a second. "Hey cut it out ou toi won't hear it ", I said. " Oh.I WON'T?", he retorted clearly enjoying himself. But at least he cut it out.Then finally brpf( aléatoire letters =fart sounds, the plus letters the longer the fart)."Of course I'll have to work on it, but...", I a dit clearly proud. "Oh that's for SURE!!", he a dit laughing again."Let's go practice.", he a dit eager to learn.


*********



"Oh Alice...", we chimed.
"What is it?", she stated obviously annoyed.
"We just wanted to montrer toi something.", we a dit in unison once more. "Oh this aught to be good.", a dit rosalie ,nudging Jasper.We each sucked in a REEEEEEEEALY deep breath. For Alice, Jacob, Carlisle,Esme, Rosalie, and Jasper were there.(Bella and Renesmee were visiting Charlie and amazingly Jacob was visiting me.Or at least staying for the game. Flat screen toi know.)We balled our fists knelt down and...........bfr dfr.And then a thunder storm broke out.Everyone was on the ground rolling, holding their sides and BOOMING with laughter. While we stood there gawking at them. It had taken weeks of hard core practice to get that far, and last time it lasted 20 seconds!!! Even Alice was laughing. "aren't toi the least bit disgusted?!?", I asked. "That.. was... just.. too... funny.", she gasped."Nice one guys!!", joked Jacob. "Man it took 6 weeks to get that far!", I a dit irritatedly. HDSHGHEHRHGHRTGJHDFJGLDFHHTIHRIYTHDSFGHUER!!!!! "And that took about 2 seconds!", smiled Jacob."Well it's harder for vampires to fart okay Mr. Showoff!", I said."OH MY GOD! JACOB! WHAT DID toi EAT?!?!?!?!", laughed Carlisle. par now everyone was outside at least 1 mile away from the house.
"Well, Jake. At least toi can annoy Alice.", i laughed as we sprinted from the contaminated house.(Both holding our noses I might add) Just then Alice charges at us staring daggers at Jacob. "You, mutt. come here.", a dit Alice. "No way! I may be half dog but even I'm not that stupid.", a dit Jacob cautiously. "No come on. I'm not going to hurt you.", a dit Alice plus alluringly now as she flashed one of her smiles that would make any man come to her." That doesn't work on me.", a dit Jake. "Then why are toi coming closer?", a dit Alice still trying to lure him in. "Don't do it jake", I whispered. Jake was still walking closer.... And then he was right in front of Alice. "Oh no, I can't watch", I a dit still watching." toi can't but I can.", a dit Edward chuckling. par now everyone was watching.(Even Bella and Nessie, they got back early)Then suddenly, WHACK!!!!! Alice got Jake right on the nose. He jumped and ran for his life. Alice right behind him screaming things like," I JUST WENT SHOPPING THOSE ARE BRAND NEW chanel dresses! NOT TO MENTION ALL OF THE LOUIS VUITTON PURSESAND DOLCE AND GABBANNA DRESSES!!!!!!! AND NOW THEY ARE ALL RUINED!!!!!"she screamed." How much are toi willing to bet he is going to get his sorry cul, ass knocked around?", a dit Edward. "50 bucks says Alice will beat him again in the suivant minute?", I said. "Your on.", a dit Edward."Edward aren't toi going to go help him?", Bella a dit worriedly. "Emmett's tougher that I am he can take Alice when she's this mad I can't.", a dit Edward getting a bit worried himself."Ahh. But toi Eddie boy are much faster than I.", I a dit knowing I won. "Edward . Please for me I don't want him to get hurt and you're faster than Alice anyway.", begged Bella." Man how cruel is that making your wife beg. Pathetic.", I taunted."Shut. Up. Emmett.", he growled. and then he left to go rescue Jacob from Alice's wrath." toi know he won't survive right?", I asked. "I kinda figured.", a dit Bella. "hey Bella can toi go make some pop corn, maïs soufflé this is going to be good." " But we don't eat popcorn." "Get it anyway." I a dit and sat down to enjoy the montrer just as Edward got socked in the head."Luxury."