I like it when Gareth is talking about Gays in the army.

I have another one I could not stop laughing at. Michael did a similar one in the US pilot but I really think Ricky did it better.

David: My best moment in business would have to be an Asian bloke, first job in the country didn't speak a word of English, he came to me an' said 'David Brent, will you be the Godfather of my child." (ANOTHER LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE) Didn't work out in the end we had to let him go he was rubbish. He WAS rubbish.

i forget the exact quote, but i love the scene where david reads his poem to dawn...

i cry laughing everytime.

its flippin gold.

“If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn’t say Einstein, Newton... I’d go Milligan, Cleese, Everett. Sessions.”

Brent.

“Gareth, quick test exercise, ultimate fantasy?”
“hmm?”
“We’re just doing the ultimate fantasy, we’re all doing it.”
“Two lesbians probably, sisters. I’m just watching.”
“oh, um, Tim? Do you have one?”
“I’d never thought I’d have to say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?”

There are so many more but just complete comedy gold.

Go to this website:

link

It's absolutely brilliant.

I love when Tim is explaining to Dawn why he's putting his plan to go back to college on hold.
"I said moving up. Moving up can mean within an internal ladder framework, or sideways to external, then up. You know, you gotta look at the whole pie, vis-a-vis my current life situation."

And when David is telling everyone about the branches merging.
“There's good news and bad news. The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs. On a more positive note the good news is I've been promoted - so every cloud. (pause) You're still thinking about the bad.

Yes. That site is awesome. Here are some quotes from season 2.

“People see me, and they see the suit, and they go: “you’re not fooling anyone”, they know I’m rock and roll through and through. But you know that old thing, live fast, die young? Not my way. Live fast, sure, live too bloody fast sometimes, but die young? Die old. That’s the way- not orthodox, I don’t live by “the rules” you know. And if there’s one other person who’s influenced me in that way I think, someone who is a maverick, someone who does that to the system, then, it’s Ian Botham. Because Beefy will happily say “that’s what I think of your selection policy, yes I’ve hit the odd copper, yes I’ve enjoyed the old dooby, but will you piss off and leave me alone, I’m walking to John O’Groats for some spastics.”.”

Oh gosh.

Here’s the poem.

“I froze your tears and made a dagger,
and stabbed it in my cock forever.
It stays there like Excalibur,
Are you my Arthur?
Say you are.
Take this cool dark steeled blade,
Steal it, sheath it, in your lake.
I’d drown with you to be together.
Must you breathe? Cos I need Heaven.”
And poor Dawn’s face!!

“Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don’t know whether you’re in a trough until you’re climbing out, or on a peak until you’re coming down. And that’s it you know, you never know what’s round the corner. But it’s all good. ‘If you want the rainbow, you’ve gotta put up with the rain.’ Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a big pair of tits.”

That Botham quote may actually be the greatest little monologue in comedy history, either that one or the Lenny Henry one...so funny when he gives the finger at the end of it.

And here it is:

“Neil makes me laugh though, because, you know, it’s his interfering, it’s his timing. Going on about he wants some report doing-it’s red nose day, you know. Ooh, what’s more important, you Neil, with your report, or some starving children? Ooh I don't know. Ooh what would Lenny Henry say? I think we know-imagine him going out of the door on comic relief day and Dawn French is going ‘Where you going, you haven’t done the washing up. You haven’t put the rubbish out.’ ‘Do it yourself I’ve gotta save some Africans!’.”

"...which you know, I like, because it’s not often you get to something that’s both romantic and thrifty." - dawn


oh dawn.... six years?

I also love the bit with Gareth and Tim trying to solve that puzzle during the training with Rowen.

"How big is the chicken if its the same size as a bag of grain?"
"It's a big chicken."
"But how big?"
"It's a super chicken."

and the fact that gareth doesnt think gays should be allowed near animals........ :P

David: "If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain." You know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits!

Just... awesome.
And that Tim/Garath conversation is one of the best moments ever!

One of my favorites was during the training session and David suddenly yells "I think there's been a rape up there!"
Then they showed the reactions of everyone else... Gareth's reaction was awesome!
I was laughing so hard I was crying. It was great!

My friend and I use every possible opportunity to say, "Wank you very much!" and also, though less frequently, "I think there's been a rape up there!" Then we laugh uncontrollably.

Just remembered, "While your down there, love." The possibilities in which to use that statement are endlessly awesome.

Ahahaha!! Just made my day! Err, mine has to be :
"Gareth: All farmers have wives.
Tim: This one doesn't, he's gay.
Gareth: Well, then, he shouldn't be allowed near animals should he?"

Gareth and his top trumps!

Botham!

Theres been a rape up there!