Tonight, Skipper decided to avert our attention from the gloomy situation par screening a variety of films. The majority of which included documentaries of different sorts of animals. Skipper seemed to have skipped the penguins’ film. I can’t blame him. The contents of that video were horrid beyond belief. Anyway, Rico appears to be well. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has already started to feel at accueil with Marlene. I can’t very well say the same for me, though. I miss him. But, I’ve also discovered something about our relationship. I admit that my actions towards him have been wrong. Male penguins should stay to tradition, I suppose. It’s almost humorous, actually. During his time of absence, Rico has become something else in my mind. I no longer desire his romantic affection.
Instead, I miss him as a friend. I have learned to cherish our friendship, rather than lust for the penguin. In fact, these feelings I once had have begun to diminish. I feel like a completely new penguin. The errors I have made are now apparent to me. I’m ashamed of it. It occurred to me, earlier, when Private asked the question. He asked me if male penguins should mate with one another. To be honest, I wasn’t sure, myself. But, once I took a glance at Rico, who was talking with Marlene from across the Zoo, I realized that I was utterly confused about my feelings. I realize…I don’t l’amour Rico…not like that, anyway. I should have thought about this, earlier. It should have been obvious that, within a team of male penguins with no females to socialize with, one might feel the urge ou desire to become active with a teammate of the same sex. I realize it now…
I chose to reside in the darkness of my bunk and write this note, instead of watching the films that Skipper had selected. I look to my left and I can see the silhouettes of Private and Skipper sitting side-by-side as they devour their popcorn. They were probably on their third movie, so far. The light from the télévision monitor is almost blinding, compared to the dark atmosphere of the HQ. I’m starting to lose my train of thought…
Anyway, I’ve decided to write this letter to remind myself of the mistakes I made, and the changes that I promise to make in the near future. I’ve told myself many times, tonight, that I would always look on the bright side of things, now. I will always ignore any sort of sexual urge ou desire that may creep from behind. After all, it’s all in my mind, I think. I’ll be required to stop this senseless lying, as well. It’s only making things worse; and it shows how much of a coward I truly am. But I’ll change! No plus Rico, sadness, awkward moments, guilt, ou any of the sorts!
Tomorrow, I’ll change…
