Breaking the Rules 08.10.15

“All right,” Kowalski said, shuffling the card deck. “We’re playing a game called ‘Obtenir Encore.’”

Skipper arched a brow. “What?”

“It’s French. Don’t worry about it,” Kowalski said. He dealt four cards to each player. “Dealer goes first and we déplacer counter-clockwise from there,” he explained, picking up his hand and sliding the deck to the center of the table. He studied his cards and placed an ace of spades face-up suivant to the deck.

After studying his cards carefully, Private picked a card and placed a four of diamonds on haut, retour au début of Kowalski’s cards. Rico placed a ten of diamonds on the pile. Skipper furrowed his brow, missing the pattern.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “What am I looking for?”

“Well,” Kowalski started, “if we told you, that would take the fun out of trying to figure it out.”

Skipper eyed him suspiciously for a moment, but decided to play along. “Fine,” he said. “I guess I’ll go with . . .” He placed a seven of hearts on the pile.

“What?!” Rico exclaimed. “Ah, man!” He put his cards face-down on the table, tableau and folded his flippers, pouting angrily.

Skipper looked between them in surprise. “What did I do?”

“Rico’s out,” Kowalski explained.

“Don’t worry, Rico,” Private a dit comfortingly. “Maybe I can get toi back in.”

“How would toi do that?” Skipper asked.

Private giggled. “I can’t tell you,” he replied. “You’ll figure it out soon enough.”

Skipper looked between his teammates with narrowed eyes, concentrating intensely. Kowalski put in a six of clubs. Private put in a three of diamonds with a triumphant “ha!” Rico was skipped, and Skipper carefully chose a card and put it in.

Kowalski laughed. “Rookie mistake,” he muttered. He put a card down. Then Private.

“Ah,” Kowalski a dit to Skipper, “now toi have to draw four cards.”

Skipper blinked. “Draw four cards?” His teammates nodded as if it made complete sense. “Why do I have to—” He rolled his eyes and interrupted Kowalski before he could reply. “Right, I have to figure it out. Yadda, yadda, yadda.” He sighed and pulled four cards from the deck.

“If you’d like to fold, we’ll understand,” Private said.

“No,” Skipper replied, “I’m gonna see how this game works.”

Skipper studied his cards, his eyes flitting to the pile in front of him every few seconds. He placed a card down and Kowalski drew four cards without question, laying down a three of clubs a moment later. Private took two cards from the deck. Then he smiled and laid down an ace of hearts.

“You’re back in the game, Rico!” he a dit happily.

“Yay!” Rico exclaimed as he picked up his cards. He laid down a seven of clubs.

Skipper furrowed his brow. “Does that mean Private’s out now?” he asked, remembering that a seven of hearts rendered Rico out of the game before.

The team laughed.

“No, silly!” Private replied. “Stop messing around with the rules.”

“I don’t even know what the rules are!” Skipper protested.

The team laughed again. Skipper sighed and laid down a card.

Kowalski put in a four of clubs. “All right, Private. toi know the drill.”

Private set his cards face-down on the table, tableau and started doing jumping jacks. Skipper had no idea what was going on, but he knew what the response would be if he asked. After Private did twenty, he picked up his cards and put in a nine of diamonds. Rico drew four cards, and then laid down a jack of clubs.

“All right, Skipper!” Kowalski snapped. “Drop and give us fifty!”

Skipper blinked in shock. “You want me to—”

“Down, soldier!” Kowalski ordered, taking his cards and putting them face-down on the table. Rico turned him around par his shoulder and pushed him face vers l'avant, vers l’avant onto the ground. Skipper started doing the push-ups.

“What’s the point of this?” he asked, unsure of why he was complying with the so-called ‘rules.’

“This is a game of strategy and strength, Skipper!” Kowalski replied. “You can always opt out of the push-ups par drawing ten cards.”

Skipper rolled his eyes. “No, I’ll do the stupid push-ups.”

After finally doing fifty, he got up and turned back to the team, who quickly turned to their hands while clearing their throats. Skipper snatched up his cards and stared determinedly at them, trying to understand. He laid down a three of hearts.

Kowalski sighed and snatched up three cards from the deck. He laid one down. Private pouted.

“Aw,” he said, laying his cards face-down. “I’m out.”

Skipper threw a flipper up and rolled his eyes. He was so lost.

Rico took his turn. Kowalski turned to Skipper.

“Okay, toi have to draw two cards now,” he instructed.

“Okay,” Skipper muttered, rolling his eyes and pulling two cards from the deck. He laid down a card.

The team groaned.

“What now?” Skipper demanded.

“You had to lay down a Queen of hearts,” Kowalski complained. “Any of the spades would’ve been a better choice. All right. On three. One, two, three!”

The three of them threw their cards into the air and Skipper dropped his in surprise. The team scrambled about, fighting over the most valuable cards first. Skipper grabbed at a aléatoire one, but Rico growled at him and took it before he could. Finally, the team stopped and Skipper was left with the few that were left. Kowalski laid down a card as if nothing happened.

Private and Rico took their turns and watched Skipper lay down a card.

“Blam!” the team shouted, throwing their cards at Skipper, who jumped in shock. “You’re out!”

The team erupted into laughter as Skipper stared bewilderedly at them, a small pile of cards on his head. Kowalski wiped a tear and spoke between laughs.

“By the way, Skipper, ‘Obtenir Encore’ is French for getting even.”

— § —

Note: Inspiration for this came from the episode Operation: Big Blue Marble, when Skipper played “Slap ‘em and Grab ‘em Poker” with the team and seemingly made up all the rules as he went along. I thought the team might play a little prank on Skipper to get back at him.

Shoutout to fan de Basil de Baker rue (on FanFiction) for helping me with the French. Thanks a million for your help!