Kai-Lan's Royal Adventures
Season 1, Episode 12
"The Mystery of the Hasty Fish"

[[The episode begins with Rintoo, Hoho and Tolee in the front yard of the palace, playing a game of Go Fish.]]

Hoho: Rintoo, do toi have a six in your hand?
Rintoo: Hmm. No, go fish. How about you, Tolee?
Tolee: I don't think so. Unless I've looked really hard. [[Tolee looks really hard at the stack of cards in his hands. He then notices a six in his stack.]] As a matter of fact, I do.
Rintoo: I'd realize that.

[[Tolee lays the card down on the pile.]]

Royal Advisor #1: Emperor Rintoo! We have a very big problem.
Rintoo: What is it?
Royal Advisor #1: toi know those little catfish they've been selling in the flea market?
Rintoo: Yeah. What about them?
Royal Advisor #1: It turns out that they've been popping out around the town, and in the river, and everywhere else.
Hoho: How many are there anyway?
Royal Advisor #2: Just about 850 crates. All of them were last seen at the boater's dock just about 2 days ago. They were rare and acquiscate. toi wouldn't believe what it taste like in your mouth. It's just so...mmm!
Tolee: They're really good, aren't they?
Royal Advisor #2: They sure are. I've never tasted anything like it. But the fact that over 800 crates of that poisson is out there on the streets. It just makes me wanna faint. [[faints]]
Hoho: Don't faint just yet. Because if it's a mystery, then I'm the person to solve it. Just call me the detective of China. I can find any clue, anywhere. When did toi guys first notice the poisson disapperance?
Royal Advisor #1: I say around a couple of hours ago. It wasn't anything to personal, but it was spreading from country to country.
Hoho: Spreading from country to country. That does sound interesting. Anything else?
Royal Advisor #2: Nothing else but these sack of knives that were left over par the kidnappers.
Tolee: What would robbers need with knives?
Rintoo: I was gonna ask the same question. It's unusual, but strange. Now toi realize that people can be very suspicious.
Royal Advisor #1: We might have to recall the situation with that white trophy toi guys won in that inventor's competition.
Rintoo: Please don't recall that day, because the suivant thing I want to do with that guy is take him all the way to Alaska, where he can freeze himself to death.
Tolee: Wow Rintoo, that was kinda harsh.
Rintoo: I know, but that's just how I feel right now.
Hoho: Alright, what else did toi see?
Royal Advisor #1: Okay, I think I might have saw a big statue that a dit "Welcome to Frenchise Bay". It was really big. I should really say that this statue was big as the Statue of Liberty.
Royal Advisor #2: I don't think that it weren't big as the Statue of Liberty.
Royal Advisor #1: Ok, Mr. Smarty Pants. How big do toi think it was?
Royal Advisor #2: About as big as this entire palace.
Royal Advisor #1: That's bullcrap.
Royal Advisor #2: But it's true. toi guys should've seen it. We were just coming out of that building. It's not as big as the Statue of Liberty, at least, according to some of us.
Royal Advisor #1: Look who's talking. The same person that just two days ago, sneaked some of that poisson into the palace. Now tell me that what you're talking about is bullcrap. Tell me that instead!
Rintoo: Now hold on. Maybe there was something going on before the poisson started to go awol. Have toi ever thought about thinking things over before all of this happened?
Royal Advisor #1: I suppose there were some sort of alternative source to all of that. But there's no telling if they're still there. Who knows? It might be a fluke.
Hoho: If anyone's gonna call something a fluke, it's gonna be the detective, which I might say again is me. And right now this is not a fluke. We're gonna keep searching until we get this case in point.
Tolee: But what if we don't crack the case? What do toi think will happen to the entire poisson supply? What'll happen to the town? And worst of all, what if there's no poisson every again?
Rintoo: Calm down, Tolee. I'm pretty sure that there's no gonna be a poisson shortage in China. Besides, if there was no fish, I don't know what to say. But I do want to say this. What poisson were toi talking about?
Royal Advisor #2: What fish?
Rintoo: The one he a dit toi sneaked into the palace? The one that none of us knew toi had? [[looks over his shoulder]] The one that toi have in that crate?
Royal Advisor #1: I knew it! toi were smuggling poisson into this palace! toi sick, sick man. toi should be ashamed of yourself. Smuggling poisson when we're facing a serious situation that could put China in double turmoil.
Royal Advisor #2: Look your heinous, I can explain.
Rintoo; Go ahead.
Royal Advisor #2: Umm...I was coming from the baie and I just happened to spot it and picked it up. It wasn't anything that I wasn't gonna regret.
Royal Advisor #1: Which is.
Royal Advisor #2: Can I finish what I have to say? I was just craving some fish.
Rintoo: Why didn't toi montrer it to us? toi know we enjoy that poisson jus as much as toi do.
Royal Advisor #2: I wanted it to be a surprise.
Hoho: Can we get back to the mystery, please?
Rintoo: Hoho's right. What do toi think we should start at?
Hoho: I don't know. It depends on where it begins. And I think I know where that place is.
Everybody: Where?
Hoho: The peer. Maybe some of the fisherman can tell us something about what's going on. If anyone knows what's going on with the poisson deliveries, it's those guys.
Rintoo: Hmm. They can give us some clues on the whereabouts of the crate. Come on.

[[The scene cuts to the peer, where the four are trying to ask a fisherman about what had happened to the crates of fish.]]

Rintoo: Excuse me, sir. We were wondering what was happening to this year's stock of poisson that was suppose to come in earlier this week.
Fisherman: Oh yes, the fish. I don't know what had happened to that crate. They were suppose to be here a couple of hours ago. They must be stuck in some rocks ou something, ou they must not have everything ready.
Hoho: Well, they must stuck in something. It just won't be the same without the fish. And even if they do montrer up, everybody will be asking why they not getting to the dock.
Fisherman: I just don't get it. Those men are never late for anything. It's likely for them to miss such an important deadline.
Royal Advisor #2: Is there anything we can do until they montrer up?
Fisherman: Well, toi guys can keep an eye open for them. If they montrer up, then give me the signal. I'll be in my shed. toi four take care now. [[The fisherman walks away.]]
Tolee: Are toi sure toi know what you're doing, Hoho?
Hoho: Of course. Why wouldn't I?
Tolee: I hope so, otherwise we're messed up.

[[The scene cuts to the other side of the peer, where the four guys are trying to keep a lookout for a bateau with some fish.]]

Tolee: How long have we been out here?
Rintoo: About an hour.
Tolee: Are toi sure? Because it feels like we've been here for plus than an hour.
Hoho: It's probably just your imagination.
Tolee: toi think so?
Hoho: I guess. We still got until the break of morning to find the whereabouts of that boat. Who knows, it might not montrer up.
Royal Advisor #2: That's impossible. It has to montrer up ou we won't be able to enjoy that fish. Who knows, we may not get to eat that poisson ever again! That can't happen!
Rintoo: And we're not gonna let it happen. Whether we eat the poisson ou not, we can still find out what's going on and we're gonna get to the bottom of this.
Hoho: Rintoo's right. And if we fail, we can always make the poisson ourselves.
Royal Advisor #1: Are toi crazy? Do toi know how much work has to be done to give that
poisson the real taste as if it came from the Pacific Ocean? It's not that easy.
Hoho: Easy ou not, we can still do it.
Royal Advisor #1: I guess. But it just won't be the same.

[[The phone rings. Rintoo walks over and picks it up.]]

Rintoo: Hello.
Kai-Lan: salut guys. Lulu told me toi guys were at the peer, looking for some sort of poisson delivery. How's it going?
Rintoo: Not so good. We've been out here for an heure and we still haven't found where the bateau is at. It probably might take us a while for it to montrer up.
Kai-Lan: Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure somebody will get to the bottom of the mysterious situation. If anybody, it should be Detective Hoho.
Rintoo: [[laughing]] Well of course he'll solve this mystery. There's no better mystery solver than Detective Hoho.
Kai-Lan: That's for sure. Well, I better get baack on duty. See toi later.
Rintoo: Alright. [[hangs up the phone]] How are we doing?
Royal Advisor #1: Not so good.
Tolee: We still don't have any sight of that boat. Guys, I have a feeling that that bateau is never going to montrer up. We might as well just give up and go back home.
Royal Advisor #2: Are toi nuts?! We can't just leave the freakin' dock and just give up like that! I'm not gonna let it happen! toi know why? Because that poisson is all I care about and I don't give a damn whether toi want to give up on the bateau chercher and go home! No, that's not gonna happen! We're staying right here and that's final! [[Everybody looks at Royal Advisor #2 as if he's losing his head.]] Okay, maybe that was a little too much to the extreme.
Royal Advisor #1: Oh yeah. Now we believe you.
Royal Advisor #2: Hey, I'm serious about the poisson thing. We're gonna stay here whether toi like it ou not.
Royal Advisor #1: Since when have toi cared about that fish?
Royal Advisor #2: toi know goddamn well I've been caring about that poisson ever since they started coming here! Now if anything toi would care about it.
Royal Advisor #1: I do care about them, but not that much.
Royal Advisor #2: Alright then! We're even!
Rintoo: Come on, guys. I'm pretty sure toi both care about the fish, because right now, I'm starting to care plus about that fish.
Royal Advisor #2: See. Rintoo is starting to care about the disappearance of the fish. Anyone else? Anyone at all?
Hoho: I'm starting to think this is going to be a hard mystery. I don't think I'll be able to solve it before daybreak.
Royal Advisor #2: WHAT?! Oh toi can't be serious.
Hoho: I think I am. This is not gonna get any better. Tolee might be right. We might as well just stop right where we are and go home.
Royal Advisor #2: Is everyone trying to back to back out of this situation?! Do toi guys not care about the sake of China's poisson supply?! If that bateau dosen't montrer up, then that means the end of catfish sales at the flea market. Can this night get any better?

[[Just then, a bateau with approximately 850 crates shows up at the dock, unexpectedly.]]

Royal Advisor #1: Oh look at that. A bateau with about 850 crates.
Rintoo: Wait. Is that the bateau with the exact same number of poisson crates?
Hoho: There's only one way to find out.

[[The guys walk over to the boat.]]

Hoho: Excuse me, sir.
Fisherman: How can I help toi fine gentlemen on this fine night?
Hoho: We're looking for a bateau with exactly 850 crates of catfish. Is this that exact boat?
Fisherman: I don't know. Is it? Let me check. [[The fisherman walks over to one of the crates and prys it open.]] H-hey, guess what?
Royal Advisor #2: [[gasps]] It's the fish! It's the fish! I don't believe this!
Tolee: Wait a minute. If toi were delievering the fish, why were toi late?
Fisherman: It's a long story. I was coming over to this peer to deliever the crates to the flea market, but all of a sudden my bateau ran out of gas. I drove it over to the nearest gas station to fill it up, and this strange guy came up to me and offered me this big delivery. He a dit I had to deliever 30 crates of some of this here dough so that they can bake the pain for the catfish sale. But then, I got stopped again, par this mysterious stranger who wanted me to take some of his merchandise to the other side of the peer. It took me about three hours to get both delieveries taken care of, and still make it back here just in time for the big sale.
Rintoo: So it wasn't a kidnapping. It was just a late delivery. It all makes sense now.
Hoho: Rintoo may have a point. This guy was just stopped several times to maKe some extra deliveries for other people, making him late on the poisson delivery.
Royal Advisor #1: That still dosen't explain the couteau we found.
Fisherman: I can tell toi all about that couteau plain and simple. That couteau was left over here at sea par one of the chief fisherman. I suppose they were trying to load up one of their boats and left this behind. They're probably looking for it right now.

[[Another bateau shows up looking for a couteau that fell out their boat.]]

Chief Fisherman: Have any of toi guys found a couteau that I left here?
Tolee: toi mean this knife?
Chief Fisherman: Oh yes, that's the one. Thank toi so much.
Fisherman: We appreciate it. toi take care now, and we'll see toi back here for the annual catfish sale.
Chief Fisherman: toi better believe I'll be back here for that sale. [[drives off]]
Royal Advisor #2: toi see? I told toi if we stayed a little bit longer, we could find that boat, and we did. Now we can look vers l'avant, vers l’avant to something tomorrow. And I've been waiting all an for this.
Hoho: Looks like somebody is ready for this sale.
Royal Advisor #2: You're damn right I'm ready for this poisson sale.
Fisherman: And you're gonna like the poisson even better, because you're getting an entire caisse full of it.
Rintoo, Royal Advisors, Tolee, Hoho: What?!
Fisherman: That's right. As a special offer, I'm offering an entire caisse full of North Pacific catfish to the emperor and empress of China.
Rintoo: Awesome!
Royal Advisor #2: I don't believe this! We're getting some of the fish! This is a miracle come true! I'm so excited I could just...WOOOOOOOO!!

[[Everbody laughs as Royal Advisor #2 parades around the dock.]]

End of episode.

Copyright © 2013
Sony Pictures Television, Inc. and Twentieth Century renard Film Corporation
All Rights Reserved