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SeanTheHedgehog Presents

How Gilda a volé, étole Christmas

Starring all MLP characters as themselves.

The story starts on a snowy jour in Ponyville, with a bright blue sky.

Ponies: Fahoo fores dahoo dores, welcome Christmas bring your light. *Cutting down a tree* Fahoo fores dahoo dores. Welcome in the cold dark night. Welcome Christmas, fahoo ramus. Welcome Christmas, dahoo damus. Welcome Christmas while we stand. *Putting the arbre up in Ponyville Square* cœur, coeur to cœur, coeur and hand in hand.

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Ponies: *Decorating their houses* Trim up the arbre with Christmas stuff, like bingle balls and Whofoo fluff. Trim up the town with goowho gums, and bizilbix and wums!
Applebloom: *Looking at a present*
Ponies: Trim every blessed window, and trim every blessed door.
Applebloom: *Opens her present, and finds a wreath*
Ponies: Hang up whoboohoo bricks, then run out and get some more! Hang pantookas on the ceiling. Pile pankunas on the floor!
Applebloom: *Puts her wreath on the front of the farm at Sweet pomme Acres*
Ponies: Trim every blessed needle on the blessed Christmas tree. Christmas comes tomorrow. Trim you! Trim me! Trim up your pets with fuzzle fuzz, and whiffer bloofs and wuzzle wuzz. Trim up your uncle and your aunt with yards of whofut flant!
Narrator: Everypony down in Ponyville liked Christmas a lot, but Gilda.
Gilda: *Standing on haut, retour au début of a mountain*
Narrator: Who lived just north of Ponyville, did not. Gilda hated Christmas the whole Christmas season.
Gilda: *Chewing on a piece of grass*
Narrator: Now please don't ask why no one quite knows the reason. It could be that her shoes were on too tight.
Gilda: *Adjusting her shoes which look like claws*
Narrator: It could be that her head wasn't screwed on just right.
Gilda: *Moves her head around in a circle*
Narrator: But I think that the most likely reason of them all, was that her cœur, coeur was two sizes too small.
Gilda: *Walking towards a cliff*
Narrator: But whatever the reason her cœur, coeur ou her shoes, she just stared at Ponyville hating the ponies. Staring down from her cave with her claws nervously tapping
Max: *Walks out of the cave, and stops suivant to Gilda*
Narrator: For tomorrow she knew that all the ponies were preparing for the holiday.
Gilda: *Picks up Max* And they're hanging their stockings.
Narrator: She snarled with anger
Gilda: Tomorrow is Christmas. It's practically here!
Narrator: Then she growled with her claws nervously drumming.
Gilda: I must find someway to stop Christmas from coming, for tomorrow I know all the colts, and fillies will be playing, and making a lot of noise noise noise. That's one thing I hate, all the noise noise noise noise noise. Their round shaped wheels on their model trains will clickety clack on the track. There will be teenage ponies rocking, and rolling, and there will be a lot of ponies playing annoying games....

She's saying a lot at once, huh?

Gilda: .....Then after all the ponies are done playing with their games, and toys, and instruments they'll sit down and have a feast. And they'll feast, and they'll feast feast feast. They'll feast on pudding, and roast beaf. How I hate when they do that.
Waiter: *Walks to the table, and places a covered plate on the table. He opens the lid*
Small Waiter: *Walks off the plate, and onto another part of the table. He places a plate down, and takes off the lid*
Smaller Waiter: *Walks off the plate, and places his plate down. He takes off the lid*
Smallest Waiter: *Walks off the plate, and places his plate down. He takes off the lid*
Tiny Waiter: *Walks off the plate, and places his plate down. He takes off the lid*
Tiniest Waiter: *Walks off the plate, and places his plate down in front of Applebloom*
Applebloom: *Takes off the lid, and smiles as she finds a strawberry*
Gilda: Then, they'll do something I hate most of all. Everypony down in Ponyville with gather around town hall with Christmas bells ringing, and then they will begin to sing.

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Ponies: Fahoo fores dahoo dores. Welcome Christmas come this way. Fahoo fores dahoo dores welcome Christmas, Christmas day.
Applebloom: *Dancing between Big Mac & Applejack*
Ponies: Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus. Welcome, welcome dahoo damus. Christmas jour is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp.

The song fades away. Max is enjoying the music, but Gilda is still angry.

Gilda: And they'll sing, and they'll sing, and they'll sing sing sing.
Narrator: And the plus Gilda thought about it, she said.
Gilda: I must stop this whole thing.
Max: *Backs up into a bank of snow*
Gilda: Why I've had to put up with it ever since I was born. I must stop Christmas from coming, but how?
Max: *Pops out of the snow, looking like Santa Claus*
Narrator: Then she got an idea. An awful idea. Gilda got a wonderfully awful idea.
Gilda: *Grabs Max, and walks into the cave* I know just what to do. I'll make a quick Santa Claus hat, and coat.
Narrator: Then she began to chuckle.
Gilda: What a great trick. With this hat, and this coat, I'll look just like St. Nick.

You're a mean one Ms. Gilda
toi really are a heel
You're as cuddly as a cactus
You're as charming as an eel
Ms. Gilda
You're a bad banane with a greasy black peel

Gilda: *Sewing her manteau together*
Max: *Gets his tail stuck in the machine. He then shrugs at Gilda*

You're a monster Ms. Gilda
Your Hearts an empty hole
Your brain is full of spiders
You've got garlic in your soul Ms. Gilda
I wouldn't touch toi with a
39 and a half Foot pole

Gilda: All I need is a reindeer.
Narrator: Gilda said, but since reindeer were scarce, there were none to be found. But did that stop Gilda? No. She simply said.
Gilda: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead.
Max: *Hiding under the bed*
Narrator: So she whistled for her dog Max, and tied a horn onto his head with some black thread.
Gilda: *Smiles, but sees the horn pushing Max's head onto the ground. She saws off part of the antler to make it lighter, allowing Max to stand again*
Narrator: Then Gilda loaded up some bags on a sleigh. Then she whistle for Max.
Max: *Jumps into the sleigh, excited for the trip*
Gilda: *Not amused. She hitches Max to the front of the sleigh*
Narrator: Then Gilda said.
Gilda: Giddap! *Whips Max*
Max: Yip! *Slides down the bottom of the hill*
Narrator: Then they started for the trip down to Ponyville where the ponies lay asleep in their beds.

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The sleigh slowly moved with a very angry Gilda staring at Max. Max knew he had to run, so he did. He ran as fast as he could, but unfortunately it was not enough. The sleigh was going faster then him, and it started to pull him down the hill.

Gilda was too angry to notice, but she looked at the rope. It was under the sleigh, and behind was Max. Gilda just grabbed Max, and threw him back to the front of the sleigh so he could pull it. Just when she did that, the sleigh went airborne, and landed on another mountain.

Max was back to pulling the sleigh, and took a sharp left turn, causing a few bags to fall off. After that, things seemed to be going well, but then they went up a 180 degree angle hill, and they were airborne again.

Gilda, and Max stared at each other for a long time, and they noticed they were going to fall. Thankfully they landed safely, but Max was holding onto Gilda's face very tightly.

Gilda had to get Max off her, and that's what she did. She once again threw the frightened dog to the front of the sleigh, and Max pulled it all the way to Ponyville without anymore trouble.

Narrator: All their windows were dark, no one knew they were there. All the ponies were still asleep, when she came to the first house on the square.
Gilda: This is stop number one.
Narrator: Gilda Claus hissed.
Max: *Sets up the ladder*
Gilda: *Climbs to the roof*
Narrator: Then she slid down the chimney with a rather tight pinch, but if Santa could do it so could Gilda. She got stuck only once for a moment ou two. Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace, and observed the house.
Gilda: These stockings.
Narrator: She said
Gilda: Are the first thing to go. *Uses a magnet to get rid of the nails. The stockings then fall into a bag held par Gilda*
Narrator: Then she slithered towards the Christmas tree, and took everything. Popguns, board games, Grand Theft Auto 5, The Great Escape with Steve McQueen on Bluray. Then she stuffed all the presents into a bag, and threw them one par one up the chimney.

You're a rotter Ms. Gilda
toi have termites in your smile
toi have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile
Ms. Gilda
donné the choice between the two of you
I'd take the a seasick crocodile

You're a foul one Ms. Gilda
You're the Queen of sinful sots
Your hearts a dead tomate splotched with moldy purple spots
Ms. Gilda
You're a 3 Decker acide, sure kraut and toad tabouret sandwich
With arsenic sauce!

Gilda decided to go to the bed, where all the colts, and fillies were sleeping.

Gilda: *Taking Candy canes from two colts, and two fillies. One of them is Applebloom*
Narrator: Then she slunk to the refrigerator and took all the nourriture in the house. She took the pudding, and all the canned food, and the roast beef. She cleaned out the entire cuisine as quick as a flash, why Gilda even took their last batch of chocolat chip cookies! Shortly after that, Gilda went to the Christmas tree.
Gilda: And now...
Narrator: Grinned Gilda.
Gilda: I will stuff up the tree. *Stuffing the arbre up the fireplace*

What she didn't notice was that an ornament fell off, and rolled towards Applebloom. This woke her up.

Narrator: As Gilda tried to get the arbre up the chimney she heard hoof steps. She turned around, and to her surprise she saw Applebloom. Seeing Santa with the arbre made Applebloom very curious.
Applebloom: Santa Claus, why? Why are toi taking our Christmas tree? Why?
Narrator: And toi know Gilda, she thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick.
Gilda: Why my sweet little tot. There's a light on this arbre that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it back to my workshop my dear. I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here.
Narrator: After that, Gilda gave Applebloom a cup of cold water, and when Applebloom was in lit with her cup, Gilda got the arbre out of the house. The last thing she took was the log for their fire. All she left in the house were some hooks, and some wires, and the one speck of nourriture which was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Mouse: *Going towards the crumb*
Gilda: *Takes it away from the mouse*
Narrator: Then Gilda did the same thing to the other ponies houses leaving crumbs that were too small for mouses.

toi nauseate me Ms. Gilda
With a nauseous super naus
You're a crooked jerky jockey and,
toi drive a crooked horse
Ms. Gilda

Your sole is an appalling dump heap
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
Assortment of deplorable rubbish
Imaginable, mangled up in Raiponce up knots

You're a vile one Ms. Gilda
You're a nasty wasty skunk
Your cœur, coeur is full of unwashed socks,
Your soul is full of gunk
Ms. Gilda

The 3 words that best describe you, are as follows, and I quote
Stink, Stank, Stunk

Gilda: *Runs to the arbre in town square, and folds it up*
Narrator: It was a quarter to dawn, all the ponies were still asleep. They did not know that Gilda was taking off with all their Christmas decorations. Their presents, and their trees. Their food, and their 50th anniversary edition of The Great Escape on Bluray.
Gilda: *Whips Max*
Max: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *Slowly moves up the mountain, despite getting covered in 8 feet of snow*
Narrator: Ten thousand feet up. Up the side of Mt. Krumpit. Where Gilda was going to the tip haut, retour au début with her load to dump it.
Max: *Climbing the hill. He stops at the edge of a tall cliff, and watches an ornament fall thousands of feet to the ground below. He then swings around to the other side of the sleigh*
Gilda: Victory at last!
Narrator: Shouted Gilda as she slid to the bottom of the sleigh.
Gilda: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming. I know just what they'll do to. They'll notice that everything is missing, and they'll all cry boo hoo. That's a noise that I simply must hear.
Narrator: She waited, and waited while trying to hear a sound. She did hear something at last. It started in low, then it started to grow.

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Ponies: Fahoo fores dahoo dores. Welcome Christmas come this way. Fahoo fores dahoo dores welcome Christmas, Christmas day. Welcome, welcome fahoo ramus. Welcome, welcome dahoo damus. Christmas jour is in our grasp, so long as we have hands to clasp.
Narrator: But this sound wasn't sad. This sound sounded glad. Everypony down in Ponyville the tall, and the small were chant without any presents at all. She hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. Somehow ou another, it came, and it was all the same. And Gilda, with her feet buried ice cold in the snow stood puzzled.
Gilda: How could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes ou bags!
Gilda: Then she puzzled, and puzzled until her puzzler was sore. Then she thought of something that she hadn't before. Maybe, perhaps Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more.

Stop the song

The sleigh was starting to roll down towards a cliff.

Gilda: *Grabs Max, and pulls on him, but this only gets him out of his collar*
Max: *Lands with Gilda in a bank of snow*
Gilda: *Runs after the sleigh, and grabs it*
Max: *Bites Gilda's tail in an attempt to help her rescue the sleigh, and it's load*
Narrator: And what happened then? Well in Ponyville they say, Gilda's cœur, coeur grew three sizes that day. Then Gilda heaved as she got the sleigh safely away from the cliff with the strength of ten griffons, plus two. And then, she rode down on the sleigh while playing on a horn letting everypony know that she had their Christmas stuff. She brought back the tree, and the presents, and the food, and the decorations, and The Great Escape on Bluray. Then she, she herself carved the roast beef.

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Narrator: Welcome Christmas, bring your cheer. Cheer to all ponies far and near. Christmas jour is in our grasp, so long as we have hooves to grasp. Christmas jour will always be just the same. Welcome Christmas as we stand, cœur, coeur to heart, and hoof in hoof.

The End.

Skip the song to 2:33

Cast

Gilda as herself
Max as himself
Applebloom as herself
Boris Karloff as the Narrator

This has been a SeanTheHedgehog Production. Copyright, 2013


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