Chapter 1: My Team
It’s awkward, typing. Eggs and bacon, how does Kowalski DO this!? I mess up once in a while as the wrong key is hit par my flipper. Yes, I a dit “Flipper”.
I was hatched and raised a genuine New Yorker; I know the lay of the land better than the back of my own flipper. I came out into the world a bold and daring baby manchot, pingouin on July 26th 1990 in Central Park Zoo. Name’s Skipper (if toi haven’t read the cover). I’ve been many things in my two decades of life: warrior, leader, adventurer, mentor, ex boyfriend, arch nemesis on plus than one occasion, and possibly one of the worst enemies toi could have. I see myself as a leader, a natural born leader, and I montrer it, comprende? If this book ever makes it out into the world, I don’t know what I’d do except maybe slap the lazy hippie responsible for printing my life’s work.
I’d include pictures of my team and myself but they all contain classified info, so don’t bother asking for any bub! My team and I are the only things standing in the way between chaos and the Zoo. Huh, my team, what would I do without them? I’ve called us many things ( The Black and White Commandos, Ninja Flipper Squad, and Garg Meeg Peebles were among the choices my team gave me as options) I settled on Team Penguin, something I felt was short and fearsome. Something toi could take accueil and introduce to your momma. We’ve been together since my dad died in 2000 and my mom was moved to the San Francisco Zoo. I run a tight ship and I expect only the best. I expect my men to be on their webbed toes and fit for duty. But we’ll save that for later, let me introduce toi to the boys.
Rico is our demolitions expert. He doesn’t say much, but he’s willing to give it his all. Personally, I think years of regurgitating weapons and such had damaged his throat. His stomach is an endless void called a hammer l’espace (note to self: I have to make Kowalski put in a quarter in his montrer off Jar for that. Whenever he says something long, boring and scientific I charge him.) He’s pretty much a world class psychopath with a taste for excitement. It’s a mystery how he passed the psych exam, because Kowalski attempted to read Rico’s mind once and all that he got was a single thought: “Fish”. To make up for his lack of speech, he’s our best (and only) weapons expert. In addition to poisson he’s interested in two other things, explosions and his doll/girlfriend, Miss Perky. He also has an extreme case of gooey l’amour mush sensitivity. Young Private is the main cause ending in extreme nausea for Rico. There are two downsides to Rico, he’s superstitious, and toi can’t let him get too crazy with explosives because he may have the capability to destroy the Zoo *shudder*.
Kowalski is the tallest (I’m a bit jealous) and the smartest in the group. But he tends to over analyze whenever I tell him the usual “Kowalski, Analysis.”In addition to being our brilliant inventor and group strategist, he’s my second- in- command. One of several pet peeves I have about him is that his inventions usually end up exploding (much to the excitement of Rico), so I’m a little suspicious of anything he builds. Despite all that he’s a genius. Give him a bunch of aléatoire camelote, indésirable and he can produce a plasma rayon, ray ou a rocket ship. Don’t ask me why but he has an irrational fear of the dentist, I guess it’s because he likes Candy (for me it’s needles, but who can blame me? To think, he’s a scientist, and he isn’t going on about the dangers of sugars to your health!). He can play a banjo and sing, too. His l’amour interest is a resident dolphin, Doris, who has absolutely no idea he even exists.
Private (Oh, sorry, I forgot “Private First Class”. Yes, his name is also his title) is the shortest (thankfully) and the youngest in Team Penguin. He is our resident code breaker. He speaks with a hint of a British accent which I thought was fake until I met his Uncle Nigel (World’s haut, retour au début manchot, pingouin Agent (besides me) whose disguise for the longest time was a slightly daffy version of his usual self who enjoyed doilies and thé and daffodils). He is the definition of an emotionally sensitive rookie and can often be too soft for my comfort. He has a very bad sugar addiction and has a talent he swears never to use again: Hyper Cuteness. He has an irrational fear of badgers and is obsessed with Lunacorns (though his toy Lunacorn did save our tails once). But, he’s fiercely loyal, a good member of the team and fights amazingly well when he’s blindfolded.
Chapter 2: Madagascar, Africa and France.
Flashback to 2005. That an my team and I attempted to escape the Zoo. Our escape tunnel only made it as far as our neighbor, Marty the zebra. (For time’s sake let’s call Marty and his friends, “The Gang) Marty, Alex, the lion, Gloria the Hippo and Melman the giraffe (the Gang), two chimpanzees named Phil and Mason and ourselves attempted to make it back to the lands of our ancestors. We made it as far as Grand Central before we were on a cargo bateau bound for Antarctica (which sucked, par the way) and Africa. The Gang was bound for Africa, but ended up drifting to Madagascar where we found them after our trip to Antarctica. The ship was out of gas. We ended up borrowing and repairing a plane from the maki, lémurien King, Julien (a.k.a Ringtail, the Bane of my existence and our neighbor) who let us on the condition that he and two of his subjects, Mort and Maurice tag along. We made it as far as Africa before the plane crashed. I don’t know what happened with The Gang, but par the time the plane was fixed Alex was reunited with his family, and I married a bobble head. Needless to say it was a short relationship. We honeymooned and divorced in Monte Carlo. The New an found us in the Hotel De Paris playing (and winning) at roulette until The Gang burst in and, of course toi know humans, “Oh no, Zoo animals! Ah quick, run before they give toi rabies ou something!” Hotel security called in Captain Chief Chantel DuBois, of Animal Control who only wanted us as hunting trophies. We barely escaped her and her men. The Gang’s only hope was to rejoindre a circus (and believe me when I say this circus needed the extra help, they were in dire need of a new act) to get back home. After the performances failed in Londres and Rome, they made their way stateside. DuBois eventually caught up and we had to rescue them. For her services in returning all of us back to the Zoo she was rewarded with a million dollar check, but not before attempting to poison Alex. She and her team were arrested (at least that’s what they thought but I made sure that she and her men were off on an all expense paid trip to Madagascar on a cramped cargo boat. )
Chapter 3: Life at the Zoo
Fast vers l'avant, vers l’avant to 2008, two years after our reluctant return to the zoo. I’ll admit I don’t know exactly how a manchot, pingouin is supposed to act, but those humans eat up the “cute and cuddly” routine. It’s a sweet deal, we get free fish, and all we have to do is smile, wave and look disgustingly adorable to the point of nausea for the overcharged tourists.
I’ve made a few enemies at the Zoo. Alice, the ornery zookeeper, Joey the kangaroo, Officer X of Animal Control, The rat king, a mutated sewer rat, Hans, a Danish macareux, macareux moine and the reason I can’t put a single webbed foot anywhere near Denmark (More on him later), Rhonda the walrus, a spy for Blowhole, Savio the Boa, who had dîner plans, with the Zoo animaux as his main course, Clemson the lemur, who tried to dethrone Julien. But I’ve also made a few Friends such as Marlene the otter, our suivant door neighbor (I think she’s from California.) Then there’s Roger, originally a sewer gator, and Kitka the falcon, my ex girlfriend.
My team’s main job basically is to protect the Zoo from harm. Anything that could go wrong such as a failed invention of Kowalski’s explodes, Julien royally screws something else up, an arch foe rears their ugly head again. Practically anything and everything, we have a plan for.
Chapter 4: Arch nemeses
Many of my enemies I’ve met while at the Zoo. All of those previously mentioned (minus Joey, Alice and X) seemed to resurface at the Hoboken Zoo. A place I’d swore I’d never enter alive. I’ve wasted away in various prison camps and war camps, but I’d take those over Hoboken any day. Sorry, back to the story. Flashback to August of 2011. The boys and I planned a fishing trip to Cape Cod. All was well until a huge storm blew us off course and we (literally) landed in Hoboken. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about that disease riddled cesspool of a Zoo, but it was a sparkling clean paradise.
I knew at once something was wrong and while the others had a blast enjoying the company of our reformed enemies, while I was sticking my beak where it didn’t belong (one such place was a shrine Zookeeper Frances had set up for Central Park Commissioner Mc Slade.) This landed my right in the dungeon. It turns out that all the animals, even my men (and yes, me too, my iron will was broken par the sweet, sweet temptation of a neck rub) were cloned via massage chairs. The biomechanical androids were much easier to care for and much easier for the neat freak Frances to control. Just as she was about to become head Zookeeper at Central Park, I was fighting my evil clone. The end result was her being fired from the job and possibly arrested.
The rat King is a different story. My men and I met him one jour in April of ’09 when Julien’s crown blew into the sewer, and I had to fight the royal rodent to get it back. My concussion was all for nothing when we learned he had a spare crown. The rat King had been a problem for us at least seven ou eight times within the past four years. He’s the kind of rat who will bully, lie and thieve his way into whatever he wants. Luckily we’ve always managed to defeat him.
Chapter 5: Dr. Blowhole
On plus than one occasion has Blowhole tried to take over the world. He has a cœur, coeur of pure evil, but skin surprisingly pleasant to the touch. I first met him in 2003 in San Fransisco when he tried to rid the world of poisson so the dolphins could unite and take over. I was a freelance agent, working undercover as his assistant when I foiled his plan. He vanished, and that was the last I saw of him for seven years. His plans have made me go a bit paranoid , so much so that several years il y a I tried to trick him with a toilet /stink bomb. It failed, since dolphins don’t use toilets.
His plus récent attack was on the arctic. He tried to melt the Arctic Circle, flooding the earth. Once more, we stopped him. His final attack was last September. Using his “Mind Jacker” to erase my memory, his target was the boys. He planned to make them evil monsters fit to do his bidding using his “Diabologizer”. As I washed up somewhere on a deserted island after I was ambushed par Hans in Shanghai, my mind created a spirit guide, in the form of Alex, The yak happy lion to help me find my memories and my way home.
The only time Julien created a problem and helped solve it was when I was back at the Zoo after making my way traverser, croix country half crazy from having Alex constantly talking to me. I found that one of Kowalski’s inventions (some kind of power cell) merged with Julien’s MP3 player (he thought it was a battery. What can I say? That’s Ringtail for Ya.) to create a monster sized machine that forced everyone to sing. Blowhole tried to tame it, but while I distracted him, the boys removed the battery, and erased Blowholes memory. Coney Island welcomed the long awaited return of Flippy the Dolphin.
Chapter 6: My Early Life
Anyone who meets me for the first time thinks I’m rude, bossy, stubborn, and arrogant. But it’s not how others view toi that matters. Me, I see myself as a leader. But Kowalski was right. I do tend to go overboard. I view everything as a military operation, but who can blame me? My experience in covert ops, plus my life in general, I can afford to be paranoid. There's no such thing as too paranoid. Remember that, and forget toi ever heard it. Minus the paranoia my training has prepared me for any situation known to man and penguin. I guess I got those traits from living with my Old Man. He was grizzled, I admit after fighting for all those years, and he was as tough as a drill sergeant, in other words, my perfect role model. I was hatched in the habitat where I would build my secret HQ. A vote was taken to name me. Over a million entries were sent in and Alice (who had just started out at the Zoo and was a surprisingly nice person) randomly picked “Skipper”, I guess it was after some old TV show.
As I grew older I wanted out. I wanted to see the world and have as many adventures and war stories to tell about as my dad did. Plus I wanted to be a leader, even then. I was as stealthy back then as I was now and I snuck on to a cargo bateau bound for Ecuador. I had heard of a manchot, pingouin training Camp in the Galapagos and enlisted. Coincidentally the founder happened to be Nigel. Of course it’d been 8 years since I’d seen him and I didn’t know it was him until he pulled me aside last an and told me. Anyway, I was captivated par the tales he told us newbies of his glory days fighting the Red écureuil with Buck Rockgut (turns out neither of them are myths. I met Buck twice and he’s way off his rocker after 40 years. The Red écureuil is every bit as real. Remember the Lunacorn toy? That saved us all from his plan to launch a missile capable of destroying the city.)
At the camp I met two of my best friends, Manfredi and Johnson. We were the rebels and got into trouble a lot. They once stopped me from marrying two Chinstrap sisters. They had tricked me into proposing to both without the other knowing. I left Punta Cana (in the Dominican Republic) behind and traveled around South America. Later I traveled throughout Europe doing Spy work after being called “one of the best agent’s I’ve trained in years” par Nigel. Hans Johannsen was my partner in a case for the American Embassy in Copenhagen. Copenhagen was a sight to behold. Not a half bad vacation spot, but I only managed to sneak a few photos out after I escaped. We had caught the bird behind the leak of haut, retour au début Secret Info and Hans, as it turns out was working indirectly (a sort of anonymous source kinda thing) for the enemy and when it was time to turn the culprit in, Hans claimed I was the one who was leaking Information to the bad guys.
After escaping at least six times from seven different prisons awaiting my trial, I made it out of Europe for good and was banned from Denmark despite their proving my innocence. A freed solider is usually furious ou humiliated ou traumatized, I was all three. I hated Denmark and Hans and they, mutually hated me. When I made it back to our temporary base in Puerto Rico I explained it all to Manfredi and Johnson and we parted ways. I had exaggerated the supposed demises of Manfredi and Johnson. The tales ranged from the semi believable (They were killed par a stuffed exploding éléphant leg) to the insane (they were eaten par flying piranha and I had to bury their remains with a teaspoon). I had to lie a bit because after everything else I’ve told my men I couldn’t tell my team that those two moved to South Africa! There’s a lot I don’t tell my men, toi know. Even Private, fresh out of the Academy would not be able to handle what I’m about to tell toi now: A friend is just an enemy that hasn’t attacked toi yet. Hans is one of the main reasons I am who I am. He and I were best Friends before he betrayed me. My favori memory was when Hans and I were joking around and laughing I still have the picture. I went through his stuff the first time we met after several years and found the same photo. He’d kept it after fifteen years. I’m sorry….. *sniffles* I’m not very emotional, but he was my best friend suivant to Manfredi and Johnson…. whatever, back to the story.
In ‘01 I moved stateside after my Old Man passed and made my parents habitat into my new HQ. Kowalski was the first to arrive. Rico is sort of my younger brother. I feel the closest to Young Private. I feel he can be naive so I do my best to keep him safe. We got along famously and stuck like glue. The rest is history.

Looking back on my life ( and don’t get me wrong I still intend to go about living it, considering the world’s oldest manchot, pingouin was in his 30’s) I’ve done and a dit a lot of crazy things. I haven’t had the chance to slap a hippy yet. Hopefully Kowalski can get that time machine fixed. I’ve learned to play the Spanish guitare after living in Mexico for eight years; I’ve been in countless car chases and explosions and once woke up in a Kyoto hotel room on a lit of counterfeit Deutschmarks.
I’ve made Friends and enemies, Lost Friends and enemies, Lost my dignity a few times. My Old Man molded me into the bird toi see before toi today (usually saying I was named after the breed of butterfly, and shouted at me to toughen up). On plus than one occasion have I found myself in an unusual situation and have had the skill and the know- how to escape. I owe it all to everyone that’s has ever crossed paths with me and for that I’m thankful, otherwise who knows what sort of sorry shape I’d be in? But I admit I would be nothing without my men. Guys, thanks for everything and be sure to remember the manchot, pingouin Code of Honor (no, not “Never swim in a mix of boiling oil and Pancake Mix), I mean “Never Swim Alone”. Keep that in mind and you’ll be fine.
Epilogue
Men, if you’re lire this now, I have three things to tell you: Can’t toi knuckleheads read?! Also, I told toi not to touch my stuff! And the third is, my life has been excitingly dangerous, but it’s also been one big adventure knowing toi three had my back. I wonder what my life would be like if I never met any of toi , but I stop to remind myself that I’m a Man and Men don’t cry ou talk sappy. Kowalski, Rico, Private, it’s been a pleasure. I’m sure that I’ll have to update this way plus than once, so for now, goodbye.
Dear reader. Remember two things. toi didn’t see anything ,and this novel will self destruct in T Minus 10, 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1…….
KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE END