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What do toi think about my fanfiction?

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I started making it last summer, there are only oc's and i really need some feedback ( here and on deviantart ).
P.S. I f toi are going to actually read it I want to say sorry for the grammar errors (english it'd not my mother language and my keyboar hates me )
 shippo_33 posted il y a plus d’un an
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OptimusThunder said:
I read chapters 1 and 2. Good start! I applaud your creativity and I like the premise of chapter 1.
As an aspiring writer myself, I suggest that toi put in some descriptions of the surroundings and make your characters do things, déplacer around and be active. Try to balance the dialogue with actions.
Also, sometimes I got confused on who was talking. Use some quick (I said) ou (he said) after the dialogue to make it plus clear to the reader who is talking.

Again, good work. Keep writing!
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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I got the same conseil and i started adding plus description in the chapter 9. I can tell toi tings are getting weird
shippo_33 posted il y a plus d’un an
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