I found these on Tumblr ... thought they were funny (and pretty damn accurate).
This is a little graphic for those of toi who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 secondes after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re lire a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: ou Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story ou a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I l’amour you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 secondes before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella Barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is ou what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her par Alice ou Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with musique and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time ou another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The auteur will almost always sneak in at least one book ou movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out par Edward watching her sleep
This is a little graphic for those of toi who shy away from this kinda stuff ;)
1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
4. Edward has a temper
5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 secondes after seeing Bella only bite her lip
11. Tanya is a bitch
12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re lire a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: ou Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story ou a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I l’amour you” before sex
16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 secondes before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella Barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
18. No matter how long the story is ou what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her par Alice ou Rose
20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with musique and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
28. At one time ou another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
29. The auteur will almost always sneak in at least one book ou movie quote
30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out par Edward watching her sleep
The change...It did not happen fast,rearranged in a sudden whiplash,and now your this,strong and fast,be careful girl,cause it'll whiplash
Chorus:Your lips red as a rose,Your a stark beauty from your head to your toes,along with that pale face and chiseled nose,your definitely real,but toi don't know what to feel (anymore) fighting in the night,your closed quarters,tight,yeah an immoral being alright,an immortal being alright
Your throat burns,your mind yearns,for a sedative toi will never find,they're is no real cure,you never will really endure...everything that's happened to you!
(Chorus)
(Dark night,Twilight) Get a grip girl (Dark night,Twilight) this is the real world (Dark night,Twilight,Dark night,Twilight) Oh!
(Chorus)
An Immortal being,that's alright!
Chorus:Your lips red as a rose,Your a stark beauty from your head to your toes,along with that pale face and chiseled nose,your definitely real,but toi don't know what to feel (anymore) fighting in the night,your closed quarters,tight,yeah an immoral being alright,an immortal being alright
Your throat burns,your mind yearns,for a sedative toi will never find,they're is no real cure,you never will really endure...everything that's happened to you!
(Chorus)
(Dark night,Twilight) Get a grip girl (Dark night,Twilight) this is the real world (Dark night,Twilight,Dark night,Twilight) Oh!
(Chorus)
An Immortal being,that's alright!
1) Edward
2)Bella
3)Alice
4)Seth
5)Emmett
6)Esme
7)Renesmee
8)Carlisle
9)Jasper
10)Rosalie
11)Jacob
12)Carmen
13)Kate
14)Benjamin
15)Renee
16)Angela
17)Eleazar
Thank toi Stephenie for creating these amazing characters and sharing them with all of us.These characters will stay with me in my cœur, coeur forever,long after Twilight comes to an end.