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posted by IsabellaMCullen
I didn't make this, I just found it...


1.Stick your open palm under the stall mur and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

2.Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3.Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4.Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5.Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"

6.Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7.Grunt and strain real loud for 30 secondes and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8.Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9.Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10.Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11.Say, "Interesting... plus floaters than sinkers."

12.Using a small squeeze tube, spread cacahuète, arachide beurre on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall mur of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could toi kick that back over here please?"

13.Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14.Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while toi squeeze the balloon and splatter cream blé, maïs all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the restaurant's coffee toi had for breakfast.

15.Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16.Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17.Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18.Before toi unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19.Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so toi can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

20.Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall mur and sing "Born Free".

21.Come out of the stall with wet hands.

22.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, 'Darn, I almost made it!'

23.Wash toi hair and dry it in the hand dryer.

24.Wear paper towels wrapped around your head and pretend you're Erykah Badu.

25.Write on the mur of a women's bathroom 'Tom was here.' 'In the men's bathroom write 'Michael Jackson was here.'

26.Ask a person in the stall suivant to toi for a tampon.

27.Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.

28.For a woman, stand in front of the toilet. For men, sit down in the stall and pee.

29.Scream 'Ohh it burns!' as toi use the bathroom.

30.Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that toi can't get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty.

31.Introduce yourself to the guy at the suivant urinal.

32.Turn the light off while stalls are occupied.

33.Stick your head over an occupied stall and ask for the time.

34.Tell people that they're on TV. Point to some aléatoire spot on the far mur and ask them to "smile for the camera".

35.Lie down across all the sinks and pretend to be passed out.

36.Use a stopwatch to time people going to the bathroom. Cheer them on to encourage good performance.

37.Hold your hand in front of a hand dryer while someone's using it.

38.Pour a bucket of water over an occupied stall.

39.Grab someone's cul, ass really hard while they're using a urinal, and see how far toi can get before they catch you.

40.Guard the paper towel dispenser in the name of the Earth Liberation Front.

41.Say to the guy at the suivant urinal: "This is the best part about being gay."

42.Say, "Huh, that's funny. I don't remember eating asparagus."

43.Turn off the faucet while someone's washing their hands. Repeat.

44.Pee on someone's leg and tell them it's raining.

45.Offer to blow-dry other people's hands with your mouth to save energy.

46.Point at someone's crotch while they're using a urinal and yell, "Ha ha, your fly is down!"

47.Put on a hand puppet montrer underneath the stall suivant to you.

48.Complain about the size of your penis.

49.While inside the bathroom, ask where the nearest bathroom is. After you've received a puzzled look ou response, reply, "I'm not looking for a toilet, toi moron, I'm looking for a bathroom. Haven't toi ever taken a bath? Apparently not. No wonder it smells like shit in here."

50.Demand to know where the glory holes are.

51.Walk up behind someone who's using a urinal and emballage, wrap his head in toilet paper.

52.Ask a friend to help toi stage a live audio performance of a violent mugging for your unwitting audience inside the stalls. Make sure the final line of dialogue is, "You come out of there and I'll blow your fucking head off."

53.Inside a stall, pretend to be talking to a young child, "That's right Johnny, remember what I told toi about unzipping your fly? Oh, now look what toi did!" Then slap your hands twice and make crying noises.

54.Hang a realistic dummy from a noose inside one of the stalls as a wacky surprise for the suivant visitor.

55.Knock on the stall suivant to toi and say, "Do toi have enough toilet paper in there? I got plenty if toi need some."

56.Put up a sign above the sink that says "Did toi remember to wipe?"

57.In a restaurant, put up a sign that says, "This is the legally required 'Employees must wash hands' sign which we disregard on a daily basis."

58.Put up a sign that says "Caution: please do not use toilets."

59.Fill the liquid soap containers with motor oil.

60.Have (mobile) phone sex while standing at a urinal.

61.Flash people standing just outside the bathroom door. Tell them that you've finally "found the loophole".

62.Pump soap for people, give out paper towels, and demand tips.

63.Wear a camera around your neck and offer to take people's photos for money.

64.When the bathroom is empty, get down on your hands and knees and hold your face over one of the urinals. Wait in that position until someone enters the bathroom. Act as if you're embarrassed to be caught.

65.Whisper, "Now spread your legs, honey. Oh yeah, that's it."

66.Drop a small, unclothed, plastic baby doll in a toilet, along with an ample supply of red nourriture coloring.

67.Identify people who have not washed their hands. Follow them out of the bathroom and publicly announce this fact.

68.Congratulate yourself aloud on a job well done.

69.Put Vaseline on the toilet seats

70.Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects.

71.Ask the person in the suivant stall if there's
anything swimming in THEIR bowl.....

72.Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?"

73.Pretend to fall in, complete with sound effects.

74.Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy....

75.Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

76.Fake an orgasm.

77.Collect a door charge.

78.Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl.

79.Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper.

80.Remove stall doors.

81.Place signs warning of 24 heure video surveillance.

82.Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE.

83.Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

84.Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

85.Replace soap in dispenser with custard.

86.Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa).

87.When you're in a bathroom stall take a Snickers Candy bar with toi and when someone is suivant to you, squish it in your hand and reach under the stall mur and say "You got any plus toilet paper over there, This side's completely out."

88.Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

89.Start a sing-a-long.

90.Act schizophrenically.

91.Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

92.Ask loudly "When does the movie start?"

93.Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?"

94.Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python

95.Offer refreshments.

96.Run in, yelling "Free Willy!"

97.Bring a bottle of fake blood ou ketchup with you, and while in the stall, in a loud, demonical voice, exclaim "Satan demands a sacrifice... A SACRIFICE!" Start making groaning sounds and let loose a blood curling scream. Then let the blood/ketchup flow on the floor for everyone to see.

98.Look over the edge to the person at the urinal suivant to you, giggle, and then return to your side, whistling the tune "It's a Small World After All."

99.Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if toi are okay, just say that toi had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your stomach.

100.Walk in a man. Come out a woman. Complain that there are men in the bathroom.

101.Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy toi are.
posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that toi are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the lit holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say toi know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors par your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as toi can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by RealBenTennyson
See if ya can read this---

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and toi can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter par istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!

Then why the HELL do they keep shouting 'bout "correcting-the-spellings"?!?
posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring toi riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: toi crave attention, toi absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, toi may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because par being a retard online toi can get all the attention toi need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If toi want to be a retard toi must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by merlinfanatic
Welcome to The Weakest Link.

Here is a very simple little test comprised of four questions to determine the level of your intellect.
Your réponses must be spontaneous and immediate, with no deliberating ou wasting time.
And NO CHEATING. On your mark, set....GO!!!

1: toi are competing in a race, and overtake the runner in seconde place.
In which position are toi now?

Answer:
If toi answered that you're now coming first then you're completely wrong. toi overtook the seconde runner and took their place, therefore you're coming second.

For the suivant question try not to be so dumb.
2 : If toi overtake the last...
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A Nice jour To Sing

Jade stepped quietly out into the funny sunshine, and admired Simon's head. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a scary sight."

Simon climbed off the koala and walked quickly across the herbe to greet his lover. Jade patted Simon on the leg and then tried to sing him gentley, but without success.

"That's all right," Simon said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not smart," Jade. "Not as smart as the time we sang on a table."

Simon nodded softly. "We were mean back in those days."

"Our hands were younger, and we had a lot plus fun with them," Jade said. "Everything seems cool and weird...
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posted by energizerbunny
No stretch marks, no worrying about your diet, toi can get on every ride in carowinds, and other amusement parks


If toi wanna gain a little weight all toi have to do is stuff your face!! Burgers, fries, shakes...Everything!!!


No hating to try on clothes. No getting embarrassed when someone asks toi what your size is ou how much toi weigh. No hating to look at yourself in the mirror


I mean when toi think of women toi think of Petite. Right??



I don't wanna offend someone, curbs are great! And all women are beautiful! But for me as an indivisual, it'd be easier to just be skinny lol
Some people may ask, "Why Invader Zim first?" I say SCREW IT, ILL DO WHAT I WANT! In any case, the montrer is one of my favorites. It represents a better time for Nick. Better shows, better actors, better Nick. Altough this is a time since past, Nicktoons has made the GENIUS(sp?) decision to bring it back.
If toi look at the definition of Invader Zim on Wikipedia(again, sp?), it says that IZ employs a comedy style called "black comedy". Basically, this means that IZ uses dark methods of humor, such as the gluttonus "Bloaty the pizza Hog", ou perhaps just the dark scenery in IZ (it gives a very...
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posted by cute20k
Here are the signs:

1. Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.

2. Someone at work tells toi a joke and toi say "LOL".

3. toi watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

4. toi have called out someone's screen name while making l’amour to your significant other.

5. toi keep begging your Friends to get an account so "we can hang out".

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. You've even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to- face.

8. toi have to get a 2d phone line just so toi can call pizza Hut.

9. toi go into labour and toi stop to type a special e-mail to let everyone know you're...
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posted by invadercalliope
I hope toi enjoy!
:D
20 Funny Quotes
1:You tries your best and toi failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
2:I didn't lose my mind, I just sold it on eBay
3:A good friend will bail toi out of jail, a best friend will be sitting suivant to toi saying "Dude that was freakin awesome!"
4:Accept that some days you're the pigeon. and some days you're the statue
5:There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the rive like an idiot.
6:Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted
7:Never give up things that once made toi smile
8:Clear as a cloche, bell my nody a dit "Listen fatty...do it and die
9:Caution water on...
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34 aléatoire facts about me..:)


1. My name is Emily.

2. I will always stick up for what I beleive in.

3. I really want a pet that's not a fish.

4. Cheryl Cole is my idol and inspiration.

5. musique is my life.

6. I l’amour to sing and songwrite.

7. I can do interesting things with my lips (yeah, my lips...)

8. I l’amour to dance, act and sing.

9. I play guitar.

10. A lot of people pick on me at school, but I also have the most amazing friends, and they mean the world to me.

11. I l’amour to write poems.

12. I want to be an actor, singer ou dancer when I'm older.

13. rue dancing is the most amazing feeling.

14. I'm...
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posted by invadercalliope
When toi turn around, who is that behind you?
Bury your claws in the darkness and shred the night
The raindrops turn to drops of blood and trickle down your cheek
If toi have no place to return to
Stop on this finger, on this finger of mine
Where the evening cicadas cry in the forbidden forest
toi cannot turn back anymore

__________________________________________________

furimuita sono ushiro no sorewa dare
kurayami ni tsume wo tatete yoru wo hikisaita
amadare wa chi no shizuku to natte hoho wo tsutaiochiru
mou dekonimo kaeru basho ga nainara
kono yubi tomare watashi no yubi ni
sono yubi goto tsuretetteageru
higurashi ga naku akazu no mori de
atomodori wa mou dekinai
FRIENDS: Lend toi their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN DUDE! RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat ou drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why toi have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents par Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, par Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail toi out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting suivant to toi sayin "THAT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME!!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen toi cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else toi cried...just laugh about it with toi in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS:...
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posted by KitkatKaysa
CANCER
Your element: Water
Your ruling planets: The Moon
Symbol: The Crab
Your stone: Moonstone
Life Pursuit: Constant reassurance and intimacy
Vibration: Moody
Cancer's Secret Desire: To feel sûr, sans danger (emotionally, spiritually, romantically

Description:
Those born under the sign of Cancer, ruled par the mysterious Moon, are one of the zodiac's enigmas. It is fair to say that most Cancers are a bundle of contradictions. Compassionate and caring with friends, family and lovers, yet they can cut to the bone with their jealous remarks and ever-changing moods. Endearingly eccentric on one hand, and on the other,...
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posted by youknowit101
(I felt this needed to be done publicly. If toi don’t know what I’m talking about, well that sucks for you, doesn’t it? :p )

As some of toi probably know, I went a little overboard when I learned that Cassie doesn’t like Green Day. I thought it was sheer ignorance and a blinded, snap judgment. I went off. I’m sorry.

Green jour is one of my favori bands. The Killers are too. They’re both tied for first place, as a matter of fact. When Brandon a dit what he a dit about Green Day, it pissed me off, but I didn’t hold it against them. What really got to me was how the fans on both sides...
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 an Of The Dragon: 1904 * 1916 * 1928 * 1940 * 1952 * 1964 * 1976 * 1988 * 2000
Year Of The Dragon: 1904 * 1916 * 1928 * 1940 * 1952 * 1964 * 1976 * 1988 * 2000
an of the Rat-(1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996)
Occupying the 1st and most prominent position on the Chinese Zodiac, the rat symbolizes such character traits as wit, imagination and curiosity. Rats have keen observation skills and with those skills they’re able to deduce much about other people and other situations. Overall, Rats are full of energy, talkative and charming but they have a tendency to become aggressive.
Rats are full of good conseil but they will never share their troubles with others. They are honest individuals and they enjoy living for the moment. They’re...
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1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'

2. Laugh at him.

3. Wake him up par chant plage Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'

4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.

5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.

6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say toi taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.

10....
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posted by heavenly13
yea...it sounds beter with the rythem and all that( ive recorded it with drums, piano , gutair...ext) and the forms probily bad.,,,,....but plzz read it and comment!!!!and be honest


WHo's dating who

walkin' down the hallway talking with my fiends
the gossip never ends
who like's who
who hate's you
who has the cutest new shoes


then i turn around and see you
and relize

Chourus: All i want is you...I dont wanna be cool. Who cares about all of this. lets get together and froget who's "in" and whos "out" , toi know what its all about. I dont care about who's dating who...unless its me and you......
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posted by boomerlover
Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor par floor, and once toi find what toi are looking for, toi can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling toi what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The Friends laugh and without hesitation...
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posted by brooki
Well ... yea. Just thought these were cool. Like applesauce.

I'm kind of obessed with you. I hope toi realize how inconvient that is.

Don't be jealous cause I'm a ninja!

Good Friends don't let toi do stupid things ... alone.

Don't make me call my flying monkeys!

Math illeteracy effects 8 out of every 5 people.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Do not make me throw a possum at your face.

Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI.

AWW! THAT IS SO CUTE! toi actually think I care :)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... No.

If toi met my family, you'd understand.

HAHA. Wait, what?

We're so cool ice cubes are jealous.

"Hey, guess what?" "No."

Comments DISPARSE! did I use that right ... ? :/
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?'
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up par chant plage Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say toi taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10....
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