Chapter One
Olympus, 3:01 p.m., August 12th, 2012
Godly stink-eyes are something you do not want to be on the receiving end of. Nevertheless, Zeus could only stare resolutely back at his elder brother as they argued over something that could very well mean the fate of humanity: their favorite foods.
"Pomegranates are so stupid!" Zeus sniffed.
"You're just jealous," Hades sniffed. "Everybody knows that pomegranates are the best. They got me a wife!"
"Well..." Zeus found himself, surprisingly, with no comeback. "Well, pomegranates are just pomegranates. Chinese food has a whole bunch of different dishes, and they all—"
"Taste like your ass," Hades suggested.
Zeus's eyes blazed with fury. "I will not have you cursing in my bedroom!" he roared, sparks flying off of his beard like an extremely hairy mane of a My Little Pony.
Hades tilted his head. "So...what if I said 'donkey'?"
"Get out and know that Chinese food is way better than pomegranates!" Zeus snarled. "You will pay for this, brother, you will indeed!"
"I'd like to see you try," Hades sneered, flicking his dark robes contemptuously to brush off an invisible piece of dust.
Zeus glared at him, snapping his fingers. Instantly, an image of a teenage boy in a Day of the Dead T-shirt and black jeans appeared, talking with the no-good, bratty son of Poseidon.
Hades instantly bristled. "You will not do anything to him!" he screamed, stamping his foot.
"Bite me!" Zeus hissed, and pointed at the screen. There was a bright flash, and for Nico di Angelo, everything went black in an instant.
Hades tore at his hair. "Why, you little—!"
In an instant, he had teleported himself out of the room.
Zeus sighed with relief. "That's better." He went back to watching The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
---
Camp Half-Blood, 3:03 p.m., August 12, 2012
Perseus "Percy" Jackson was giving Nico some good advice:
"Nico, dude, if you like her, just freak her out with some skeletons until she agrees to be your girlfriend."
Nico looked as if he had swallowed a lemon. "No! Then, she'll hate me for sure!"
Percy patted his back sympathetically. "I feel your pain, Nico."
Nico scowled. "If you feel my pain, then—" He froze.
"Uh, Nico? Bro?"
No answer. Nico let out a strangled cry and fell down to the ground, writhing.
"Nico!" Percy cursed, dropping down next to his friend. He shook him. "Nico, buddy, are you there?"
Nico groaned, stirring. He put a hand to his head, swooning. Then, slowly, his eyes began to focus, and he blinked at Percy, and then smiled so widely that he could have split a banana in half. "BIANCA!"
Percy swallowed. "Nico?"
Nico blinked up at him with wide, innocent eyes that Percy didn't know he possessed. "Oh. Sowwy. I thought that you wuh my big sister."
Percy stepped back from the son of Hades. "Are you okay?"
But Nico wasn't paying attention. "Pony!" he yelled in delight, petting the muzzle of Blackjack, who had just swooped down to land down next to Percy.
Yo, boss. Death Breath okay there? Blackjack went cross-eyed as he tried to stare down at Nico's hand—that is, if a horse can become cross-eyed.
There was the thump-thump of feet slapping the ground. Annabeth stopped next to Percy, panting heavily and looking like she had just seen Peleus eat her mother. "PERCY!" she screamed, hugging him tightly. "HELP ME!"
This was totally out of character for the daughter of Athena, so Percy turned around. Instantly, he heard Nico begin to giggle as he stared up at Annabeth. "Did you know that you're pretty?"
"NOT YOU TOO!" Annabeth yelped, backing away. She looked wildly around. "Percy, if five-year-old Thalia comes anywhere near you, I was never here."
Percy's mouth hung open. "Thalia? Five years old? Oh, my gods, this, I have to see!"
Nico looked up at the blonde with wide eyes. "What's your name?" he asked. He looked around nervously, and then smiled at Annabeth. "You're pretty!"
Percy awkwardly patted Nico's head, the gesture completely foreign to him. "Yeah, we've already clarified that."
Annabeth buried her head in her hands as a certain Thalia Grace marched up to them. She poked a finger in Nico's chest. "Get away from her!"
"Thalia..." Annabeth moaned through her fingers. "It's okay. For the last time, he won't kill me."
Nico shot her with a finger gun. "I killed you!" he announced. "Now, 'm gonna bring you back t'life!" He made a few vague hand gestures around Annabeth. Percy was looking between Nico and Thalia like he didn't know them.
Thalia stamped her foot on the ground. "Stop it!" she whined, and Percy's eyes popped out of their sockets, because the Thalia he knew didn't whine. Of course, this wasn't the Thalia he knew, so that was okay. "Annie-Beth doesn't like you!"
Nico stared at her with wide eyes, and his lower lip trembled as he stared at Annabeth. "You...you don't like me?"
"Oh, gods," Percy muttered as Nico burst into horrified tears. "Annabeth...do something..." He turned on Thalia, wagging his finger like he would do to a naughty puppy. "Now, that's not nice, Thals. Say you're sorry."
Thalia pouted. "But...but what's-his-face got too close to her personal space! He was going to kiss her and kill her with a gun!"
Percy only had ears for one word. "'What's-his-face'? Thalia, how old are you?"
Thalia stuck her nose in the air. "Five! Duh!"
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: Oh, gods...five-year old me is so embarrassing...
Inner Nico: Tell me about it.
Inner Thalia: What the Hades?! You're a telepathic nerd now?
Inner Nico: I was never a nerd!
Inner Thalia: Dream on, Death Breath.
Inner Nico: SHUT UP!
Inner Thalia: Denial is not a healthy habit, Nico. Anyways, that's not the point. What in Hades just happened to us?
Inner Nico: You called me a telepathic nerd...
---
Percy gaped at her. "F-five...?" He felt Thalia's forehead. "Are you all right?"
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: Oh my gods. GET SEA SPAWN OFF OF ME, FIVE-YEAR-OLD ME! HE'S ALREADY DATING ANNABETH, AND I'M A HUNTER!
Inner Nico: Have you ever considered what would happen when Artemis sees you like this?
Inner Thalia: I really hate it when you channel your inner nerdiness towards me.
Inner Nico: I'M NOT A NERD!
---
Thalia swatted Percy's hand away. "I'm fine!" she complained.
Over by Annabeth, Nico rubbed his stomach. "WELL, I'M HUNGRY!" he announced.
All of Camp Half-Blood stared at him as Annabeth clapped a hand to her forehead. "Dammit..."
~Warning: Those who do not like suggestive sections should skip this part...~
Thalia leaned over to swat Nico's hand away from Annabeth's shirtsleeve. "STOP TOUCHING HER!"
Percy's mouth fell open. "What goes on in your mind, five-year-old Thalia?"
Thalia innocently looked at him. "I just told him to stop touching her! Is there anything wrong with that?"
Percy smiled wickedly, thinking that he could have a little fun with five-year-old Thalia. "See, when a guy touches a girl..."
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Nico and Thalia: Perverted Seaweed Brain...
Inner Nico: I finally figured out why you think such perverted thoughts!
Inner Thalia: He's ruining me! He is in for it when I get out of this gods forsaken...actually, I don't know where we are. You're the nerd, Nico. What is it?
Inner Nico: I think that we're trapped in our minds...oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?
Inner Thalia: NERD!
---
Five-year-old Thalia stared up at Percy. "So if I touch your—"
"Yeah!" Percy brightly said. "That's it!"
So Thalia turned to Nico. "You're a pervert because you enjoy touching—"
Annabeth wheeled on Percy. "What did you say to her?" she snarled as Thalia said a few words that should never come out of a five-year-old's mouth.
Percy raised his hands in surrender. "I told her what it scientifically means for a guy to be touching a girl, or the other way around!"
Annabeth raised her fists. "PERSEUS JACKSON!"
"Oh, gods," Percy mumbled.
He was so screwed.
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: You're in for it! HA, ANNABETH'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Inner Nico: Or maybe she'll kiss it.
Inner Thalia: ...
Seaweed Brain has been rubbing off on you, hasn't he?
Inner Nico: Now, why would you think that?
---
Author's Note: You know, you guys really should comment. Otherwise, how will I know how many of you read the whole thing, and how many stopped after two words?
Olympus, 3:01 p.m., August 12th, 2012
Godly stink-eyes are something you do not want to be on the receiving end of. Nevertheless, Zeus could only stare resolutely back at his elder brother as they argued over something that could very well mean the fate of humanity: their favorite foods.
"Pomegranates are so stupid!" Zeus sniffed.
"You're just jealous," Hades sniffed. "Everybody knows that pomegranates are the best. They got me a wife!"
"Well..." Zeus found himself, surprisingly, with no comeback. "Well, pomegranates are just pomegranates. Chinese food has a whole bunch of different dishes, and they all—"
"Taste like your ass," Hades suggested.
Zeus's eyes blazed with fury. "I will not have you cursing in my bedroom!" he roared, sparks flying off of his beard like an extremely hairy mane of a My Little Pony.
Hades tilted his head. "So...what if I said 'donkey'?"
"Get out and know that Chinese food is way better than pomegranates!" Zeus snarled. "You will pay for this, brother, you will indeed!"
"I'd like to see you try," Hades sneered, flicking his dark robes contemptuously to brush off an invisible piece of dust.
Zeus glared at him, snapping his fingers. Instantly, an image of a teenage boy in a Day of the Dead T-shirt and black jeans appeared, talking with the no-good, bratty son of Poseidon.
Hades instantly bristled. "You will not do anything to him!" he screamed, stamping his foot.
"Bite me!" Zeus hissed, and pointed at the screen. There was a bright flash, and for Nico di Angelo, everything went black in an instant.
Hades tore at his hair. "Why, you little—!"
In an instant, he had teleported himself out of the room.
Zeus sighed with relief. "That's better." He went back to watching The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
---
Camp Half-Blood, 3:03 p.m., August 12, 2012
Perseus "Percy" Jackson was giving Nico some good advice:
"Nico, dude, if you like her, just freak her out with some skeletons until she agrees to be your girlfriend."
Nico looked as if he had swallowed a lemon. "No! Then, she'll hate me for sure!"
Percy patted his back sympathetically. "I feel your pain, Nico."
Nico scowled. "If you feel my pain, then—" He froze.
"Uh, Nico? Bro?"
No answer. Nico let out a strangled cry and fell down to the ground, writhing.
"Nico!" Percy cursed, dropping down next to his friend. He shook him. "Nico, buddy, are you there?"
Nico groaned, stirring. He put a hand to his head, swooning. Then, slowly, his eyes began to focus, and he blinked at Percy, and then smiled so widely that he could have split a banana in half. "BIANCA!"
Percy swallowed. "Nico?"
Nico blinked up at him with wide, innocent eyes that Percy didn't know he possessed. "Oh. Sowwy. I thought that you wuh my big sister."
Percy stepped back from the son of Hades. "Are you okay?"
But Nico wasn't paying attention. "Pony!" he yelled in delight, petting the muzzle of Blackjack, who had just swooped down to land down next to Percy.
Yo, boss. Death Breath okay there? Blackjack went cross-eyed as he tried to stare down at Nico's hand—that is, if a horse can become cross-eyed.
There was the thump-thump of feet slapping the ground. Annabeth stopped next to Percy, panting heavily and looking like she had just seen Peleus eat her mother. "PERCY!" she screamed, hugging him tightly. "HELP ME!"
This was totally out of character for the daughter of Athena, so Percy turned around. Instantly, he heard Nico begin to giggle as he stared up at Annabeth. "Did you know that you're pretty?"
"NOT YOU TOO!" Annabeth yelped, backing away. She looked wildly around. "Percy, if five-year-old Thalia comes anywhere near you, I was never here."
Percy's mouth hung open. "Thalia? Five years old? Oh, my gods, this, I have to see!"
Nico looked up at the blonde with wide eyes. "What's your name?" he asked. He looked around nervously, and then smiled at Annabeth. "You're pretty!"
Percy awkwardly patted Nico's head, the gesture completely foreign to him. "Yeah, we've already clarified that."
Annabeth buried her head in her hands as a certain Thalia Grace marched up to them. She poked a finger in Nico's chest. "Get away from her!"
"Thalia..." Annabeth moaned through her fingers. "It's okay. For the last time, he won't kill me."
Nico shot her with a finger gun. "I killed you!" he announced. "Now, 'm gonna bring you back t'life!" He made a few vague hand gestures around Annabeth. Percy was looking between Nico and Thalia like he didn't know them.
Thalia stamped her foot on the ground. "Stop it!" she whined, and Percy's eyes popped out of their sockets, because the Thalia he knew didn't whine. Of course, this wasn't the Thalia he knew, so that was okay. "Annie-Beth doesn't like you!"
Nico stared at her with wide eyes, and his lower lip trembled as he stared at Annabeth. "You...you don't like me?"
"Oh, gods," Percy muttered as Nico burst into horrified tears. "Annabeth...do something..." He turned on Thalia, wagging his finger like he would do to a naughty puppy. "Now, that's not nice, Thals. Say you're sorry."
Thalia pouted. "But...but what's-his-face got too close to her personal space! He was going to kiss her and kill her with a gun!"
Percy only had ears for one word. "'What's-his-face'? Thalia, how old are you?"
Thalia stuck her nose in the air. "Five! Duh!"
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: Oh, gods...five-year old me is so embarrassing...
Inner Nico: Tell me about it.
Inner Thalia: What the Hades?! You're a telepathic nerd now?
Inner Nico: I was never a nerd!
Inner Thalia: Dream on, Death Breath.
Inner Nico: SHUT UP!
Inner Thalia: Denial is not a healthy habit, Nico. Anyways, that's not the point. What in Hades just happened to us?
Inner Nico: You called me a telepathic nerd...
---
Percy gaped at her. "F-five...?" He felt Thalia's forehead. "Are you all right?"
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: Oh my gods. GET SEA SPAWN OFF OF ME, FIVE-YEAR-OLD ME! HE'S ALREADY DATING ANNABETH, AND I'M A HUNTER!
Inner Nico: Have you ever considered what would happen when Artemis sees you like this?
Inner Thalia: I really hate it when you channel your inner nerdiness towards me.
Inner Nico: I'M NOT A NERD!
---
Thalia swatted Percy's hand away. "I'm fine!" she complained.
Over by Annabeth, Nico rubbed his stomach. "WELL, I'M HUNGRY!" he announced.
All of Camp Half-Blood stared at him as Annabeth clapped a hand to her forehead. "Dammit..."
~Warning: Those who do not like suggestive sections should skip this part...~
Thalia leaned over to swat Nico's hand away from Annabeth's shirtsleeve. "STOP TOUCHING HER!"
Percy's mouth fell open. "What goes on in your mind, five-year-old Thalia?"
Thalia innocently looked at him. "I just told him to stop touching her! Is there anything wrong with that?"
Percy smiled wickedly, thinking that he could have a little fun with five-year-old Thalia. "See, when a guy touches a girl..."
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Nico and Thalia: Perverted Seaweed Brain...
Inner Nico: I finally figured out why you think such perverted thoughts!
Inner Thalia: He's ruining me! He is in for it when I get out of this gods forsaken...actually, I don't know where we are. You're the nerd, Nico. What is it?
Inner Nico: I think that we're trapped in our minds...oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to say that, was I?
Inner Thalia: NERD!
---
Five-year-old Thalia stared up at Percy. "So if I touch your—"
"Yeah!" Percy brightly said. "That's it!"
So Thalia turned to Nico. "You're a pervert because you enjoy touching—"
Annabeth wheeled on Percy. "What did you say to her?" she snarled as Thalia said a few words that should never come out of a five-year-old's mouth.
Percy raised his hands in surrender. "I told her what it scientifically means for a guy to be touching a girl, or the other way around!"
Annabeth raised her fists. "PERSEUS JACKSON!"
"Oh, gods," Percy mumbled.
He was so screwed.
---
In Thalia and Nico's heads
Inner Thalia: You're in for it! HA, ANNABETH'S GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Inner Nico: Or maybe she'll kiss it.
Inner Thalia: ...
Seaweed Brain has been rubbing off on you, hasn't he?
Inner Nico: Now, why would you think that?
---
Author's Note: You know, you guys really should comment. Otherwise, how will I know how many of you read the whole thing, and how many stopped after two words?
