Okay first, let me tell you:
DUDEEEE!
Your life truly sucks.
And second:
Welcome!
toi are in the right place. Now sit down and grab some salt.
Here are some examples to follow from the people who know how to deal with crappy situations the best. Just choose the profil that fits toi the best.
FIRST PROFILE:
toi are a strong person, who doesn’t really like chick flick moments ou to montrer your emotions, but that, in reality, is as cute as a teddy ours (that sometimes gets pissed off) can be?
Well then, lucky you! toi are just like Dean and toi have a kick-ass personality!
toi are really in l’amour with your car, and that’s kind of awesome, since driving a car is a great way of clearing your mind. So since toi aren’t the biggest planes fan, toi should drive and drive on your car. And don’t worry about the gasoline price ou something like that [it’s not like there’s a oil war out there, and those things are overrated anyways], that’s why the fake credit cards exist.
toi might get a bit tired of the driving, though (yep, that happens to the best ones, no need to be ashamed). So if that happens, just rent a motel room and make sure that it comes with a vibrating massage lit (you may need a lot of coins for this one). Yes, I know how bad that sounds, but there’s no need to be shy. Also, toi will be alone in the room. Who do toi think it can be there anyways, your brother? Yea, right. Like he doesn’t have a life of his own. *insert sarcasm note here*
BUT, if your bother is in the room with toi for some creepy ou Supernatural reason, make sure toi make as much fun as toi can of him. That will make toi happy as hell, I promise. Also, there’s nothing wrong in using his laptop and go visit some cool websites like bustyasianbeauties.com. toi would be doing him a favor, if toi ask me. He needs to learn something about real life (so yea, make sure to update his internet favorites). toi can also get a myspace, I heard that women dig that (Note to yourself: learn what the hell a myspace is).
toi don’t wanna be closed in a strange and cheap motel room forever, so get out and have some fun. Meet new people. And par people I mean women and par meeting I mean getting laid; but it’s all the same right? Just be reaaaally careful with the type of women toi meet; some of them can be very sneaky and steal a hand of your pocket without toi even noticing, literally (again, don’t feel bad if that happens, at least she was willing to have animal sex with you).
Just drink some purple nipple shots and you’ll be fine.
Of course all this epic journey should be taken with some old school rock cassettes and pie (LOTS of pie). I heard that mumbling Metallica it’s a really good way of calming down. And pie it’s just good for your health.
Most of all, don’t forget to have FUN! Go visit some cool places like Hollywood. Who knows, toi can even bang Paris Hilton (or make sure toi kill her, so she can’t ruin some aléatoire epic tv montrer – that would be kind of awesome).
Just make sure toi be careful, toi don’t wanna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot. So stay away from crossroads, okay?
Final advice: Helping Friends is awesome, and toi are an amazing friend. Just make sure toi don’t help them too much, ou toi might end up in jail.
And remember, toi are awesome. And adorable.
SECOND PROFILE:
toi are smart, open-minded, generous and toi don’t like when people mess with your stuff? Nobody ever gets your intelligence? Aww well, aren’t toi a cutie pie! toi are just like Sam.
People don’t exactly understand/appreciate your smartness (yea, being smart hurts sometimes), so maybe that means it’s time to spread your horizons and meet new people. Just be cautious about who toi meet, toi don’t wanna ending up sleeping with someone *really* hairy who can bite (trust me when I tell toi that those aren’t the type of bites you’re looking for) ou someone who keeps offering toi some weird red bloody thing to drink.
If toi can’t find someone under those conditions, no worries. Usually even the cheapest motels have porn channels, so It’s all good.
toi should go out plus often, but toi also need to collaborate. If toi go to a Halloween party, make sure toi go dressed up in some costume [SUIT UP!]. toi can’t go dressed up as yourself – UNLESS toi are really hot; in that case toi should UNdressed up and use just a towel around your waist (but I highly doubt that’s your case).
And to be the spirit [lol, excuse my choice of words] of the party toi just need to charm people with some of your talents, like fairy tales and a couple of magic tricks. That will totally blow them away; I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them become speechless after that.
toi can also invite people for some Pictionary game, because your draws are always so awesome!
If after all of that, toi still don’t have some friends; damn those people seriously have issues. And who better to acknowledge their pain than you?
....
Yea, I thought so.
This means it’s time to start giving hugs. montrer those people that toi are there for them, in the end they are just Rebelle little soldiers, too precious for this world.
....
Didn’t work?
Oh well, I’m not a freaking Angel, so don’t expect miracles.
And who needs Friends anyways? Don’t toi have a brother ou something? That will do.
Also, here’s some good news: toi don’t need anybody to get drunk.
Just make sure toi don’t drink too much, otherwise, toi will end up the night hugged to a toilet.
Final advice: Be careful while toi sleep. Not everybody is nice like you, so be alert ou toi might wake up with some spoon in your mouth. Also, watch where toi walk on, toi don’t want to lose a shoe ou something.
Make sure toi take this serious! It’s a very serious matter, we don’t have time for blah blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, BLAH!
