DAWN Happy Christmas :)

Q. Do I have to be married to have sûr, sans danger fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give toi their phone number.

Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do toi think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once toi learn the correct procedure.

Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?...

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.

I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.

I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope toi don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.

I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED:...

The Direct Approach

Description: toi just say it.

Examples -
1. "I got my period today." (The simple version)
2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version)
3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version)

Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place ou eating dinner. plus amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dîner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dîner with his parents in a public place....

MEN'S GUIDE TO SELECTING THEIR CLOTHES

We all know that men are not quite as adept at fashion as women. In fact guys will pretty much wear anything, anytime, with anything. This creates the false impression that guys just "throw" any old thing on. This however is not the case. As this handy little guide points out, getting dressed is a highly complex and organized ritual for men.

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Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants to experience a threesome with my sister and me.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the suivant best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this can bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If toi are still apprehensive, then let him be with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.



Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform...

Letter to Redneck Son

Dearest Son

I'm écriture this slow because I know toi can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when toi left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send toi the address because the last
Gander family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained...

ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom toi don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual...

You're an 80's child if...

You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members.

You wanted to be on étoile, star Search. (Come on, we all did)

You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.

You wore a banane clip ou one of those slap on wrist bands at some point during your youth.

You wore French rolls on the bottom of your splatter painted jeans.

You had slouch socks, and puff painted your own chemise at least once.

You owned a doll with 'Xavier Roberts' signed on it's butt.

You know the profound meaning of ''Wax on, Wax off.''

You can name at least half of the members of...

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge par the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it...