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posted by zgfangrl
"una this is the AUP we have a contact for toi to meet." the leader of the AUP blinked over a monitor.
"a contact... Where and when?" una answered. He was surprised that they would have him travel about on such short notice.
"vortian female, a member, was captured today. She was on a mission to scope out foodcourtia for us, to see how many irkens are there. Una we need toi to rescue her, we have prepared a croiseur with gas for your transportation." the leader replied. The rescue mission would be hard but in ways una had a feeling it would pay off, plus how could he not help another member.
"I will leave immediately, for the sake of the races." una a dit and saluted. He was ready to do this, to help one of another species. Una did have one small worry though, how would a vortian react to an irken rescuer? The scholar put it out of his mind, if she was a believer in the AUP she would have no problem with it. Una got into the croiseur and headed off to foodcourtia. He hummed quietly to himself while he drove, it was a song he had written himself. Una liked musique and though he wasn't great at chant his instrumental talent was overwhelming. Finally he had made it to foodcourtia, he pressed a button on his pak and the location of the prisoner was downloaded into his mind along with some other information About the vortian. She was female with goggles that covered her eyes despite her age she looked older plus like 20 instead of 17. She had an odd color pattern black limbs on one side white on another. The vortian had the yin-yang symbol on her dress, to una she was beautiful. Una hated to admit it but he felt l’amour a LOT plus than other irkens, and he had long searched to find it, but una never had any luck with woman. Una often tripped and spilt drinks ou nourriture on them at parties, whenever he was par one unas mind seemed to freeze up. Even though he was a strapping young man, the irken females looked for males with hatred of peace and happiness, so par default una had no way of being wanted par an irken. Una started walking towards shloobarbs, the place yang was being kept. He was Lost deep in thought par yangs appearance, for some odd reason he was very attracted to her. Una thought about her horns and the way they shined, he thought about her dress and the yinyang on it. Unas thoughts were interrupted par the feeling of his face slamming into the mur of the resturant.
"a contact... Where and when?" una answered. He was surprised that they would have him travel about on such short notice.
"vortian female, a member, was captured today. She was on a mission to scope out foodcourtia for us, to see how many irkens are there. Una we need toi to rescue her, we have prepared a croiseur with gas for your transportation." the leader replied. The rescue mission would be hard but in ways una had a feeling it would pay off, plus how could he not help another member.
"I will leave immediately, for the sake of the races." una a dit and saluted. He was ready to do this, to help one of another species. Una did have one small worry though, how would a vortian react to an irken rescuer? The scholar put it out of his mind, if she was a believer in the AUP she would have no problem with it. Una got into the croiseur and headed off to foodcourtia. He hummed quietly to himself while he drove, it was a song he had written himself. Una liked musique and though he wasn't great at chant his instrumental talent was overwhelming. Finally he had made it to foodcourtia, he pressed a button on his pak and the location of the prisoner was downloaded into his mind along with some other information About the vortian. She was female with goggles that covered her eyes despite her age she looked older plus like 20 instead of 17. She had an odd color pattern black limbs on one side white on another. The vortian had the yin-yang symbol on her dress, to una she was beautiful. Una hated to admit it but he felt l’amour a LOT plus than other irkens, and he had long searched to find it, but una never had any luck with woman. Una often tripped and spilt drinks ou nourriture on them at parties, whenever he was par one unas mind seemed to freeze up. Even though he was a strapping young man, the irken females looked for males with hatred of peace and happiness, so par default una had no way of being wanted par an irken. Una started walking towards shloobarbs, the place yang was being kept. He was Lost deep in thought par yangs appearance, for some odd reason he was very attracted to her. Una thought about her horns and the way they shined, he thought about her dress and the yinyang on it. Unas thoughts were interrupted par the feeling of his face slamming into the mur of the resturant.
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TurtleShroom (From my phone, abroad...)
OOC: I'm surprised that Yang didn't make any response to the rants and laughter. I was hoping for some sort of entertaining dialog about how Una's rants and laughter reminded her of the Irken that conquered her planet. After my response, I'd like her to bring that up. I was expecting and hoping that you would note Yang's responses to Una's behaviors. It would make for highly entertaining, maybe even touching, dialog.)
(OOC: While I am out and about today, the chances are still high that I can reply at least once from my phone.)
zgfangrl (note: may I control una a little more? Tahrs the only reason I haven't been able to do to much. I will go
Ahead and do that now because while your gone when you get back expect a really good one ^^)
zgfangrl "are you okay miss yang?" una asked. he had noticed that yang looked pale and worried.
"oh uh... ya i-..." yang said still shaken. the music was her trying to escape from the memories of that one day.
"miss yang i would feel much better if y-you would tell me whats wrong." una gave her a sympathetic look. he really was worried about the vortian, over the trip he had taken a liking to yang.
"uhhh... nothing it was j-just that rant..." yang admitted.
"oh... im really sorry.. its just irken programming." una apologized. he was truly sorry about the whole thing, in no way had he meant to frighten her.
"its okay una... just reminded me about my home planet..." yangs voice trailed off at the thought.
"miss yang if you dont mind me asking... what did happen?" una inquired. her actions had piqued his curiosity which made him feel as though he NEEDED to know.
"well... invader zenos(just made this up) came he stormed vort imediatley... killing lots of us... he-he killed m-my famil-ly... i agreed to work as a scientist... then i joined the AUP and they got me out of there..." yang burst into tears. una didnt know what to do so he pat her on the back. he imeddiatley felt bad about what he had asked, and wondered if he should hug her.
"im very sorry miss yang... ummm... would you like a... hug?" una didnt really wnat to touch the vortian, he did not want to feel her skin in any way. which was why when she exepted her was happy he had worn his long robes that day.
"it-its fine... thank you for the hug though..." yang said. they were almost to her ship. after the hug there were some akward minutes, until yang finally said something.
"you look so much like him... he was tall but not scholarly... i dont mean to sound rude but i HATE your kind... how could you guys be so bloodthristy and mean? such hatred isnt possible in our kind."
"like i said its just programmed into us. in no way did i mean to scare you miss yang." una said. una felt bad about the inciedent and hoped it wouldnt interfere with there friendship.
"its okay. i know your different, you dont feel that way. do you?" yang asked. she was almost positive that una was different, but she just couldnt tell after the rant.
"yes miss yang iam. i have never hurt another person vortian or otherwise." una said. his answer was true and gentle he obviously understood not to rant much around her.
TurtleShroom Una still felt guilty about ranting like that, even though he couldn't help it. As for the hug, he enjoyed that. Though he was a hugger, Una never really got the chance to do such a thing for obvious reasons. He felt as comforted by the embrace as she did.
"I haven't harmed another living being since I was ordered to shoot a Zlibbadinger in training about thirty five years ago... -and those look like the space rats that crawl around the kitchens of Food Courtia. In regards to that," Una said, smiling, "my oh my did I mess that up. See, I actually aimed the ray gun backwards... -but managed to turn it the right way. I didn't have the heart to shoot the thing, but obeying my superiors is the right thing to do, so shoot I did. I missed. Let us not go into more detail, except to say the shot threw me backwards right into the commander and blasted a whole in the barracks wall! Oh, was I whipped for that! Of course, it did not hurt- I had long completed pain and torture resistance training -but still, the shame of insubordination was bad enough..."
He then thought back to what she said. Irkens were incapable of crying, and most really didn't understand the concept. Una had a slight grasp, but he really didn't get the idea any more than his peers.
"You shed tears prior to the hug, I noticed." Una said in a flat tone. "From what I can recall, salt water coming from one's eyes is a sign of heavy sadness."
He paused, having trouble grasping the concepts she was speaking of. He hated violence and killing, but he was both trained and programmed not to cringe at the reference of it, but rather, to stand up straight and listen. This he did, although he glasped his claws tightly together, frowning, as she told her sad tale. In an attempt to console her, he told a bit about the Irken invasion process. He was required to memorize the steps in training.
"From what you told me, Invader Zenos broke the hiearchy and the Invader Protocol. Step One is to send one Irken to the planet to study the beings that inhabit it. They disguise and live amongst the target, learning their strengths, weaknesses, weapons, army, and government. Step Two, having gathered the data, is to contact the Almighty Tallest with this data. Step Three is to wait for what we call the Really Big Second Wave of Doom, or RBSWD, which is the full Invasion armada The initial Invader sent in Step One commands the troops that arrive and keeps the planet after the VICTORY..."
He paused, realizing this wasn't helping. The fact that the word "VICTORY" simply had to be shouted was another factor.
"I said that to say this. Invader Zenos disobeyed protocol and therefore shamed the Almighty Tallest. Every Irken knows that killing the natives is a waste of precious labor resources. My people prefer to... err, 'employ' the newly conquered peoples. Invader Zenos going on a [i]large[/i] killing spree would require authenticiation from his superiors, which he did not have. Zenos would be punished with a lowly assignment or exile to a penal colony for taking an Invasion into his own claws, with a taller Irken placed in his leadership position."
Again, he stopped, realizing this wasn't helping.
"Uhh... okay, this isn't helping. Let me say this instead. You will certainly not face any sort of killing around me. Violence, in my opinion, is not the answer nor the means of VICTORY. No, the true answer is PEACEFUL FORUM. Planetary meetings between the kings and emperors of the worlds in the name of better trade and prosperity... THAT is how VICTORY is achieved."
He continued to sift through the comments she made about his people and about what she had said.
"According to the 'Complete and Victorious History of the Almighty Empire of Irk', abridged, my people have been aggressive for roughly three thousand years. We started by uniting our planet under one rule, rule by height- which even I must say is a superior form of governance to any other I have been aquainted with. The taller you are, the better leader you are, in my opinion. Uhh, where was I? Oh. We started with our own solar system after about a thousand years of Irken civilization. Having invented space travel, we went to all thirty planets in our solar system and annexed them all. None of them had life, unfortunately. We did obtain a lot of resources for our people, but the quest was nearly deemed futile. Fortunately, one of our country's greatest heroes, Rearend the Victorious, as he's called, happened to peer his telescope at the distant stars and suggest conquering those, too. So, our people went after that. Soon, we had six different star systems under our command, but still no life. We went onwards and outwards, until we finally found life. The creatures there were small and squishy, and had no standing army. We took them by storm and discovered what donuts were. They were taken back and given to the Almighty Tallest of the day for testing. -and well, the rest was history. We went on a quest for glory, land, labor resources, and, of course, junk food. We discovered that our people were well adapted to most any environment except that of dihydrogen monoxide... ugh. SO, we specialized all sorts of planets, some for prison, some for punishment, some for mining or forestry or crops, some for manufacturing, others because we can, and of course there's Food Courtia, where we actually make income and sell all the foods we obtain. There is no such thing as starvation on Irk... but we all ration our shares so that our Tallest may be rewarded with abundance."
He took a breath and continued, honestly thinking he was helping Yang be informing her.
"As for why our people are able to be so bloodthirsty and mean, well, I guess it's because we're adapted to that role. After all, just look at me! The best explanation is right next to you. To know why we are as we are, I guess I'll have to break it down. I'll skip the organic stuff and get to the most important thing."
He gestured to the P.A.K. he was wearing on his back.
"While it may not seem like it, the fact that we Irkens require these here P.A.K.s to live are actually quite an adaption in their own right, and these, Miss Yang, are why we can be so aggressive. Knowledge, personality, memories, emotions, and advanced mechanisms are stored here, it allows for primitive instincts to be kept in what would actually count as an organic brain. This way, we are always able to maintain our feral, agressive abilities to fight, attack, and other things I myself do not like speak of or even bring up, like violence. Our people can be as bloodthirsty as wild animals because without our P.A.K.s as life support and as most of our 'brains', we would truly be just that: [i]wild animals[/i]! So, now you know, I guess."
He smiled, because he was about to get to the good part.
"Using a mechanical P.A.K. also allows us to eliminate the problems that most more organic creatures face. For example, you and I both know that Irkens don't have lungs, spleens, pancreas, livers, or most anything you probably have in there. About all the organs we really have that you can't see externally are a stomach and a brain. Food is actually what powers an Irken's P.A.K., and is why I can barely think unless I have had three meals a day. The P.A.K. eliminates problems like breathing, heart failure, and even most sicknesses. It allows for us to live for centuries."
He then went on.
"Using a computer as the important functions of your brain- yes, I see thought and reason as better than fighting -also eliminates the problems of memory loss. I can recall most anything with ease, although I can't delete it. Of course, I havgen't told you the best part."
This is when Una began smiling wider, the happiness noted in his voice.
"Although it has its drawbacks- I can't live ten minutes without it on -you can actually thank my P.A.K. for who I am. From what the medical records show, the Almighty Tallest chose to place a bag of pretzels in the machine as I was being programmed. How blessed was I to receive their favor, because that bag of pretzels short-circuited the machine and halted most programming, forcing my P.A.K. to progam itself. At the stage I was in, that was impossible, and for this reason, I am the kind being I am today."
He finished as Yang looked on. For a moment, the discomfort she had from listening to all of that [i]disappeared[/i] as Una had mentioned the Tallest. It was completely obvious to her that the Tallest were incompetent and made a million mistakes. Irkens, though, are programmed to see the Tallest as perfect and infallible, which is why they "so graciously placed"- in other words, they dropped it like the klutzes they are -that bag of pretzels in the machine. The fact that Una believed they did it on purpose was pure Irken programming, and she couldn't help but laugh. Una smiled warmly.
"Miss Yang, what exactly are you laughing at? Did all of the facts I gave cheer you up."
"No," Yang responded, "I was laughing at the last bit there."
"You mean how I came to be? I really don't know why you're laughing, the Tallest's choice made me who I am."
That just made Yang laugh harder.
"What?" Una asked, genuinely confused.
"Una," she said, shaing her head, "the Tallest didn't 'choose' to short-circuit the machine."
"Miss Yang, I don't think you understand my people. The Tallest are blessed with perfection when they ascend the throne. Although I don't see violence as a good thing, they do fight perfectly. Right now, Almighty Tallest Red and Almighty Tallest Purple are leading my country with brilliant strategy and competent, detailed plans."
Yang's laughter soon changed to outright chortling at Una's talking. She knew he couldn't help it, but it was too funny for her to stand. Everyone knows that Red and Purple are incompetent buffoons that sit in their thrones and get fed all day without lifting a finger. The fact that Una adored them and never once questioned them was hilarious and, considering who was saying it, maybe even sort of cute, even though any Irken would have said such a thing. What would have been foolish ignorance on any other Irken seemed to be lovable innocence in Una's case. Although they both knew that a relationship was impossible on species grounds (Irkens don't even have DNA), Yang couldn't help but like this creature.
"I still don't understand why you're laughing, Miss Yang. Oh, here, let me get that for you."
The two friends had approached Yang's ship. Una had stated he was driving, but before he got in, he ran to the passenger side of the cockpit and opened the door for her. Still chuckling but genuinely touched at such courtesy, she got in and thanked Una.
"There you go, milady." Una said, tipping his hat and shutting the door. He then walked to the other side and climbed in as well.
Even though she knew Una was different, she was rather astonished that an Irken, even one like him, could be such a gentleman. Not even most AUP ambassadors would do something like that for a female. Una noticed that she had stopped laughing and was just smiling.
"You're wondering about the manners, aren't you?"
Yang nodded.
"Would you believe that such a thing is programmed in my P.A.K. alongside all of the usualy Irken qualities?"
Yang shook her head.
"It is. I'm naturally polite. Really. I can not be intentionally rude. You remember the gaurds on Food Courtia, right?"
She nodded.
"While most Irkens are submissive to their leaders, I guess the absence of a full programming in my P.A.K. shifted it to overdrive. I'm obediant like any Irken, yes, but the manners is a bonus. Without all of that vengance clogging the processors of my P.A.K.'s AI, I guess it deduced that manners were a part of obediance. So, without thinking, and much like shouting VICTORY, laughing evilly, and even ranting, I automatically have the urge and need to open doors for people, use 'sir' and 'ma'am', 'please' and 'thank you', and eat with the proper knife with my mouth closed. I do it before I can even notice it!"
Yang smiled.
"That's a nice program to have, Una."
"You think so? All it ever did was get me awkward stares."
Yang smiled again.
"Well, thank you."
After a moment of silence, Una looked at the console of the AUP ship that Yang had arrived in Food Courtia on before being enslaved. He was baffled.
"By the blessed Tallest Almighty's throne," he gasped, "how in the world do you drive this thing?"
Una wasn't used to such a sleek vehicle. He quickly asked Una if they could use his vehicle instead, and she nodded, not thinking of the consequences. Una told her the coordinates of his vehicle, and after speaking to the autopilot, they went on their way.
TurtleShroom They landed in another parking lot on Food Courtia, only a small distance away, and there, Yang saw Una's vehicle. It looked like something out of one of her people's (pre-conquest) history books. It was black and about forty feet long and twenty feet wide, with a purple stripe going down the side. On the hood were two black flags, each baring that horrible Irken flag that waved over every planet that they conquered. She shivered as she looked at it.
(OOC: Picture a bigger version of [url]http://www.mitchellslimousines.net/IMAGES/VANS/BlackVan.jpg[/url] without wheels and with the following description.)
In the back of the vehicle were three large rocket boosters, and two fins were about a foot in front of that. The vehicle seemed to be steered like a primitive planet's space craft. The whole vehicle would tilt, and it made hairpen turns impossible. Only sweeping wide turns were even thinkable in this dinosaur.
(OOC: Think of the flying bus in "Room with a Moose".)
Una held the door open for Yang as she entered. Una, meanwhile, got in his side and sat down. Reaching over his right shoulder, Una pulled down what seemed to be a sash from one side of the seat to the other, clicking it in place. It was a seat belt, and she hadn't seen something like it in her lifetime. Una looked at Yang, and she realized she needed to buckle up as well. She did after a moment of struggle.
Una then turned to the console in front of him. A large steering wheel, not at all like the video-game controller of most Irken ships, was in front of him, as was a large lever on his right, and about twenty different dials, seven buttons, and thirteen switchs, in addition to a slot for the ignition [i]key[/i]. A small blue screen seemed to be the ship's computer. The music system was not playing. Una didn't like music when he was driving.
As Una inserted the ignition key, Yang pressed the touch screen to see the features of the thing. There was no voice coming out of it, no personality, and no AI of any sorts. It was just a computer. Yang was surprised that Una had an antique spacecraft.
Una finished inputting the launch sequence, and Yang nearly jumped out of her seat as the three rocket boosters in the back roared to life. She covered whatever counted as ears as Una- completely unphased to the horrible noise -began shifting the right lever forwards and mashing several buttons. On the computer, what looked like a countdown screeen in the Irken numeral system was decreasing.
"Miss Yang, I would advise that you hold on to your seat! This vehicle isn't like your spaceship or any spaceship you've probably ridden in, outside of a museum tour. No, this is an unaltered vehicle, and it's about to launch. There is nko autopilot, and the computer does not have my- or anyone else's -personality programmed into it. Now, hold on!"
Yang nodded as she watched Una frantically flip the various switches and dials on the dashboard. The engines got louder as he did so. At last, she watched as Una grabbed a big red lever to his side with right claw, about to throw it forward.
"Madame, have you ever seen an Irken drive any spaceship?"
She nodded. Irkens were wreckless speed demons in intergalactic highway lines, and paid no regard to other drivers at all. They were never pulled over simply because of what they were.
"You have?" he paused I drive like one."
She gulped.
"Here we go! ONWARD!"
Una grasped the steering wheel and looked straight at the empty parking lot ahead.
Not turning to Yang, he smiled a big and wicked grin, baring his teeth like any Irken, and furrowing his brow to complete the evil-looking smile. Still looking straight ahead (knowing his pre-programmed passion for driving would seem "evil" to her), he adjusted the rear-view mirror and the little scented tree hanging from it. On that scented tree was the logo for the AUP (indeed, he was considering joining).
He then frantically messed with all the switches and things on the console so quickly that she couldn't keep track. At last, he again pushed the big red lever forward, and with a quick evil-sounding laugh, they were off.
The spacecraft, not being protected by any high-tech buffer or stabilizer, blasted off and out of the atmosphere of Food Courtia, and Yang immediately felt herself pressed into the seat.
"THIS VEHICLE WORKS LIKE AN OLD ROCKET, MISS YANG!" Una shouted passionately, still not looking at her. He was gripping the steering wheel with both claws now, focusing on the road ahead.
"THE G-FORCES ARE A THING YOU GET USED TO!"
Yang was scared as Una pulled into the lines that represented a highway, going five, mabye six times the normal speed limit, and even more disturbed at the gleam in his eye behind his spectacles, which, even though Una did not turn to her at all, she could still notice. He swerved through traffic and went up and down the lanes, turning viciously and, like any Irken, not paying attention to other drivers.
Whenever he cut one off or put one in danger, though, he would always call to them over the radio and shout:
"SORRY!"
"PARDON ME!"
"EXCUSE ME!"
"PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
"MY BAD!"
"EXCUSE ME!"
"I'M A BAD DRIVER, I APOLOGIZE!"
"WATCH OUT!"
"MY PEOPLE ALL DRIVE LIKE THIS!"
"MY APOLOGIES!"
This continued until he swerved off the highway. Yang was gripping the seat, no longer being pushed back by the G-forces, wide-eyed and trembly. She recalled a video game that was sold on her planet called "Racing of Doom". The final boss was a stereotyped Irken character. He drove like this and was always the hardest to beat in the race. So it turned out, the "stereotyped" Irken wasn't so stereotypical after all.
Una was not paying attention to her and certainly not looking at her. He thoroughly enjoyed driving, even if he drove like an evil madman.
Time passed, and they entered an empty stretch of space. By now, all of the G-forces were gone, so Yang could ride comfortably, and she had become aquainted the formerly ear-splitting sound of the rockets.
His evil smile had subsided now to a stern look as he remained bent over and looking straight ahead. The gleam in his eyes he had at the start, and she could see the normal look behind his glasses.
"Miss Yang," Una asked, his normal tone back, "How is my driving?"
He paused a bit and chuckled an unintentionally evil chuckle, before turning to smile his gentle smile at Yang. She felt better now that he wasn't looking as if he was bent on world domination, as he had when he was on the highway. The smile comforted her, and she was glad that he was looking at her again.
zgfangrl Yang was very thankful for two things, that they hadn't crashed and that the music hadn't been on. She smiled kindly back at una and shifted in her seat.
"your driving was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced... No offense but us vortians never EVER go over the speed limit." yang informed una of how vortians drive in great detail.
"so may we go in my ship? I think I can..." tanga voice trailed off as she fiddled with the computer screen.
"I would but I don't think that I can drive that." una replied kindly. Yang continued to fiddle with the computer.
"oh no I would drive. We can go off the roads if I'm driving I'm rather skilled at that. " yang said. Her efforts to program unas ship had failed though so she stopped fiddling and took out a length of rope.
"miss yang if you don't mind me asking what were you just doing? And what's the rope for?" una was questioning what yang could possibly be doing with it. He thought maybe she was going to tie him up or something, but after thinking things trough he figured thatshe wouldn't do that.
"oh I was trying to reprogram your ship with a follow capability, sadly yours is too old. And the rope is to tie your ship to mine, don't worry about it breaking I made it myself." yang said. She pulled on the rope and revealed that it was made of a cyborgy metaly material.
Yang called her ship back over and connected the two. Una again opened the door for her and she smiled up at him. Yang was genuinely surprised by his courtesy and manners, even after his detailed explanation. Una smiled back down at her and realized that she looked rather pretty. Yangs red horns shimmered under the stars and her skin seemed to glimmer. Una shook the thoughts out of his head and climbed in.
"were headed for the AUP headquarters okay?" yang set the coordinates and the ship sped off.
"uh don't you need to pilot this thing?" una asked and dived for the controls.
"no not this ship una." yang pulled him off the computer screen.
"so I'm going to make some tea would you like some? Oh wait never mind there's water in that... I think I have a bag of pretzels in here." yang began to poke around until she found them. Una accepted the pretzels with great appreciation.
"what's tea miss yang?" una inquired. Since the irkens didn't drink they didn't have tea.
"tea is the leaves of certain herbs put in a bag or in a pot of boiling water. The boiling water extracts the taste of the herbs and absorbs it. Tea is stress reducing and yummy as well." yang said. Una was lost at the explanation of tea, he didn't understand water or herbs because irk was a planet with no plant life, made completely of metal.
Yang put the pot onto a stove in her ship, and waited for it to whistle. While they were hurtling through space on there way to the AUP headquaters, they both got a good chance to think about the day. Una looked at yang out of the corner of his eye on the couch and he saw that she was reading a book.
"you enjoy reading as well?" una asked. Most of his kind only burnt books because they believed that reading was overrated and stupid. Una enjoyed reading as it was calming and enjoyable.
"yes I have a whole collection of books actually." yang answered. The vortians thought reading was good especially when a cup of tea was near by.
"a whole collection?! Wow on irk we don't even have libraries! We only have violent history accounts and such." una asked. He was very surprised and happy to think that someone actually knew what a book was.
"you can borrow any one that you would like to. I think I might have some twinkles in the library as well." yang pressed a small button on her goggles and the back of the ship opened up into a grand library.
Una gasped and stepped inside. He compared his ship to hers in hi mind and thought that he could use one like Yangs. But after some consideration he realized that the tallest had given that personally to him so he could never not love it. Una look at all the books and located the twinkies, finally he chose a small book on the history of vortians. He sat back down on the couch and began to read.
A little while later una felt something hit his leg. Upon further inspection he found that yang had fallen asleep on him. Una didn't know whether he liked the feeling or not. After about two minutes he gave in and removed a glove, una touched his hand to Yangs face. Unas curiosity had gotten the best of him, but he realized that her skin was cool and soft. He touched a hand to one her horns which was rougher than the skin he had felt a minute ago.
Una sat there and wondered whether to touch her face again or not.
TurtleShroom Quickly deciding against ever touching her again- or telling her he did it, for that matter -Una stood up and shut the history book he had read. He placed his gloves back on and began to enter the rest of the library. Making sure not to wake Yang as he stepped around, he admired the towering shelves of books. This ship was larger on the inside than out, not at all like his own, but he didn't even consider replacing his. He had a fondness for his spaceship, and, because it was a personal gift, he was honored to own it.
Looking through the books, he noticed a section on Vortian history. While the book he was handed covered such, he was more curious as to how knowledge was seen, since this one Vortian had more books in this one spaceship than a fourth of his home planet did in its warehouses.
As a youth, Una had always been a reader. He loved to read and would scan over everything he could get his claws on. In his quest, he had memorized the Irken Constitution, all Irken law, several Tallest speeches, the history of Irk, and he was able to quote every battle they had had, verbatim, for the past five hundred years. It was obvious that his egotistical people only wrote about themselves, so he was rather sheltered as to other opinions.
The Tallest had long ruled that extremely biased books presented as fact was not unconstitutional, considering that the Irken Constitution gave [i]total[/i] power, bar absolutely nothing, to the Tallest. Books were frowned upon as products of short, civillian archivists. It was a lowly duty, much like fast food service or janitor staff.
Picking up a book on Vortian culture and skimming through the pages, he was astonished to see how the people of Vort viewed it. On Vort, as far as Una could understand, the position of Scribe was a revered and respected institution given only to the most qualified individuals. He was impressed at the ornate dress and vestments worn by Vortian scribes, and even more impressed at their social status.
He would have to ask Yang why her people valued writing down things. It was something he never considered; even though Una loved to read, he never saw writing as important.
A quick look through the book revealed the Vortian people as a highly educated society with a 99.9% literacy rate, an advanced writing system, and more librarians that soldiers. On that topic, he could barely find anything regarding soliders outside of a passive depiction of a sentry standing outside of a library in a picture.
He shook his head a bit. Even though Una abhorred violence, he was dumbfounded at the thought of any planet not having an army. How could they exist?
Reaching to his P.A.K., Una decided to call up a search of his memory on what actually happened to Vort after it was conquered. Surely, reading all of those history books in Irken warehouses would provide something.
He held his claw to what would count as his chin with a thoughtful look as he ran the search. At last, he found what he wanted. The mechanical arms that were provided with any Irken's P.A.K. extended and handed him several sheets of paper that they had printed out.
(Irkens are given various items to install in their P.A.K.s by mandate. The AI brain-consoles and the Tallest both play a hand in giving each new Irken their items. Considering Una's height and above-average intelligence capacity- his P.A.K. having four times as much free space for memory and thought, a consequence of a lack of any vengance programming that was standard -they had a printer installed on him, hoping that he would make a military strategist, or at least an advisor to an Irken Elite soldier. Orders needed to be printed, after all, and they didn't question what was absent for all that blank space.)
He read the document provided to him, and was rather disappointed.
"Jail Weapons World One, formerly addressed by the pathetic natives as Planet Vort, is a planet used for housing heavilly polluting factories used for creating Irken weapons. It also doubles as a maximum-security prison for dissenters, escaped slaves, and prisoners of war. Prior to its Invasion, Vort was reported by Invader Zenos to be 'environmentally stunning, teeming with thick green things, possessing an atmosphere clearer than anything he ha ever laid eyes on'. The electricity used by Vort 'was sustained by blue plates of glass' (OOC: solar panels) 'that fed upon the light emmited by Vort's host star'. Vort was 'mostly flat' and 'boasted an extremely complex network of monorails and public transport, showing little privately owned terrestrial passenger craft'. The Vortians built towering book warehouses- admired and adored by them with the name 'library' -of the planet's finest stone and metal. Any one of these warehouses housed more books than the entire Irken homeworld combined."
Una paused reading, recalling Yang's love of books. He was curious as to what happened, so he read on. At least he knew what a "library" was now. He had simply referred to the ship's storage of books as a "book warehouse", even though he was pretty sure that a library was a book warehouse.
He read on.
"The Vortian people had a weenie little army consisting mostly of sentries, and a tiny militia to procect their Tallest's palace, which, strangely, boasted little security, almost as if the Vortian Tallest sought visitors. Invader Zenos' census records of the Vortian people, by occupation, listed roughly one hundred thousand full-time soldiers, and over one million "librarians". In the inferior, Vortian culture a "librarian" is a drone in charge of maintaining a book warehouse. Supposedly, they do more, such as advising and assiting warehouse visitors in finding a book, and stood as pillars of their society. These, along with training commanders- addressed there as "teachers" and "professors" -as well as writing drones- "scribes", as they called them -were seen as the most important and noble positions in their world, contrasted to the Irken doctrines placing soldiers and Invaders first. What was a punishment on Irk was a reward on Vort. Such a backwards, cowardly planet deserved Invasion even if it wasn't full of valuable resources and junk food."
Una continued reading.
"The Vortian people were hard working and possessed fierce work-ethic. They believed in efficeincy but placed far too much emphasis on the rights of their working drones, including but not limited to contracts between henchman and superior, excessive salary, vacation time, and, since the species reproduced without means of machine, maternity leave. The Vortian people addressed wrongs in what they called "lawsuits" in "courts". Apparently, two angered Vortians would stand before a third black-robed Vortian with a wooden hammer and yell at each other for a set period of time. After the yelling, the black robed Vortian- apparently an authority of sorts -would use his hammer for reasons unknown and tell the two what to do and how. Sometimes, the robed Vortian would sentance another to prison. These robed Vortians were somewhat respected but never seemed to leave their large desk to do their job." (OOC: I'm assuming that Vort is democratic and has a court system.)
Una reread those pages again, regarding disputes. He would have to ask what the hammer-wielding robed Vortians were for. Why didn't they just duel?
"Prior to Invasion, the planets of Vort and Irk were enemies. The Vortians condemned Irk for their lack of emphasis on education, the environment, and for having no consent of the governed. Fools. Even if we knew what the environment and consent of the governed meant, what would it matter?"
Una scratched his head as he began to read the workings of the Vortian government. What in the world WAS this?
"The Vortians were especially inferior when it came to leadership.
All available data on Vortian government indicated that the Vortian Tallest were chosen by checkmarks on sheets of paper placed in a box, or by touch-screen input on a device behind a curtain. These papers and programs are meant to represent the choices of the Vortian people. Supposedly, Vortian Tallest-to-be had to endure grueling rituals of speechmaking, advertising, denouncing the opponent, and travelling the planet to win the hearts of the people, who would determine their new Tallest. Such an inefficient process took four months to complete, and once on the throne, a Vortian Tallest could abdicate the throne or even be removed by others, two heinous thoughts that will not be referenced further.)" (OOC: Democracy.)
Una began fiddling with his antennas as he tried to grasp the concept of pieces of paper deciding a Tallest. After giving up, he continued reading.
"Vort was successfully annexed during Operation Impending Doom. Zenos practiced insubordination prior to the Second Wave and was swiftly relocated to Planet Dirt for ditch-digging duty, and Invader Zentos was put in his place. Immediately the forests of brown and green towers were bulldozed and burned to make way for gigantic factories. It was immediately noticed that the pure atmosphere of Vort became noticably less pure. While the Irken occupants were unphased, the Vortians began to cough and sputter, their inferior lungs unable to cope with the yellow smoke emitting from the factories that now stood on the former space-wasting clumps of green thingies. For record-keeping purposes, the Vortians addressed the former as 'pollution' and the latter as 'plants'. We are still investigating the meanings of both as of last update."
Una paused and thought for a moment as he ate a few pretzels. 'Were those things- plants -in Vortian tea the same as what was bulldozed on the conquered Vort?' He read on.
"After the occupation and the initial illnesses of the Vortian natives, the skies of Vort turned a dull yellow and their sun was blotted out. Supposedly, this was a result of this so-called 'pollution'. Now occupying Vort, we began to round up the natives and assign them to various jobs in the factories. Many of them objected and picked up their weapons. The weapons were as pathetic as they were, simply being display signs on sticks, with crude words dissenting against the Irken government. The Vortians called these weapons 'picket signs' and 'protests'. We quickly did away with their weapons by opening fire, in self-defense. The 'picket'-wielding Vortians were all annialated in the battle. We were unaware as to what these 'pickets' would do to us. Taking samples of them, it was later discovered that a 'picket' was composed of nothing more than dead 'plants' used as sticks, as they called them, and paper. Seeing that the Vortians were armed with pickets, the Second Wave took the liberty of storming their Tallest's palace and annialating them. Soon after, the Irken flag was raised over the palace. The Vortian Tallest's palace was hardly fit to be called such, being much smaller than any one of their grand book warehouses. We stormed those and gutted the interiors, burning and blasting all of the useless books that were in the way. The largest Vortian book warehouse became the new Irken palace. The Vortians generated dangerous salt and dihydrogen monixde chemicals with their eyes- an expression of sadness -at both the sight of their Tallest being killed- a reasonable sadness indeed -and at the burning of their book warehouse's contents. The Vortian people were immediately enslaved, and all of the commanders, writing drones, and book warehouse operators were commissioned into working for the Irk government as scientists and test subjects. Respectively, the Vortians called these "teachers" or "professors", "scribes", and "librarians". Through assorted dissections and tests, we learned the capabilities and weaknesses of the Vortian people. The Vortians, as said, are efficient and exceedingly intelligent. They are profound inventors and pacifist by nature, easily conquerable. As slaves, they are humble, obediant, and timid, and are excessively speedy in their tasks. Their red horns are a delicacy and grow back every three months after being cut."
Una rolled up the paper. Apparently, Vort had a messed-up government which was, sadly, destroyed mercilessly. Again, he sighed to himself, imagining what peaceful forum could have done for them as opposed to weapons. It might have fixed their government, or organized their army, or it could have secured trade and prosperity between the two worlds. Certainly, it would be better than all of that needless slaughter. There was probably much to learn in the Vortian book warehouses. It was a shame that only five thousand out of seven hundred million books were kept for samples. Una frowned deeply and wondered if he would have generated water with his own eyes if he was able to. Recalling his training, though, he straightened back up and walked back to Yang.
Seeing that he was asleep, he gently placed a claw on her shoulder and shook it lightly. Yang woke up and saw a concerned Una, holding a rolled up sheet of purple-colored paper with pink scribbles on it in his left claw. He sat down in a chair and continued frowning deeply, obviously deeply disturbed and saddened about something.
"Mis Yang... I read of your people and of your planet's destruction."
Straightening up and regaining the professional, emotionless stare he was trained to use when speaking of death and annexation, he contuned with a flat, emotionless tone, slightly quivering with sadness. His antennae slouched a bit as he began.
"I.... I sincerely express my deepest of condolences to your planet, your atmosphere, your writing drones, your commanding trainers, your book warehouse maintenance crew, your books, your book warehouse towers- uh, libraries -your Tallest, your plant thingies, and, most importantly, your people as a whole. Your parents, they were probably amongst the list I mentioned, correct? What was their occupation?"
Una paused and then began another deluge of questions for his friend.
"Why do you value your writing drones- scribes as you call them -so heavilly? On my planet, being made to log Irken conquests and profiles is a lowly punishment reserved for those under one foot six inches. Why would you revere such a sorry job? Secondly, how does paper with markings on it select your Tallest? Why was your Tallest's palace largely unfortified? Why were they able to be removed? Why did your people have black-robed figures with wooden hammers? What were they for? Why did your people 'suit law' instead of duel when they had disputes? Why did your workers dare negotiate terms of servitude with their superiors? Why did it take four months to pick your Tallest? Wouldn't choosing the next in line be easier than requiring the Tallest-to-be to run around the planet with speeches and promises to get them to give said Tallest their marked papers or input on a machine by a curtain? What is 'consent of the governed', and why do your people have the gall to think they need to have a say in how Vort was run? How was your planet governed, anyway?"
He then handed her the paper he had printed out.
"The paper is written in the Irken language. According to what little information I had on you at the start of my quest, you can read Irken fluently. What I handed you is my people's summary of yours. Maybe you can help me decipher it."
Una looked at Yang earnestly, hoping she could provide him with answers on this. He had never heard of such an insane government as this, and he sought to learn more... if she didn't go generating water with her eyes after hearing all he said and asked.
zgfangrl Yang took the scrap of paper, rubbed her eyes, and read through it. After completing it she handed it back and pointed for him to sit down.
"let me explain, Starting with government. We vortians have a democracy, basically we vote for who we want to rule the planet. So we elect who we want to run for tallest, and then after that we vote for who seems to be the one that would best run the planet. As for military, we have an emergency one.." yang clasped her hands over her mouth.
Yang had made the mistake of telling an irked about there secret army.
"yes miss yang?" una said. He didn't understand why fighting was nesscesary and volt was already captured by irk, so she told him.
"the vortians had a secret army in the core of our planet. But we weren't prepared enough when zenos came. So they overthrew it. Anyway I'll explain a plant to you in one minute.." yang got up and walked to the back of the ship.
Una was still confused as to why they didn't have a larger army, and the concept of a plant still baffled him. Yang walked back into the roomand sat back down.
"a plant is like a lifeform but not. It has needs, sunlight, water, and carbon dioxide. Plants are small and grow in the ground they use the energy from the sun to make food in the form of sugar. Now I'll explain why scribes are so important." yang paused and took a breath.
Una continued to snack on his pretzels, Now understanding plants better.
"miss yang." una interjected. "what does tea taste like?"
"oh tea... it's like a warm berry assortment in a cup of water. Imagine warm food but in water. Anyway scribes are very VERY very valued on our planet because we are science oriented. So we need to collect data and observe things so we may experiment on them and see what we can do. See if we can alter the elements, we play god. Scribes are very important on our planet and to be one is a great achievement, in fact I'm a scribe." yang pointed to her dress.
"thank you very much miss yang. Thad valuable information." una said. Though he was still baffled he continued.
TurtleShroom Una thought through what he had told. He still found the concept of "democracy" profoundly absurd. While the whole plant thing made a bit of sense- it was a motionless lifeform that exhanged carbon dioxide for oxygen and powered by a star -he couldn't really get past the government thing.
Even worse, he felt as if he had to tell Irk about the secret resistance in her planet's hollowed-out core. It was eating him up inside that she had confided such sensitive information to him, certainly expecting him never to share it. Yet, he was suppsoed to do so, and all of what he was taught would imply that he should... -but should he?
He absentmindedly ate his pretzels, somehow managing not to drop a single crumb, as he pondered this burden. Trying to not think about his duty to tell, he turned to Yang.
"Miss Yang, why does your government engage in such tomfoolery as letting the citizenry select their Tallest? A proper head of state gets their position inherited to them by traits, not merit. From what I can gather, and truly, I mean no offense in saying such, but it seems like your masters are chosen in some absurd popularity contest, where they tell the people what they want to hear, and like the Flingerdoodles of Planet Lemming, they just follow until they are led off a cliff, with the chosen Tallest exploiting them. Receiving the position based on a fixed trait is a much better system than merit."
Una nodded at his statement, completely unaware of the hypocrisy in the "lemmings" comment, considering that he and all Irkens obey the Tallest mindlessly as well.
Though he felt better after saying that, he was still troubled about the army at Vort's hollowed core.
"Miss Yang, why was your army stored in the core of your planet? A proper army should be ready at all times to defend their planet from any threats, foreign or domestic. Had they been able to defend..."
He cut himself off, remembering what he had read about Vort.
"Pickets aren't very effective weapons, Miss Yang." he added flatly. "While it does bother me that violence occured, I still think that your people should have used stronger weapons than paper taped to a stick of wood."
Still trying to stop thinking about leaking the army secret, he continued talking.
"I..."
He had forgotton what he was going to say, lost in the guilt of having to hide a secret from his country.
"Never mind. I forgot what I was going to say right then."
Una stood up and paced a but before sitting in a different chair. He grasped his claws together and began to nervously rock back and forth a bit, struggling with himself in regards to the secret Yang had told him.
She could easily tell that something was eating at his conscience... if Irkens had such a thing. She had almost said heart, but she remembered that Irkens don't have that, either.
zgfangrl "well una what you said about the lemmings is a bit hypocritical. All irkens follow the tallest mindlessly, with no regard for whether it's a good idea or not. At no offense to your planet. Whenever we elect a leader we also have a small board of people that he must consult with before he does anything." yang said. She realized that una looked terribly worried and even as if he was in conflict with himself.
"una are you okay?" yang asked. She gave him a sympathetic look and raised a nonexistent eyebrow.
"well... Yes miss yang I'm fine." una lied. He didn't want to betray his friend and hoped that he wouldn't have to, but he also didn't want to betray his country. Una sat while yang made some eggs, he was still in conflict with himself. Una truly wanted to tell them but he couldn't betray yang. Una sniffed the air and the delicious smell of eggs took his mind off the problem.
"una would you like some?" yang said.
"yes please they smell wondeful." he said. Yang handed him a fresh plate of the substance. " thank you miss yang."
"it's no problem una." she said and smiled kindly. Yang began to cut into her own
Portion. Leaving una to continue thinking
TurtleShroom ...-and think he did. Very familiar with the proper customs of eating, he took a fork and a knife and began to cut the eggs and eat them in a mannerly fashion.
As he swallowed and wiped his mouth, he attempted to speak again, to keep the guilt from eating him alive.
"Miss Yang, I don't think I was hypocritical in my... statement. With the exception of nauseating violence, I have never actually seen my Tallest ever err...... at-at all."
He stopped and buried his face in his claws as he struggled with himself in regards to the burdensome secret. What would he do? He didn't want to see harm to the innocent Vortians, but lying to his country is the lowest, most shameful thing any Irken could do.
It was then that the idea hit him.
"Miss Yang, do you have a communications device in this spacecraft?"
Yang nodded.
"Yes. Who do you want to contact, Una?"
"My country. Don't worry, you won't be traced, I will ensure this. I simply need to make a courtesy call to my people. Please stay here while I do it, so that they won't see or hear you on the video screen."
Una hadn't lied. The annexed Vort WAS a part of his country now.
Going to the back of the ship, he entered the communications link room and shut the door. Entering some coordinates he had recalled with the aid of his P.A.K., he pulled up an encrypted link to the Vortian planetary core, where the resistance laid in waiting, and tried to give a serious look as the video screen loaded.
After a moment, the screen picked up. There was a male Vortian on the screen, in a black robe and a helmet, holding some sort of spear. He had ornate red horns that looked like moose antlers, as opposed to the petite little things on Yang's head.
"Vortian Resistance, to Resisty? Hello. We- oh.... oh oh no! NO!"
Another Vortian came on the screen, hearing the other's shouts.
"What is it, Genera- OH SWEET CARD CATALOG."
Both of their jaws dropped as they saw Una on their screen. He wasn't glaring, frowning, or even crossing his arms. Una did not speak. He was just sitting at the screen with a neutral expression on their face. The Vortians were trembling, and they whispered to one-another, barely audible to Una.
"There's a dweebish-looking Irken on the screen here, commander."
"No... no... please say it's not so..."
"Yes. We've been discovered."
"How big is he?"
"Huge. Maybe eight feet. With glasses, a bowtie, and for some reason, a sash like that of our late President- blessed be her name."
"...e-eight feet?"
"Maybe more. He's not a Tallest."
"-but he will be?"
"I'd bet all the tea left on this planet in favor."
"Well, what's he doing?"
"Sitting there. Watching. It's probably some evil Irken mind trick. I think he's thinking about eating our fingers and killing our people."
Una sat there watching the Vortian Resistance squirm. Thinking of what to say, he began in his gentle voice, silently wishing he could be rude.
"Underground Resistance of Prison Weapons Planet One, I bear you all a message from the glorious Irken Empire." he said, calmly, as the Vortians trembled on the screen.
"My people have caught wind of your unclean attempt to coup us and take up arms to restore your planet's proper- uh, I mean [i]former[/i] governance."
Una pushed his glasses up a bit has he watched the Vortians mumble to one-another. One reached his hand to the monitor so that Una could see the whole room. It was full of armed Vortians.
"Please disband this resistance, scrap your armor, toss out your weapons, and ascend to the surface to resume your respective positions as Irkens Indentured. My people won't destroy you if you just go back to work unnoticed."
The Vortians looked at each other and then back at Una, on the screen. Did this Irken just say 'please'? ...-and is he being MERCIFUL?
An awkward silence followed, and then there was laughter.
"Oh, goodness, you had us fooled there, Agent Smelly Fish Head! For a moment we thought you WERE Irken!"
"What do you mean? I am an Irken!" Una replied, a bit offended. "I have the antennae, the P.A.K., and every other thing that make us who we are!"
"Agent, if you want to go undercover as an Irken, you need to act like one. Our costume was made by our absolute brightest scholars before they were enslaved by those bloodthirsty cretins, and there's no way they'll see through it... unless you fail to act the part."
"You don't understand. I AM Irken. Please! I implore you, disarm now!"
"See, that's a bit better, but drop the 'please' and be more demanding."
"Sir, you MUST understand me. Listen, please!"
"Agent... 'please' won't get you in the Irken's insider circle."
"I am not one of your Agents, Vortian Resistance!" Una stated, angered slightly.
"Anger! Yes, work on that!"
"LISTEN TO ME! I AM NOT YOUR AGENT! I am a full-blooded authentic Irken citizen and I am imploring you to DISARM before you get run over! Your weaponry would not be able to overtake ours! Please, if you wish to live, you MUST LISTEN!"
"Now THAT sounds more like an Irken! Polite or not, you DO scream like one."
"I AM ONE!" Una shouted at the top of his voice. He pointed a claw at the screen.
"If you don't heed my warnings, you will be exterminated by the Irken army! Please, I don't want to see any more deaths of your people! You must disarm!"
"Uh huh."
"I tell you the truth! Please, I can't stay on the encrypted channel much longer! I must go, promise me you'll disarm!"
The Vortians decided to play along.
"Okay. Okay, you're right. We're not a match for the army." they said, with heaps of sarcasm in their voices which Una did not see. "We'll disarm and just hope for a savior. Surely, we can be oppressed for a bit longer until we can liberate ourselves."
Una sighed with relief and leaned back a bit.
"Thank you, thank you so much." he said warmly. "You've saved me a lot of trouble. You see, I have a Vortian friend here that told me about you... -and I was torn between keeping the burden or doing the right thing and telling my people. By getting you to disarm, I won't have to do anything."
One Vortian on the screen whispered to another.
"That's not half bad an impression."
Una continued, not hearing them. He clasped his claws together and smiled, not baring his teeth.
"There will be a day when your Tallest and mine can sit down together and ensure VICTORY through peaceful forum. So please, lay down your weapons and wait. It will come."
"He did a perfect 'VICTORY' impersonation. Maybe there's hope yet." a Vortian noted.
"Now, please show me."
The screen was shifted again, and Una smiled as he saw the Vortians remove their armor and toss down their weapons.
"Thank you. You have spared a major loss of life today. Una, out."
Una shut the screen off. Unknown to him, the Vortians immediately picked up their arms and began to cheer at the budding success of their undercover agent. Una, though, thought he had succeeded in persuading them.
He sighed and exited the communications uplink, and went back to Yang, smiling and feeling like a great burden was lifted off of him.
"Okay Miss Yang, I finished my call, and it went very well."
As he said that, he felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.
"Miss Yang, I am...... I getting really hungry now... if you so permit, we pull over and................................ get something eat."
His P.A.K. was running out of energy, considering that he skipped breakfast AND lunch. Yang noticed and nodded, seeing that Una was feeling faint and twitching a bit. She went up to the driver's panel of the ship, noticing that Una was having trouble standing. She walked back and took his glove in her hand, smiling as she did, and gently led the towering Irken to the passenger seat. She had the library shut and stored away as she programmed the ship to stop at the nearest possible eating establishment.
The ship responded and pulled over about ten minutes later, at a small asteroid with an artificial dome on it. Its airlock opened for Yang's ship and remained open until Una's ship was towed in as well. The two spacecraft parked, and Yang got out, and this time, helped the weak Una out of the craft.
"Me food... need. Me can't....... think... str-straight."
"I know Una, I know."
"You... niiiice."
Yang blushed strongly as she led Una into the restaurant at the center of the bio-dome. It was a earth-1950s-era themed diner. It had a lighting system on it, but the lit letters spelled "DIN". The other two letters were shorted out.
Entering, they realized immediately that they were in some old roadside greasy spoon. Had Una been conscious, he would have certainly shivered at the sight of the "C" in the quadrant's health inspection grade. There were bugs crawling on the floor and pipes in the walls. Various ugly creatures sat wolfing down equally ugly food. One had a bulgy eye twice the size of his other, and he was looking at Yang, but he turned away as he saw Una.
In fact, everyone turned their eyes to the two as they entered. Una was by now trembling like that poor child Zim had abducted, the one that had that big thing screwed in his head in the "Waffles" episode.
"Look... the Vortian's captured a hungry Irken. He's weak and defenseless. We can attack him as revenge for all his people have done to us."
Another creature, this one with two heads with one eye on each, with each head sporting a handlebar mustache, nodded both heads.
"We ambush him on my signal."
The mustached creature whispered to the those on the benches near the table. Soon, they had spred the same, and everyone was in the loop. "Attack the Irken as soon as he sits down."
Yang looked at the smiling aliens in the benches and tables. They looked too happy. All of them were sporting extremely creepy beaming grins from ear to ear, even if they lacked ears.
"Una, maybe we should go somewhere else."
"Meeee...... NEED f-food, Y-Yang."
She led Una up to the counter, secretly enjoying holding his claw for this long, and looked at the menu. The creature in the uniform was shaped like a pencil with an oversized hot dog-themed hat on. He had one hand with six fingers that seemed to be floating without an arm. He had two eyes and a mouth with buck teeth.
"Welcome to.... aw crud, don't rob me!"
The cashier ducked under the counter at the twitching Una.
"He's not going to attack you." Yang stated.
The cashier rose back up, realizing that Una was incapacitated. He winked at Yang, who was confused.
"Welcome to Frankfurter's Weenie Barn! How may I help you and your Irken today?"
Yang read the menu.
"I guess I'll take two hot dogs, no relish, no cerebral fluid, no jiblets, no onions, no pickles, no water, no slaw, but with ketchup. Plus a glasss of tea, if you have it."
The cashier nodded.
"TWO BLAND RED WEENIES AND A SOUTHERN DELIGHT!"
Immediately, a tube above them splatted two grey-ish hot dogs in dark green buns onto their tray. The cashier deftly added ketchup in the design of a smiley face.
Then, the cashier reached back and laid a strange brown liquid in a glass to Yang.
"What is this? I ordered tea."
"That IS tea, miss." the cashier said. "It's sweet tea."
"It's cold!"
"Well, it's still tea. If you want specifics, it's two teabags of black tea with four scoops of sugar imported from Food Courtia, a bunch of water, and ice. It's very sweet."
Yang nodded a bit, never having tried sweet tea before, and she led Una to the table.
"Th-thank you. Me eat."
Yang nodded. Una slowly reached for the hot dog with his claw, and despite trembling, he lifted his fourth finger up as he ate in a very refined manner, as if he was sipping tea with the Vortian President.
After several bites, he felt better.
"Thank you, Miss Yang. I don't know how much longer I could have gone without eating."
It was then that the cashier raised his hand and made the "okay" sound.
"CHARGE!!" the patrons shrieked.
As soon as that was uttered, the entire restaurant stood up and made a dash for Una. They gabbed him by his sash and pulled him towards their hands, with which they grasped onto his antennae, robes, and his P.A.K. . While he was struggling, the mob overpowered his light frame and threw him to the floor, holding him down.
"Foul Irken!" one shouted.
"You'll pay for what you've done to my people!"
"Give him a taste of his own medicine!"
"Burn him!"
"Hurt him!"
"Beat him up!"
"Do all of it!" a small creature shouted from the back.
"YEAH!"
Yang watched in horror as they began to pummle Una. His glasses flew off and landed at her feet. She picked them up and held them tightly as she wondered what she could do. Una could use the mechanical arms that come with his P.A.K., but Yang was pretty sure a pacifist like him wouldn't and couldn't fight back.
The creatures were still beating up Una as one of them seperated from the crowd and returned holding something. The crowd roared with delight as he held it up to show. It was some meat covered in barbacue sauce!
"DROP IT ON HIM! DROP IT ON HIM!"
"Hey Irken! HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BARBACUE SAUCE!"
The meat landed on Una square on the chest, and it began to burn like acid where they had ripped parts of his white robes. His sash lie on the floor in shreds nearby. Yang could see the smoke rising from him as Una began to scream. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around the meat and shouted.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! MERCY, PLEASE, MERCY!"
"MERCY?!" one responded. "YOU MURDEROUS ANIMALS NEVER SHOWED US ANY MERCY!"
Yang continued to stare in horror.
"Get the WATER!"
"YEAH!"
The crowd cheered as one seperated and ran for Yang. Picking up her near-full glass of sweet tea, she held it over Una and prepared to dump it.
Yang had to react now. It was now or never. Una's screams from the meat were piercing her ears and practically tormenting her mind. He called out for mercy, but the people gave him none. The crowd cheered as they continued to hold the glass of tea over Una, deciding where best to dump it on him as they continued attacking and ripping up his robes. He was covered in dirt from the floor and was still screaming.
What was she to do? What could she do? Whatever it was, she had to act fast!
zgfangrl Yang finally snapped and gave in, she punched the mustached one first. After that the whole thing fell into violent chaos, una wasn't much help but yang was a good fighter. With in a minute all the creatures in the restaurant lay on the floor, unconscious. Una lay unconscious as well but not from Yangs fists, the mustached one had done it.
"una?!" yang cried. She was very scared for she liked una a lot. He still lay motionless so yang took matters into her own hands. First she went into the kitchen and got the tea she mixed it with at least four other substances until she had a cocktail of sauces and soups. Yang tried it herself first, it immediately healed her wounds, which made it a viable potion.
She took it and put it in a jar which she tucked into her belt. Yang then hoisted una up and dragged him to the ship, making sure she had the liquid and the rest of his food with her.
"una? You okay?" she said again. When una didn't respond she began to worry. Yang laid him out on the couch and poured the liquid into his mouth. Unas eyes snapped open and he started to cack, sadly the fiasco ended messily for Yangs clothing and ship.
"oh miss yang... What happened?" una said weakly. Yang looked at herself and looked at the floor of the ship, thoughroly digusted.
"oh-oh dear miss yang I-I'm sorry...." he said.
"I-it's okay. The aliens in the resteraunt ambushed us, but I fought them off." yang said. She began to clean up the vomit and looked at her dress, which was covered as well. If una hadn't been on the ship she would have simply taken it off and waited for it to be cleaned, as it was her only one. But with una on the ship she couldn't do that.
"oh umm miss yang thank you, I believe you have save my life." Unas eyes gleamed.
"it was really no problem I'm just half your okay." yang smiled. While una was happy to be alive he did wonder what happened to the aliens back on the ship.
"if you don't mind miss yang I'm going to get some sleep." una closed his eyes. After a minute or two he was sound asleep.
Yang went into the library and shut the door, removed her dress cleaned it, and went back to una. Her dress was soft and smelt good because of the detergent she had used. Yang also went to sleep on the couch leaving the food out for una, in case he awoke.
TurtleShroom After a good while, Una finally awoke. He sat up, having little recollection of what had happened. Seeing the food laid out, he limped over and ate, until he was fully alert once more. He got up and looked down, realizing that his robes were in shreds and his sash gone. He was covered in all sorts of muck and scum, and other strange liquids that disturbed a clean freak like him.
He began pondering how this happened, and smiled at Yang, having recalled that she saved his life back there. Una touched his chest lightly to see if the seering pain from the sauce was easing up. He sighed as it was. Fortunately, he had a spare set of clothes in his ship and a whole set of waterless cleaning supplies, but since they were hurtling along through space, his ship on a rope, it wouldn't be a good idea to get out.
Una walked to the contol panel and looked at it. It was far to high-tech for him to operate. He turned back to Yang, but didn't want to wake her up. Again turning to the machine, he sat in the pilot's seat and looked at the controls. There were no levers, switches, keys, or knobs. It was all an intergrated touch dashboard plus a joystick, a lot like a normal Irken ship, but with more advanced features.
He looked to the computer screen and touched it, hoping he could figure out how to make the ship stop. He was startled as its AI spoke.
"WARNING. IRKEN DETECTED ON AUP SHIP. ACTIVATING TRAPS."
Before he could react, a chain was wrapped around his feet, pulling him upside down and hanging him there, as two sets of two arms each came and clamped around him at his waist and below his shoulders. A third set of arms was wrapped around his P.A.K., probably to prevent any Irken from using the mechanical arms built in to escape.
"IRKEN TARGET NEUTRALIZED. TO ANY PASSENGERS, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE IRKEN UNTIL ARRIVING AT AUP HEADQUARTERS. THANK YOU."
So now, poor Una was hung upside down and trapped by Yang's own ship, covered in dirt, his clothes ripped, and in some minor pain.
He chuckled an unintentionally evil chuckle after he took it all in, because it WOULD make sense for such traps to stand.
Indeed, Irkens are threats to universal peace, being the opposite, and they would probably be on the ship to sabotage the mission. The ship was programmed to recognize both Irken claws and gloves, as well as the distinct range of Irken voices, from as high as Zim's to as accented as Tallest Red's or Tak's, and down to the deep-but-nasally voice used by Una.
Then, as he was hung upside down, his glasses fell off and clinked to the floor. Now unable to see, Una just sighed as he hung there, hoping that Yang would wake up and free him. She should have warned him about the computer, but he really wasn't mad. He actually found it funny, and he smiled to himself, laughing at the thought that the ship trapped him, as embarassing as it was. He had long learned to laugh at himself, because that's all others did to him.
zgfangrl Yang was quickly awakened from the laughter. She awakened And slowly looked around for the source of the laughing. Yang noticed that una was gone and so was his food, then she saw him hanging. She quickly got up, stumbled over to una, and released him making sure to catch him as he fell.
Yang set him back up-right and smiled at him. Una retrived his glasses wiped off his sash and he smiled back at yang.
"a-are you o-okay?" she asked. Yang showed hints of nervousness in voice which una found weird.
"thank you miss yang I'm fine, are you?" he said. Una noticed the way she had stuttered and thought maybe she was running out of power. He slowly looked at her to see if she was mechanical in any way.
Yang blushed deeply and then spoke.
"yes una I'm fine."
"good." he replied, smiling a little.
"APPROACHING AUP HEADQUATERS." the computer interjected. Yang hurried over to the computer screen and typed quickly. Una was actually startled by the speed of which yang typed. He peeked out the window right when what seemed to just be space opened up into a huge space base.
"welcome to the AUP headquarters. Have you neturalized the rogue irken?" the computer asked.
"thank you and peace irken, look." yang snapped a picture of una and downloaded it. A few minutes later the computer spoke again.
"irked has been downloaded bio signature is in."
"miss yang, my bio signature?" una said. He didnt like the sound of that, at all.
TurtleShroom Una blinked a bit as the flash went off. Before he said anything else, he remembered that he was still filthy and his clothes were all ripped up. He didn't have even much sash to wipe clean, really.
"Miss Yang, please, please throw away that picture you took! I wasn't decent in that portrait!"
He gestured to his tattered clothes and dirt covered face. One sleeve of his robe was completely missing, revealing Una's left arm, which was more frail and skinny than any other Irken she could ever recall. It too was covered in dirt and muck.
"Miss Yang, would you please stop the ship before we enter; I must change my clothes and get decent. I don't mean to be a burden, but I simply can't go around when I look like this."
Yang nodded and ordered the computer to halt. She always liked how he dressed, and admired his cleanliness. Irkens didn't usually care about that, so she was glad to permit Una to do so.
As her ship stopped, Una's ship, on the rope, bumbed up against Yang's. No damage save a small dent on Yang's car was done. Una exited Yang's craft and entered his, thankful that he didn't have to venture in the empty vacuum of space to do it.
Digging in the space behind the front two seats of his jalopy, he was delighted to find his spare robes and sashes, along with some cleaning supplies. He made quick work of these, scrubbing himself and cleaning everything off, and then taking what was left of his old robes and putting on his new ones.
Una smiled widely as he placed the floor-length, white garment over his body, satisfied that it wasn't ripped and dirty. He then draped a clean sash over his left shoulder, smoothing it out so that is made a nice, proper line from shoulder to waist. Having lost his boater hat in the brawl, he fished around for another one, and placed it on his head, making sure the holes cut in for his antennae lined up and went through.
Finishing this, Una took a hankerchief and polished his glasses, placing them back on. He sighed happily as he looked in his spaceship's rear-view mirror, satisfied with the clean, strangely dressed Irken that reflected back. At last, he took some polish and srucbbed his gloves until he could see his reflection in them.
The whole process took about thirty minutes. When Una climbed back in, he had Yang take a second picture and submit that as well. In that one, he was smiling his warm smile and wearing what he normally would on any given day.
"YANG," the computer interrupted, "SENSORS INDICATE YOUR SHIP HAS REMAINED STALLED FOR HALF AN HOUR. HAS THE IRKEN CAPTURED YOU?!"
"No," Yang replied to the ship, "Un- I was just getting dressed and cleaned up for the AUP."
"AFFIRMATIVE. YOU LOOK QUITE DASHING TODAY."
"Thank you."
"NO PROBLEM."
Una was still confused as to why Yang was talking to her ship, but not nearly as confused as he was in regards to what the AUP wanted with him.
He had put it off for a while, since he trusted Yang, but he could stand it no longer.
"Miss Yang, I apologize for not asking sooner... -but could you explain what a 'bio-signature' is?"
Una said this nervously, his eyes showing a strong look of worry, which became more noticable as he continued.
"What do you mean by... my 'bio-signature'? My people don't even have DNA, much less anything to identify us by. By and large, we're made from the same template and customized with random factors and traits. What excactly is the Association for Universal Peace planning to do with it? Considering that they referred to me as a 'rogue' Irken, and asked if I was 'neutralized'... I don't think anyone save you and the one who ordered me to help you would appreciate me in their base."
As the ship pulled into the AUP's parking deck, Yang began to reply to Una.
TurtleShroom (OOC: ZG Fangirl, are you going to respond any time soon?)
zgfangrl (sry I've been busy lately and irkens have bio signatures remember from frycook what came from all that space.)
TurtleShroom (OOC: All right, I can keep waiting. I never saw the Fry Cook episode, but I DID see "Chicken Foot" last night. It was very, VERY funny, and Mister Neck Meat's multiple chins made me think fondly of some friends and family. :D )
zgfangrl (I'll post one a little later, I have been feeling rather ill lately. D:)
TurtleShroom (OOC: Well, I hope you feel better soon.)
zgfangrl "your people have DNA silly. It seems I know more about your race than you do. Anyway the whole bio signature is just to make them feel better. See they think that maybe you could go on a rampage and the vortians have invented new weapons and door frames that can lock onto ones bio signature. So if you did go rogue we could contain you easily. Plus using that they can see your complete history, list of friends, enemies, etc. That's only because your irken and because your a new member." yang explained. After that the computer told them they had made it into the AUP's base and were now allowed outside.
Yang grabbed Unas hand, which caused them both to blush, and led him inside. Una was slightly taken back when he saw the huge world that lay within. Millions of different species typed at computers and walked about through the corridors.
Yang went over to the sign in desk.
"una shelava acand hugla zinnga lovana." she said. Una didnt understand whatever language she spoke but the man at the counter did. He nodded and pointed over to a small conference room.
Yang led una inside where the leader of the AUP sat.
"nmh hello una correct? And of course lovely miss yang." he said. The leader was a stout and port creature from a race una didn't recognize. Una sat down and shook the mans hand.
"yes correct sir." he said.
Yang sat down as well not eager to let go of the hand, but she did. Una smiled kindly at her and then returned to the leader.
"so I see the mission went well?" the leader said. "I see miss yang has been safely returned."
"yes the mission went very well sir. Miss yang and I have also had the chance to get to know her and establish a good friendship." una said.
Yang blushed a little and smiled back at una. Una didnt understand why she liked him so much, or for that matter why he liked her so much.
TurtleShroom (OOC: It's very unlikely that the _leader_ of the AUP would take time from his busy job to sit down with one routine mission. So, I'm going to depict him as a high employee insteard.)
Una sat there, just now remembering to take his hat off now that he was indoors.
He looked to he bureaucrat- obviously one of high rank -and smiled warmly. The bureaucrat spoke up.
"Una, you have done very well in the mission, and Yang here is grateful, I'm certain."
"Thank you, sir." Una said, humbly.
"He saved my life!" Yang added.
"...-and she mine!" Una replied.
"Really? How so?" the bureaucrat began, intriqued.
"Well, she was enslaved by my people on Food Courtia, and I managed to free her with my height and quick thinking. Had I failed, she would have never been here with us today."
"...-and we were in a diner when all of these people suddenly ganged up on Una. Una was taken down, and I managed to fight them off and save him."
"That's quite some cooperation."
"Yes sir." Yang and Una said at the same time. They turned to each other and smiled.
"You know, Una, having an Irken in the Assoication for Universal Peace would be a huge benefit to all of us. While the reactions among other agents may be quite harsh- they all seem to share a common hatred of Irk -your kind could go places and do things no other species is capable or willing of doing. This is why I make my proposal. How would you like to become a permanent Agent of the AUP?"
Una was surprised and thrilled.
"Sir, I would be honored to have such a privelage..." the Irken lowered his head. "...-but alas, I don't think that I can."
"..........wh-why in the name of tacos not, Una?! THE AUP NEEDS YOU!"
"My people plan to have me exiled to a small little planet called 'the earth'. I am free to roam until the transports are ready, but after that, I must take permament residency there."
Yang whispered to the bureaucrat.
"The Irkens don't like Una. I'm sure they're planning to stage an 'accident' as he loads up on a ship bound for the earth, and make it look like one of their tallest citizens died of a malfunction or something. His height is the only reason he's still alive. They want to get rid of him. I can't think of any way to convince him not to head off to the earth. Do you have any idea?"
Una, never ebing rude, had not paid attention to their whispering. When they finished, he spoke up.
"I would, however, appreciate the privelage to work with you until my re-assignment to the earth."
The bureaucrat nodded. He handed him some forms and a pen. Una filled them out and signed his name. The bureaucrat stood up and extended his hand to Una's claw. They shook.
"Well then, [b][i]Ambassador[/i][/b] Una, welcome to the Association of Universal Peace! Since you're Irken and far too docile to fight, and since your challenges will be especially hindered by species, I have chosen to pair you with Yang."
The two grinned widely (Una even bearing his teeth), but they immediately stopped as they tried to maintain professional courtesy to their superior. Una seemed to contain his happiness better than Yang, who was still grinning a bit. His species had long learned to obey like that. Still, and much to Yang's happiness, he extended his claw and took Una's hand as the bureaucrat continued. She blushed and smiled to Una.
Yang whispered again to the bureaucrat, still holding her best friend's claw.
"We need to convince him to stay and not head to the earth. They'll kill him!"
The bureaucrat nodded. He too whispered:
"A nice Irken is a once in a millinieum occurence or more. Nice Irkens are usually destroyed, so a tall one would be the only survivor of that personality type. Since tall Irkens are even rarer than nice ones, a nice _and_ tall Irken would be a near-impossibility. Yang, do whatever you have to, but you CAN'T LET THIS IRKEN LEAVE THE AUP. That's an order."
Yang nodded.
"I will."
The bureaucrat then nodded in turn.
"All right, Agents Yang and Una. You are dismissed."
Una got up and helped Yang out of her chair, before smiling to the bureaucrat. After bowing low, he stood at attention and performed the Irken salute (the raised fist), confusing "peace corps" with a "corps", and, considering Una heard "dismissed" and is an Irken, it was an understandable mistake.
Yang chuckled nervously.
"Una, the AUP isn't a military organization."
Una dropped his arm and blushed very deeply.
"Sir, please forgive me for the error."
The bureaucrat smiled.
"It's all right, Una. Now, you go out there and further peace!"
Una nodded and took Yangs hand again. Yang smiled.
"All right, Una, let's go!"
zgfangrl (he would if they were allowin and irken XD)
Yang pulled una out the door and back to the receptionists desk. After talking for a moment yang spoke to una.
"okay we need to go to mission room 447 to receive instructions on what next." she pulled him off. Una blushed as he glanced at yang out of the corner of his eye. Yang noticed this and smiled at him before continuing on the way. Ynag and una passed many strange races including lemmings and flotins, una was very surprised that all the species could coexist in one place.
Finally the two reached the correct room, una opened the door and let yang inside first. She smiled at him kindly and he did the same before walking in. Inside other teams sat and waited, many of thaws people were verysurprised to see yang smiling and holding Unas hand. A few of the aliens began to whisper to each other suspiciously. No one dared to go near una, so when he sat down the aliens next to him moved.
Yang of course was another story. Many of the make aliens were crowding her to say hello and shake her hand and what not.
"excuse me miss yang, why do the people here like you so much?" una asked. Yang finished shaking some hands and greeting some other before responding.
"oh well you may not have noticed but I'm a top agent here." she said with a smile. After saying this another flood of aliens greeted her, leaving una to wonder about her position.
About a half hour later another official walked in. First he greeted each agent, especially yang, before he sat down at the hea of the table. The official yawned and shuffled his papers.
"you agents are each going to be on a different mission, I will hand out the description papers now." he said. The man grumbled and passed each one out misgiving a few of them, it was obvious the man was tired. But when all the others had left only yang and una remained, with no packet or set if papers.
TurtleShroom Una finally seated himself, having let others sit before him for the past half hour. He was uneasy when all of the others stared at him like a monster, although he understood why, considering he was twice most of their heights and Irken.
He looked to Yang, and then back to the bureaucrat.
"Sir, why are you not handing us any briefings?" Una asked.
The bureaucrat was taken back by Una's courtesy.
"Ambassador Yang, are you sure he's Irken?"
Yang rolled her eyes and smiled.
"Yes."
TurtleShroom ZG Fangirl, did you cancel this?
added by invaderzimemo
added by Foxy10
I wrote this for Tina it was originally for Cindy but I find it's plus Tina's style Also it's style very rough still >3<
video
invader
zim
theme song
tina
oc