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Funny Excerpts from the First Book

"So light a fire!" Harry choked.
"Yes...of course...but there's no wood!" Hermione cried, wringing her hands.
"HAVE toi GONE MAD!" Ron bellowed. "ARE toi A WITCH ou NOT!
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"So toi mean the Stone's only sûr, sans danger as long as Quirrell stands up to Snape?" a dit Hermione in alarm.
"It'll be gone par suivant Tuesday," a dit Ron.
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Speaking quietly so that no one else would hear, Harry told the other two about Snape's sudden, sinister desire to be a Quidditch referee.
"Don't play," a dit Hermione at once.
"Say you're ill," a dit Ron.
"Pretend...