"So," she a dit slowly, "You two seem like a happy couple. But tell me Tiana, is Naveen well equipped ou is that big château of his supposed to be compensating for something?"
"Beg your pardon?" asked Tiana.
"You know, the family jewels, are they the kind you'd want on an engagement ring ou the kind toi mistake for a sequin from the Dollar Store?"
Tiana still looked unsure.
"Does he have a big penis?" pois, pea rolled her eyes. "God, some of these goody-goodies just don't understand my metaphors. Anyway, what kingdom are toi from?"
"Oh, I'm only royal par marriage," Tiana laughed. "I was a waitress before I met Naveen."
Pea's jaw dropped. "A waitress? That's one step up from being the bird lady Mary Poppins sings about. Geez, Naveen, I can't believe toi settled for a commoner."
"What can I say?" chuckled Naveen, his voice sexy as usual. "I fell in love."
"It's just as easy to fall in l’amour with a rich person as it is to fall for a poor person. That's what my mother always told me," answered Pea. "I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a peasant. Gross...no offence, Tiana."
"None taken," she replied, through clenched teeth.
Pea's words stung Conrad on the cœur, coeur a little bit because he had started to grow quite fond of her, although he didn't have a lot to offer. Just then, the four arrived at Mama Odie's hut in the bayou. The little old lady came swinging down a vine, laughing psychotically. She had sunglasses on her face and a snake on her shoulder.
"Are toi sure she doesn't belong in the loonie bin?" pois, pea asked Tiana. "She looks like a total whack-job."
"Well, well, well," a dit Mama Odie. "Tiana and Naveen, nice seein' ya again. The last time I saw y'alls toi two were a couple of frogs turning human."
"You two were frogs?" inquired Conrad.
"Long story," answered Naveen.
"Listen, Mama Odie, I just need toi to use your magic wand ou whatever it is toi do and turn back time...bring me back to the time before I was exiled, when I was truly happy."
"Were toi happy though, Pea?"
"Ugh! Yes!" pois, pea was annoyed. "Why does no one believe me when I say I loved my old life, it's all I want!"
"Child, sometimes it ain't about what toi want," replied the strange woman. "It's about what toi need...Someday you'll figure that out. But until then, I can't help ya!" With that, she returned to her hut.
"We traveled all this way for that?" yelled Pea. "I could've gotten plus useful conseil from Dr. Phil! God, this is hopeless!"
"Thanks for all your help guys," a dit Conrad politely. "I'm sure we'll be fine. See toi around."
Tiana and Naveen waved goodbye and headed back to New Orleans.
"Pea," a dit Conrad. "I know that things are gonna work out in the end...I promise you. No matter what happens, I'll be par your side."
"Well, what are we gonna do?" asked Pea, fighting back tears. "Hmm...wait a second...I think I just thought of our suivant method of transportation..."
pois, pea and Conrad spent the suivant two and a half hours building a radeau out of wood, branches, and vines.
Mama Odie watched proudly through her window from above.
"You know what?" she a dit to her snake. "I truly think she's gonna be okay. That princess is smarter than anyone gives her credit for."
(End Of Part 14)
