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Critical Analysis of Twilight Question

What would toi like to be changed about Twilight in a re-write?

Hullo, I'm obviously new to the group (and relatively new to Fanpop, seeing as I've been on a few times but never made an account), and I think that toi guys are all fantastic! XD toi sound like really civilized people, and I l’amour that.

But anyway, getting to my question..
I decided today, in the shower, that I would attempt a total re-write of the Twilight book. Not to sell ou montrer people, but just for my own experience and pleasure, me being an aspiring auteur and all. I realized many flaws in the book, but I haven't read it completely myself (couldn't bring myself to finish it..) so I was wondering, what did toi have a problem with in the book that you'd like to see changed if there were to be a re-write? I already have a list:

>Bella's personality (or lack thereof)/excessive criticism and inability to be pleased par anything
>Edward's "abusive" behavior..
>Definition of the vampire
>Anti-climax... toi know, the climax that didn't happen because she fainted
>The excessive amounts of unnecessary detail and purple prose

I'm absolutely happy to even fix a specific part, like how all those guys ask Bella if she was going to ask them to the Girl's Choice dance.
So, have toi anything for me? :D I would really appreciate anything from everyone.
 Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
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Critical Analysis of Twilight Réponses

HyperKnight9X said:
Where to begin with rewrites, lol! I'm an aspiring writer myself (it's my passion), and have often contemplated about doing a fan fiction rewrite of Twilight (I'm plus edging towards New Moon though because of how terrible and depressing it was).

Well, the first thing I would definitely want changed in a rewrite is NO SPARKLING VAMPIRES!

Exchange Edward's abusive behavior for a personality, and actually have it to where he did have some relationships before Bella. I hated how it seemed like he was forcing Bella to go to prom even though she wanted. They could have done something that maybe she really WANTED to do and still dress up.

Bella, let's face it, is one of the worst fictional characters, not to mention she's a tease. I grudgingly admit that I did like her in the first book, but in later books, forget it. I would like to see her as something of a better suited role model for girls (nothing hardcore like Wonder Woman). I would also l’amour to see her actually treated like a new kid and not get so much attention from the guys.

Give a reason for why Bella and Edward are in l’amour and not just because of his looks and her scent.

Honestly, I would probably also have it that through some charm ou something that the Cullens are able to live out in the sunlight if toi wanna keep the angle of them still going to high school.

Establish James as a villain, not just some addition lamely added in the last few chapters. Make us l’amour to hate him.

plus importantly, the dialogue. Have to be careful with that.

Good luck!
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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XD Yes, those sparkling vampires are out. I was actually thinking of doing the charm thing. Maybe something that can reduce the effect of the sun, at least just enough that a cloudy place like Forks won't allow them to be damaged. :D It sounds good enough for me.
Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
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And the personalities are definitely going to be fixed. Oh, yeah, James! I forgot about him. Giving James an actual character is going on the list. Thank you! :3
Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
XChatterbox14x said:
I would like to have changed, Edwards stalker like behaviour, Bella's lack of independance, Jacob falling in l’amour with a baby and i wouldn't write that the vampires sparkle. I'm sure there's alot plus that could be changed but these would be my main goals if i re wrote the story. :)
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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Yeah, the stalkerish-ness is definitely going, as well as the sparkliness. I'm only re-writing the first book, not the series, so I can't change anything about... Reneesme. XD ou Jacob imprinting. But I definitely agree that those things are some that I would change. C:
Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
BlueBrooke said:
Hello~ ^.^

Good idea! :) I've had the same idea with another series, but kudos to toi for taking the initiative. I'll try to help~
I think some definite changes to the plot line should be made, other than what toi have stated.
Jasper needs plus limelight. Yes, if I am a fangirl over any part of twilight, at all, it shall be over Jasper, of course, it's not necessary to make the book perfect, but I'd be very happy, so I suppose it's a selfish request.
There also needs to be plus variety in Forks High School, in the amount/personality/behavior of the boys obsessed with Bella. That just needs changing.
Two plus things:
Less Bella x Edward gushiness, it would help to make the actual plot line start sooner.
I suppose I could say the quality of the writing, but that goes with saying~ :) Seeing as it's being re-written.

Last one! :D It may not apply, but, in Eclipse, there needs to be plus of a plot twist. It doesn't seem to make sense that Bella should figure out what "super-intelligent" vampires failed to, and the context of that apocalypse doesn't make sense either. In my opinion, They shouldn't know until the last minute that the vamps are after Bella, and red herrings (courtesy of someone known as A-l-i-c-e) should occur.

Wow! xD That was much plus long-winded than I had originally planned.
Anyway, good luck on your re-write! :)

~~Blue
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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xD Oh, sorry, I just saw toi were only rewriting the first book. So the Eclipse commentaire doesn't apply. Nevermind~
BlueBrooke posted il y a plus d’un an
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Yes, I'm just doing the first book. XD But thank toi for your suggestions! I'll see what I can do to make Jasper get in plus XD
Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
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xD Thank you~
BlueBrooke posted il y a plus d’un an
DirtyDiamond said:
1. Give the Cullens plus of a personality and plus speech.
2. Edward wouldn't watch Bella sleep because and 3. Make Jacob fall in l’amour with Leah not a baby.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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Definitely a Cullen personality change. That's going on in my head right now. I'm only doing the first book, so unfortunately I can't apply the last one, but thank toi for suggestions anyway! :D
Rhyshian posted il y a plus d’un an
penguin098 said:
I'll make it easy for you: CHange everything but there being a chracter named Bella who must decide between the two loves of her life (Edward and Jacob) but please write it in a way that there's an actual burden with chosing.

ALso: I would l’amour it toi did post it, Twilight despratly needs to be re-written and i'd l’amour to see you're view

~Pengiun098~
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
bri-marie said:
~Bella - I would make her less whiney and plus relatable.
~Edward - erm... everything?
~Imprinting - it wouldn't be there.
~Vampires - they wouldn't sparkle
~Minor/background characters - I'd give them plus attention. There were so many characters that had so much potential that were just left there. (I'm sure I would have hated Lauren had she actually, ya know, done something mean.)I also would have a dit what happened to them. I think SMeyer has them melt into vapor ou something - they just kinda faded away.
~Climax - there would be a battle/fight/argument/conflict in every book.
~Grammar/spelling/word-usage - they wouldn't be there. ou if they were, they would be minor problems, not in-your-face problems.
~Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
wotcher-tonks said:
Everthing. Just everything.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
shriekingshack said:
One of the things I'd like to change is Meyers description of vampires. I mean seriously, they sparkle? If i were to write a book i would not want one of my main characters to be a sparkling vampire... I'd also change the personalities of her characters(if they even have one). I mean Edward is an abusive stalker-ish obsessive boyfriend. Those traits are not good. And bella is someone who is dependent on Edward and is totally helpless without him and counts on him(or Jacob) to save the day. And Jacob imprinting on renesmee?Can i say gross much??
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
shibo226 said:
I would change quite a bit...um a few?
a better villian, not just some 'and suddenly evil vamps come blah blah blah' A good evil character has to have a reason for being evil! They need to have something in their past that drove them to be evil.
Um what else...
Don't use the whole 'vampires are really just brooding goths' that's kinda old...

oh! the wolves, I'm sorry but the loups annoyed me. They were not 'werewolves' they were shamens. A werewolf has no choise in it's transformation,while whilst in their beast form they loss their human mind. Shamens took the form of the thing the enemy feared most.

The Edward-bella-Jacob triange? only if there is some actual internal conflict. Not 'oh I l’amour edward but I kinda like Jacob too but I l’amour Edward more'
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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OMG! So agree about the Wolves, nnoyng much?? Yeah. And the l’amour triangle - yawn!! But I did actually l’amour the baddies!! Team Edward? Team Jacob? Nah I'll take Team Volturi - Team Aro!!
JazzyV posted il y a plus d’un an
tdafan121 said:
The physical answer is too long (It took up 6 pages on Word -.-) so I'll just say this:

Pretty much everything, but I'd mainly change the "sparkly vampires" bit and the way this book poisons the minds of innocent teenagers (and some adults...).
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
SilverDoe29 said:
I think Edward should find it harder to resist killing Bella. I mean, he keeps going on about how difficult it is and yet always appears to be perfectly in control... He should at least really TRY to drink her blood once.

Secondly, make some non-vamps have a greater role. Humans who aren't Bella should get occasions to actually, toi know, DO something....

Major thing to me; creat arguments. Between Edward and Bella, that is. I mean, proper ones. toi can't have chemistry if nothing bad ever happens between them. This is mostly a problem in New Moon (I mean, c'mon! He left her! I don't care if it was for her own good, she should get a least a TINY bit angry!) but if you're only doing the first book, I'd really like toi to fit in some proper chemistry.

And finnally, put plus depth into Alice's friendship with Bella. It was something I actually liked in the books, and I'd have loved it if it could've been a little plus well developed. Again, not constantly fine, add some real arguements.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
-Grace- said:
Ahaha, we disagree so entirely ^_^ For me the only problem was the ending. I hate children, and I don't like it when characters in livres have them, because they l’amour the child plus than each other :( I disliked Breaking Dawn purely because it was tragically lacking in certain fetus-expulsive surgical procedures.
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
LowriLorenza89 said:
1. I'd make the majority of the characters slightly older. Esme and Carlisle would both be in their thirties (Carlisle can't be taken seriously as a doctor if he looks 23; in the UK he'd have just finished his degree at that age and I don't know if he'd have even finished his training in America. Also, I can't really see a family of late teens viewing adults in their twenties as parents, plus like older siblings). Bella and Edward would be 18/19, the rest of the Cullens around the same age ou slightly older. Bella would have moved back to Forks to attend a nearby college. Jacob would be in his final an in high school.
2. Bella would actually call Edward out about some of the stalkery/controlling things he does, e.g. watching her sleep, following her to Seattle, preventing her from visiting Jacob. They'd argue about it. Edward would realise why he was in the wrong, apologise and actually change his behaviour.
3. The conversation in Breaking Dawn regarding the different chromosome numbers of humans, vampires and loups garous would be omitted. It didn't make sense, donné that the different beings can interbreed and turn into each other. It was also completely irrelevant.
4. The method of turning humans into vampires would need to become a bit plus complicated, to explain why Edward's venom didn't turn Bella when he sucked James' venom out (I can't think of another way to save her then, donné that there were no non-venomous part-vampires nearby).
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posted il y a plus d’un an 
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