Kiley Long
February 16, 2006
I don’t know what to do. He told me to stay away from her. He has no idea that it isn’t just difficult for him. He got to run away from all of this. He isn’t the one that still has to see her everyday. He just up and ran away from everyone and anything that had to deal with her at some point. She’s my best friend, suivant to Jasper.
I try to focus my energy and visions on other things, but she keeps passing in them and then disappearing. It’s totally confusing me. She is there making decisions and obviously doing things and making her choices and then all of a sudden… she’s gone.
I don’t know what to do anymore. She is still part of our future. He changed his mind, so shouldn’t her path change? I don’t understand it. How is she still planning on becoming one of us? Not just what we are… but exactly what us, the Cullens, represent. Vegetarians. I don’t see her running with Edward anymore. Just running. But it’s blurry - not completely there, and it goes in and out.
Jasper has been trying very hard to keep my mind entertained. He tries to distract me to the best of his ability. When I have tiny glimpses of Bella, and I panic afterwards, Jasper is right there to “calm” me down almost instantly. He tells me I need not worry. I was actually asked a favor - to stay away. I promised I would. But if only I could make Jasper see what I see.
I can’t even make Edward see what I see because he has taken off so far away, last I heard he was in Texas, but that was a few months il y a and I have no idea, honestly, what he’s doing for sure. I believe he’s trying to track Victoria but that is kind of pointless considering Victoria is jumping all over the continental U.S. and back. I don’t know what she is doing, though, she won’t make up her mind. She just keeps running. She sometimes heads towards Forks, but then she disappears in my visions and the suivant thing I know she is in Canada, no where near Forks. I just really wish I knew what to do.
I so badly want to be there for Bella. I may not be able to see her right now, this second, but I was her best friend. I know how involved she was with him, and all of us. I can’t just stand here and not do anything about it. She is somehow still going to be at least intertwined in our lives, and I don’t know if he’s going to be around to see it, but I have to make sure she makes it to that point. It’s not fair to put myself through this, either.
I am constantly on edge about what is happening. What she is thinking. I know for sure at one point I saw her going through the woods completely on her own, and I know she has two motorcycles. I don’t think they work because in the vision they looked like they would barely make it to the back of her truck, but I still wonder what she is doing with them. She isn’t hanging out with anyone as far as I can tell, either. But then again there are those moments that she just doesn’t exist and no matter how hard I concentrate I can’t find her.
I believe I’m going to talk to Carlisle and Esme and see if we can all relocate and find somewhere with plus fulfilling activities. I need to find better ways to occupy my mind. I believe if I can find something better to occupy my mind, I might be okay. I just…I have to go. Something has come up. I have to go to Forks. This isn’t right. Bye for now.
