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posted by LocalArtistist
Do toi work at Subway? Because toi just gave me a footlong.
Hi, do toi want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
You're like my little toe, because I'm going to bang toi on every piece of furniture in my home.
I'm no weather man, but toi can expect plus than a few inches tonight.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
salut babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't toi like pizza?
Do toi work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw toi checking out my package.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
salut baby, I think toi just made my two par four into a four par eight.
I'll give toi a nickel if toi tickle my pickle.
toi are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
What's the speed of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 toi have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my suivant mission is to explore Uranus.
If I had AIDS, would toi have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do toi give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
Miss, If you've Lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made toi come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Do toi wanna come to the Marines, ou would your rather have a Marine come into you?
There are 265 Bones in the human body. How would toi like one more?
Why don't toi come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
salut baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
Do toi take Visa?
How do toi like your eggs? Poached, scrambled ou fertilized?
toi smell... We should go take a douche together.
Would toi like a hotdog to go with those buns?
Are toi a virgin? [No] Prove it!
toi bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
I don't know what toi think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poésie in motion?
"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now. It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh wait, my watch is an heure fast!
I like your hair, your eyes, your smile... I like every bone in your body... Especially mine!
Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" toi do down.
Would toi like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
Do toi believe in free love? [No] Then how much do toi cost?
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Hi, I'm gay. Do toi think toi can convert me?
If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add plus lubricants.
[Walk into her chest] "If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened!"
What are toi doing tonight? Besides me, of course?
Will toi be my girlfrien? I left out the 'd' cause you'll get that later!
My name is Skittles... wanna taste my rainbow?
Are those pants on sale? Cause they're 100% off at my place!
I'm with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
I only have 12 hours to live... please don't let me die a virgin.
I'm bigger and better than the Titantic - only 200 women went down on that vessel!
What is a nice girl like toi doing in a dirty mind like mine?
What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
With my IQ and your body, we could make a race of superchildren and conquer the earth!
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posted by animelol
HAPPY NEW an EVERYONE


OH my gosh, we survived the 2012 apocalypse!
Friend: Wait, werent we supposed to die?
Me: YES
Friend: Hmm... oh well
Me: So Im just going to say happy new an and PLEASE watch the ball drop at...
Friend: WHAT?
Me: Duhh! Anyway watch the ball drop at NYC
ou something like that.
Friend: And check out what happen so far in 2012!
Me: Uhh yeah like Hurricane Sandy and the massacre at Sandy Hook...
Friend: *silence*
Me: *silence*
Me: So sorry for u guys at Sandy Hook and those who got knocked over par Hurricane Sandy!
Friend: Im never going to the plage again!
Me: WHY?
Friend: CUZ THE plage IS SANDY!
Me: Oh, right. Watever.
Friend: Dont forget to look at the records for 2012 and possibly 2013!
Me: Sure! And WATCH SMOSH!
Friend: Go to liens and click on the link that says smosh.com!

BYE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!