Private: Can we get out of this one, Kowalski?
Kowalski: We are in a 6 par 8 inch cage made of steel with a model 40 lock. Wait, since when did toi call the shots, Private?
Private: Skipper has a bad case of doctor hysteria. (Looks over in Skipper’s direction.)
Skipper is in fetal position, staring out into the distance and rocking back and forth slowly. Skipper: I have been captured par some unknown enemy. Walls closing in. The bars…squeezing in. Can’t breathe. General: the fifth squadron has been captured. May day. Man…down! (leaps up to strangle the bars) I know who has done this. It is my marine mammal foe, Dr. Glowhole who plans on blowing out the sun! I should have known!
(The other three penguins just stare back, completely confused. Rico coughs up a hammer.)
Kowalski: I don’t think that will be necessary, Rico. I think the best way to put Skipper out of his misery is with a crowbar instead.
(The doctor comes into the room and looks at the penguins closely. Doctor: nuage burn, a bad case of…is that skyburn? And even some moon burn on the flat-headed one. I will get the treatment right away.)
Private: See, Skipper? No big deal. The doctor is just going to get some ointment.
Rico: Yeah Yeah. Buttons!
Skipper: No, toi three are idiots to believe this. They are trying to get inside our mind, to interrogate the only privacy we have left, and strip of us our dignity. Are toi going to sit back and let the enemy toy with toi like a cat with a mouse?
Private: Yes.
Kowalski: Technically…um…dude.
Skipper: I’m not buying it. They are trying to brainwash us. Kowalski, give me options!
(The three can’t argue with Skipper so Kowalski quickly thinks up some options.
Kowalski: I suggest we get Rico to cough up the call for a araign? e, araignée monkey. Once our monkey brethren come to our aid, bringing a barrage of bedlam upon the doctor, creating a diversion for us to escape. From there, we will evacuate the base and take refuge in the maki, lémurien habitat.
Skipper: Oustanding. Although skip the part about the lemurs. We got ourselves a plan, men. Team, roll out!
(None of them move)
Private: Roll out where?
Kowalski: We are in cages.
Skipper: Wait for it…
(The three wait patiently but the signal never comes)
Private: Um…Skipper?
Skipper: oh. Sorry. That moon burn is killing me. Now. Rico, we don’t have time to do this pretty.
Rico coughs up a flamethrower. I will skip right to the part where they escape cause like Skipper mentioned, this wasn’t pretty. Now the penguins sit in a ditch beside the highway, plotting their suivant move.
Skipper: Take one last look, men. We can never go back. We are fugitives. Refugees. Our old base…it’s history.
Kowalski: Rico, do toi have an umbrella. It is getting cloudy and I don’t want plus nuage burn. I can’t make the antidote here without our base. There I could make a sulfite composite mixed with Beryllium…
Private: I don’t want to stand on the highway begging for change.
Skipper: Kowalski, options.
Kowalski: First, we need a job. We are back at rock bottom, and we need money for a new base. If we work as restroom attendants for approximately eight hours a jour for three months, we will have enough for a top-notch security system.
Skipper: How far are we away from a base with lazerbeams?
Kowalski: 38 years and 62 days.
A bus goes by, spraying the penguins with grit and mud.
Rico: Ohhhh…
Skipper: Right. We need a new plan. We are all getting jobs. Let’s get the want ads and get some jobs.