HQ:
Private: ACHOO! *sniffle*

Private sits tiredly on the table, as Kowalski probes around Private with thermometers, stethoscopes, and a tape measure.

Kowalski: According to my calculations, it seems that Private has become sick with some sort of virus.
Private: Ah.. Ah.. ACHOO!
Kowalski: Eh, and a very sickly one, I might add.
Rico: Eww.
Skipper: Well, nothing a little sleep and some thé can't cure!
Private: But Skipper, I feel like my head weighs a thousand tons! Don't toi have any-
Skipper: Wait, toi a dit your head feels heavy? Do toi happen to be sneezing uncontrollably and feeling faint every now and again?
Private: Well, I guess so-
Skipper: *GASP!* Private's got the Iron-Head flu!!!
Private: I don't think there is such a thing as the "Iron-Head" flu... it sounds unbelievable.
Skipper: Oh really? That's what Manfriedi and Johnson said, when we were in Puerto Rico and they decided to eat that lousy fishcake made par some old hag! They were going around with enormous, misshapen heads for 4 weeks, maybe even a month!
Private: o_o
Kowalski: First of all, 4 weeks is a month, and second, there is no such thing as the "Iron-Head" flu. Private just has a virus, nothing else.
Skipper: Fine, don't believe me, but watch Private's head get bigger than a watermelon, then you'll come running back to me.

Skipper looks out the underwater window and sees cheerful tourists outside

Skipper: Come on, we need to get some lunch.

As Skipper and Kowalski go up the hatch, Private looks worriedly at Kowalski's doctor tools and stops Rico.

Private: Do toi really think I will get a swollen head, Rico?
Rico: I dunno... Skipper *points at head and swirls flipper around, suggesting that Skipper is a bit nuts*.
Private: :/

Rico and Private go outside to begin the "Tourist Frenzy" routine, which is a couple simple tricks, some synchronized swimming, and a few adorable poses to haut, retour au début it off.

Tourists: Aww... *throw fish*

Private goes to pick up a poisson at the rim of the platform and stops to look in the chlorinated water. He gazes confused at the reflection, but suddenly backs away when he sees that his head appears huge in the water.

Private: Ahh!!! My head is gigantic

He slips and falls on Skipper's pile of gathered fish.

Skipper: Private! D:<
Private: ACHOO!!!

Private sneezes all over Skipper's fish, spreading germs everywhere.

Skipper: -_-
Rico: Bleh!
Kowalski: e_o
Skipper: That's it! I'm taking toi to the animal clinic so they can get rid of this ridiculous flu!
Private: No! I'm not going anywhere when my head is this big!
Rico: Uh... what?
Kowalski: *Shrugs*

Private covers his head with his flippers and argues as Skipper drags Private to the clinic.

The Clinic:
Skipper: Private, just stay on the table!
Private: But I hate the doctor's office, he might prick me with a needle!

Skipper goes to hide as the sound of footsteps get nearer and nearer, until the doctor opens the door. He stares down at Private, who at this moment is trembling with flippers still over his head.

Doctor: Well, well, little fellow! Let's get rid of that virus of yours!
Private: *Whimper*

The doctor gets a small tablet out of a yellow prescription jar.

Doctor: Now avaler, hirondelle this... *puts tablet in Private's mouth*. There, toi should feel good as new tomorrow!

The doctor leaves and closes the door behind him. The rest of the team pops out from multiple places and jump over to Private.

Skipper: So, it was only a wimpy virus? Who knew!
Kowalski: *Sigh*, that's what I've been trying to tell you! I just explained it- never mind.... -_-