posted by Seanthehedgehog
The famous spy of the Central Intelligence Of Equestria has returned!
The story begins at a Mexican airbase.
P: What do toi see?
Con: Other then rain, and explosive weapons from communists?
P: Ach. plus serious then I thought.
S: Hang on, there's a poney there that looks familiar.
P: Yeah, isn't that Snails?
Con: I see him too.
Snails: Get all these weapons to our base in Las Pegasus as soon as possible!
Mexican pony98: Yes sir.
Con: We have to get rid of those weapons *shoots nuclear missile*
Moneybit: What the fuck is he doing?
P: His job.
mexicans: *shoot at Con*
Con: *kills three mexicans*
S: Con, get out of there!
P: No! I think he's onto something!
Con: P's right. I am getting out of here, par stealing one of their jets.
P: As long as toi escape, do it.
Con: *steals jet fighter*
Snails: Enviar otro combate después de él!
Mexican pilots: Estamos en ello!
Con: Con to C.I.E HQ, I got rid of the explosive weapons, and I'm now reporting back to base.
mexican pony32: *chokes Con* I was here the entire time!
Mexican pilot: *shoots Con's plane*
Con: *gets under other fighter*
Mexican pilot: He went under!
2nd pilot: Dropping bombs
Con: *hits eject button*
Mexican pony32: *flies into enemy plane*
Con: Welp, those three are dead!
The 12th Con Mane story is..
Tomorrow Always dies.
Doughnut Joe....................Con Mane
arc en ciel Dash...................Rain Bouvier
Sydney P. Johnson............T
Lyra Heartstrings...............Miss. Moneybit
Japanese ponies...............Good guys
South Koreans..................Good guys
North Koreans...................Bad guys
Cars provided par
Somewhere in the sea of Japon
Japanese sgt: How much longer until we get into Busan?
Japanese captain: Only 20 miles. The south koreans are going to need our supplies quickly.
Korean pilot1: juui ilbon-eo bae beonho 62557 , dangsin-eun bughan yeongto e chim-ib habnida.. (Attention Japanese bateau No. 62557, toi are trespassing in North Korean territory.)
Japanese pony8: They found us! Get defense weapons ready!
japanese ponies: *load guns*
Korean pilot1: gong-gyeog junbi. (Get ready to attack)
Korean pilot2: gikkeoi. (With pleasure) *shoot boat*
Korean pilot1: *launches missile*
Japanese captain: Abandon ship!!
Japanese ponies: *jump off boat*
Just when everyone got off the boat, it exploded.
Japanese captain: They're leaving. We must swim to shore. *swims*
Popeye: Waiting for them to come.
Steve Jobs: Come, ou cum?
Popeye: toi know which one I'm talking about.
Steve Jobs: Cum.
Japanese ponies: Please help us.
Popeye: Ok *shoots japanese ponies* It's done.
Steve Jobs: Nice work. Now when toi get here, cum.
Popeye: Just, stop!
Meanwhile in the United States of Equestria
Dutch mare: bent uitstekend in Nederlands te spreken, Mr..? (You are excellent at speaking Dutch, Mr..?
Con: Mane. Con Mane
Dutch mare: Ik wou dat je niet zo snel gaan (I wish toi didn't have to go so soon.)
Con: Ja goed je weet houe het is helaas. (Yeah well toi know how it is unfortunately.)
Con's phone soon starts to ring. Just when the two were about to make out
Moneybit: Con, where are you?
Con: On my way now. *hangs up.* Wordt vervolgd (To be continued)
Con went to the CIE HQ after he got the call from Moneybit.
P: Hi Con
Con: Hello P. How is it going?
P: Not too good. Check the newspaper
Con: 24 Japanese ponies killed while trying to deliver supplies to South Korea.
P: We have found out that Steve Jobs is the one responsible for causing this mass murder.
Con: He's not even a pony. He's human!
P: I might also be human soon, so get this mission over with!
Con: Alright, does S have any gadgets for me?
P: Ja, go see him before toi leave.
Con: *goes to lab* S?
S: Right here Con.
Con: Oh hey, toi were behind me the whole time.
S: Yeah, uh listen I'm about to grow into an adult dragon soon, and I have to retire.
Con: Well who's going to take your place?
??: I am
Then came a poney with a car for Con.
S: This is the poney replacing me, Sydney P. Johnson
Con: If you're S, does that make him T?
T: Exactly. The car I have arranged for toi is a Meuzda Amuem. I added some gadgets to protect it from car thefts, while S worked on the weaponry.
S: And here is a cell phone, also capable of being a remote controller for your car.
T: Another thing you'll need *gives Con gun* We a volé, étole this from the North Koreans, so toi don't have to worry about ammunition. Steal it from them.
Con: Anything else?
T: A veste for toi to wear. In case toi fall off any ledge toi can use an inflation device. Take the lower part of the zipper, and insert it-
S: Oh pull the tag! *pulls tag*
T: *gasps* toi said- *falls on floor* AAAAGH!! S!!!
Con: He seems well suited for the job.
Con: You're not retiring anytime soon. Are you?
S: toi listen well Con, I've always tried to teach toi two things. First, never let them see toi bleed.
Con: And the second?
S: Always have an escape plan *disapeers*
T: Where did the dragon go?
Con: No clue, but I can tell toi he's wearing a cloak.
Con had to go to Las Pegasus where Steve Jobs was hosting a party for his "excellent" news
car: Srow down!
Con: I wish S told me about the car talking!
usher: *opens door*
Con: *hands over keys* Don't let her boss toi around.
Con walked into the building. When he got there, he was greeted with loud music, and flashing lights.
Con: Now let's see what they have here.
Carrot Top: Con?
Con: Oh, hey. I haven't seen toi in a while
Carrot Top: *slaps Con*
Con: I see now. Other then being gone for too long what have I done to you?
Carrot Top: toi don't remember?
Con: That's why I asked.
Carrot Top: How about the words, I'll be right back?
Con: I was captured par immigrants that wanted me dead. I didn't mean to break your heart.
Carrot Top: Well guess what, toi did!
Steve Jobs: I see toi met my wife, Mr..?
Con: Mane. Con Mane.
Steve Jobs: *gives free Ipad* I don't just make the best hand held devices, I'm now in the news business.
Con: I'll bet that goes really well.
Steve Jobs: It does, thanks for asking.
Con: That wasn't a question. *puts Ipad in jacket*
Steve Jobs: Well I have to go now *leaves*
Con: toi married that man?!
Carrot Top: Hey, he's better then you.
Con: Why couldn't it have been Lyra Heartstrings that married this man? *walks away*
Steve Jobs had plans to attack both the japanese, and the koreans to force them into a war. He would make it look like they attacked each other, but he needed blueprints to a machine he was creating to do that. Con went to steal them.
Mexicans: *guarding blueprint room*
Con: Hola *shoots russians*
Steve Jobs: What was that?
mexican pony12: Gun shots! Sounded like it came from the 2nd floor!
Steve Jobs: Then what are toi waiting for? Get reinforcements!
mexican pony12: Yes sir!
Con: *steals blueprints*
mexicans: There he is!
??: *K.O's mexicans*
Con: Was that? (It couldn't have been. Time to kill the power) *turns power off*
Steve Jobs: What is going on?!
guests: *run for exit*
Steve Jobs: NO! Stay! This party is being filmed live!
The power comes back on, but there was some plus bad news for Steve.
Film crew: We're no longer on air!
Steve Jobs: Why?
Film crew: We don't know
Steve Jobs: You're fired! Get these ponies out of my sight!!
Carrot Top: Steve, it's ok. Some people have to deal with the loss of power.
Steve Jobs: Not me! I am the greatest man ever. I have made so much great news, and devices!
??: *leaves through glass ceiling*
Steve Jobs: Great! Now the ceiling is destroyed!!
??: People that live in glass ceilings should go buck theirselves!
The suivant day, Con went to his apartment in L.P. to inform P that he had the blueprints to Steve Job's weapon.
Con: *parks car*
mexicans: He has a red Meuzda parked on 5th street.
Popeye: I'll deal with Con, toi get the blueprints from his car.
Con: P, it's 0007. I have the blueprints. I'll send them to toi as soon as possible.
Popeye: *shoots phone* Time's up.
Con: I didn't even put in a quarter.
Popeye: Well, that's not neccesary. *sits on bed*
Meanwhile two Dodge trucks, and a tow truck arrived par Con's car
Mexican pony78: We'll wait here, in case he comes.
Steve Jobs: I hope he doesn't cum.
Popeye: Why do toi want to prevent Mr. Jobs from doing what he does best?
Con: What's that, kill many innocent ponies?
mexicans: *shoot door handles*
mexican pony84: The bullets just richocheted off!!
mexican pony78: Get the sledgehammers. We'll break the windows.
Popeye: He makes really good hand held devices though.
Con: He is a murderer, and toi know it.
mexicans: *hit glass*
mexican pony84: Great.... Not a single window broke.
mexican pony78: Let's try picking the lock. *grabs keys*
mexican pony84: Why didn't I think of that?
Of course that didn't work, because the keys got electrocuted, and shocked the poney holding them.
Popeye: Well if toi really hate Steve Jobs, then let's get this over with
mexican pony84: Popeye! We can't get into his car! HELP!!
Popeye: Oh jeez. I need to borrow your phone
Con: Alright, who do toi want me to call?
Popeye: No, I'm calling them. How do I do it?
Con: Hit that button above the three, and get your number.
Popeye: *hits button, and gets electrocuted*
Con: *grabs gun*
Popeye: Wait! I'm just a professional doing a job!
Con: Me too *kills Popeye*
The spy then ran toward his car. No one saw him, and he used the remote control setting to get his car toward him.
mexicans: What the hay?
Con: *gets in car, and drives*
Steve jobs: After him! *drives truck*
mexican pony84: *shoots windows* Oh now they break!
car: Incoming car, rook out!
Con: *turns right*
Mexican pony78: *follows Steve*
Con: *goes into parking garage*
Mexican pony84: He went into that building! After him!
Steve Jobs: I'm the boss here! *follows*
Mexican pony78: *also following* The suspect has gone into the seconde floor!
Mexican pony89: *flying helicopter*
Con: *shoots missiles*
Mexican pony89: I'm hit *flies into garage*
Mexican pony78: Push him into the wreckage!
Con: *drives on 3rd floor*
Steve Jobs: He's close! I got this
Con : *drops tacks*
Steve jobs: I don't got this *crashes into car*
Mexican pony78: I got this *follows Con*
Con: *jumps out of car*
They didn't notice Con jump out of the car, and he used had the remote control to déplacer his car around
Con: *goes to haut, retour au début floor*
Mexican pony78: *follows*
Con: *drives through wall*
The car then flew to the other side of the road, and crashed into a store below
Mexican pony78: *falls off edge*
car: Congraturations for a sûr, sans danger journey
Con: sûr, sans danger my ass. *walks away*
He still had the blueprints, and went to give them to P
After delivering the blueprints, Con was sent to a german military base in South Korea.
Fenix: Con, great to see toi again
Con: Fenix, toi can fucking walk! How's it been?
Fenix: Alright, but it was painful to get the leg on.
Con: At least toi have one.
Fenix: So what do toi want?
Con: I need to find out about a sunken ship in the sea of japan. Steve Jobs attacked it, but made it look like the North Koreans did the destruction
Fenix: I know how to get toi there
6 minutes later, they were flying 4,500 feet above the water.
Fenix: Now what toi want to do is cut the rope right when toi hit the water.
Con: I'll keep that in mind. *jumps*
german pony63: Sir, look at this!
Fenix: What is it?
German pony63: One of our spies is heading toward the wreckage as well.
Fenix: Could it be?
German pony63: I don't think it's her sir.
Con landed in the water, and cut the rope like Fenix told him too. Now he just had to inspect the wreck.
Con: *swims to bottom*
??: *grabs Con*
Con: Rain Bouvier?!
Con: What are toi doing?
Rain: Helping you. Follow me
Con: What are toi montrer me?
Rain: Something that hit the ship. It was reported that korean jets bombed it, but it was hit par a submarine missile.
Con: Well that explains a lot. *takes picture* Let's go.
The two ponies swam back to the top, only to be spotted par Korean helicopters. And....
Steve Jobs: Nice job toi guys. Now bring them to HQ
koreans: *jump in water*
Rain: Hold on *grabs Con*
Con: What are we doing?
Rain: *flies* This
Steve Jobs: After her!!
Rain: They're catching up!
Con: Let's steal that bi-plane
Steve Jobs: *grabs gun* Stay on them
Rain: *lands in airplane*
Con: Allow me *flies*
korean pilot: *shoots at plane*
Con: *dodges bullets*
Steve Jobs: This guy is too good.
Con: Take this *gives chain* Throw it at the rotor on the chopper!
Rain: I'm on it *throws chain*
Steve Jobs: What is she doing?
Korean pilot: She got chains to destroy our rotors, we're losing altitude!
The helicopter then fell into the river, while Con, and Rain flew away
Con: toi were good with the chain.
Rain: Thanks. That's from growing up with others that didn't like me. toi did good flying the plane.
Con: That, is from not growing up at all.
Con: Thanks. Now we just stop the suivant attack, which will be at the same spot as the précédant one.
Rain: Let's do it.
Con, and Rain got a sailboat, and went to the sight of the suivant attack. The sun was setting while they were sailing.
Rain: I never got to have a bateau like this. It's cool.
Con: I agree. *sees boat* That's the one.
Rain: Is that a stealth boat?
Con: Yeah it is. *goes in*
Rain: So awesome!! *follows*
korean major: I heard someone say this bateau was awesome. Kill her.
Rain: *kicks major into water*
korean major: NO!! *swims* You're lucky!!
Con: Let's go.
Our Heroes went into a room that showed a radar, and what positions the koreans were attacking.
Steve Jobs: Keep this up, we can't let South Korea get any supplies.
Snails: When toi see the boat, launch those missiles.
Con: Oh great, this guy.
Rain: Someone toi know?
Con: I was told he makes the weapons for Steve Jobs.
Rain: Then, let's sabotage them.
Korean pony55: *walks in* Intruders!!
Steve Jobs: It's Con, and the agent for MI3!
Con: *shoots koreans*
Rain: *kills power*
Steve Jobs: Now I get it. I Lost power at last night's party because of toi two. I should have known the l’amour couple would be here.
Rain: We are not in love!
Steve Jobs: Say that all toi want, but we all know the truth. Tie them up
Con, and Rain were eventually tied up on the floor, and couldn't get up. What will they do now?
Not far away from the stealth boat, a japanese freighter was sending supplies to South Korea. Things were going to be the same as it was in the précédant attack, ou were they?
Steve Jobs: I see the japanese boat.
Snails: Get the North Koreans notified about this.
Steve Jobs: The Japanese will try to attack, but we need that missile to hit Hong Kong, is it ready?
Snails: Press the magic button, and Hong Kong dissapears.
Steve Jobs: You've outlived your contract. *kills Snails*
Con: How dare you?!
Steve Jobs: It was snails, no one likes him, not even the bronies!
korean pony54: We have two airplanes heading toward them.
Steve Jobs: Excellent. Get the newspapers ready.
Con: *shoots korean pony54*
Steve Jobs: Stop him!
koreans: *restrain Rain Bouvier*
Rain: Let me go!
Steve Jobs: Tie her to the crane, and let her drown.
Con: *kills koreans*
Steve Jobs: What the fuck do toi think I pay toi for?! KILL HIM!!
Con: *kills Steve Jobs*
koreans: Our leader is dead *commit suicide*
Meanwhile in Canterlot
S: Con killed Steve Jobs
P: Yes! Now his acts of terrorism are done for!
Japanese: Hold on, what's that?
north koreans: It's a stealth boat. A missile is being launched from it!
Con: *hits abbort code*
Japanese: The missile is falling!
north koreans: Where was it heading?
Japaese: No idea. Why were we fighting again?
North koreans: No clue *leave*
Con: *returns to Canterlot*
rain: *goes to ponyville*
In memory of Ian Fleming, the creator of James Bond.