Nelian felt that something bad is gonna happen , specially after he met stark (an pure evil guy ), so he started looking for some new , strong power , somehow he could get a hidden power of the strongest demon in the planet , once he came back , he found his parent been controlled and surrounded with strange creatures , they were freezed at first , so he got rid of these creatures pretty fast then head to his parents when..
his Dad: * moves his head * they maybe controlled your mother .... * looks at him surprizingly * but I still with my full mind want to destroy this damn planet!
Nelian: what!...

I asked someone to read it and she replied with some stuff that helped me to focus on many things in my story , (she's got soo many good thing in her gallery ! ) and she gave me this reply:

Hi

The story is interesting though was a little confusing in parts. Is this part of a bigger story? I think it was because the first few lines are like a synopsis and the rest appears to be dialogue. It threw me a little.

The idea of Nelian fighting the dark forces, with what appears to be his own dark powers (taken from a demon). I like the concept of this, Nelian using such negative powers rather than going...