Alucard's hotness not in question

I found this online. It's a real conversation a bookstore employee apparently had with a Twilight fan. It didn't happen to me. I found it funny, thought toi guys might too.

(A customer in her late teens approaches me in the bookstore.)
Customer: “Hey, do toi guys sell the Twilight books?”
Me: “Yes, they’re right over there.”
Customer: “Have toi read them?”
Me: “Yes, I have.”
Customer: “Didn’t toi just l’amour them?!”
Me: “Well, actually, they aren’t really my type of book, so–”
Customer: *suddenly furious* “Are toi f***ing serious?! These are the best livres ever written! I’m going to tell Edward to come and bite toi and drink all your blood!”
Me: *backing away* “Have a nice day, ma’am…”