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This is a good idea. We need this type of place for people to vent/reach out.
I was actually kind of thinking about something like this. There are so many people on this site who I genuinely care for and its hard hearing that they are struggling. It's awful not being able to do anything; it's like you want to be there for the person but if you post your address and shit you'll get some weirdo (probably me) showing up at your door and raiding your fridge or something. So that's a no go lol. Support is always good.

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Nice idea Riku. I might share some bits when I'm on my tablet

This is a very good idea. Thumbs up.

That is a nice idea indeed. Provided people are actually willing to open up, a Thread like this could do a lot. Whatever your case might be, you don't lose nothing from sharing. I believe it is pretty clear at this point that most here have their own dealings to go through. I have my own as well. Some that I might already have mentioned and others, not so much. Paying heed to the experiences of others can go a long way. It is just like it got mentioned above. Success stories do happen and a bad mental state is not permanent. That is something that I have come to realize myself through quite a few struggles. The same could be done for others. I'll probably share some from these experiences of mine later as well !!!!

As much as I think this is a good idea. I won't be sharing issues that bother me on this forum as I feel they are private and I do not want anyone to use it against me. But I do strongly approve of this forum riku.

And thus I won't be here really contributing as I want to make sure I don't contribute to accidentally making this forum toxic and I want this to be an absolute safe place.

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I appreciate the offer but I won't come by to rant as I am very insensitive sometimes when angry and thus will invalidate my wish to keep it safe. I need to not have any influence on this forum. The second I cuss/etc someone out because I don't keep my cool in a time of weakness is the time I cause this forum to be toxic. I rather deal with it myself (or if I really need help talk to you or other friends) I rather not jeopardize this forum in anyway as I feel this is very important. And when I think something is very important I try my best to abide by my beliefs.

NGL a good many of my issues are privet like Blind's and I keep a lot of it to myself save for PM's. But I'm hear to listen. I think if anyone should have made this forum it should have been you, Riku. You seem to have a lot of experience with it first hand and that can help a lot. I kind of just go in with a very vague sense of understanding and hope for the best when trying to help someone; especially IRL because I'm a play it off with humor kind of person. And that's not always what people need.

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I want to post a rant. Okay, so I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I would like to think I do a pretty okay job of managing myself, but I also know that a lot of my personality flaws stem from that, and without it then maybe I would be half as perfect as I think I am.
But anyway, disorders really don't get the respect they deserve. It's not at all uncommon for someone with autism, depression, bipolar disorder, and shit like that to just get blown off. "Oh, you're depressed? Well, just be happy and get over it." "You're autistic, well why don't you just get out more and/or try this alternative medicine thing?" Quotes like that are far too common.
But we people with personality disorders, we don't get awareness groups who are trying to change that. Our disorder is reduced to fucking movie plots. "Look at this character, he's the bad guy with psychopathy, that means he's like not human and just an unfeeling beast who only wants to murder." We've all seen movies or books or shit like that. That makes me want to beat the shit out of somebody. It's bad enough that reducing a character down to just a mental disorder without giving a backstory or anything is lazy writing, but to act like people with personality disorders aren't human, or don't have feelings makes me mad enough that I want to murder somebody.
We aren't horror plot devices, we aren't monsters, we aren't bad people, we're different and still want to be accepted.

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even the small things depresses me easily! i just get a sudden strong urge to cry then and there but i try my best to control them and try not to cry in front of anyone...... even if i feel someone is rude to me, i get depressed and ends up spoiling my whole day....it just pains a lot....even a small scolding from my family members brings me to tears....
im not exaggerating it......i just cant help it! :(

I'm starting the new semester of college (I was supposed to have gone yesterday, but there was a snow day yesterday and today) and I'm feeling absolutely overwhelmed with everything! Blackboard (An online thing for college, in case someone doesn't know) is acting weird and won't let me sign on and I have homework that requires me to be on Blackboard for that class in order to get it done. Today I was catching up on some work the teachers gave us so we don't fall too far behind and I didn't have the energy to make myself lunch until about 5:30. I had planned on taking a shower this morning but I didn't because I didn't have the energy or motivation to do it. I had to try and force myself to at least have enough energy to brush my teeth and put on deodorant. I've been needing to send some documents to the place that gives me disability for school and to make an appointment with my therapist that I haven't seen since late summer. I just don't seem to have any energy to make the effort for much of anything and I just get so nervous talking to people and making phone calls.

I keep on realizing that as I keep on living that all the stress in life is never going to end until I am dead. I'm also close to graduating and I don't have a plan to get where I want to go. I want to work at Disney making movies as a writer and director but I don't have enough experience. It took me until last semester to finally have the guts to audition for a play at my college and I didn't get a part. I was so embarrassed that I had absolutely no acting experience to put down on my audition sheet. Because I'm so shy and nervous, I wasted time I could've used auditioning for other plays at my college and it's too late for me to get any experience in that. My only real credit is that I directed a 10-minute play for my directing class.

I have nothing else as a credit to my name for a serious resume, I'm just a nothing with dreams that are too big for me to accomplish, I have no plan on what to do, and I'm going to end up not just being a housekeeper at a hospital (A job that I DESPISE) for the summer but soon for the rest of my life. I might as well have just never even existed and it wouldn't have made an important difference in anyone's life. I don't plan on committing suicide, though I have those thoughts, because my older drug addict brother killed himself in jail. That hurt my family A LOT and I don't wanna put them through that again. But very few people outside of my family would care if I died and if I never existed it wouldn't have made a difference in anyone's life. I'm just so emotional right now and am NOT looking forward to classes tomorrow! I just feel like crawling under my bedsheets and waiting for death.

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Okay, maybe I should have done it sooner, but maybe I shouldn't have done it at all. Today I tried to look up things to know on how to be a mother while coping with Borderline Personality Disorder. I got nothing, or rather, getting nothing at all might have been a better result.
What I got was a bunch of articles on how to cope with, or even recover from a borderline mother. I get that when untreated, BPD can have negative effects on the people around you. Many of you on fanpop have seen even my own explosive behavior, but all of the resources paint the borderline mother like some kind of evil villain, and there is no help for anyone who might want to be a mother.
But you know what, maybe those fucking sons of bitches who wrote the articles shouldnt have kids, they dont fucking think about how their damn articles effect people like me and how it can hurt to see how society really views you, society is the problem, not me, society is evil, im fine

seriously considering not having kids

Welp, I guess it is time for me to join the party as well. Instead of starting with a success story like I mentioned, I would like to post a rant of mine first actually. It is something that has been bothering me for quite a while and since the opportunity presented itself, letting it out in this Forum seems like the best thing to do. Not that a weight like that can go away anytime soon but sharing it certainly feels like some sort of progress as awkward as it might be.

It has to do with a certain emptiness I feel inside me. The kind of feeling that has been burdening me for years. My childhood wasn't really carefree due to various circumstances that I'm probably going to mention in another post because they are mostly connected with my Success Stories. What I would like to bring up at the moment are after-effects that still linger around. Anyway, due to those various circumstances that I have mentioned, I used to be pretty enclosed to myself. I wasn't really social and had a pretty hard time approaching others. If I did, my awkwardness made things worse. There were a lot of times where I had been misunderstood, stigmatized, made fun of, denied and abused in overall because of certain aspects which were differentiating me from the rest. Many relationships that I had formed ended up pretty badly as they were mostly turning out to be fake. There was a point where I had grown sick of interacting with people. I just wanted to vanish from existence. Since I wasn't able to do that, I chose to wait for Nature to take its course. I just wanted to abandon everything. Throw it all away. Not caring about anything. I hated the fact that I had emotions and how pathetic these were making me. Why I continued being considerate, sympathetic and positive to others when I was receiving the exact opposite in the end? It was like a natural reaction and it really tormented me. I used to live like a shut-in. Going to school for a few hours only to return and lock myself in my room for the rest of the day. That is how earlier years were passing by. Fortunately, my Family was there for me. It took a lot of effort to reach the point I find myself now. I received help and made major improvements one way or another. I started socializing more, taking part in various activities that helped me grow even further and established some solid bonds. The difference between the me of the present and the me of the past is vast. One thing that remains however, is the aforementioned emptiness inside. It concerns Human relations. I can't deny that I still have the fear of the past repeating itself and them turning out to be futile. Do I really know how true friendship is supposed to feel like? Can I actually reach out to others and have a mutual understanding with them? Do people really feel relating to me? Are people only nice to me just for the sake of making it seem like that? Why would a person characterize me as being ''Awesome'' when I certainly do not feel like that? Would others really notice if I was gone? Perhaps, I will come out as boring or end up being betrayed again if I let my guard down. I feel being completely alone and that this is something that will never change. Even if I'm surrounded by quite a few people, it is like they can't understand me at all in the end. While I know that this does not hold true in many cases, these kind of worries are still rooted inside me because of all the negativity I have already experienced. I'm working on it just like with other issues of mine and try not to let my stress or depression take over me. I still have a way to go though. As I am prone to mood swings, I can't help but get pretty depressive and then turn back to being pretty optimistic in a matter of minutes. Life can be really tiring regardless of what you do with it and could also prove to be pointless in the end but that's just one more reason why you should make the most of it, I guess.

It is not something that I usually mention to others but I don't see the reason to hide it either. Gotta confront one's past and come to terms with it. Only then you can move past it. I could mention more but that's the gist of things for now, pretty much. !!!!

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If you ever want to see a grown man in a mechanic's jumpsuit crying on his knees, should have been in the hospital a couple of days ago.
Why? Well, that grown man overcame something huge in his life, he got me knocked up.

I'm posting something here on behalf of my husband, Carlos Kilroy. He has an Autism spectrum disorder, Asperger's syndrome. I know at least a few of you have heard of it

The thing about growing up with an autism spectrum disorder is, partially due to oversimplifications of the truth, partially due to prejudice, but you grow up being told that you would never be a functional adult. The predictions vary, some say you will never have a steady job, others say you will never have a wife, others say you will never have children.
My husband got his current job as a mechanic at 19 working for a small independent shop here in town. Now he is one of the most valuable workers there, with skills from everything from automatic transmissions, to bodywork. He isn't the most skilled at any one thing, but he can do anything related to fixing cars. It reminds me of the days when I used to watch him and my bothers restore old trucks for fun, I knew I loved him even then.
We got married, and I immediately felt bad for him, forever stuck with a bitch and a slut like me. Who could love someone like me? He does, because my husband is exactly the kind of person who sees the best in people no matter what, even to a fault, and that is why I will always need him, nobody else complements me like he does, nobody else sees the smart, beautiful, hard working, and caring Enya that he does. I think he's delusional, but that's what he sees.
Well, I learned a couple of days ago that I'm pregnant, and I'm scared as fuck, this isn't a small deal, not just for the fact that I'm starting a family, but also for the fact that I'm going to officially be a mother, and that has always been my biggest life's dream. Being next in line to inherit my father's ranch is cool, having a kick ass F-100 is cool, but being a mother has always been dream number one. My husband shared that sentiment, except unlike me, he was brought up being told he would never have a family, but all in one hospital visit, everyone was wrong, and the same asperger's syndrome that everyone told him would rule his life, had been conquered. He won, and that is the final proof that he had finally overcome that one last final struggle against his disorder, and so he cried, he cried so hard that I had to drive home, and we cuddled the rest of the night

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I have a problem being too positive about everything!
and most of the times that leaves me disappointed. How to deal with this?

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Much appreciated, Riku.

But I am pretty much in the same boat as Blind about sharing things. I mean, I kinda want to, but I also don't wanna start shit. I'm pretty open about a lot of things about myself on this site (hence why I love Fanpop so much), but even then, I don't think any of y'all are ready for all the shit that goes on in my head. And there's quite a lot. If I ever do feel conformable sharing anything, I will do so (either here or in a PM, depending on what it is I want to share), but for the moment, I'll continue to keep it private.

Almost everyone on this club has been very welcoming towards me, and I appreciate that. I really do. But I get the feeling I may end up digging myself a hole by spewing out things I probably shouldn't. Even on here. Thanks again for making this, though.

Peace :D

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I've been wanting to end my life too, ever since I lost my job at the thrift store. Then I go to a dayhab full if drama. It's like a terrible nightmare.

I've also been separated from my foster family that I've been close too. Transitioning is tough though. It forced me to take antidepressants. Even then, that shit doesn't work.

I'm trying to look on the bright side, but that doesn't work either.

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Well... I would open up and say stuff but...I have reasons not to. I don’t want to scare anyone or make my problems any bigger. I don’t want to think about certain things I have been trying to forget. Being open and honest would terrify me. And other stuff. This doesn’t mean I don’t trust you guys.., I just can’t.
Stay Alive |-/

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I commented something but it deleted it and honestly I don’t have the strength to write it again. All I can say is Thanks. Stay Alive |-/

This is something that is hard for me to talk about and I can't talk about specific things because I'm afraid how everyone here might see me. I have some cousins that live five hours away from me and I'm really close with them but something happened. It wasn't anything they did, although my sixteen-year-old cousin was partly responsible, but rather something I did and it's mostly my fault. I didn't realize it was as wrong as it was at the time, even though I still didn't feel right about it. I really can't say what it is because I'm not comfortable saying it. But ever since what happened was discovered, I haven't been able to see or even be allowed to contact my cousins (Two of them are adults that are married to each other, so it isn't being grounded or anything like that) because I could get in more trouble. I'm afraid of what might happen in the future, but I'm sadder that I can't talk to or see my cousins. I love and miss them so much that it physically hurts me. I was told by my two adult cousins that I helped in their family drama with their difficult teenager and was a good influence on him but I think they're better off without me. I miss them so much and it kills me that I can't talk to them or see them, but yesterday I thought maybe they were just better off without me in their lives. The person I hate most in the world has always been myself, but this whole thing makes me hate myself SO MUCH MORE than ever.

I might end up deleting this later because I'm afraid how people might react to this, even though I didn't say exactly what happened. I'm just so scared..... And sad....

I hate the way most people can't differentiate between being nervous and having an anxiety disorder. Pressuring someone to do something that causes them extreme anxiety can result in a mental breakdown. Yes, it is rewarding to master/achieve something that previously made you uncomfortable, but if you force someone to do/confront something that affects a person beyond the level of just "discomfort", they could have an anxiety attack or worse before they are ever able to "achieve" anything. For some people the risk just isn't worth it at the time. It's not being "lazy" or "unmotivated", it's prioritizing mental health.

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I need a new car cause mine broke and I don't have money for reasons I can't really talk about here but it's been driving me crazy because I'm stuck and have no idea what to do.
And my family might be losing our house so...awesome. :D

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I'm glad somebody actually cares. I thought none of you cared. My mental health problems is autism/Asperger's syndrome, ADHD, and I use to have depression. And frankly use to be suicidal. I was depressed because I had no friends at all. Just nobody to talk to. And because I was always being teased for being black. I was so lonely, didn't know what to do. So one day, I took a knife and I tried to cut myself. Right on my arm. I tried to slit up my arm. But then, two girls who were always teasing me, saw me about to cut, they stopped me and ratted me out. Stupid snitches. And it's their fault I tried to cut me. I blame them. They always made fun of me everyday. They're the ones who made me so depressed. And they ruined my moment to cut myself. Why the heck did they care? There's an ironic thing I use to always think about. First off, I almost died at birth. I almost miscarried. But I made it. But still, I could be dead right now. And I always thought that the reason why I almost didn't make it at birth is because I wasn't meant to live in the first place. Like I'm not supposed to be here alive right now. I still think that today. So anyway because of my autism/Asperger's syndrome, I'm not independent enough to do everything own my own. And by that, I mean I'm not independent in survival. I can't live by myself, I don't know how to pay bills, pays rent, drive, I have no job or any of that stuff. I'm already 24. I'm already an adult but I still can't live like an adult. At least not yet. I definitely can't have a child of my own right now. I still live like a kid. That's why I act kinda childish. I look too young for my age. And I act young for my age. But I really do wanna live and act like an adult but I can't. I don't know how. I always have to depend on my mom to decide some stuff for me. And let me make this clear. The reason why I act like a child (even though I'm not) is because I have Asperger's syndrome and there's nothing I can do about it. I was born with this syndrome. It's just who I am. I know some of you don't believe I'm 24 years old just because I act pretty childish. But I swear on my own grave I am a young adult. I have no reason to lie about my age. I told you I act childish because of my autism and there's nothing I can do about it. Or I don't know what to do about it. If anybody still think I'm making it up, tough! So please believe me about my age. And I hope I've made myself clear on that. And I really don't want y'all to think that I'm an idiot. I've been called dumb years back and it still hurts today. Autistic people are very smart. We are not stupid. We are not weird. We're just different. And we are very special. We're special because we have autism. I'm special because of my Asperger's. So please don't think I'm an idiot. And please don't think I'm not special. But I do have to admit it. Often, my autism kinda makes me feel like an idiot. Just because I can't do exactly everything own my own. So anyway I'm a sketch artist, I like to paint, I write my own fantasy stories that I might publish, and I make tie dye shirts. I'm very artistic. I'm all about art. And all about fantasy. And just like y'all, I like anime. My favorite anime show(s) is Pokémon, and this anime show called charlette that I watch on Hulu. And another show but I don't really what it's called. I use to watch dragon ball and dragon ball Z all ththe time back then. But it hardly comes on anymore. I know that has noth No to do with anything. But that's what y'all like, right? Anime stuff. I like anime too. Just thought I tell y'all that as something we all have in common. And I love Japanese horror movies. Japan makes the best horror movies ever. I have a few favorites. But I don't feel like naming them right now. Again. I know that's off topic. But I know that what y'all like and it's what I like too. Well that's my story about my mental illness. And I really need somebody here who can understand me. That's all I'm asking. Just understand me. I didn't mean to act childish. But I couldn't help it. I don't know what to do about it.

As a person who has been physically and mentally abused as a child it always makes me concern that I will hurt my own baby sister!!!
which I love so much and would rather die than do such thing to her.

I'm terrified of this because if i see other people's children being hurt even getting hit in front of me it doesn't bother me and it makes me feel like a bad guy and it sadness me so much :(

Thank you!
Riku Thisssss your words ...I really appreciate it.
You’re amazing :)

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My father fucked up my life in the past and till this day he is getting worse. Guess what asshole because of you I'm stronger mentally and will kick your ass if I had to.

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Sometimes it's useful to pin an important topic for forums!

Fanpop Fail..

Hello everyone ! I'm going to start a master's degree (I think it's how you say it in english ?) in psychology in a few day and I'm beginning to be really anxious. I have generalised anxiety and even if I diidn't have too much dificulties with my bachelor degree, it made my anxiety worse, so I'm really afraid the master degree will make it even worst. And I'm also afraid that it will be to dificult for me... Does anyone have any advice ? Either people who have been trough something like this, or someone who know good techniques to calm down anxiety ? (Sorry for my english, I haven't practiced in years, I hope it's still understandable haha)