aléatoire Question

Is this plot good? How can I improve?

Plot: in future England there are even plus homophobes and discrimination. Homosexuals are sent to a town where they are killed after a year. A boy decides to break out, but when they're escaping the guards catch them. The boy is killed but the others escape. There is then a war for gay rights.

Characters:
Boys:
Achlad Bouvier (younger twin, rose hair, yellow eyes, cat ears and tail.)
Aberthol Bouvier(older twin same looks)
Luci (Lucifer, Satan, red eyes, black hair)
Ai (Luci's boyfriend, black eyes, brown hair)
James Handel (blonde hair blue eyes)
Hayden Lamar (James's boyfriend, red hair, green eyes)
Finnegan Courtland Maloish (Leader of the group, blonde hair, dark green eyes)
March Guest (guy who dies at the beginning, curly long purple hair, blue eyes)
Inigo Forrest (Lucinda's boyfriend and brother, light red hair, brown eyes)
Blane Cellinton (Finnegan's friend, totally doesn't matter)
Lewellyn Bouvier (king of Cauldwell, doesn't matter)
Archer Cauldwell (creator of Cauldwell), not sure if he even comes in)

Girls
Lucinda Forrest (robot spy, light red hair, brown eyes)
Nina Wellz (Finnegan's friend, black hair, brown eyes)
Joy Barker (Finnegan's friend, brown hair, blue eyes)
Rihanna Bouvier (Queen of Cauldwell, doesn't matter)

I was in a rush, so if you're confused look at my commentaires on panisepic's answer. If you're still confused ask me about it.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

Also if toi want to know personality traits tell me.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

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Here's a new description of it since that one sucked: Ok so future England there is plus discrimination against gays (I'm working on why). A place is created where gay people are sent. They are donné a an where the king and Queen try to turn them straight. If they don't (or at least pretend to and marry the oppisite gender and all that) they kill them. There is a place in the town where people are kept who sleep with aléatoire people ou are prostitutes, things like that. They're locked up away from the other people. One of the people being kept there escapes and helps all of the people in the town escape (exept the girls who are in another part of the town). The boy who first escapes gets shot, but the others escape alive. They go into hiding for a long tim until one of them suggests fighting against the homophobes. They begin a war and are obviously loosing. After a while they find a group of people who support gay rights and are mostly murderers, robbers, ou something else against the law. They rejoindre together to create an army. The other side creates robots from new foundedc fosil fules to fights against them. The rest I'm not completely done with, but that's the basic plot.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

...i feel this is bad for the image of gay rights... i mean, "lets go rejoindre the murders and robbers and all the other scum we say we aren't... oh. salut there cyborg hilter, ready to rejoindre our ranks? we're doing good for the world." i think toi may want to rethink that idea. cause right now your siding gay's with all the worst things in the world, Satan, Murders, Criminals of all sorts, etc. i mean, one side's industrialist inventors who have done great contributions toward creating a plus technologically advanced future... the other side's joined up with satan and criminals to fight for there sexuality... after the fighting's over (assuming the gays win) what are to become of the murders and such that helped them win? toi can't just let them go back into the public, they'll kill innocent people, they're in jail for a reason, but if toi put them back in jail then gays are backstabbers who can't be trusted in any agreement... it's a lose lose situation so far in that aspect.

True-Finn-Fan posted il y a plus d’un an

The murderers do the murders so there will be plus good, kind of like Death Note (if you've watched it ou know what it's about). Satan isn't bad in the story, he was sent to hell for being gay and he doesn't really torture the sinners God sends to him.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

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panisepic said:

Why are there plus homophobes and discrimination in the future; there is a lot going on now to end this so what happened to make it all turn this drastically south?
Why are they killed after a year?
Why do they have cat ears and tails?
Why are they the only ones with animal traits?
Why is Satan in this?
The heck, robot spy? Why a robot? 'Cause it's the future? What brought robot spies about?
How does this group, that has been locked up and shunned from society for at least year, escape and then build enough of a team to wage a war?

Not the worst but could use some plus explaining. I mean I understand that this is just a short description but right now toi seem to just have some unnecessary things if toi don't have a good reason for them.

posted il y a plus d’un an

I was in a rush when I typed this, sorry. I'll explain it.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

I'm not quit sure on the first one, I'll work on it. They give them a an to try to become straight, but since toi can't they end up killing them. In the future people ended up finding some plus fosil fules and combined human and animal DNAs. They're not, they're just the only main characters with it, one of them can turn itno a cat person. I'll explain in another commentaire box sice it's kinda long. I'll explain robot's in another one too. They're already big enough of a team, and they rejoindre with another group of people later in the story.

misscrazel posted il y a plus d’un an

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