Some of the characters from POM are in a group therapy room and I'm the therapist.
Me: Glad to see everyone here. Who'd like to begin?
P: Well, i'd like to say that I've stopped hanging around with Mort and I haven't touched a cacahuète, arachide beurre winky since June 3rd. (the others clap)
Me: 3 weeks sober. Impressive. How does it feel?
P: Well, there has been constant RINGING IN MY EARS and it feels as though my body is devouring itself from the inside! (getting ready to slap himself in the face)
K: Be strong, young Private. I know what it's like to be addictive to enjoyment.
KJ: (muttering) Psychotic scientist.
K: (yelling) WHAT DID toi SAY?
Me: Alright, settle down.
K: (strangling Julien) SAY IT TO MY FACE, LEMUR!!
Me: Speaking of which, Kowalski, have toi tried to persuade yourself to occupy your time in a way that didn't involve any of your science experiments?
K: Well, I did a word search.
Me: And?
K: (shamefully) I ended up teleporting myself into the word search.
Me: Then, it's time toi should try to find some time to get out of the lab. (Phil does some sign language)
Mason: Phil is saying, "Kowalski, I don't see why toi don't just make your scientific obsession useful par taking care of the world's neat freaks?" (slaps Phil upside the head) Keep it up, Scary Stinkzilla!
R: (translated) THAT'S the kind of attitude that encourages those to fear me and treat me like a freak!
Me: How does that make toi feel?
R: Ashamed, alone and an outcast. It's like they're the most crazed Lenards in the world. (yelling to the back corner) No offense.
Lenard: (from back corner) NONE TAKEN!
KJ: Either that, ou you're just the most oblivious, psychoticest, mental manchot, pingouin ever.
Me: Julien, you're out of line!
KJ: That's KING Julien!
K: (sarcastically) Yea, like toi REALLY have royal blood in you. And I should know, I checked Julien's blood while he was sleeping.
P: Ewww! And, also, I need a hit.
Becky: Looks like someone's...
Stacy: ... off the wagon!
Me: Becky, Stacy, we talked about gaining up on others. toi girls need to find your own individual voices.
S: What the hell is up with toi girls, anyway?
Me: Skipper, toi look awfully bitter.
S: I haven't been myself lately.
Me: Is your girlfriend's moble bipolar disorder still causing problems in your relationship?
Marlene: (partially outside of the zoo) Why I outta pounce on you, Skipper and... (partially in the zoo) snuggle you.
P: Well, it could be worse. toi could be one of the gorillas.
Bada: Ey, yo, Bing, toi ain't gonna shove me.
Bing: I ain't shovin' you, Bada. (they end up fighting)
Me: And, Maurice, how are the pain relief pills for your back working out?
Maurice: They're doing alright. (sits up and his back cracks) OWW!
Mort: (walks out of a closet with a lot of sugar) HEY! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! (eats all the sugar) OH, FIND THE FEET!
KJ: Don't touch the FEET! (kicks Mort out of the window)
Roger: I want my money back.
Me: Glad to see everyone here. Who'd like to begin?
P: Well, i'd like to say that I've stopped hanging around with Mort and I haven't touched a cacahuète, arachide beurre winky since June 3rd. (the others clap)
Me: 3 weeks sober. Impressive. How does it feel?
P: Well, there has been constant RINGING IN MY EARS and it feels as though my body is devouring itself from the inside! (getting ready to slap himself in the face)
K: Be strong, young Private. I know what it's like to be addictive to enjoyment.
KJ: (muttering) Psychotic scientist.
K: (yelling) WHAT DID toi SAY?
Me: Alright, settle down.
K: (strangling Julien) SAY IT TO MY FACE, LEMUR!!
Me: Speaking of which, Kowalski, have toi tried to persuade yourself to occupy your time in a way that didn't involve any of your science experiments?
K: Well, I did a word search.
Me: And?
K: (shamefully) I ended up teleporting myself into the word search.
Me: Then, it's time toi should try to find some time to get out of the lab. (Phil does some sign language)
Mason: Phil is saying, "Kowalski, I don't see why toi don't just make your scientific obsession useful par taking care of the world's neat freaks?" (slaps Phil upside the head) Keep it up, Scary Stinkzilla!
R: (translated) THAT'S the kind of attitude that encourages those to fear me and treat me like a freak!
Me: How does that make toi feel?
R: Ashamed, alone and an outcast. It's like they're the most crazed Lenards in the world. (yelling to the back corner) No offense.
Lenard: (from back corner) NONE TAKEN!
KJ: Either that, ou you're just the most oblivious, psychoticest, mental manchot, pingouin ever.
Me: Julien, you're out of line!
KJ: That's KING Julien!
K: (sarcastically) Yea, like toi REALLY have royal blood in you. And I should know, I checked Julien's blood while he was sleeping.
P: Ewww! And, also, I need a hit.
Becky: Looks like someone's...
Stacy: ... off the wagon!
Me: Becky, Stacy, we talked about gaining up on others. toi girls need to find your own individual voices.
S: What the hell is up with toi girls, anyway?
Me: Skipper, toi look awfully bitter.
S: I haven't been myself lately.
Me: Is your girlfriend's moble bipolar disorder still causing problems in your relationship?
Marlene: (partially outside of the zoo) Why I outta pounce on you, Skipper and... (partially in the zoo) snuggle you.
P: Well, it could be worse. toi could be one of the gorillas.
Bada: Ey, yo, Bing, toi ain't gonna shove me.
Bing: I ain't shovin' you, Bada. (they end up fighting)
Me: And, Maurice, how are the pain relief pills for your back working out?
Maurice: They're doing alright. (sits up and his back cracks) OWW!
Mort: (walks out of a closet with a lot of sugar) HEY! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! (eats all the sugar) OH, FIND THE FEET!
KJ: Don't touch the FEET! (kicks Mort out of the window)
Roger: I want my money back.
I Wanna Control toi - Neil Patrick Harris, A.K.A Dr Blowhole
Only I, Dr. Blowhole know
How to tame this beast, and so
Won't toi listen to my power ballad solo, my SOLO
In a world with mediocre minds
Where geniuses dissed par ignoramus mankind
Prepare to be pleasantly astounded, ASTOUNDED
Oh, I wanna control you
(Wanna control you)
I wanna make toi mine
I wanna control you
(Wanna control you)
An offer that I hope toi shan't decline
I've got a motion of devotion that you're the one for me
A mutant disaster
But I'll be your master
And together we'll be
In a full wicked harmony
Like a beautiful evil destiny
Livin' large, in absolute charge
A metropolitan NYC
I've got a motion of devotion that you're the one for me
You're the one for me
Wooooooh!
———
If anyone spots any wrong lyrics, PLEASE let me know. I guessed some of the words, so I'd be glad if toi spot anything toi know is a mistake.
Only I, Dr. Blowhole know
How to tame this beast, and so
Won't toi listen to my power ballad solo, my SOLO
In a world with mediocre minds
Where geniuses dissed par ignoramus mankind
Prepare to be pleasantly astounded, ASTOUNDED
Oh, I wanna control you
(Wanna control you)
I wanna make toi mine
I wanna control you
(Wanna control you)
An offer that I hope toi shan't decline
I've got a motion of devotion that you're the one for me
A mutant disaster
But I'll be your master
And together we'll be
In a full wicked harmony
Like a beautiful evil destiny
Livin' large, in absolute charge
A metropolitan NYC
I've got a motion of devotion that you're the one for me
You're the one for me
Wooooooh!
———
If anyone spots any wrong lyrics, PLEASE let me know. I guessed some of the words, so I'd be glad if toi spot anything toi know is a mistake.