Tom went to a nearby tabouret to grab a zip of water.
Crowd: Turn around!
Tom: *Looks at the ponies behind him*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Have I been ignoring your section?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Well I'm sorry. I'll make a note of that in my rulebook of comedy. I usually don't care for following rules par the way.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Many of them just seem pointless, and vague. Like the social distance craze that didn't last very long last year. For a good reason.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: First off, what the fuck is so social about it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Hi Jerry. Stay 6 feet away ou I'll coup de poing toi in the eye!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And there's thousands of ponies that agree with me on this one. Speed limits.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The Germans know this. That's why on one of their highways called the Autobahn, there is no speed limit.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: A lot of rules in Monopoly piss me off as well.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: One of my Friends got accused of cheating par robbing the bank, but he a dit he wanted to make it feel plus like real life.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But there were many rules that didn't make sense when I was growing up as a little colt.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: We all had to go through this, unless you're that one naughty 9 an old who a volé, étole this program from your parents, ou older sibling without their knowledge and are therefore watching this even though toi shouldn't.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Have to keep everyone alert from time to time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But all of us adults had to go through this procedure during our childhood.
Tom took another quick zip of water, then continued his joke.
Tom: Now not all of these rules were bad, like running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: That was one I always obeyed. What are toi doing?! I'm not running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Mom didn't want me poking my eye out. My dad always a dit don't stick your head out of the window. He didn't want me getting decapitated while we drove around town in the Jeep.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But many of the rules my parents came up with I thought were bad. The first one was, no chant at the table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Why? Because I a dit so.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was the first sign of a bad rule. Because I a dit so. So what happened? One pilgrim hundreds of years il y a ruined it for everyone because his voice constantly cracked?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: toi can still sing while standing near the table. toi just can't sit there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sings* I'm standing par the table. chant par the table. I'm not sitting, because I can't sing.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonates the dad* Sit down you!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was your middle name, you.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Tom toi Foolery. Kinda has a nice ring to it. It would make plus sense though if my last name was shortened to fool.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Then whenever I did something that angered my parents they would shout Tom toi fool!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Sometimes if I did something they considered dangerous they always a dit the same thing over and over again. toi could have broken your neck!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was always the anticipated outcome, a broken neck. What if I jumped down the stairs, ou out of a window?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They never said, toi could have broken your legs!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It was always a broken neck. What if I was playing with the electrical outlets?
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: That was another stupid rule because your hooves are not small enough to fit inside the outlets. Therefore toi don't need to worry about getting electrocuted.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But those parents. They always say, don't plug anything into the outlet!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Of course if toi do break one of their rules, they'll also say go to your room! They make that sound like a bad thing, but that's where all your stuff is.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Go to your room! Thanks mom. I'm gonna play some Nintendo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the one thing that sucks about being a child, toi have many rules toi need to follow, and nobody takes toi seriously since you're smaller than them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But as toi get older, and taller, toi have plus freedom, a couple of responsibilities, and the only downside to this is the higher risk of being thrown in jail if toi do anything illegal.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But it gets even better when your age continues to increase, because toi can start doing things that toi weren't able to do after toi passed the age of 5.
Crowd: Oh boy.
Tom: Ahhh.... I can finally shit my pants again.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Most of us don't even wear pants, which makes it even plus fun for the others toi encounter out in public.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And for those of toi that complain about sleep, you'll be able to take plus naps.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'll get a solid 10 hours of pure bliss. Maybe even longer. Another thing toi can start doing again is forgetting stuff.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: toi won't have to remember a god damn thing ever again!
Crowd: *Cheering*
2 B Continued
Crowd: Turn around!
Tom: *Looks at the ponies behind him*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Have I been ignoring your section?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Well I'm sorry. I'll make a note of that in my rulebook of comedy. I usually don't care for following rules par the way.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Many of them just seem pointless, and vague. Like the social distance craze that didn't last very long last year. For a good reason.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: First off, what the fuck is so social about it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Hi Jerry. Stay 6 feet away ou I'll coup de poing toi in the eye!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And there's thousands of ponies that agree with me on this one. Speed limits.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The Germans know this. That's why on one of their highways called the Autobahn, there is no speed limit.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: A lot of rules in Monopoly piss me off as well.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: One of my Friends got accused of cheating par robbing the bank, but he a dit he wanted to make it feel plus like real life.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But there were many rules that didn't make sense when I was growing up as a little colt.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: We all had to go through this, unless you're that one naughty 9 an old who a volé, étole this program from your parents, ou older sibling without their knowledge and are therefore watching this even though toi shouldn't.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Have to keep everyone alert from time to time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But all of us adults had to go through this procedure during our childhood.
Tom took another quick zip of water, then continued his joke.
Tom: Now not all of these rules were bad, like running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: That was one I always obeyed. What are toi doing?! I'm not running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Mom didn't want me poking my eye out. My dad always a dit don't stick your head out of the window. He didn't want me getting decapitated while we drove around town in the Jeep.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But many of the rules my parents came up with I thought were bad. The first one was, no chant at the table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Why? Because I a dit so.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was the first sign of a bad rule. Because I a dit so. So what happened? One pilgrim hundreds of years il y a ruined it for everyone because his voice constantly cracked?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: toi can still sing while standing near the table. toi just can't sit there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sings* I'm standing par the table. chant par the table. I'm not sitting, because I can't sing.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonates the dad* Sit down you!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was your middle name, you.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Tom toi Foolery. Kinda has a nice ring to it. It would make plus sense though if my last name was shortened to fool.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Then whenever I did something that angered my parents they would shout Tom toi fool!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Sometimes if I did something they considered dangerous they always a dit the same thing over and over again. toi could have broken your neck!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was always the anticipated outcome, a broken neck. What if I jumped down the stairs, ou out of a window?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They never said, toi could have broken your legs!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It was always a broken neck. What if I was playing with the electrical outlets?
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: That was another stupid rule because your hooves are not small enough to fit inside the outlets. Therefore toi don't need to worry about getting electrocuted.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But those parents. They always say, don't plug anything into the outlet!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Of course if toi do break one of their rules, they'll also say go to your room! They make that sound like a bad thing, but that's where all your stuff is.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Go to your room! Thanks mom. I'm gonna play some Nintendo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the one thing that sucks about being a child, toi have many rules toi need to follow, and nobody takes toi seriously since you're smaller than them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But as toi get older, and taller, toi have plus freedom, a couple of responsibilities, and the only downside to this is the higher risk of being thrown in jail if toi do anything illegal.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But it gets even better when your age continues to increase, because toi can start doing things that toi weren't able to do after toi passed the age of 5.
Crowd: Oh boy.
Tom: Ahhh.... I can finally shit my pants again.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Most of us don't even wear pants, which makes it even plus fun for the others toi encounter out in public.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And for those of toi that complain about sleep, you'll be able to take plus naps.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'll get a solid 10 hours of pure bliss. Maybe even longer. Another thing toi can start doing again is forgetting stuff.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: toi won't have to remember a god damn thing ever again!
Crowd: *Cheering*
2 B Continued