Natalie – Sometimes I wonder what he dreams about
Capt. – Cleaning supplies

Natalie – Have you ever heard his show ?
Monk – I don’t think so..what station is he on ?
Natalie – 99.9
Monk – aaaaah, so close..

Natalie – Mr. Monk just concentrate, okay? Just a.. just try to picture the room. You can do this, you have an amazing memory!
Monk – Oh, right.. I forgot about my amazing memory..

Captain – A couple of fishermen just found him
Monk – Well these.. two bruises.. are 10 inches apart, there’s another set of bruises exactly 10 inches apart..
Captain – Yeah, what caused that?
Monk – Well, must be something..10 inches apart !
Captain - …Thanks a lot…

Monk – I never get a cavity. I brush my teeth 22 times a day and I floss every 90 minutes

Mr. Monk is looking for a hobby:
Natalie – Why don’t you write a book, like..a novel ?
Monk – Like what ?
Natalie – I don’t know..
Monk – Well..what would it be called ? I mean..Who would be in it ?? What would they say ? .. Wh..what would the other people say back ?
Natalie – Okay, forget about the novel..
Monk – Ok..

Natalie – Ok ok ok ok..How afraid are you on a scale from 1 to 10?
Monk – Ha ?! 10 ? I’m so far beyond 10 ! I laugh..at your 10s ! I lie awake at night dreaming about 10s, the chair and the probing and the drilling..

Captain – D’you hear that ?
Monk – Sorry..ah..I wasn’t listening, I’ll hear the tape.
Randy – We didn’t record it !..
Monk – That’s okay, I was half listening so I’ll play it back in my head later..

Dr. Kroger: Different is good !
Monk: Different....good...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not too late, you know. Winston Churchill did not become Prime Minister until he was 60 !
Monk: What are you talking about ? I'll never become Prime Minister ! I don't even live in England and..even if I did I'd be such a long shot

(Mr. Monk and the sleeping suspect)

Monk and Sharona enter the room with ketchup bottles on the ceiling.
Monk: That's something you don't see every day..

This one...I loooved it (from Mr. Monk and the birds and the bees)

Monk: Julie, the years between 14 and 32 are a very confusing time for a young girl *whispering* I really appreciate this..I'll just be a couple more minutes I promise! *loud* You know, your body's changing...you're gonna start feeling things, new things and you're gonna wonder how to act and what to do...but..it might be best just to wait! Until you meet the right person! Now you don't have to anything, right? uh...but until...until you're sure, you have any questions? No? Great well I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm glad we had this little talk. I can tell that it's been very helpful to you. We certainly had a very positive..a very productive talk, right? This is the end of the talk
Julie: Wait Mr. Monk, how do you know what you're feeling is real?
Monk *whispers*: What are you doing?
Julie: No, I'm serious!
Monk *making signs in the air*: Sh shhh
Julie: When you met Trudy how did you know?
Monk: Julie, sh sh...listen, listen...this is not real, I'm not really here. Ok? It's just for your mother
*Julie starts to cry*
Monk *whispering*: No no no don't cry! You can't cry! I can't leave if you're crying! *loud* What you're feeling is perfectly normal! *whispering* What you're feeling is probably normal
Julie: It's just..how did you know?
Monk: Look, ok look I used to wonder the same thing. When I met Trudy I said "Now I see..now I see why I'm here"
Julie: Was it wonderful?
Monk: Yeah I loved falling in love with her! Every day, every morning I fell in love with her again but...I think what your mother's been trying to say is just don't worry! Right? All your dreams will come true! But they don't have to come true this weekend. Right? You can take your time! You can wait
Julie: Until I find Trudy!
Monk: Just wait for Trudy! Just believe in Trudy. Trudy will come just..stop crying and let me out of here

Yes..I looved that scene !!!

Here's another funny one from Mr. Monk and the big game

Natalie: That's a nice photo!
Victim's brother: Thanks. The school asked for a picture so they could hang it up in the girl's locker room.
Natalie: It's beautiful, it'll mean a lot to the girls
Monk: Except the frame..it's broken
Victim's brother: Oh, I know I was gonna fix that.
Monk: Or you could buy a new one.
Victim's brother: Oh, that's ok, I'll just fix it, it's no big deal
Monk: But you could just buy a new one...a nice new frame...yeah, let's do that!
Natalie: No no...he said he was gonna fix it!
Monk: Well, it's up to you. BUT you could...just buy a new one a nice new frame...crack free in honor of your ...sister...your dead beloved sister...
Natalie: Ok, we're done here. Let's go!

*Dr. Kroger has to leave to Costa Rica*
Monk: I've never been to Costa Rica!
Dr. Kroger: Ah, no Adrian, you're not coming. It's a vacation? But...if if you'd like, I can reffer you to another doctor.
Monk: Ahh..!!
Dr. Kroger: Or not! Or not!
Monk: Why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Kroger: I did! I did! I told you every week for the past month but I guess you just...blocked it out
Monk: Is that possible?
Dr. Kroger: ..Apparently
Monk: I guess I did....I blocked it out...no problem, we'll talk about it on thursday

(same episode)

*ATF agent tells Capt. Stottlemeyer to get out*
Capt.: I just got kicked out of my own interrogation room..
Randy: You want some coffee, sir?
Cpat. *angry*: No, Randy, what I want is for that ATF creep to eat crow!!
Monk: Well, we know who did it and we know why. We just .. don't know how.
Capt.: Monk, again, he's in a coma!!
Monk: He's the guy!
Capt.: In 20 seconds Agent Grooms is gonna come walking through that door and he's gonna ask me what I think...Give me something else for the love of God!
[Randy comes up with the idea of an accomplice]
Monk: ..Anyway, why would an accomplice bother to go with it? There was no reason to! The guy who hired him was in a coma!
Capt.: Alright, so Brian built the bomb and then Brian mailed the bomb by himself.
Monk: That's right!
Capt.:...while he was in a coma?!
Monk: You gotta admit .. it's a pretty good alibi. It's rock solid!
Capt.: Monk I have known 15.000 criminals in my life time. Here's what they all have in common *screams* They're conscious!!!
Monk: Nonetheless...
Capt.: Is your shrink coming back soon?...

(Suspect asks what he's smoking)
"I'm smokin' the truth, Man!"