His head snapped up at her words and he looked at her with disbelief. “Are toi really going to tell me Blair ou is this another one of your games. Because if it’s a game, toi might as well not even bother.”
Blair looked into his face and she felt her cœur, coeur beat with trepidation and excitement. A lock of hair fell over his face and she brushed it back with her fingers, her hand stayed on the side of his face. “I really want to tell you, Chuck. I’ve always wanted to, I’ve just been scared.”
He sat down on a chair in her bedroom and brought her down to sit suivant to him. “Tell me, Blair.” He insisted.
She nodded but found that the words just wouldn’t come out of her mouth. “I’m afraid that you’re going to hate me when I tell toi the truth, Chuck. And I don’t think I could ours it if toi do wind up hating me. You’re the one person that I always felt that I could tell anything but this just makes me feel so uneasy.”
Chuck placed one of his hands at the back of her neck and started to rub the tension away. As soon as his hand touched her, she felt the electricity crackle between them. She looked into his eyes and she knew that he felt the same thing too.
He continued to rub her neck while he said, “I will never hate you, Blair. I need for toi to believe me on that. When toi left, I wanted to hate toi because of how toi made me feel. But I could never bring myself to do it. And when my father died, I always expected toi to be the one person that would always be here for me and when toi weren’t, I won’t deny that it didn’t hurt.”
She wiped a tear away that had dripped down her cheek. “I wanted to be there for toi so much, Chuck. I never wanted to leave but something made me.”
“What?” His cœur, coeur positively skipped a beat while he waited for her answer.
The tears continued to cascade down her face while she looked at him. Blair could still feel the same pain that she had the jour when she knew that she was going to have to leave. It hurt as much today as ever. “I left because I…”
Just as she was about to tell him, the door burst open and Ben was on the other side taking in the situation. Chuck still had his hand on her neck and Blair had placed her hand on his thigh. She didn’t remove her hand and looked at Ben with a look keen to annoyance. “Ben, I’m in the middle of something. What’s the problem?”
Ben stepped into the room and Chuck growled with impatience. Ben went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to get her to déplacer away from Chuck. “Blair, this isn’t sensible.”
Blair threw his hand off of her. “Ben, this isn’t the time to interrupt. I was just in the middle of telling Chuck something.”
Chuck stayed silent while he watched the exchange between them but he noticed that Blair was pissed as anything.
“Were toi really just about to tell him the truth, Blair?”
“Yes.” She answered without hesitation.
Chuck stood up angrily and shoved Blair’s hand off of him. “Are toi really fucking telling me that your fiancée knows why toi left but I still don’t?”
She rushed over to him and ignored Ben. “I was just about to tell toi though, Chuck.”
“Blair, don’t.” Ben called from the corner of the room.
Chuck glowered at him. “Will toi shut the fuck up and just let her tell me? I’ve waited over four years for this jour and I don’t want to be deprived of knowing any longer.”
Ben slowly walked over to them and grabbed Blair par the shoulders. “Blair, think about what will happen if toi tell him. toi already know that he hates you, so why even bother telling him. It’s only going to make him hate toi more.”
Blair flinched but Chuck growled, “I don’t hate her. toi know nothing about our past, so don’t act like toi do.”
Ben nodded. “That’s why Blair told me that toi were the most notorious womanizer that Manhattan has ever seen. It was all just about sex to you, wasn’t it? Don’t spare Blair’s feelings just because she still cares about you. She deserves to know the truth, Bass.”
Chuck spoke to Ben but looked into Blair’s face. “It was about sex for all the other women that I’ve slept with but that was never how it was with Blair. From jour one it was plus than that, and she knows that. Don’t you?” His voice had taken on a needy tone and he needed to know that she knew that he had cared about her.
A watery smile came to her face. “I knew that, Chuck. I was the only girl that ever made an impact on your life just like toi were the only man to do that for me.”
“Blair.” Ben admonished.
She shook her head in irritation. “Before Ben. I’m talking about when we were teenagers. Now would toi please leave us alone for a while so I can tell him the truth?”
He shook his head. “Just talk to me for a minute and then if toi want to still tell him the reason toi left, then I will let you.”
“Let you?” Chuck questioned. “What do toi think toi own her? No one owns a Waldorf.”
Blair grinned at his commentaire but turned back to her fiancée. “Fine, toi have five minutes. But I’m not going to be persuaded, I am going to tell Chuck the truth. He deserves it, Ben.”
Blair made to walk out of her bedroom but Chuck caught her wrist in his hand. “Don’t go, Blair.” He pleaded. “If toi do, you’re never going to tell me what happened and what made toi want to leave. And I need to know. It’s not a question of wanting, I need to know.”
“I’ll be back in five minutes and I promise toi that I will tell toi the truth, Chuck. It’s past time and I have to let toi know.”
Chuck shook his head in exasperation and Blair and Ben left the room.
As soon as Blair led Ben into another room, she rounded on him. “Why the hell did toi have to come and barge in on us just as I was about to tell him?”
“Blair, I just want to make sure that toi know what you’re doing. Because if toi go back in there and tell him, you’re never going to be able to erase it.”
She sighed. “I know what I’m doing, Ben. I’ve kept the truth from here for over four years; don’t toi think it’s time that I told him the truth?”
He nodded. “I know that he needs to know Blair, but I’m just trying to think of toi here. toi know that as soon as he finds out, he’s going to want to destroy you. He’ll never forgive toi for what you’ve done to him. He’ll make certain to destroy everything that toi know and love. Then you’ll be back at square one.”
“How do toi even know that?” Blair asked in astonishment. “You just met Chuck tonight, toi know nothing about him. He told me tonight that he could never hate me and I believe, and there’s nothing that toi can say that will convince me not to tell him.”
“Alright, I just want to make sure that toi think twice about this decision. I just don’t want to see toi hurt anymore par him Blair, I hate seeing toi in so much pain. I know toi still l’amour him. It’s evident on your face, the way toi react to him, and most importantly, he can see it too. Don’t let him do this to toi again, Blair.”
She walked over to him and placed a hand on his face while her eyes glossed over with tears. “You’re good for me, toi know that? I don’t know if I still l’amour him, Ben. But seeing him again has brought back all these memories and not all of them were bad. I see him and I just want us to get back to that place where we’re comfortable with each other. I still care deeply for Chuck and I know that it doesn’t matter if I’m in l’amour with him because we both know what our relationship is. I agreed to take on the secret you’ve been keeping your whole life, just as toi did with me. And I’ve never regretted that, Ben.”
“Are toi still going to marry me, Blair?”
“Yes, I will. That’s what we agreed on when we decided that we were going to have to fake our relationship to be able to keep both of our secrets. I would never back out of that now.”
Ben breathed a sigh of relief. “Are toi still going to tell Chuck the truth? Don’t do it, Blair.”
“I won’t tell him right now but eventually it’s going to come out, Ben. Let me go tell him myself that I can’t do this right now and I’ll meet toi downstairs.”
He threaded a hand through one of hers. “Fifteen minutes?” She nodded. “I’m really happy that toi decided to see reason Blair because toi know that Chuck never loved you.”
At that moment she felt like slapping him right across the face but she a dit nothing to him. She thought he was wrong, but she wasn’t sure about Chuck never loving her because she could still see the way he looked at her, and she knew that what they had between them would never die. But she still wasn’t convinced that he had ever loved her and that killed a part of her. She watched as Ben headed back downstairs obviously pleased with himself that he had convinced her not to tell Chuck the truth. Blair had deceived him though and she wasn’t sorry about that. She slipped her way back into her own bedroom.
“Well?” Chuck questioned as soon as she had walked back through the door.
Blair grimaced. “Ben doesn’t want me to tell toi the truth because he thinks that toi never cared about me, and he doesn’t want me to get hurt anymore.”
He shook his head in disgust. “Of course, he doesn’t want toi to fucking tell me. He’s jealous and toi know that what he a dit was all bullshit. I can’t believe this; toi did it to me again Blair. toi told me that toi would tell and now you’re just going to back out of it again? Why are toi such a coward?”
“I’m not a coward!”
“Yes, toi fucking are.” He snarled. “Was this all just a little game that the two of your concocted up to see how I would react? toi were never going to tell me, were you?”
“Chuck.” She breathed hard due to her extreme nervousness. “You know that I would never play a game like that with you. I was planning on telling toi and I still am, but it has to be tomorrow. I want toi to come over here tomorrow afternoon while Ben isn’t here and I will tell toi the truth. I promise you.”
He shoved his was past her and strode to the door. “Fuck that! I don’t believe toi and who the hell are toi kidding par telling me that toi wouldn’t play games with me? You’ve been stringing me along ever since that night in the limo. And I’m fucking tired of it and I’m not going to do it anymore.”
She rushed over to him and placed a hand on his back. “Chuck.”
“Don’t do this. I really am going to tell you.”
“Right, I know this is just another one of your petty tricks to get a rise out of me Blair. You’ve done this to me too many times.”
Blair gripped his arm hard and turned him around to face her. She saw the devastated look in his eyes. “Chuck, you’ve got to stop jouer la comédie like everything was my entire fault. I know that what I did to toi was horrible but toi hurt me too many times to count. What about the jour that I told toi that I loved toi at Bart’s funeral? Do toi remember what toi a dit to me?”
He didn’t answer her but instead looked back at her stoically.
She continued, “I put my cœur, coeur on the line for toi that jour and I wanted too. Your face was so grief stricken and I still remember what toi look like, it broke my heart. And that jour when I told toi that I loved toi it wasn’t because I felt sorry for toi ou because of pity, it was because I was tired of playing these games between us about who would say it first. I knew that I loved toi and I wanted toi to hear it, and there was no better time than at your father’s funeral to say it. I saw the emotions come over your face and I knew that toi cared about me but I wasn’t sure if toi loved me. I wanted to hear toi say those three words to me and it would have made me the happiest person in the world. Instead, toi said, well, that’s too bad. I still can’t get that out of my head and I’ll never be able too. I know that I hurt toi Chuck but when toi a dit that to me, I felt like a piece of me died.”
A glimmer of guilt came over his face. “Blair.” He whispered. “I wanted to tell toi but I couldn’t. That was the most horrible jour of my life and it still is.”
“Why couldn’t toi tell me?”
He closed his eyes because she was starting to break through and he was developing feelings for her again. He knew that she was only going to fuck him over in the end and so he decided to push whatever he felt for her aside and be cruel to her. Chuck looked into her hopeful eyes and said, “I couldn’t say those words to toi because they weren’t true. I cared about toi plus than any other woman in my life but I could never bring myself to l’amour you, especially after what toi did. I’m glad that I never loved toi because I would have been destroyed par you.”
The hurt radiated out of her eyes and she gasped for breath as she looked at him. “Is that the truth?”
“It is.” He lied.
Tears continued to stream down her face and she didn’t even try to stop them. “You never loved me. It sounds so strange to say that because a part of me always thought that toi did. This changes nothing, Chuck. What toi just a dit hurts me plus than anything else I have ever heard in my life, but I’m not going to take back what I just a dit because that wouldn’t be truthful. I did l’amour toi and a part of me will always continue to do so. I will never stop caring for you, Chuck. Like I said, nothing toi ever do ou say will be enough for me to hate you.” She lightly touched his face. “My feelings will never change and I am going to tell toi the truth tomorrow, so make sure you’re here.”
Blair walked to the door and without looking back at him, she left. He stood there a long time just staring at where she had stood. “I l’amour toi too.” He whispered to the empty room and he wished Blair was still in there, so he could tell her the truth. He had always loved her and nothing could ever change that. Even after everything she had done to him, he could never stop loving her. Tears formed in his eyes but he refused to shed them. Blair Waldorf brought out the worst in him but a part of her also brought out the best.
“Are toi okay, Blair?”
Blair turned at the sound of Serena’s voice and she knew that anyone who looked at her would be able to distinguish the pain in her eyes.
“I’m fine, Serena.”
Nate stood behind Serena and he bent down and placed Patrick in Blair’s lap. Patrick immediately noticed that she was upset and planted a wet Kiss on Blair’s mouth. Serena laughed but all it made Blair do was cry. At seeing this, Patrick got upset and held tighter on to Blair. She tried to comfort him and rub his back but she was sobbing too hard to even do that. Nate eventually took him off of her lap and went to bring him back to his bedroom, to give Serena and Blair a minute alone.
The concern showed on Serena’s face. “What’s wrong, B?”
She shook her head. “Nothing.” At one look from Serena, she admitted, “Everything. Chuck and I were talking last night and he admitted that he never loved me and it’s just hit me very hard. A part of me always thought that he loved me but I guess that was just stupid. I know that I shouldn’t feel so down about it but I just can’t seem to help myself.”
Serena was furious that her brother had a dit that to Blair because she knew the truth. She knew that Chuck loved Blair was an intensity that could never change, but she a dit nothing because it wasn’t her fight. Instead she asked a question. “Do toi still l’amour him, Blair?”
At the word love, Blair’s head snapped up. “Yes.” She whispered.
Serena gave her a pitying look. “Did toi ever get over him?”
She shook her head. “No, I really didn’t. I convinced myself for a while that I did but it was a lie. While I was in France, there wasn’t a night that passed that I didn’t think about him ou what we could have had. I just miss him, but at least I know that he never loved me, maybe now I can try to déplacer on.”
“What about Ben?”
“I’m still going to marry him, Serena. He knows that I still l’amour Chuck and our relationship is actually based on an arrangement. We both benefit from it and I don’t see any reason to stop it. If Chuck loved me too, then it would be a different story. But seeing as how that isn’t that case, Ben and I will still be getting married in two months.”
Serena shook her head at both Chuck and Blair’s stupidity. She had to tell Blair the truth about Chuck, the truth he had been hiding for so long from Blair. He wasn’t as innocent as all this as he would like everyone to believe, Serena knew the secret that he was hiding from Blair and now was the time to tell her. “Blair, I have to tell toi something very important.”
Blair waved her hand. “It will have to wait until later; I’m already late for meeting Chuck. Well, I don’t even know if he is going to montrer up. But if he does, I am going to tell him the truth. Nothing will stop me this time.”
Serena hugged her. “Good luck with everything, Blair.”
“Thanks, S. I am going to need it.”
Just as she got to the front door, Blair saw that Chuck was there waiting for her. Immediately the feelings of hurt began to creep up on her. “You came.” She a dit simply.
He quirked an eyebrow. “You sound surprised.”
She inserted her key into the door and went inside, Chuck followed her. “After last night, I didn’t think toi would come. It’s obvious that toi care nothing for me, so why do toi even want to know why I left?”
He started to déplacer towards her and she backed up against the wall. “I told toi that I need to know the truth finally. Just tell me.”
“Why?” She whispered. “Last night toi made your feelings toward me perfectly clear. So, what does it even matter?”
Chuck grabbed her shoulders in his hands. “What I a dit last night was a lie. toi were getting to me and I just lied, so toi would back the hell off and I could try to convince myself that I felt nothing for you.”
“Total shit. I can’t forget toi Blair and I want to so badly. Why the hell can’t I déplacer on from you?” He looked deeply into her eyes and she noticed the lust that had appeared.
“Am I supposed to actually believe this when toi told me last night that I never meant anything to you? And toi accuse me of playing games. You’re just contradicting yourself, Bass.”
A grin lit up his face at the use of her using his last name. It was a term of endearment, but his grin slowly faded. “I loved you, Blair. That’s why I’m still so amer because toi left me and I loved you.”
“You loved me?” The words came out in a rush and she searched his face to see if he was telling the truth. It appeared that he was.
He stroked her hair. “How could toi not know? I thought toi knew, everybody else did. How long was I Friends with Nate? And then ever since the first night we made love, I couldn’t forget you. I needed you; it was even a question of staying away from toi because I couldn’t. It was out of the question. toi are the only woman that I have ever slept with plus than once, usually when I fuck somebody, that’s it. I get bored and déplacer onto the next. But with us it was never fucking, it was making love. I screwed up my fucking friendship with Nate for you. I would never do that for anyone but you. And I loved you.” Now that he had finally told her, the words came easily to his lips. He implored her with his eyes to believe him and he knew that she could tell he was telling the truth par the desperate plea in his voice.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she moved her hand to cover his chest where his cœur, coeur resided. “I loved toi too, Chuck. I loved toi so much that it consumed me and every time I saw you, I just wanted to tell you. I know what I did to toi was really shitty but please tell me that toi believe me when I a dit that I l’amour you.” She didn’t even realize her slip, that she had just a dit l’amour instead of loved. But Chuck certainly had.
“I believe you, Blair.” He moved his lips to hers and meant to give her a friendly peck on her mouth to signify that they were finally being honest and open with each other. As soon as his lips touched hers though, it turned into a frenzy, a need to Kiss her and he crushed his lips down onto hers. She responded instantly, throwing an arm around his neck while he deepened the Kiss and slid his tongue inside of her mouth. Her tongue met his and he groaned at the sensation. Chuck’s hands slid to her hips as he pushed her harder into the wall. She slammed her pelvis down onto his already raging erection. He broke the Kiss and began peppering kisses all down the side of her neck and collarbone. He felt her hand slowly creeping down his chest and he grabbed it before it could head further down south.
“Blair.” He grated. “You have to tell me the truth before this goes any further.”
Her eyes were hazy with lust but it appeared that he had broken through, when she took his hand and said, “Come with me.”
Blair held onto his hand as she led him up the stairs and she stopped him outside one of the bedrooms. “Are toi ready, Chuck?”
He nodded because he was incapable of talking at the moment.
She took a deep breath and willed her cœur, coeur to slow down and return to normal beating.
“It’s okay, Blair. Everything will be okay.”
Her hand grasped the door handle and she opened the door and led him into the middle of the bedroom. He gasped when he saw a small child lying asleep.
“This is my daughter, Meg.” She announced.
His eyes immediately glazed over with anger and the lust he felt for Blair only moments il y a disappeared. “So, while toi were so desperately in l’amour with me, toi were obviously fucking someone else! Weren’t you?”
She shot him a look at contempt at his language around the sleeping child. “Look at her face, Chuck.”
He complied and moved closer to the bed. The only feature of Blair’s that she had was her nose. She had very dark eyes, almost onyx, and even in sleep she had what toi would call a catlike smirk on her face. It suddenly hit him and he felt his knees begin to buckle. Blair’s daughter looked exactly like him. “She’s mine.” He whispered.
To Be Continued…
A/N: The secret is out! I’m sure many of toi had already guessed what Blair’s secret was and I hope it was worth the wait. Ben and Chuck also have secrets as toi will already know if toi have read the chapter, so those will be revealed in later chapters. What do toi think?