I was born on a giant farm in Tennessee on October 10, 2005. One day, while I was taking my usual nap, my mom got a call from someone in L.A. Guess who it was? Dylan and Cole Sprouse. My mission: Tame the Sprouses! A mois later, I was crated up and loaded into a giant metal tube with wings to start my adventure, armed with only a little bowl of water, nourriture and a peepee pad. Much to my dismay, three hours into the trip, I had an accident, so I arrived in Los Angeles tired, stinky and dizzy, but happy to get on land.

I took a good look at my targets and realized that the Sprouses were a peaceful...