Jasper touched my shoulder lightly so that I would face him. "Are toi alright?" I asked him, holding him tightly. He didn't hold me back. He stiffened. When I looked into his eyes, they were hard and for once, I could read nothing in them. "You know what happened?" he asked me, as if he already knew. I nodded "Are toi alright?" I asked again. He looked at my forehead sourly, refusing to meet my eyes. He shook his head "I killed a man. You're worried about me?" He demanded brusquely.
I let go of him and sat down, moving my head so that he wouldn't see how his words had hurt me. Of course, hiding my emotions from Jasper was not possible. Jasper's angry facade crumbled. "I'm so sorry" he said. He knelt down on the ground and touched my hand. His eyes were agonized. "It's alright. We all slip. You're doing your best" My lips trembled slightly. He shook his head. He started walking away. Not so fast. I grabbed his sleeve, growling slightly.
Jasper nodded his head slightly as though things suddenly made sense to him. He sat down so that he looked up at me rather than down, with a resigned air, as though he was placing his head into a guillotine. "You're angry with me" he said. He wasn't happy about that, but he seemed relieved that he could comprehend my current emotions. "I got angry when toi started to leave me without even telling me why!" I said, a little too loudly.
Why couldn't he see? Becoming a vegetarian would take him time. I sat down with him and held him, grabbing his arm and putting it around my shoulder. "I'm sorry" he whispered. "I should be stronger than that" He sounded disgusted with himself. I wished I could control his emotions. He needed to be calmed down. I wasn't calm when I slipped either, but I wasn't able to cope with him hating himself to this degree. I sat up on my knees and kissed his chin. He was staring off into space, and though he kept his hand on me, it was obvious that his mind was many miles away. All I could do was cuddle into him and wait for him to come back to the present. Now I knew how he must feel when I looked into the future. Poor Jasper.
I took a little time to sort through my thoughts. On one hand, I felt that the idea of drinking animal blood was repulsive. On the other hand I felt deeply ashamed that I'd killed, and perhaps plus ashamed that I was so weak. I should be able to restrain myself if I wanted to. Then, I'd prepared to meet Alice's disapproval. Instead she asked if I was alright.
I made myself shake it off. I would do better suivant time. I would be stronger and plus disciplined. I would go to meet Alice's "friends" and I would resist humans. I didn't deserve Alice's forgiveness, but if she was willing to give it, I would take it. I made my tone light and teasing "Are we going to go see your Friends now?" She wrinkled her nose, but my gift told me that she was not really upset. Alice did not seem to be good at getting upset with me.
I tapped her nose with my index finger and it smoothed out. She playfully snapped at my finger and I laughed. We started walking and I grabbed her hand. "We'll go in a few days" she informed me. I nodded. Whatever made her happy. Making her happy had become my reason for living. I kissed the haut, retour au début of her head and she beamed up at me. "I l’amour toi Alice" I whispered. "I l’amour toi too" she sang.
I was feeling a little guilty. I had my reasons for postponing our arrival at the Cullens, and I had no plan to tell Jasper. I wanted to wait until Edward and Emmett, the best fighters, were out hunting. I knew that things would not come to a fight, but Emmett was likely to make Jasper wary. Also, I wanted to wait until Jasper's red eyes were slightly less striking. It should make our meeting plus peaceful.
I already knew that Jasper was going to be overprotective when we met the Cullens. I was ready for that complication. Without Emmett and Edward there, the only other complication would be Rosalie. She would probably be suspicious. I couldn't actually tell what would happen until some decisions were made, but I could guess.
For now, Jasper and I would just enjoy some time together. I was going to ask him about his past and tell him what little I could about myself. I would montrer him the outfit I'd bought him, but I would wait to montrer him mine. I wanted to surprise him. Maybe I was just cocky, but I was pretty sure I'd look nice. Really nice. From my limited experience, I seemed to be good at choosing outfits. Maybe Esme and Rosalie would go shopping with me sometimes.
Alice and I spent plus than three days talking. Sometimes, I felt like she was interrogating me, but I didn't really mind. From time to time, she would stand on her tiptoes and Kiss my chin. Once ou twice I dipped my head to Kiss her spiky black hair. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about.
I told her my past when she asked for it. It wasn't something I really wanted to do, but I didn't montrer her that. She wanted details, but she was a sympathetic listener. She was plus than willing to talk about her experiences too. I loved listening to her innocent history. She could be mischievous, but at her core she meant no harm. Sweet Little Alice.
I was glad we were putting off going to the Cullens. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. I had to protect her. No matter what. A world without Alice could not be worth living in. How had I survived before? No wonder I'd been depressed. I didn't have Alice. The amazing thing was that Alice loved me too. She didn't even like to be away from me. How could someone so innocent l’amour me? I was hardened.
Now we were preparing to leave. Alice was literally bouncing up and down with excitement. I sent a large dose of calm toward her. She calmed down, but laughed. "Am I annoying you?" She asked. Her voice was light, but she was truly worried. "Of course not" I assured her "I just think it will be safer for us if we keep our heads” I explained. "Silly Jasper" she laughed "There isn't any danger." I wished I could believe that.