Those of toi who think that télévision teaches toi nothing...well toi are in for a rude surprise! As a sitcom fanatic (my liste of favoris currently adds to 32) I can tell toi with certainty that sitcoms have a lot of life lessons to teach ranging from family, to love, to the everyday. So sit back, relax, and LEARN!
1. If toi are married, and intend to renew your wedding vows, DON'T.
toi will end up divorced.
2. Amnesia is very common. In fact, nearly every time toi hit your head amnesia will result. AND it's fairly simple to get rid of. Just have people:
A)Take turns hitting toi on the head again until your memory comes back OR
B)Have them let toi wander around, confused, for a few days until it comes back on its own ou something else hits toi on the head.
3. If a friend ou member of your family introduces a cousin, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc that looks EXACTLY like them, run in the other direction. They are always EVIL.
4. Do not hire a butler, a maid, ou a nanny unless toi are willing to accept them into your family. Either toi ou a family member will end up falling in l’amour with them. In the case of two ou plus of the above living under one roof, prepare for double the l’amour troubles.
5. If toi have a pet, toi don't need to train them! They will grow up to perform tricks, save people's lives, and be really really cute entirely on their own!
6. If toi have a secret, the entire world will know in just 22 short minutes. Doesn't matter if toi "tell" anyone, somehow everyone will still find out.
7. toi will dislike the company of (possibly even despise) your in-laws.
7a. toi will dislike your kid'(s) bf/gf.
7b. 9 times out of 10 they will also dislike you.
8. Twins are a really common phenomenon (both identical and fraternal). toi can have twins easily with no fertility treatments! Wow, awesome! So if toi are expecting, don't just eat for 2. Play it sûr, sans danger and eat for 3.
9. If toi see a pair of handcuffs, don't touch them. Just don't. The keys are always missing. But if toi do happen to touch the handcuffs, prepare yourself to wind up being attached to:
A)The sibling toi like the least
B)Someone ridiculous (i.e. hooker, stranger, etc)
C)Someone toi can't stand
D)All of the above?
This will normally last for around 24 hours.
10. Stag/Hen parties are always, always, always a BAD idea. No elaboration needed.
11. Running into your ex(s), even in a big city, is really common and will always happen when toi are with your current significant other.
11a. If your ex calls and wants to see toi DO NOT (i repeat) DO NOT agree to see them again because they will always
attempt to get back together with you.
11b. Conversely, if toi attempt reconciliation they will always be with their
significant other. Damn.
12. It is not only easy to meet your favori celebrity, but appearing on their show, chant with them, ou getting them to assist toi in some hair brained scheme is also fairly simple.
13. Never buy an expensive vase, desk, lamp, piece of furniture, vest, dress, watch (ok, just don't buy anything expensive at all!) because it will somehow end up broken, lost, ou destroyed.
13a. Hint: If toi have children, they did it.
13b. If toi don't have children, it's most likely an extraneous family member causing trouble. See #7.
14. If toi intend to throw someone a surprise party ou event of some sort, they will always find out. See #6.
15. Architects, Doctors, Lawyers, TV/Radio hosts, Musicians, and Designers are all very common career choices. Hardly anyone ever becomes a Teacher, Secretary, Clerk, ou Accountant. (How boring!)
16. If toi do something terrible to a friend ou family member all toi need to do is apologize and all will be forgiven. Whether toi called your sibling a nasty name ou cheated on your spouse, they will forgive toi and life moves on. After all, that's what Friends and family do! NOTE:
Sometimes, multiple apologies may be necessary.
17. Beware of your neighbors. They are always annoying and generally very nosy. If toi suspect they are spying on you, it's because they probably are! They never have anything better to do with their time except come over and bother you. Better get used to it!
18. If toi have a cellar, make sure to check it on a semi-normal basis. Somehow, someone will end up stuck down there (and they'll start losing their minds almost immediately!)
19. If toi are a teenager, toi will always get the boy/girl of your dreams to fall for you. It doesn't matter if toi are the world's biggest nerd and they are the world's biggest hottie; just pursue them for a little while and everything will turn out the way toi want. (Again, this may take a little time. But don't despair, it will happen!)
20. Never eavesdrop. toi will inevitably misinterpret the overheard conversation and come to a grandiose and incorrect conclusion which will result in your embarrassment. So, if toi hear two people toi know discussing something important, resist the urge to listen in. Note from the author: The above does not necessarily apply to animated ou "mockumentary" sitcoms (i.e. The Simpsons, The Office, Scrubs, Family Guy, Modern Family, etc.)