Riku114 Wall

Previous

afficher les notes du mur de 1-10 à 4836

Riku114 a dit …
I am honestly glad to be a mental health guru and wizard for a lot of people and it makes me happy to be able to help as many people as I do. It makes me really happy and honestly its one of the things that helps keep me grounded to the world and thus I almost actively seek it out at this point.

But honestly, sometimes I wish I had someone who could be a mental health guru / wizard for me at times. Often times I know if I were to talk about my problems, they'd either go ignored posté il y a 1 jour
Riku114 commenté…
ou few would be able to say anything to help ou assist ou comfort me. I've kinda grown painfully aware that for a lot of this, I am kind of out here on my own figuring out how to make things work, and even within therapists and psychiatrists, few do much help as much as discussion and mutual planning at this point. il y a 1 jour
Riku114 commenté…
I am not upset par any means that the amount I put out to people to help them and what I receive back are not equal, to be honest thats just the way it is with rare and kinda severe mental health issues and I've grown used to and accept it. To be honest, if anything, it is one of the reasons I want to reach out and help people as much as I can il y a 1 jour
Riku114 commenté…
I figure if I have to go through all the work of figuring out how to maneuver therapy, recovery, mental health, and all that with little people to guide me ou help me, I can at least use my struggle and the knowledge I got from it to leave a pain crumb for others to follow il y a 1 jour
Riku114 commenté…
Admittedly, I really don't know half of what I am doing ou if I am doing it right when it comes to my mental health, and I just go off of what seems best with the infomration I have at hand and its done me well, but if I could one jour figure a way to a good life and if I could leave that pain crumb trail I took to get there for people to follow, then I suppose at least in a way that my struggle was actually worth it il y a 1 jour
LuceOfTheLight a dit …
I would like to say that I am par no means planning to hide the fact that I am an alter of Riku's as much as I would prefer to be treated and respected as an individual.

With that being said, Riku and myself have a stern policy that anything that one alter does reflects on the whole system. If Riku causes problems, then it is both her and my responsibility to handle it. Likewise, if I upset you, it is both our responsibilities to handle it. posté il y a 6 jours
LuceOfTheLight commenté…
While we do identify separately, we are a single unit possessing a single body and a single brain and thus are responsible for everything done as a system. I do apologize if issues to arise regarding myself ou Aderis ou even Riku, and we take full responsibility. So if anything regarding this becomes a problem, please be patient while Riku and I (hopefully eventually Aderis as well) figure it out il y a 6 jours
LuceOfTheLight commenté…
I figured that it would be beneficial for me to interact outside of the system plus often and the only reason I am currently being as active as I am is because I do not know the suivant time I will be out. il y a 6 jours
LuceOfTheLight a dit …
Per request I am now having a Sakamoto icon. posté il y a 6 jours
Riku114 a dit …
Anyone ever sit there and realize toi are so fucked up and fucked over that toi probably shouldn't even be alive par any logical standard? posté il y a 20 jours
Riku114 commenté…
I'm proud to be alive despite it all, but really... I am so fucked up its hard to imagine. il y a 20 jours
Lusamine commenté…
Pain is beauty. If anything, this makes toi a stronger and wiser person, plus suitable to thrive than any other. Take it as a compliment. il y a 19 jours
LuceOfTheLight commenté…
It is how things are for some like us. All toi can do is as Lusamine alluded to. Let the pain and suffering make toi a stronger wiser person. Nothing can really change the past and all toi can do is déplacer vers l'avant, vers l’avant making the best of the hand toi were dealt. il y a 6 jours
Riku114 a dit …
>tfw toi are being a #sadboi over something DID related that is so deep into it that it sounds ridiculous if toi were to share it

It not that bad, Im just being kind of down and frustrated and mopey but its just a me problem tbh. >.> posté il y a 23 jours
Riku114 a dit …
It is almost funny how clear cut and obvious it is that my Trichotillomania picks up 40x when I am at accueil and around my family a lot.

When I'm at college, Ill typically only pluck in small amounts that are negligible and have maybe one large session of plucking every couple weeks ou so. It lets them grow decently before being plucked and thats actually pretty good compared to the past

I come back accueil and every jour that I'm around them I pretty much start blank. posté il y a 25 jours
Riku114 commenté…
Its really really bad to be honest. When I'm par myself I barely pluck, when I am with Kendall I near to never pluck, when I am accueil and around my parents, I pluck daily even if I don't want to il y a 25 jours
J_E_T commenté…
If your parents are around just look at them and say to yourself my beautiful hair is too damn sexy to give a shit about this. il y a 24 jours
Riku114 commenté…
XD I know but I wish it was like that. My amygdala just responds regardless XD il y a 24 jours
Riku114 a dit …
Yooo guys back from my trip XD posté il y a 27 jours
J_E_T commenté…
Miss your company...did toi had fun? xD il y a 27 jours
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Welcome back! Hope toi had a great time !!!! il y a 26 jours
Riku114 commenté…
Yeah it was XD il y a 26 jours
_Aderis_ a dit …
I am the Roast Queen. To add to that I am also the Sass Queen but I prefer the Roast Queen thank toi very much. posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Happy Fathers jour to everyone and for those who don't have a father figure in their life ou a good one, I'll adopt toi :v posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Man I need a new icone but I havent been super attached to anything as I've been focusing on my finals and getting the fuck accueil that I really haven't had enough stable free time to just like... chill and read my mangaor anything XD posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I guess Ill settle with this handsome boy for now il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Trauma resurfacing from thin dissociaitve walls and bubbling back up in a PTSD sense sucks. Its probably my lightest unprocessed trauma and it fucking sucks.

I can literally be having a good jour then one word ou one image and flick there goes my brain trying to give me a flashback and crap

Kms, not really but still. posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
ONE FINAL DOWN THREE TO GO posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I honestly cant wait to be accueil in a little over a week man. posté il y a 1 mois
LuceOfTheLight a dit …
Riku says I have to make my icone Sakamoto. posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
FFF Dont call me out :v I didn't even notice this was here :vvv il y a 1 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
toi really should !!!! il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Honestly a lot of the times my detachment from a lot from the world and what not serves me alright and sometimes well to reaching my goal and not getting bothered par the small things in life, but sometimes, often times, it can get to the worse either when it feels like the world is too far separate from me ou when I feel like this is a secondary world and like I've been detached and disconnect from the world I actually belong in. posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Sometimes its a weird feeling. Its like being homesick from a sense of reality / world that toi don't even really know. il y a 1 mois
_Aderis_ a dit …
Also I added my responses to some of the DID Alter Q and A posté il y a 1 mois
_Aderis_ a dit …
I'm going to compromise and post here just saying that sometimes I feel like I want to use my own account. It's a fine line to walk though, between freaking Riku out and between holding myself back from saying something 'mean' ou 'rude' ou 'improper' that might soil some of Riku's image.

Out of respect for her I try to stay out of the picture but toi know~

I like to have my fun as well.

Besides, if Lucille can post a thing ou two I sure don't see why I can't post an innocent post. posté il y a 1 mois
_Aderis_ commenté…
Also hi Riku. Bet this is spookin ya but I want some fun as well. I'm behaving, don't worry about it. Buh bye, that is all. il y a 1 mois
_Aderis_ commenté…
For those that aren't Riku feel free to friend me and message me ou whatever. I don't particularly care and I'll reply like.. whenever I front and feel like it. Maybe that'd be a week, maybe a month, who knows. Not my problem tbh. il y a 1 mois
_Aderis_ commenté…
Buh bye bitches and hoes. (I am mandated to state that I do not actually think toi are bitches ou hoes since apparently I am 'accidentally mean' a lot.) il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I am thoroughly attacked. I started watching Sakamoto Desu Ga and this is such a direct parody of myself and my social experience in highschool that it hurts.

I have been parodized posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
"DID pathologizes one of the coolest and amazing ways of exploring your mind"

Yeah, its so cool to have a personality that regularly gets in the way of your interpersonal relationships, one that is actively suicidal and distorted horribly with depression and trauma, and one that literally does nothing but belittle toi and poke at your largest insecurities.

Its very cool and very fun and very amazing. posté il y a 1 mois
Lusamine commenté…
Anybody who romanticizes mental illness is an absolute tool. il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Pfft right? il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Imma stream at about 2 PM PST (1.5 hours from this point) if toi guys are interested. posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Ya know I honestly sometimes get a bit blown away when I think about the people that have claimed that I've helped them both online and offline. Often I don't really consider myself all that great and like... just kind of a pain in the cul, ass of burden with how much baggage I can carry with me as someone to get to know, but then I have to double take and I realize I've really helped a good few people and it just sometimes doesn't sound real to be honest posté il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Like if there was an alternate reality where I never existed, so many lives could have been different and worse and I really don't like to toot my own horn and I really don't mean to since I'm just kind of shocked and find it a bit hard to digest il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I dunno, its just hard for me to emballage, wrap my head around the idea that I am ACTUALLY a good person plus than anything. il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Like... I'm not a BAD person, but the idea that I am "not a good person" has been a bit of a well known "fact" of my identity for a while that its just kind of hard for me to like be like??? I've helped people??? And I'm kind of caring??? Even when all the evidence shows that I do care about people and have done a lot plus than I am required to do il y a 1 mois
Riku114 commenté…
And its like???? Wow??? il y a 1 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Media depiction of DID

Alter: We gotta kidnap and kill them. I want to kill everyone. Stab them - Imma take over and kill them

Reality

Me: Maybe I should have a bit of soda with this popcorn

Lucille: I want tea.

Me: I am not walking out in the rain again to get tea. toi can come out and make thé if toi really want it posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Admittedly, this is like XD There is a lot of work and shit that goes into it, but like XD Its just a meme I had like three secondes il y a :v il y a 2 mois
Riku114 commenté…
FYI Lucille is a thé addict il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Randomly being able to hear your suicidal alter having some sort of an episode is hard shit. Like, its not emotions and feelings and thoughts that I myself feel like are my own and it is fine, but just constantly hearing "I am so tired of being alive. I am so tired of this existence." and so on and so forth is just... its not easy.

I'd get like "Oh I think shes done and I managed to relax" and then another line will whisper out of no where and itd be square one again. posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I'm just kind of waiting for it to pass and for her to go back to being silent. It kind of sucks because I really can't communicate back so I'm just kind of sitting here listening to it randomly appear il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
salut dudes, for Mental Health Awareness mois I might try to post a few versions of DID questions and answer them myself and IF any of my alters come out and are willing to add their thoughts Ill let them :v posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Public Service Announcement Kiddos

Take your medication. posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
GUYS ITS ALMOST MAY

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH

Maybe Ill do something XD posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
It is a good feeling when your old friend toi had a bit of a really problematic friendship with messages back giving proper closure to the friendship's end and apologizing for some of the behavior in the time and ya know.

As someone who had a lot of codependent Friends left hanging, its a good feeling man. :feelsgoodman: posté il y a 2 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Imma ramble about some just aléatoire DID stuff I've been thinking about lately and its nothing important so dont bother too much with this unless toi are reaaaaallly bored but anyways here I go posté il y a 3 mois
Riku114 commenté…
So like, there is this thing that apparently a lot of people with DID have that I know I KINDA have and that I USED To have back when I thought I just had an overactive imagination and what not called "inner worlds" where the alters can manifest and occasionally interact and what not and sometimes they are actually kinda like big environments and what not il y a 3 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Also since I KNOW at least one of them checks my fanpop when he is out sometimes, yes this is at toi :v :v :v Fight me and don't use my account to redact ou revise what I am saying here :v this is completely valid for me to post on here :v il y a 3 mois
Riku114 commenté…
inb4 he doesnt front anytime soon and this post just gets Lost in time il y a 3 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Oh salut dude! I have a haut, retour au début Contributor thing now on my club's accueil page! Thats actually pretty cool XD posté il y a 3 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Its kind of nice being accueil and what not. I get some good time with my fiance and I can kind of relax and pull the breaks a bit. Its pretty good - donné my middle sister isnt also accueil posté il y a 3 mois
Riku114 a dit …
toi know a lot of toi guys are actually like a genuine family to me plus than yall probably think toi all probably think XD

Cause "Riku" is actually a personality that is of a system that didn't exist - ou at least didn't firmly divisé, split / solidify - before fanpop existed. I'm really an existence that was 'born' here and figured herself out on here so a lot of me quickly kind of 'grew up' and 'developed' around toi guys like one would with family posté il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Google: Did I really recover from my depression ou did I just dissociate from it? posté il y a 4 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
Ohhhh man. Relatable il y a 3 mois
2ntyOnePilots a dit …
Ok so... I hav3 a question that may seem ignorant, but truth is I just can’t remember most o& the distinguished details. What ways are Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder different? posté il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
As someone who technically has both (one of my alters is BPD where as I myself is debatable on it) I can explain XD il y a 4 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
Ok thx sm. That’s so interestin. (Sounding like my mum but fuck it lol) a Definitely clears it up il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Aye drop par any questions XD il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
;-; Headache and fatigue for two days in a row ;-; posté il y a 4 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
Awe man, I feel that. Get some rest + take care. ❤️ il y a 4 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
all the best for toi ma Rikubun, take care and get well soon!! il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I lowkey l’amour that the jour I go to screening with Neurology to make sure there is no physiological reasons I have memory and identity issues is Dissociative Identity Disorder Awareness Day

The jour my diagnosis will be pretty solid XD posté il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Inb4 "Oh looks like toi just have a brain tumor" il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Update: Yeah I am physiologically solid so its probably just dissociation. Big shock XD il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Honestly if any of toi guys have any questions on DID I am good for answering. XD I appreciate questions posté il y a 4 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
I have a question. Did toi ever finish the article toi wrote, and where might I find it? MDR il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I got it MOST ways done but got distracted XD I need to finish it its still on my liste of things to do but man my mental health has been taking up a lot of time XD il y a 4 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I am actually getting into the nit and gritty stuff of DID and its quite interesting and very tiresome XD il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
One of these I should work on explaining just how important and why Akashi is such a big thing for all of us. posté il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Also still happy I get to train Lefteris in the way of Kuroko no Basket. Soon there will be someone caught up enough to understand my lord and savior Akashi Seijurrou posté il y a 4 mois
Economnomnomics commenté…
Glad to see someone joining the cult. How could toi forget about me, Riku. il y a 4 mois
Economnomnomics commenté…
Just because I'm inactive doesn’t mean I'm dead 😵💀 il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Man I had a four jour weekend but dude I still have a lot of stuff to get done posté il y a 4 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
^ il y a 4 mois
Riku114 a dit …
There are pretty much like three ways to know when Im MAJORLY dissociating and possibly switching personalities

1) A LOT of face touching. If Im rubbing my face a lot and/or blinking heavily, Im probably dissociating and its habitual touching in attempt to like "clear my eyes" and focus in

2) I l’espace out into absolutely no where

3) I lower my head into my hands ou arms ou away from sight and towards the ground and take irregular breaths. posté il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
I see. That is pretty interesting to know. Have been curious about the signs !!!! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Holy shit I just realized Ive been worshipping Akashi for like four ou five years now posté il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Happy 4th-5th Anniversary of Worshipping then !!!! il y a 5 mois
simrananime a dit …
Joined^^ posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Aye sweet il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
My little boy bird is a big boy now ;-; I raised him since he was a chick and my mom caught him fucking one of the females XD Shes the one Im taking to college and have shipped him with for ages so like... Im not upset and its rather normal for birds especially during this season XD

But man hes a grown boy now. I remember when he was like... a centimeter big and just a little baby chick. posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
That feeling when toi were so dissociated for two to three months and constantly AT BEST half present that toi THOUGHT toi were fully present for some parts cause toi forgot what it was like to be alone in your head / got used to it

Like for the first time probably since Ive come to college, its been just me - no Lucille ou Aderis - and HONESTLY it feels GOOD baby. posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Like.... when toi have plus than one present up in the front and are dissociated, toi cant really get into life and do exactly what toi want to do regularly. toi cant REALLY perceive all your emotions ou your needs ou the world around toi cause even if toi are semi-present, its like there is an overload and toi only get half of whats being picked up. toi are kind of stuck at a skin deep level il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Its so peaceful to just have a few days to myself for once and actually feel the world again and oh man. #FeelsGoodMan il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Imma kick back and enjoy this weekend il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Once again, I'm really happy to see toi like this. As I said, make the most of this feeling, Rikubun !!!! il y a 5 mois
heart
GDragon612 a dit …
Party finally Rikubun got the 100
btw thanks to Nomy yeah!!!
opens a huge bottle of champaigne and Juice
throwe confetti
drunk now xD
Party hard =D

congrats ma Rikubun💗 posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Thanks XD il y a 5 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
ya welcome XD il y a 5 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
throws il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
"I honestly just see myself plus of a character than anything else. To be honest, I learned most of my actions and who I am from animé characters that I liked." ~ Me like.... three ou four years ago

Still honestly not inaccurate, but the degree I saw myself a vessel to write and create a story in rather than to live in was interesting. I wouldn't go and say I dont view it that way anymore, but its much less severe if toi were to ask me. posté il y a 5 mois
heart
GDragon612 a dit …
just one plus fan then toi got 100 fans
then I open a champaigne yeah(for non alcoholics jus, jus de =3) posté il y a 5 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
hwaiting*-*<3 il y a 5 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
will open<<< il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
NOMY MADE THE 100! HALELLUJAH il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
MY FIANCE a dit I CAN MAKE HIM WATCH KNB WHEN WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER YAS posté il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Yeee! One plus person has been added to the KnB Gang !!!! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Me: Man I never write articles anymore. I still have like three ou four half completed articles to do. Im so lazy man. Why am I always so tired and not in the mood for écriture and explaining things when I remind myself of my articles?

Me: *working on a website to build and explain an entire fictional world with races and classes and cities and functions* *writes easily over a thousand ou two on the website whenever shes bored enough to do it*

Me: Man I never write. posté il y a 5 mois
Lusamine a dit …
Joined! posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Welcome! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Im still upset Ill never be able to be someones gay boyfriend posté il y a 5 mois
Lusamine commenté…
I know, I was sad too. il y a 5 mois
Riku114 commenté…
;-; il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Sometimes I wish I had someone to look up to tbh. Someone to take guidance off of. Someone who I am impressed so thoroughly par that they serve as an inspiration. But alas, it turns out I am stuck par myself. I have to generate goals and admiration from myself within myself. I have to generate the drive and inspiration and will entirely on my own.

Its not horrible. It makes me independent

But sometimes having the safety net so toi can take a break once and a while would be great posté il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Isn't there though? At least those who have contributed their fair share of inspiration over the years. Maybe not a complete Role Model through Life (A lot really have a hard time finding something like this and might also be not be the best option depending on one's selection) but the experiences taught through them and the examples toi have taken can be valuable nonetheless. Regardless of being Family ou Friends, irl People ou Fictional, etc. I have noticed that they could have an impact in a person's jouney. Something that I can relate with myself !!!! il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
That being said, it is apparent that your progress so far is mainly because of yourself. No one else could define it. Your very own driving force that pushed toi towards Improvement. It is something to be truly admired and a reason why many others look up to toi and seek for your guidance themselves. Something to take great Pride in !!!! il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
^ As excessively Optimistic I might be coming across, that is my Hope. A pure one and I find it to be worthy holding on to it in your case. Just letting that be known !!!! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
“I wonder since when, I started yawning as I left my accueil for a match. I wonder since when I stopped feeling anything even when we won. The person who can win against me is me alone. But all I wanted was an opponent that I could go all out against. I've always wished for a tight game in which toi couldn't tell if you'd win ou lose...I am grateful to toi Tetsu." ~ Daiki Aomine posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
" *in meh mood* .... lets eat pop corn, maïs soufflé and soda"

"You know we literally just agreed and decided wed lean back towards thé and fruit since drinking things that do not excite the brain and fuels the body with HEALTHY stuff will actually almost factually pick up our mood right? Get some fruit and tea"

".....popcorn and soda" posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Im not living am I? posté il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Man I havent posté on here in a while. Its... been a week. XD Chaos man. Tiresome. posté il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Relatable XD !!!! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Im in l’amour posté il y a 6 mois
GDragon612 commenté…
with your boyfriend ou your birds Rikubun <3 il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Birds, boyfriend (fiance), and Akashi XDD il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
#TripleLove !!!! il y a 5 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
The Holy Trinity of Riku's Obsessions !!!! il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
...... can someone tell my lungs how to breathe? posté il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
link il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
MY LUNGS DONT WORK posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Personally, I identify plus masculine than feminine and typically want to be and identify with plus male / masculine things. I actually never wanted to be a girlfriend when I was younger. I hated the idea of being a GIRLfriend. I was 100% alright with being a boyfriend but the term girlfriend just grossed me out and Im still not a HUGE fan of it but Im used to it so I dont mind XD posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Theres the whole thing about wanting to be a prince and my style and all. There was even a point in my life / time when I wanted to look as masculine as possible and a bit of dysphoria but that all went away when I really stopped bothering with gender. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I got overwhelmed and tired with all the gender culture and decided I was just going to be me and not do anything to my body that could harm it including binding my boobs cause once toi get past 38D its really not sûr, sans danger to bind il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Plus I like my tits and my fiance likes my tits so... il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
“I wish we met before they convinced toi life is war.” posté il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Relatable !!!! il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Ah man. I was not ready to go back to college to be honest. Ill probably be better once I get back into academia and get fed the drug of constant work but ugh. posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I have a cheese addiction tbh posté il y a 6 mois
Zeppie commenté…
As I'm munching through a handful of grated mozzarella I find this relatable v: il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
^^ il y a 6 mois
JetBlack__ a dit …
Riku didn’t post in 24 hours !!
call 911 posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
XD Im alright man XD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Me: I didnt take my meds yet. Dont forget. Yeah just after I find some good musique to listen to.

"Honestly sometimes don't toi think it would be easier to play the roll of broken, edgy, depressed, and unhealthy drug lord ou something than this high standing skilled academic and mental health caring scholar? It would be so easy to maintain that and we'd just have to stop trying with everything. Wouldn't that be fu-"

Me: Okay time to take medication. posté il y a 6 mois
2ntyOnePilots commenté…
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee il y a 5 mois
Riku114 a dit …
i cant sleep cos i cant stop imagining things and scenarios :vv ;-; posté il y a 6 mois
JetBlack__ commenté…
It's alright Riku it is all temporary,it's over now.you okay.. back to awesome Riku kicking life shit. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
XD Its fine XD Its just lowkey nostalgic il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Me: I am not that bad of a maladaptive daydreamer

Me: *organizes a DnD group*

Me: *literally can not stop knocking out into obsessive character planning and background forming and rêverie up different potential characters legit for the suivant 12 hours straight including while go kart racing to which Im shocked I didnt crash* posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Stream might be delayed due to DMV stuff posté il y a 6 mois
BlueDopamine commenté…
ok, Anna il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
:vv Dont call me par my first name il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
It makes me uncomfortable XD Not cause its online but for other reasons I dont wanna go into XD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
ou well real name I suppose XD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
ANYWAYS. I finally get to take my drivers test after annoying delays twice and a aléatoire appointment cancellation that the DMV didnt tell us about XD All the delays pretty much have me at the end of my learners permit though XD So I need to pass this ou Ill have to start from square one again XD

But I think Ill do fine probably. I mean I am not the best driver and personally I wouldn't drive if I didn't have to cause of my dissociation, but Im somehow better than posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
my older sister according to my mom and she has a license so... I think Ill do fine. XD il y a 6 mois
Rihanna312 commenté…
Welp, this is the third an when I`m postponing getting a license. Mostly because I don`t feel the need for it. But if toi have the reason and need it, I`m sure you`ll do good on the test! il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
But yeah I would have passed since my driving was stellar but not noticing it was a yield left was an instant fail il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Ah man its bird fucking season it seems XD My birds keep trying to fuck posté il y a 6 mois
JetBlack__ commenté…
That’s disturbing yet cute xD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
.... on another note I just realized I am 18 and have been living for the past few months with the self pressure as if I was like 21-24 posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Like my mom reminded my dad I was turning 19 and I was like "HOLY SHIT WAIT IM 18 WHAT THE HECK IM DOING JUST FINE. WHY AM I TREATING MYSELF LIKE IM WAY BEHIND?!?!" XD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
With that being said, I am not going to change the working speed and rate I am working at :v I want to get everything done as fast as possible but man I shoulda cut myself some slack XD il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
"There is no victory for the passive" posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I wanted to do something when I got back but now House is hallucinating a person and it reminds me too much of personal shit so Im hooked XD posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Fresh Owari no Seraph profil posté il y a 6 mois
Shukuya commenté…
Looks cool! il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
Noice. Looks pretty neat !!!! il y a 6 mois
JetBlack__ commenté…
It’s perfect. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Me: *gets into the car and sees fiance's veste in the backseat and put it on*

Him: You? Cold? Who are you?

Me: Nah, I just miss your jacket

*twenty minutes later*

Me: Actually I was a bit chilly but I did really mainly want it cos I missed it.

Him: I know, toi just have to be big strong girl that doesnt get cold

Me: >.> Shut up. posté il y a 6 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
After all these, anyone who still can't see toi being a Tsundere simply knows nothing XD !!!! il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
YES I AM STILL THE Queen OF MEDIATING AND ARGUMENT CLEAN UP!

Managed to simultaneously

-Keep my sisters fiance from having to deal with my family's bs arguments
-Made sure my sister was alright the jour before leaving
-Made sure my mom understood where my sister was coming from
-Made sure my mom was alright with how she left my sister
-Made sure everyone was at least neutral
-Ended the drama
-Explained my 'disowning' of my middle sister
-Everyone is alright posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Oh on that note, my middle sister I blantantly let it be known Im done trying with her and I am going to need to see her change and get her act together before I start trying again cos I got tired being let down on us getting along and her being nice and respectful to my existence il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I honestly cant hate her, but its not good for me to keep trying to be nice and get along cause Ill be sucked dry and left used if I keep trying when she isnt. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
A bit of appreciation, but I honestly l’amour my fiance. The plus I think about it, the plus of a rare human that probably has like a 0.01% chance of existing that fits my tastes in people, quirky interests, patient, capable, and understanding enough of my mental health bullshit, and everything to somehow find me and care / like me enough to make me give them a chance even after I tore them apart. posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Like... being in my tastes and being someone Im willing to spend time around IRL is like.... a one in a millionth shot (not really but its pretty rare) il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Then just multiplying the rarity of everything else... il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Im just lucky to have him il y a 6 mois
Zeppie commenté…
So sweet ❤ il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I swear Ill get back to Hakuoki eventually XD

Im currently bouncing around a few other games though since there are some good sales on thigns I want

Currently doing Jurassic World: Evolution and then Devil May Cry 1 after. If I like Devil May Cry 1 I might get plus of the series in the future but I dunno posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Dude, I found a clear definitive hole in my memory. My sister's fiance's sister apparently was like... best Friends with me in elementary school and APPARENTLY I was teased a lot ou something like that and she asked about me when my sister met her and I honest to god dont recognize her much at all if at all.

I was a biiit skeptical that it was overexaggerating but legit found pictures of me hugging her as a kid so??? posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
And I was in the same school as her for three years at the very least and she is somehow entirely absent from all my memories? I mean thats not shocking because I dont remember much from elementary school but I did make a hell of a hard job remembering the general story including Friends of mine at the time. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I remember some of my other Friends at the time Im pretty sure...??? So its weird but the photographs dont lie... .-. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Legit my first PROOF backed Lost memory and its kinda..... odd?? il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Bruh solid Christmas this year. posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
>.> Starting to get to that "hating break" mood cause Im running out of things to keep my mind stimulated posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I honestly hate wasting time il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I hate being stressed out about wasting time especially on vacations because I know its irrational but I cant. il y a 6 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Im honestly kind of jealous of people who can comfortably do nothing with their time may it be on vacations ou not il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
salut guys I'm not dead I swear posté il y a 6 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Aye guess who is officially engaged now? posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Might stream tomorrow at 12 PM PST Kingdom Hearts 1 with my boyfriend. Might not, still considering it posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Nah decided against streaming btw XD Figured itd be plus fun just to chill with my boi il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Since I dont really have the ability to remember my moods for plus than two weeks and it screws up a lot of my psychiatry forums and all, I am going to now keep a mood log to keep track of how I feel so I can plus accurately rapporter it posté il y a 7 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
^ That is a really nice idea !!!! il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I might be kind of between fragments ou something because I am feeling two extremely polar emotions at the same time that shouldn't be able to coexist at the extent that they are and because I can't respond to really interesting fanpop aléatoire questions because I cant come up with any consistent ideas so my sense of identity is probably obscure and messed up even though I dont notice it. posté il y a 7 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
^ Relatable in a way. Have been similarly felt confused about some of them myself !!!! il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
SAIX DESERVES plus l’amour posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Its a bit shocking that I am still a good bit affected / bothered par my first major codependent break up. I've mostly moved on and I dont have breakdowns over it every other week like I did two years il y a and I don't compulsively stalk unless "triggered" and thus there is like a REALLY small one in comparison to before

BUT Id be lying if I a dit I wasn't still held back and occasionally bothered par it. There are some things that can "trigger" small little moments to which posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I recover from rather fast il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Its almost four years passed at this point I believe il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
par the way stream this week is canceled due to my schedule combined with other people's schedules posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
*sigh* Its hard to convince myself to sleep cause my brains oddly on edge over the session earlier today and the fact I gotta ride Uber to the airport which Ive always been paranoid about posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Not like horrifically but enough that Im resistant to sleep out of discomfort il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Tfw toi have to talk with your therapist over why something toi know is irrational is irrational because your brain doesnt always listen to ration and toi just sit there like "Fuck man, now we look dramatic because toi were freaking out over something I told toi was irrational and pointless and potentially unhealthy." posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
And then him pointing out the fact I over prepare and over plan for the worst to the point its kinda bad with how it takes a lot of the fun and excitement out of life and then Im like ":vvvv Dont bring me into this :vv Im just trying to protect us :v We might get caught off guard if we dont know whats going on :vv" il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
.... I really clearly dissociate myself in therapy dont I? il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
I dont really mean dissociate in like... the experience of dissociation, but the way I talk about myself and my issues in therapy REALLY sounds like Im REALLY divisé, split and like "pfft thats not me" when it fucking is ya hoe. Like its not THAT apparently until I talk about my emotions and way of doing things il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Also I gotta stop talking in first person plural so much. XD ou maybe not, cause it might be something I should stop restricting myself on. I dunno. Im curious what psychiatry will say when I go to it on the topic. And after I get MRI scans and shit on my brain so I can make sure its not like some tumor ou anything that might be causing the memory issues and stuff just so they can go through the procedure of diagnosing shit il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
TFW toi lazily and casually take the ECON practice exam that is 20 questions longer than the one toi will take today and get an 96% on it with a little over 40 minutes to spare when toi really didnt do anything other than Chem and a little bit of Animal Science for about a week posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Honestly I kind of doubt when I say I have extremely fragmented personalities because a good 90% of the time I currently feel really like... single. I dont mean dating wise, but like... I feel like Im the only one up in my head and Im like "Nah I must have faked it before" but I vaguely remember having way too indepth discussions with "thoughts" that had extremely different opinions and voices in my head and my boyfriend claims hes seen it in my eyes / body when I claimed to be Aderis so.. posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Lately its only when Im really stressed / threatened that I hear anything in my mental l’espace - either that ou briefly when something 'stimulates' one of them I guess il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I think I got Chem down XD I mean I learned the majority of it in the last two days cause I was on a good track for the first half of the quarter then the fires came and ruined my momentum XD

But its still pretty good. I hear the teacher curves the class two letter grades and I only need a 30% I think then? Which I know I can pull off. Plus I feel like I might know it better than a good chunk of people? posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Yo hearing your oldest sister be like "Yeah, I didn't really care that toi were plus attached to him than me, I was just glad there was someone else helping out because I could barely keep toi alive since there is only so much a sister could do."

Well geee.

I mean I remember being bad but not that bad :v posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
But then again I dont really remember XD At least people being really up front with how close I seemed to be to offing myself gives me validation that I really was depressed at some point like my sparknotes of my own life says :v il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Lowkey kinda wanna go back and experience again just to see how bad I really was but I think Id regret that five secondes in il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
I don't really have a good sense of when Im pushing myself too hard to be entirely honest. Usually I end up pushing myself and pushing myself unaware of the toll its having ou only minimal awareness of it to the point I feel like I can do a lot plus then I just suddenly snap / break / crack and am forced to stop

Its something I am working on and I only really stopped studying (out of boredom) cause I took a short rbeak to call my boyfriend and he told me to take a break posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Turns out Im kinda feeling how exhausted I was after taking about an heure break XD il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
Same kinda goes with most internal feelings, may it be hunger, exhaustion, and sometimes even just flat out pain. Im really bad at recognizing it until Im barely functioning and at that point it tends to be too late :v But Im working on it and try to listen when someone I know that can read me and that I trust tells me to take a break cos I know some people are better at telling when Im worn down than I am XD il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Man going through your tumblr (a place toi only ranted on when REALLY bad and not really wanting people to know) and specifically go back to the rants cause toi know toi had a tag for them

"I WANT TO DISSOCIATE. I WANT ADERIS. I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ou BE HERE." posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
[Hashtags so I could find the post if need be] #I Hate That Ive Been Stopping With My Dissociation #I Want It Back #I Dont Want To Be Here #I Dont Want To Feel For Now #If I Had To Give The Personality To Her #I Would #I Want Someone Else To Protect Me #I Want Someone Else To Handle The Stress #I Dont Want To Be The One To Take This Bullcrap #I Want Someone Who Doesnt Judge Herself #I Want Someone Who Can Say 'Fuck toi And Fuck It' #I Want Someone Narcissistic And Egotistical #Just Not Me il y a 7 mois
Riku114 commenté…
April 4th 2018 apparently. I wish I knew what happened that jour XD il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
tfw toi went to the nearby campus market to get plus Icebreakers, forget, buy a soda and Ramune for the stream, then half an heure after toi come back toi just go "shit I dont have any icebreakers" posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
"Yeah, youre probably right. [...] Were probably all insane.. broken. But whose fault is that!? The adults are the ones who broke us! toi want to hear the truth? .. We're scared" ~Nagisa Shingetsu (DRAE) posté il y a 7 mois
Riku114 a dit …
Was gonna make my profil "Just Riku" entirely cause I felt like it but nah. I felt like mixing it up since I didnt have a Danganronpa-specific background.

... quite shockingly actually. posté il y a 7 mois
TheLefteris24 commenté…
^ I'm shocked myself !!!! il y a 7 mois