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posted by XxLalasaysxX
Here are my liste of corny jokes. Now i'm just gonna let toi know now i got alot of these from the Youtube channel, vlogbrothers. So check them out too. Prepare to laugh.
(Make sure your not drinking anything ou eating anything toi might spit it ou something.)

#1 How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank coffee before it was cool.

#2 Why are celsius and farenheit friends?
Because they're fair-in-height. (I came up with that one :)

#3 Why was the balai, genêt à balais late to work?
It overswept!

#4 Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the baie they'd be bagels.

#5 What's Michelle Obama's favori vegetable?
Barackoli (broccoli)

#6 Why does the champignon have so many friends?
Because he's a fungi! (Fun guy)

#7 What do toi call a fake noodle?
An impasta! (Imposter)

#8 How often do i make chemistry jokes?
Periodically.

#9 What do toi call a pencil without lead?
Pointless!

#10 How do toi make an octopus giggle ten times?
toi give him ten-tickles (tenticles)

#11 How do toi make lady gaga cry?
Poker face!

#12 What did Beethoven become when he died?
A decomposer!

#13 What's a chicken's favori composer?
Bach!

#14 What did one eye say to the other eye?
"Between toi and me man, something smells." (Your nose)

#15 What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me man, we'll go places."

#16 What did the hat say to the hatrack?
"Stay here, I'll go on a-head."

#17 Why can't toi hear a pteradactyl use the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent (the letter p in the name is silent)

#18 Why did the little boy eat his homework?
The teacher a dit it was a piece of cake.

#19 Why did the tomate blush?
It saw the salade dressing.

#20 What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
"Ruff!" (Rough)

#21 Why did the man send his phone to school?
He wanted a smartphone (i came up with that one too :)

#22 How do crazy people go through a forest?
They take the psycho path.

#23 How do toi know if it's raining chats and dogs?
toi step in a poodle (puddle)

#24 How do toi know if a clock is wise?
It goes clockwise (i thought of that)

#25 How do toi get Pikachu on a bus?
toi Pokémon (pok 'em on)

#26 Why can't toi dress with Pikachu in the room?
He'll Pikachu (peek at you)

#27 What do toi call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese (so old right?)

#28 How do get holy water?
toi boil the hell out of it!

#29 What starts with "E" ends with "E" but only has one letter in it?
An envelope, duh xD

#30 Why didn't the skeleton traverser, croix the road?
He didn't have the guts to.

#31 What did the ghost say to scare the bees?
"BOOOOBEEES!" XD (please don't yell that if your parents are home)

#32 What does an angry pepper do?
It gets jalepeño face! (All up in yo face)

#33 What do toi call an alligator in a vest?
An in- vest-igator investigator

#34 What's rose and fluffy?
rose fluff
#34.5 what's blue and fluffy? (Think about it)
rose fluff holding it's breath.

#35 What happens when toi drink 7 coca colas?
toi burp 7up

#36 Why can't your nose ever be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.

#37 why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle!

#38 Why was the police man in bed?
He was undercover.

#39 what did one light bulb say to another light bulb?
"Watts up?" (You know li,e the watts that are in a light bulb?)

#40 what did the poisson say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
LAST ONE!

#41 Why can't toi trust lions?
They be lion to you! (Lying)

Alright so those are my corny jokes. Hope toi liked them. Make sure toi check out vlogbrothers they're really cool. Ciao! And rememeber...
 PewDiePie
PewDiePie
50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time toi turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him ou her that you’ve Lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he ou she has anything...
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Ways to annoy people in Wal-Mart



Hilarious Ways to be annoying!















"Accidentally" get stuck in one of the La Reine des Neiges nourriture doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps toi out.
Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
Around Christmas time, start caroling. Ask for money from the listeners.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Ask if toi can buy a shopping cart.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Ask Someone if they know were they sell little babies!...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
Solve the puzzles par saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until toi "hear" the answer.

Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles

1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)

2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)

3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)

4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)

5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)

6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)

7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)

8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)

9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)

10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)

11. DOCKED corbillard WHOSE (person)

12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)

13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN...
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Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices
Wear golf shoes.
Every time toi throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, toi JERKS!" Continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black panthère conspiracy.
Explain to the owner how your game is "All sorts of messed up" due to plate tectonics, then lose him in lingo. Demand compensation.
Make lewd and graphic references to your "ball". Works well on Senior Ladies night
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when toi drop them, start screaming about plate tectonics again....
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added by fanfly
Source: wallpaperswide.com
added by fanfly
Source: wallcoo.com
posted by Mallory101
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on ou off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to montrer the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of toi just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your mallette, porte-documents ou purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours...
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added by adultswimperson
Source: Google
posted by someone_save_me
These are just some, plus will probably be added later.

I hate:
-Animal abusers
-Child abusers
-Butthurt moralfags (If toi get mad at me saying moralfags, well then, toi must be new here. I'm not homophobic.)
-3/4 the mainstream crap on the radio
-Jersey Shore
-Homophobes
-People who don't thank toi when toi open a door for them
-Toddlers and Tiaras
-People who are always snooPING AS usual I see. /shot so fuckin' hard
-Fuckers who judge people par their appearance
-When my computer breaks down
-Fangirls who get mad at if toi aren't borderline insanely obsessed with the same thing they are (Go on the Michael...
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GET READY TO GET ANNOYED...ALL METHODS FOOL PROOFED par YOURS TRULY!! :)
ANNOYING THINGS 2 DO UR FRNDS!
1. Keep poking them until they scream in annoyance
2. Pull an Annoying orange on them. Keep saying, "Hey,(insert name) (insert name)," as long as toi want. Really effective!
3. Keep shouting swear words randomly. Like shout out, "Shit!" when they're eating pizza ou something. :)
4. Sneeze, HARD, whenever they're around. Continue again and again and again and again and again!
5. Keep repeating, "What? What? What?" whenever they ask a question.
6. Keep calling them ELEGANT names, like if you're friend...
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added by DaegFaerchsGirl
posted by Thecharliejay
Make Him Addicted To YouSay These “Secret” Words To Make Him Fall Madly In l’amour With You
HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com/Love
Ask around, ou if you're shy, ask a good friend to help (find out if he likes you, ou is dropping hints).If toi catch him staring at you, look at him in the eyes and try to hold contact for a few seconds. If he keeps contact, toi know he likes toi back. If he turns away, it could mean he likes toi and is shy. (Alternatively, it could mean your chemise tag is hanging out - beware, as there are multiple reasons people stare at each other.)If a guy likes you, he tends to...
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FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for nourriture
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason toi have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents par their first names.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail toi out of jail and tell toi what toi did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would be sittin suivant to toi sayin "Dang...... that was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Have never seen toi cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about...
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Okay, she's kinda getting plus famous par the minute. She has her own show, her own song, and she even performed at the Disneyland Christmas jour Parade. But honestly, in MY opinion, I don't like her one bit.

I'm sorry if toi like her cuz I kinda don't. Just now I expressed my opinon about her on Tumblr and some 12-year-old went apesh*t on me. So don't hate me guys, but I REALLY don't like her. If toi ask me, behind her fame is a lot of money. Think about it. Auditions, professional photos, chant lessons, etc... hundreds of dollars. And who paid for it? Certainly not her. Her parents. Tens of...
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added by MeiMisty
added by TheLefteris24
added by TheLefteris24
added by CokeTheUmbreon
added by ace2000
added by MaryMarie
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